"Wake your asses up" the DJ screamed through my alarm clock radio. I rolled over to hit the snooze button before Toni woke up. Toni whose full name is Antoniette Janae Smith is my daughter from my high school boyfriend. Sleeping in my bed had become a ritual. I got up and went to the adjoining bathroom in my room to take a shower and get ready. While the water was running I went to the closet in my room to grab something to wear for the day. It was Friday and I didn't have to work so I just took out a jean skirt, white tank top, and green shawl. When I set my clothes on the chair to my vanity I went back to the closet to grab my green three-inch strap Charlotte Russe sandals, put them next to my vanity and headed towards the bathroom to take a shower.
After I got out of the shower and did everything else I had to do in the bathroom then went to my room. When I looked at the time it was six forty. I can not believe that it took me half an hour to take a shower. I had to be out of the house by eight and I still had to wake Toni up, get her dressed, and feed her. After I finished getting dressed I woke Toni up and lead her into the bathroom. I got her toothbrush ready for her and then ran her bath water. While she brushed her teeth I went into her room and picked out a pink short set outfit and pink sandals, and her under clothes. I headed back into my room and when I got to the bathroom Toni was sitting on the toilet with her head on the sink and eyes closed.
"Baby we have to get you dressed because mommy has to go" I said bending down in front of her lifting up her head.
"I'm tired" she said in her sleepy baby voice.
"Let's get dressed and Mommy will let you get dressed your self." She smiled and stood from the toilet seat.
When I finished bathing Toni I left her in my room to get dressed in the clothes I picked out while I went downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast. I felt like an omelet so when I made it to the kitchen I took out the ingredients from the refrigerator. I took out the turkey, onion, green peppers, eggs and cheese. I made mine with everything and made Toni's with just eggs, cheese, and turkey. When I was finished I put everything on the table, poured Toni and I some juice, and grabbed the ketchup for her. Once everything was out I went to the staircase and called Toni.
"Yes?" Came her tiny voice.
"Are you ready yet?" I screamed back up.
"Yes Mommy, coming" She said as she appeared at the top of the stairs.
Toni is my four year old daughter by my high school boyfriend Anthony who I broke up with when I found out that I was pregnant. Anthony was Puerto Rican and I am Black so Toni is light skinned with wavy hair down her back and she has green eyes that are beautiful. Anthony does not know about Toni. The first person I told about my pregnancy was my best friend Trina. When I told Trina about the pregnancy I was determined to get an abortion, that was until I could not come up with all the money. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter to death and would die for her but at the time I thought I was too young to have a kid. I was in my last year of high school and wanted to go college. When I had Toni I was done with High school and into my first semester of college. My mother was mad when I first told her but when I had Toni she could not stop smiling, Toni is her first granddaughter. I ended up going to the state university and my mom watched Toni for me while I worked and went to school, since she worked from home.
A few months ago before my college graduation I found a house that was rent to own which also happened to be in the same town as my mother, so she still was able to watch Toni when I started my job as a social worker. And also when I am volunteering at the youth center for my clinical hours.
"Ready to eat?" I asked as I picked her up and carried her to the kitchen.
"Yes mommy."
I sat her down in front of her plate and gave her the bottle of ketchup. I watched as she poured ketchup all over her plate. I could not help but smile as I looked at how she dressed herself in the outfit that I laid out. My little girl is growing up. Every day I looked at her she looked more like Anthony but I could tell that she was going to have my attitude which I was not too sure I liked. I knew I could be stubborn at times but I also knew that I have a very uncensored mouth also.
"Mommy, you're not eating?" She asked breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Yea honey, I am. Just looking at my beautiful baby."
"Mommy I am not a baby anymore I am almost four" she said with a very huge smile.
"I know honey but, you will always be my baby."
I ate my food and then put our stuff away and gathered all of Toni's toys, and books that she would be taking with us.
"Mommy' Toni whined as I put on her sweater.
"Yes"
"I don't want to go to grandmas house today. Can I go with you?"
"I can't bring you with me. I told you I am going to the center and there are no kids your age there. I thought you loved going to your grandmothers house."
"I do but I want to stay with you mommy"
"Ok, let me see. Why don't you run to your room and get your coloring book and crayons." As she ran upstairs I pulled out my cell phone and called my mother who answered on the first ring.
"Hello" she answered.
"Hi Ma"
"Hey baby. Are you still bringing Toni this morning? Bobby's coming over and he wants to see her. I told him that she is getting big and she can talk your ear off just like you used to do when you were her age." Bobby is the only boy that my mom had with my dad and he is twenty-two a year younger than I am. He and I hardly talk unless we happen to be at my mothers' house at the same time and even then it is small talk. Bobby and I used to be close but when I got pregnant and wouldn't let him confront Anthony about it he got mad and said 'if I let this fool knock me up and didn't make him take care it I was just one of these little ass chicken heads who's going to be on welfare' that made me so mad that I didn't even tell him that I never told Anthony I was pregnant. From that day I have never talked to him unless it was unavoidable.
"Ma, Toni wants to go with me and since I am only going to the center for two hours I am going to take her with me but tell Bobby that I'll bring her by to see him before I run my errands. I know she would love to see her uncle."
"Okay. When you run your errands you stopping at Wal-Mart for me?" My mother loved to shop at Wal-Mart and always had a carriage full of stuff when she left the store but she stopped going when my father died she won't say that's why but I know it is. Even though they were separated and ready to get a divorce my mother still loved my father she just wasn't in love with him. I know that people say it doesn't make since but when you really fall in love you know the difference I mean you can love your dog or even a friend but you won't think of a dog all the time or when a friend isn't around you don't think about the way he kisses you or how good it felt just to cuddle and not have sex or sleep with your head on his chest listening to his heart beat, and I know that's not how my mother felt about my father but it is the way she feels about my stepfather. My mother still loved my father as a friend and even as her kids father but not as the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and I understand that. My father died when I was eighteen, before I had Toni so he never got to meet her, but she knows how he looks. I show her pictures and tell her stories about him all the time.
"Sure Ma. I have to go there for some of the cartoon socks that Toni likes so much."
"Ill have the list ready when you get here."
"A list?"
"Yes, a list. It's not that much. I just don't want you to forget anything."
"Ma, I know you and that list is going to be at least a page long."
"Thank you baby. I knew I was not going to be able to leave this house today with all of the work I have to do."
"Ok. I will see you when I get there because if I do not get out of this house in the next few minutes I am going to be late." Toni came running down the steps just then.
"Ok, bye baby." I hung up my phone and turned to Toni.
"Are you ready to go Miss?" I asked her.
"Yes"
"Ok, your going with me today though." I told her as we headed out of the door.