He is not here, where is he, I opened my eyes with so much excitement, the taste of his tongue still tingled my body, the kiss melted me in his arms, I wanted my eyes to experience the rays of love, I wanted to touch him, feel him, adore him, I wanted to belive in what happened, I only wanted to love him.
where is he, I searched for him at the seashore, the ravishing sound of wind with surge of water was hitting the sides of the beach, I searched everywhere at the resort but he was not there, My eyes were waiting to see him, ears wanting to hear the words of love. Sashayank was nowhere to be found, a call from the reception, they told that he checked-out in the early morning and left a note for me.
'Have some unfinished matters to solve, enjoy the vacation at your fullest- Shashyank ' . Letter said everything which I was afraid of. There were so many questions, regrets, suspicion, so many emotions that I felt were pounding my heart like a drumbeat. I wanted to see him soon, I wanted to be side of him.
'Where is Sashyank?, We haven't seen him from morning?, Do you know Ravish?, ...' Everyone were asking.
'He left'." I replied"
'What?, where?, why? Did he told you?, Do you know anything?,
'He left a note, some work to do, he told you guys to enjoy the vacation and come back safely, I will be returning by evening flight, have something came up at home.' " I replied by hiding my emotions."
Those words, there questions were tormenting me, I had so many questions but I want him to face me and answer me.
I took the evening flight and came back to Ranchi. As soon as I landed I called him. There was no response, I came directly to the office, but he was not there, I didn't know where he resides, so I asked around but no one knew, 20 missed calls, 100s of messages but yet not reachable. I came home, tossed my bag at one side, and layed down. I was really scared of thinking, he might never going to see me again, One week goes by, he never answered my calls nor came to office, he didn't even responded to office calls also.
I finally realized that if I'll be around he will never come out from his closet. So I decided to resign, atleast by doing so, may be he will ask me for my reasons for atlast come to his work place.
Early morning I handed over my resignation to the HR of the department, She asked me if I was not happy working here, or have any complaints. But I don't have any reasons, only that I don't want him to pressurize himself and wanted to make sure that he come out from his hide-out.
I gathered my things and left the office, still my heart was there.
I didn't responded the calls or messages of anyone for five days. I only wanted to drawn myself in the sadness of liquor, those ignorance were toring me apart. Once again I was at the start of everything, once again I was a drunk dead-ass man. Again I was in love, and my feelings were again ruined infront of my eyes. This time it was killing me inside, without answer, without rejection, I was just a crazy bastard failing myself over and over again. This time I wanted to hit the dance floor with some breaking heart song of Yo yo Honey Singh, My eyes got sore with the redness and I was hallucinating. I was seeing things, I saw Shashyank watching me from some distance, he was so beautiful even in my hallucinations, I wanted to touch him but this time I knew he will runaway from me and leave me like some fish yearning for the sea yet so far.
He was loving me, caressing me, we were smiling and playing, having hands in hands, kissing each other for the eternal, but suddenly yet slowly he starts disappearing and vanished away from my site....Shashyank???..Huhh dream...
'You ok? Are you awake? why are you not taking calls?' - Shashyank was there beside me,asking me.
Once I regained my consciousness, I saw him, he was holding my hands, his eyes were loudly yelling that he was concerned for me.
'Not taking calls? Not responding?, Now you know the feeling of yearning for someone. Why? Why you left me there waiting?, Why did you do that? Why you were not seeing me? Why you Kissed me If you were not going to be responsible?'
'I am sorry. I was scared, I didn't know how to face you or what to say to you.'
What? Sorry?, you are sorry?, You left me behind, you didn't gave me the answer, you kissed me but didn't stand for it, what to say?, What were you scared of shashyank. I love you, yet I didn't expected any answers or any relationship with you. It was you who made the first move, you raised my hopes, my yearning for you, but your ignorance tored me apart.
I never wanted anything, never expected anything, but atleast even If you can't give me your friendship, you should have responded me. Answer me.
Accept me, or Reject me but please don't Abandon me.
It was killing me like a thousand of swords have penetrated inside me in one go. Why did you do that? Even if you don't love me, just tell me to get away from your eyes and I had disappeared from your sight, you didn't have to torment me with your ignorance. '
'It's not like that, it's really not what you think Ravish, I know I was a coward who kissed you yet left you all alone without giving any answer or explaining myself to you. But I didn't abandoned you, never will, I was too scared to face you, what will you think, my emotions, my feelings, even I didn't know what was that, I wasn't even sure, that's why I wanted to self reflect, wanted to be sure of those emotions I was feeling for you, I know I was wrong, but I can't ever abandon you nor I want you to disappear from my life. When you handed over your resignation, then I realized what I have done. I should commit my feelings before you wether you accept it or not. But now I am sure and I am happy that I am feeling this way.
Ravish rajput, I Shashyank Shivpuri is in love with you, I love you with all my heart. Will you be my boyfriend?'
'YES' " Only answer I can give to him with all my might".
He kissed me or should I say we smooched like a never-ending tomorrow. He was infront of me, we were smiling with having tears in our eyes, kissing like a fools. The yearning for each other came to an end. This was the new day, our love was with us and we were here making every moment memorable.