When my alarm went off, I was already awake. It seemed ironic to me that last night was a night that I couldn't sleep. But I wasn't afraid this time, I just couldn't stop thinking about him. Some of it was good thoughts about how he came after me, and then about other things that made my face burn. However, the rest of it was what really tied my stomach in knots and kept me from sleeping.
What bothered me the most was that I didn't know what was going to happen next. I had been in a relationship before and even with all the help of the internet, books, and movies there wasn't a situation that fit us. Nix was… well, to me, he seemed independent, but I knew he wasn't sure about things, and I wondered if one of those things were me. Then there was me, and all I had to offer was my body, and I had a hard time giving it up. There wasn't certainty that he could still touch me again. It wasn't an issue for me of whether I liked him, but instead the issue of much I could stand.
My mom yelled for me to get up from down stairs, and I abandoned my negative thoughts for a shower. The heat of the water warmed me up, and soon I was wide awake. Even though I was still sore, I felt as though I could run a marathon. More than anything, I was ready to see Nix. Maybe I was scared and uncertain about how we would work out but right now, he was mine.
When the car pulled up to the school, I saw Nix waiting for me. As I got out, I hoped that no one noticed how happy I was to see him, and I tried to keep a normal pace as I walked towards him. He smiled crookedly at me as I came closer and stood up when I was in talking distance. "Follow," he said quietly to me, and I obeyed without thinking about it.
Nix led me away from the crowd until we were at a side of the building with barely anyone around. The brick of the walls went almost all the way up without the hindrance of windows. Without thinking about it, I laughed at the oddness of it all. "Do you come here often?" I asked, mockingly, and even with his back towards me, I saw him smirk.
It was only when we were half way across that he stopped to turn to me, his smile gone. At first, fear stuck me as I wondered if he was going to end us here, and then worry as I watched him contemplate something. But right before I could ask him, he gently pushed me back into the wall and kissed me.
He started out slow and careful, but the instant his lips were on mine, I realized how desperate I was for him, and I forced him to go faster. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I leaned myself up into him and kissed him deeper. I felt the chain reaction as he pressed me against the wall more with his body weight. My skin burned instantly and my mind went blank, only focusing on-
"Nix!" a voiced called out and Nix instantly ripped away from me. I watched as he painfully wiped off the evidence of where I'd been, only then to turn to the person calling. Looking past him, I saw that it was only Rylee and Wade with Owen. But he still felt the need to hide.
Nix waved as they got closer, and I struggled to hold back my emotions. Part of me wanted to grab him, and kiss him against his will, but if anything happened between his friends because of me, I'd never forgive myself. After all, they were important to him, and he might not forgive me either.
My expression must have been pained because when Owen saw me, he frowned. Instantly, I plastered a smile on my face, but he only frowned more. "What are you guys doing here?" Wade asked, and I could visually see Nix start to panic.
"We're just skipping. You?" he said as calmly as he could, but even though I wasn't fooled, everyone but Owen was.
I wondered then if Owen had to keep his relationship with Wade a secret too. Even though I saw them kiss in public, really no one else was there to see it but me. It wasn't that I was scared that Owen would say something, but more like I wanted someone to confined in. But to ask would be to reveal that I saw them.
"We were about to go meet up with Liam in the nest town over," Rylee explained, grinning. It was obvious to me that they were about to do something that I wouldn't have ever imagined doing. "Do you guys want to come with us?"
"Definitely," Nix answered, returning his grin. He looked to me then to see if I would come as well, but I shook my head. I didn't want to get involved.
"That's alright. I have a test in first," I said, being truthful. Nix probably forgot all about it, but I doubted that it would change his mind.
"See you later then," Rylee said, and they each waved to me before they left. However, just as Nix was walking past me, he muttered "Text me" under his breath. My smile was real then and some of my doubt was forgotten.
The instant that I got home I grabbed my phone and texted Nix to ask him how everything was going. However, after about ten minutes of no response, I started to get bored.
Downstairs my mom was cooking dinner, and, out of the lack of anything else to do, I asked her if I could help. I was relieved when she said no however, because I had no skills in cooking. Even though my mom tried to teach me over and over again, I could only grasp the basics. It became my opinion that cooking what something people were just born to do.
She did let me stay, however, at the breakfast bar to watch. I was content with this because she even though she was busy, she tried to make conversation with me. It made waiting for Nix's text to go by a lot faster. Though, after fifteen, thirty minutes, I started to get worried.
"He's just been gone all day," I told my mom after she asked what was bothering me. "It's not really like him not to respond."
She gave me a confused look. "You guys seem really close," she gathered and I almost told her. It wasn't something that I usually did, keeping secrets from my mom. After my incident, I had a habit of telling her mostly everything to keep her close to me. There were only a few things that I hadn't been truthfully about to her, or to anyone, but something like this I didn't want to lie to her about. I knew that she would understand, and even if she didn't, it felt wrong not to at least tell her. But if it got out somehow, I would be betraying Nix.
"He's a really good friend," I managed after I avoided her gaze. She shrugged then and went back to her work, not knowing how sorry I was for deceiving her.
My mom went to change the subject when suddenly she tripped over a rag on the floor. I gasped as I watched her almost fall, only to catch herself on the table. The plate of food she was carrying, however, spilled out on the floor.
"Damn it," she muttered under her breath, and I quieted a laugh so I could get down and help her.
The food was everywhere, so I started to the far side to get it up first, but my mom had the same idea, and we accidently grabbed for it at the same time. "I'm sorry," she said, quickly retracting back her arm, but I just shrugged it off.
"It's okay," I answered, and began cleaning again. After a moment or two though, I noticed there was silence and I turned back to see her staring at me. "Mom?"
Careful, without making a sound, she reached out to me and touched my hand. At first, I didn't even realize what had happen until I saw the tears forming in her eyes. It wasn't bothering me.
Without hesitating any further, she moved closer to me and wrapped me in her embrace. On contact, I automatically tensed but once I felt her tears on my shirt, I let it go. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around her back and let her cry. I'm sorry I hurt you, I wanted to say, but I couldn't make my mouth work. I could only listen to her cry.
"I missed you so much," she cried. "I missed my son more I could bare."
Her words hit me hard, and I could feel tears running down my face as I tightened my arms around her. I've been right here, mom, I thought to myself. I never left you.