On the day her post UTME result was released Nkoli was on her way back from an emergency hospital visit which had her wondering about the possible quality of her life and her family finances . on getting home mother instructed her to check her UTME result informing her that it was out . like the heavens knew she was desperately in need of good news she slayed her UTME baby girl had 30 out of 40points it was like music to her ears . well I'm happy for you but don't forget that you failed Math in WAEC and must pass your NECO very well otherwise it's all useless Unilag would never give you any admission without making all your nece4ssary papers in one sitting which includes Math anyways what did the doctor say this time . mothers statement was like a bucket of ice water poured on her head but in her defense it was the truth
Nkoli didn't know whether to be more worried by her admission or the prognosis or diagnosis given by her doctor
Earlier that day at the doctor's office Nkoli was faced with a new dilemma that was only going to get worse, the doctor informed her that she had previously been misdiagnosed so she did not have arthritis but rather she had a birth defect which had affected the placement of her kneecap and was causing her pain in his opinion it was only going to get worse, he gave her more pain meds and sent her for further testing to confirm his diagnosis. After recapping to mama what the doctor said Nkoli retired for the day to her bed she was in no mood for small talks or pity parties she would much rather be in bed the rest of the day in bed and all she could do was think of how she had ones again been betrayed by her body, most especially her traitorous legs. it was obviously beyond her control so she decided to focus on things within her control ,it was time to experiment and find out how her legs were different ,was there no blood in them, did they run on lubricating oils, was she a product of rough sex, did her bones get hurt then , what exactly was the problem
So that day she bled as her traitorous knees begged but she was determined to punish them as she made several small cuts all around them, the more they bled the more upset she was, damn it you run on blood you traitor so why don't you function like the rest, why do you put us through such stress gosh I hate you Nkoli wept. Several cuts later she bandaged her knee put on jeans and slept fantasizing about death planning her funeral in her head wondering who would be there
NECO result was here, once again she was gripped with fear, her lover tormentor and friend but in the end she made all her papers in NECO which means hello Unilag law. Finding out about her NECO should have been joyous for her but she was incapable of joy or happiness that was the downside of fear and pain, they punish you for even the slightest act of unfaithfulness Nkoli was well aware of this fact and knew better than to cheat on them. she did the best she could which was to feel at peace in that moment. Calling papa was next, papa I passed my NECO she said. congratulations, what can I get for you to celebrate? Sir? Nkoli could not believe what papa had said. Something about papas statement hit Nkoli very differently he sounded kind of proud of her and that sounded kind of new to her. Anyways, around august 2015 Unilag released her admissions list for the 2015/16 academic session and her name was number 17 on the list .This was it her admission to Unilag was officially a done deal. School was to resume in January of 2016 so Nkoli had a few months to stay home and do nothing, well she binge watched 13 seasons of grey's anatomy if that counted for anything. Around august 2015 just after chukwuebuka resumed at covenant university, papa lost his job . Every emotion you could seek for was found at the Ezeh household. Papa was in temporary retirement for over a year, a period during which he and mama took Nkoli to Unilag to conclude her registration process and start school while on the other hand Nkoli's siblings had to briefly dropout of secondary school. This was bad for everyone , there was no time for ridicule we all had to be strong. Nkoli was the prayer one she drew and distributed strength from God, ironic right?.
In the course of her family's wilderness period Nkoli was a first year student at Unilag faculty of law well the days she could afford the cost of transportation to get to school.
Seeing his children at home and sometimes hungry not only broke papas heart it also broke hers . Six months into this wilderness period father was slipping into what she suspected to be depression making statements like , I'm tired I just wanted to die, for Nkoli papa had always provided money for medicals and whatever she needed same as for all his children so imagine her frustration when she couldn't help him when he needed it the most, it was infuriating for everything to be out of her control she needed to find solace and she needed to find it fast, so in that period she found solace in art, turning the inner part of their visitors living room to her studio, her body became her canvas , she drew, painted, crafted and even made paint as often as she could from drawing small lines on her thighs to pouring candle wax on her feet in her studio and on her canvas she had control, she could determine the length of a line and wear she would draw, her art was intimate so she didn't have to worry about unnecessary question. Meanwhile the stress of going from home caught up with her finally as friends started asking questions about why she was missing so many days of school and her legs started acting up.
How could she tell papa about her legs he was already under so much stress so she came up with her own plan, the more they hurt the more she cut, Since prayers didn't seem to work. By the end of year one papas financial situation got better, Nkoli moved into a private hostel near school and her stress levels reduced. Away from home all alone in her room in the hostel most days as her roommates were hardly ever around one would think Nkoli would have drown by the intensity of the voices in her head but instead she seemed to thrive even when her legs where acting up. Maybe because the direct taunting and ridicule was almost non-existent turns out university people don't got time for all that, so she found herself more at peace in school than she had ever been at home even on the bad days, maybe she was getting better after all maybe she would stop with the body art but who knows what goes on inside her head.