*Ana*
It's not long before I have my reply.
It takes a week before I find the letter from Dawny, sealed and delivered. Aunt Funda delivers it again on the standard silver tray. Though, there is a distinctly disgruntled look on her face, more so than usual, when she does.
Enough so that I am beginning to wonder if something is wrong with her.
Why do I get the impression that she is bothered by these letters? But I don't dwell on the thought long as it doesn't make sense. Since Aunt Funda barely pays attention, let alone cares about what I usually do.
Outside of these being for diplomatic reasons, Aunt Funda has no reason to be overjoyed or upset over anything of mine. They are just letters.
So I quickly dismiss my thoughts as just being overactive.
"You may go, Aunt Funda. " I wave to her as she has done her job. But to my lite surprise, she doesn't move immediately. Instead, she stands where she is and stares at the letter like a cat to a bird.
Did she not hear me? I feel it odd she would want to stay. She usually doesn't.
"You're dismissed, "I speak a bit more loudly. Behind me, Maddie giggles.
"You can go, Lady Funda," Maddie repeats. And to make it more pronounced, Maddie twirls her fingers.
'bye-bye,' Maddie mouths to make Aunt Funda cringe. She doesn't seem to find it funny at all.
"Very well," Aunt Funda barely speaks before a sharp exhale rushes out of her nose, and she struts off.
She must have found Maddie unfunny as she even let the door slam loudly behind her. Again I have to look after her in surprise. It's not like her at all to act so…immature.
Something must be going on with her. I conclude. Maybe issues with Uncle? I can only guess. They seem to have been having many 'private' conversations lately.
Perhaps they are in some fight?
Otherwise, I don't see why she is acting so funny.
But that's neither here nor there. It's not the time to wonder about her- we are now alone again in my study. A place that has become the new refuge since it has grown too cold outside- not enough to snow, but it's not good to be out long. And the roses are dead now. Making it even less fun to go outside.
As the fireplace cracks, I feel Maddie move. She huddles closer as if for warmth, but I know it's not just that. Her brown eyes are sparkling with curiosity.
"Crack that lousy boy open, Ana! " Maddie is impatient.
"Oh yes," I don't take long to fetch the silver letter opener. It slices through the top like butter. I pull out and unfold the parchment for us to stare at in shared silence.
I think we are both at a loss for words.
Maddie then whistles.
"Whoo!"
"Maddie!" I try to stay composed. But it wasn't easy. And Maddie isn't helping- she doesn't hide her laughter.
"Now, that's a LETTER right there. "Maddie slaps her knee.
"Be kind," I want to stay open-minded and try to look over the mess of ink stains and shaky letters.
"They did say he needed practice." I can see why. Father might have given me more of a task than I realized.
Maddie, however, does not curb her thoughts like I am.
"He needs a priest, is what! "Maddie chokes with laughter. I swing to give her a gentle slap to her hand to stop her.
"Maddie, he's learning. " I try to be fair. Maddie softens her laughter to apologize.
"My bad, sorry, love."
"Control yourself," I don't need you to tempt me too. I'm already having enough time.
To try to stay composed, I straighten my back. I must be serious now as this is his first letter to me.
It would be mean to laugh.
"He's only four," I remind her and myself as I look down at the letter again.
"It's not… That bad." Yes, it could be worse. Anything could be worse.
But even as I try to stay fair, it can only reach so far. And I must be honest. The letter isn't the worst.
But It wasn't good.
Well, bad compared to someone with years of practice. I shouldn't look at his work from my point of view. It wouldn't be fair. I've been reading and writing since I could pick up a book.
But that might not be the case- no, it isn't for him.
For a four-year-old, though, it is reasonably decent.
True- The cursive is sloppy, the spelling is butchered, and the page is stained and smeared with ink. It's written by someone who has yet to grasp the art of penmanship.
So I hold my tongue and borrow on my patience. It takes me a moment, but I grasp the contents. However, an occasional chuckle does slip -Despite my best efforts.
"Firstly, it's a bear, "I must clarify as he has underlined it three times.
"Clearly, " Maddie rolls her eyes as she mouths 'uh-huh.'
"Maddie."
"Sorry." Maddie waves a hand. But I'm no better. I barely stifle a laugh myself.
"He says he likes bears; his favorite foods are potatoes and roasted chicken. He also likes to draw in his books-" I feel my face cringe instantly.
He draws in his books! The very idea of it- I feel a tremor run through me.
"How could anyone-"
But I don't get to finish as Maddie leans over to read on.
"He says he draws in them because his tutors are too dull otherwise."
"That's awful!" I feel the back of my neck hair sticks up. It's so dreadful.
"Bookworm," Maddie smirks before bopping my nose. I frown and push her hand away.
"What's wrong with liking books?" I think it's perfectly fine.
And I'd rather be a bookworm than a vandal. But I still can't believe he could do that to the poor books. They are innocent!
"Yea, yea," Maddie scuffs with a playful push before she reads more.
"Says he wants you to write back, pronto." Maddie turns up with another glint in her eye.
But I, too, find myself matching her enthusiasm.
"I most certainly will, " I have to. The sheer injustice of defacing books has sparked a passion within me.
I can not stand to abide by such a crime. I would never forgive myself. However, I must correct this blunder before true mayhem comes to life and he is lost to chaos.
For the sake of all books! I vow and look for my quill. Where could it be?
"Oh, he's drawn you a picture."Maddie flips the letter for both of us to see. It's another of Nicoli's artworks- I see more stick figures.
One is brown and the other purple. They seem to be eating. Bread? Or pie? And a rectangular creature, a horse/bear, sits with them.
I feel my lips crack into a smile at the sight. It makes my chest grow warm and my cheeks itchy.
"Maddie, bring me more paper. " I wait for Maddie to move. When I get the paper, I start my reply. I find it much easier this time around.
I have much more to say.
"Dear brother Nicoli, thank you for the letter and drawing what I understand to be a bear. But I am in a state of alert because of what you have mentioned. You mustn't draw in books. It ruins them and anyone who would like to read them after you. Don't be so destructive.
Also, pay attention to your tutors. The more you learn, the better of a king you will become. I, too, have to engage in daily lessons to better myself. If I can do this, I expect you can do the same."
After writing so boldly, I feel I need to recede a little. I don't want to write something that looks like I'm yelling at him. So I find myself softening at the end. I ask him to please write back again so that I look forward to his following letter.
And I do the most daring thing of all. I take a turn to draw something for him. It's a little bear like the one I've made. It sits next to my name at the bottom of the page.
I hope he likes it.
As I seal the letter, I can't help but feel a pull on my conscience. I might sound a little too harsh. Perhaps I should tone it down?
Or maybe I'm replying too quickly? Would it look weird to send something back so fast? Should I wait?
For how long?
I don't think it would be good to look desperate. But I swallow my doubts and feel the letter lifted from my hand. Maddie is gone.
I can only wait for the following reply. Whatever that will be.
Nicoli responds by the following week.
Again, Maddie and I find a need to hold in a laugh as we see another example of poor writing. But at least, this time, it's easier to understand. I think he put in more effort this time to make it legible.
"Learning is such a chore. And the lessons are so boring. "Nicoli complains in the letter.
"It may be someone insufferable, little brother, as you are still young. But it will be worth your future to stay consistent. "I write back.
Again, another of Nicoli's letters soon follows in the coming week.
"Are you sure about that, Ana? I think that could take forever. My brain is going to rot by then. " Nicoli writes.
"It will not, Nicoli. By learning, the brain feeds on books. "I have to counter.
"I'd rather play and learn swords. "Nicoli writes.
"You still can, but after lessons. You must wait. "I write back.
"You wait! I'm running away to join the circus. I'll work on the trapeze and teach the bear how to dance" Nicoli writes a bit erratically now.
"And then they will make you read books on how to walk on air. " I only shrug my shoulders as I write this back.
"No, no, they won't… Will they? "Nicoli may be starting to doubt his grand plans of escape.
At the suggestion, I go out of my way to find the very said book I was thinking of. I found it in the library, which is very random, considering that most books are history or geography. But I did find it. It's a book about using the trapeze.
Of course, I send it along with my next reply.
"It's best you start reading now to prepare for your future career."
"Oh god!" Maddie falls over, laughing at my snarkiness. I can't help but feel a little proud. Maddie seems to give me a thumbs up of approval.
I am also surprised I had it in me. Go figure.
Nicoli must have taken this personally, as his reply is short this time.
"I can't. The bear ate all the pages." And then there is a drawing. It is a much better-looking bear this time. But he is ripping up what appears to be the book I sent.
And as if to mock me further, he has the stick figures again. They are smiling with little dots for eyes and arms raised as if to cheer the bear on.
"You cheat, " I have to laugh when I realize it. Then, behind me, I see Aunt Funda stiffen as if in shock to hear me. But Maddie quickly brightens.
"You, too, sure are having fun." Maddie motioned to the letter. I nodded and moved to grab the quill.
"Writting already?" Aunt Funda, who had delivered the letter, had lingered long enough until now. She narrowed her eyes at the letter like a bug crawling on the desk.
"You…two have been exchanging quite a lot lately."
"Well, duh," Maddie smirks and moves to my side. She stares down at Aunt Funda for some reason. As if to challenge her.
"Can't you see? They're getting closer."
"Closer?" Aunt Funda frowns even more. It's making more wrinkles on her face. Again she glances with a strange expression.
"Aunt Funda? Is something wrong?" I can't help but ask. But she doesn't answer. Instead, she sucks in her cheeks momentarily before turning into her old cold, and formal self again.
"I…it's been said around the palace that you've changed, your Empress."
"I've…changed?" I look at Maddie, who shrugs. She has no idea what she's talking about.
But Aunt Funda didn't seem to budge from it.
"Yes, a change in you. Maybe it's because of these letters." Aunt Funda again narrowed her eyes at the letter as if accusing it.
"It's… influenced you."
"Like what?" Maddie scuffs and crosses her arms.
"That Empress Anastasia is cheery? She smiles more?"
"Gasp. Oh no!" And Maddie throws up a hand as if in terror.
"Please, no- Ana's acting like her age for once!" And Maddie makes pretend to faint. She flutters her eyes as she swoons.
"She's acting like a child for once- the humanity."
"Maddie-" I can't help but giggle. She is too much again.
"It's about damn time, I'd say." Maddie only straightens up to throw another glance at Aunt Funda.
"I hope to see it more."
"Do you?" Aunt Funda's fangs lightly poke out from her lip.
"Aunt Funda?" I watch her eye twitch.
"Apologies, Your Empress." Aunt Funda bows and drops her gaze. Her face stiffens back to her usual stoic expression around me.
"Alright. You can go now." I motion to the door.
"Good evening, Your Empress." Aunt Funda bows again and doesn't wait for Maddie to let her out. Instead, she carries the silver tray with her as she walks.
After the door closes, Maddie scuffs.
"She's a prickly old cow."
"Maddie!" I give her a look. She waves her hand to say sorry. But I don't think she means it because she is already putting her interest back into the letter.
"So, what are you gonna write back now?"
"I...I honestly don't know." I can't help but laugh a little.
"Well, you better think of something quick!" Maddie is almost equally excited as I am about it.
But I manage to hold myself back a little better. At least on the outside, you can't tell. But my fingers are itching to write again.
What will I say next?
I feel the pressure is on me. It's my turn. So what will it be? Should I reprimand him for destroying the book? Or should I find a new book to send?
So many choices. I tap my fingers on the letter before a smile breaks on my face.
Who knew I would have this much fun writing to someone?
I would have considered you absurd if you had asked me a year ago. But now- I might not recognize myself either.
Aunt Funda might be right. I have changed.
I think… for the better.
What's more- it's working. Our correspondence is doing its job. Nicoli's writing has indeed improved- from fall to winter, it is visible. I couldn't be any prouder.
Because I know I am a direct cause of his improvement. It makes me feel like I am genuinely acting like his sister now. The good sister who helps her brother, that's me.
"It's like we are really brother and sister now."
"Oh, Ana." Maddie suddenly wavers.
"Maddie?" I look up to see her full of tears.
"Maddie, what-"
"Oh, honey. I'm so happy for you." Maddie throws her arms to hug me. It's a big and warm embrace that squeezes my arms.
"Maddie-" I try to pull away a little. It's a bit confusing to have her suddenly hug me. But I am proud to say I no longer stiffen when she does. I've grown used to her hugs. I'm not sure about anyone else, though.
Not that anyone else- Aunt Funda or Uncle, would try. But if they did, who knows?
"Of course you are, little Ana. " Maddie speaks with deep affection in her brown eyes. She's looking at me so tenderly that I don't think anyone else has.
"You are smiling with your whole heart now!"
"Ana, you have come so far. May you only know happiness from now on" Maddie squeezes even harder now I am starting to cramp.
"Maddie," I laugh while trying to shift away.
"Maddie- you're squishing me." And I can't write if you hold my arms like this. But Maddie keeps holding me until I can only submit and wait for it to end.
While I wait, my eyes flicker to the sky outside the window. Thanks to the winter days, I can see it grow dark much earlier. It's now cold and bitter outside. But inside my study, I feel warm because of the fire- and Maddie.
I'll wait till she grows tired. I give up and close my eyes.
When she does, I'll write then.
For now, I'll bask in the warmth. A warmth made just for the three of us- me, Maddie, and Nicoli's letters. It's a perfect triangle.
This is nice. I think as I feel myself fall deeper into Maddie's arms.
It's so peaceful right now. And I feel so safe. What a wonderful feeling.
I wish every day could be like this and that It would never end.
Sadly, it is a wish I will never see come true. As the worst days were still yet to come. Because Cousin Mykhol would soon return home.