Inside Dr. Danes office at luth papa narrates both the necessary and unnecessary trying to explain to the doctor why he brought Nkoli here
After the tales by moonlight the doctor briefly examines Nkoli and finds her to be neurologically intact and they're out of there but not before he gives her a prescription for voltaren and a paper to Yaba left. It was getting clearer and clearer that everything for which Nkoli had either been mocked or developed an insecurity wasn't her fault but somehow she was still frustrated with herself because everything whether her fault or not was still out of her control she felt as powerless as she did feel vindicated . back at home as usual mama was brought up to speed while Nkoli spent the rest of her day in bed.
Dressed in gray pant trousers and a light blue cotton round neck top and a pair of flat black slippers Nkoli ad papa arrived at the Yaba psychiatric hospital popular known as Yaba left well here goes nothing she was finally here after money changed hand Nkoli was seated in front of a doctor, after looking over her referral paper and when exactly did it start the doctor asked, in jss1 sir why rheumatism at such a young age anyways I am going to need you to run some test and comeback when you have the results, with that Nkoli left the doctor's office amazed she had always thought her first visit to Yaba left would be because she had cut herself or was in needed of psychological help . anyways, more tests oh the joy
On their way home papa informed Nkoli that she would be going for her tests the following Monday as it was Thursday and she had an eye appointment the next day.
Black long sleeved top, blue jeans black slippers, dark blue face cap it's Saturday morning and Nkoli is ready to go back to the eye clinic if only she was better prepared for what she was about to hear. You know that point in your life when you're not angry , scared or anything, you're just done, the point of que sera sera well Nkoli was just about to be a little passed there . what else could she do when her doctor was either confused, a fraud or both I mean I'm not even sure what he expected her reaction to be when after an hour of unbearable headache causing testing he came to the genius conclusion that she needed new glasses since the first one recommended by him I might add was not working the way he had hoped and her eyes were degenerating fast and the cost of these new glasses? 150k she laughed and laughed and laughed until she couldn't laugh again with a smile on her face she hoped of the exam chair and faced the doctor saying alright sir i'll discuss with daddy and get back to you that was Nkoli's last visit to the eye clinic over a year ago and shocker she still sees. On getting home she had a long relaxing warm bubble bath after which she went on to have toast bread cake and tea for breakfast and then proceeded to the living room to read a book and ponder her life she needed to know what she wanted to do before approaching papa with the news I mean the man was a ticking time bomb giving the way he went off on her shortly after she got this present glasses
She remembered it even till date that Saturday afternoon papa was reading a newspaper topless on his huge bed when Nkoli approached him whining about how on fair it was that she didn't have a laptop and she was already in her 200level second semester meanwhile all her siblings got laptops in their 100level including her younger sister who was in 100level at the time. papa flared up and hit her with words about how her other siblings did not have money consuming deformities like she did so she wondered how he was going to react this time, off what will he deprive her this time. After a few hours by herself she finally had enough courage to face papa with the news his response was not quite as expected all he said was ok I've heard but the doctor would have to foot the bill since his first recommendation didn't work, surprisingly the doctor didn't mind, what exactly was going on, on one hand the new glasses were going to be available shortly on the other hand Nkoli didn't want the glasses anymore she was just done. how was she going to get papa to to respect her decision
Year3 started on a very good note Nkoli was really excited after everything she had been through she honestly didn't think she would make it to year 3 complete but here she was towards her first semester exam that year all Nkoli could feel was fear like a desperate sex depraved lover in search of revenge fear was breathing down her neck but what exactly was she afraid of? at the time she didn't know as exams drew closer the chronicles of events began to unfold first it was a comparison fight with papa were she was once again compared to chukwuebuka, then it was her friends in school being inconsiderate the best part of the whole thing was when her legs took her by surprise beginning to twist and ache like she was being violently raped in a bid to save her from herself Nkoli put a call through to her human conscience who tried his best to help but she just couldn't accept the help . prior to this point she had already been avoiding calls only conversing with the voices in her head
So she wasn't really surprised when she sat in her tiny white walled hostel bathroom ready to drink deaths love potion since pills didn't work out the last time however what surprised her was her suicide note of a poem written stark naked and in tears while contemplating death till today she still wonders why she hit send on the poem sending it to human conscience and two friends alike I guess that was the reason for her unexplainable fear. I mean once a suicidal, always a suicidal right?.