That night neither Maggie nor Andy slept very well. Maggie lay awake most of the night with the memories of her lost family running through her mind. The sadness and loss were overwhelming and all the feelings that she had suppressed now haunted her.
They had gone to bed after midnight both knowing they wouldn't sleep but both exhausted and emotionally drained. As soon as it was light Maggie got up and pulled on her old pink dressing gown. She knelt by the bed with her rosary beads and prayed for her family and asked God for forgiveness for what she had done. She then said a special prayer for Bill and Emma ending with:
In company with Christ,
Who died and now lives,
may they rejoice in Your kingdom,
where all our tears are wiped away.
Unite us together again in one family,
to sing Your praise forever and ever.
Andy hearing his Mam was up also dragged himself out of bed. He hadn't bothered to put his pajamas on and had slept in the grey tracksuit. He pulled on his Sean the Sheep slippers and shuffled into the kitchen. He made himself a cup of tea and waited for his Mam.
He felt shell shocked and deeply sad for what his Mam had gone through. He wondered where Aine had gone and if his Mam had ever seen her again. Maggie had not said anymore at that point and again Andy had backed off and let her go at her own pace. He had seen how terribly painful it all was and how much it was taking its toll on his Mother.
As he sat in the bright yellow kitchen staring out at the grey London sky and the block of flats opposite he felt empty and hollow. He could relate to Maggie's story in more ways than one and felt empathy for her pain and loss. He felt everything had changed in his own family. which was now lost to him because of Corona. He also felt the pain and loss of his daughter, his baby spice, and his Dad.
What a year. What had happened to his family? His mind turned to the virus and why his family had such different views. Why couldn't they just listen to the BBC, he thought, are they not hearing what the Government are saying. I mean, you can't deny science! His thoughts became dark and again he could feel the anger rising inside him.
Well if they want to take all these risks they can stay away from Mam, he thought. I won't have her exposed to any danger for Christ's sake haven't we lost enough? He put his cup down clumsily spilling some tea on the white ikea table.
'Morning Mam,' he said brightly as she quietly entered the kitchen.
'Sit down ill make you a nice cup of tea and some toast. She sat down and stared out at the greyness and wondered how they would get through the day. It was as if the loss and the sadness had poured itself into the flat with all the talk of grief and death.
She sat there eating her toast in silence and turned away from the grey view outside and looked into the living room. With the dark green velvet curtains closed and the lights still twinkling on the tree it looked like a perfect little Christmas scene. She had, as was tradition, put tinsel over the pictures on the walls and this was also twinkling in the lights. All her Christmas cards were strung on a red ribbon over the fireplace. They used to fill the whole room but these days' people didn't send cards like they used to so now they only went across the fireplace.
She went into the living room and slumped on the old brown sofa and just sat staring at it all. The scene had made her feel sadder than ever and she felt her loss more acutely now. It was all fake, she thought, pretending everything was okay when it wasn't.
Feeling his Mam's sadness Andy came in and sat beside her.
'I miss Bill,' Maggie suddenly said.
'I know Mam, I know' and they both looked at the mantelpiece with the photo of Bill and Emma on either side of the Clock.
'What a terrible year we have had,' Maggie said.
'I know Mam terrible.'
She then turned and gave Andy one of her full on stares and said
'I think it was me that killed Bill.'
'Now Mam we've been through this before. It was the gaming helmet, Made in China remember?'
It was early in the morning and after the revelations of the last few days Andy just stared back at his Mam in disbelief. He felt he couldn't take much more. He thought that she looked quite mad and disheveled, her dyed red hair uncombed and still wearing her pink dressing gown. She was dabbing at her face harshly with a crumpled up tissue. Her eyes swollen from crying and lack of sleep.
'Look Mam,' he said gently 'go and get a shower and get changed and I'll make us a full English breakfast.'
'Why don't you put on that lounge suit that Jan got for you?' Jan had given Maggie a cozy chocolate brown waterfall cardigan and matching smart but comfortable stretchy trousers. Maggie sat looking vacantly into space and didn't reply so Andy busied around her and then said: 'go on now Mam and then I'll do your hair.'
She slowly got up and disappeared into her room. She came back half an hour later wearing the new outfit.
'Ahh it looks lovely on you Mam,' Andy shouted from the kitchen. 'Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes come in and sit down.'
'Oh Andy this looks lovely and who can resist the smell of bacon?' Andy carefully poured his Mam a cup of Barry's from the stripy tea pot.
'I think this tea pot is as old as I am,' he said smiling at his Mam.
They both sat opposite each other and wolfed down the breakfast. Buttering toast and passing the brown sauce with hardly a word. Andy put the radio on and some Christmas songs played in the background.
'Do you think we should give Jan a call today?' Maggie said.
'Let them call us,' Andy snapped back a bit abruptly.
'I can't be listening to any more of their conspiracy theories, he added, 'Jan told me she was going on some freedom march in the New Year. I think she's lost her mind. Aren't they the ones who are threatening our freedom?'
Maggie quietly agreed and sat nodding her head.
'It might be the grief Andy, it does strange things to people.' she said.
'Oh I blame Darren,' Andy replied 'right at the beginning he started spouting off and 'challenging the narrative' as he called it. He called me a sheep! Did you know that? How dare he and now he does some sort of video channel against covid. I blame him for getting Jan and Victoria involved. They said they weren't getting vaccinated he said incredulously. Well if that's the case they can stay away from us.'
Andy always seethed with anger every time he thought of it all.
'If they carry on like this, they will all get arrested and it will serve them right. I've had to block my own family on Facebook , I warned them but they kept posting about Bill Gates, New World Order and population control I mean do they believe the world is flat too.?'
Both of them had a bit of a laugh about this. Then Andy went on his face getting redder as he spoke it was covid that killed Bill and Emma and they have the cheek to say covid doesn't exist.
'Mam it wasn't you that brought the virus in otherwise you would have got it too. It was in that helmet I'm telling you. So now they want to say the virus doesn't exist? Well Mam I won't have you exposed to this and unless they apologize and realize that they are wrong, well then so be it.'
His hands were shaking and his face had become redder.
'I don't care Mam if that's the way it's to be then they can get on with it and leave us bloody well alone. I'm ashamed of my own family bloody tin foil hatters!'
With that he shuffled into the living room in his sheep slippers and turned on the TV. Maggie got up and did the washing up in silence. Why did everything have to be like this, she thought sadly, everything has changed so much and she feared what was to come.
'What if they all don't take their Vaccine?' she shouted from the kitchen 'Maybe they will all die.' she said standing at the door with a tea towel in her hands.
'I don't care anymore Mam it's up to them but we need to get on to the doctors and register for this Vaccine and get on the list. You are top of the list and I think because I'm your carer I will probably also be high on the list,' he said smugly.