*Ana*
"Maddie, " I sigh as I at last feel at ease. It finally comes to that time of the day- bedtime. The now most sacred time of the day.
It is the only part of my day that Mykhol can not be with me. He is not allowed to be in my bedroom this late. No one is, save for Maddie.
So I relish this moment beyond all others now. My precious time with her. Alone. No Mykhol to peer up beside me.
The sheer bliss of the nightly routine has me grounded. All the tension and weariness lift away as Maddie unties my skirt and top to put them back into the wardrobe. She comes back to unravel my braid next.
"A rose?" Maddie stops as she finds the dried-out rose. She holds it out to me. I look at it but make no motion to take it.
I don't want to keep it.
"Heh," Maddie shrugs and tosses it into the fire. I watch it burn from my chair. The petals sizzle into white smoke before being swallowed by orange lines.
The sight makes me think of Mykhol's eyes- how he will stare at me almost like I could be set on fire too.
"Maddie?"
"Hmm?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, hunny." Maddie chirps as I lift my brow at the nickname. Since when was I 'honey'? Am I sweet like a bee?
How silly she is. Maddie can say the strangest things.
"Do you have a family? "I ask and find Maddie suddenly laughing outright. Her voice booms in the otherwise quiet room.
"Oh yeah, a big one. I'm the fifth out of 14. Mom's gone, but the grandparents are still kicking, " Maddie laughs again.
No wonder she's so loving. I smile—so many people in her family. I can only imagine.
Maddie must be the way she is because of how big her family is.
"Then, is this normal… "I trail off, trying to find the words. Maddie moves a comb through my hair. I shiver a little as I feel it graze my scalp.
"Is it normal for them to be so 'present' in your life?" I find the words.
"You mean Lord Mykhol following you everywhere?" Maddie translates. Of course, she would see between the lines. I don't have to say more. I shift in my seat.
"With some, it is. "Maddie unravels the last braid. She pulls her fingers through my hair to help with the harder tangles.
"I was closest to my sister. We were always together when younger. People said we were joined at the hip. "Maddie smiles fondly at the memory.
Joined at the hip? I repeat inwardly.
If cousin and I were-
I don't even want to imagine. Being always together- the idea is too terrifying.
"So, it is expected then. " I feel dejected. Maddie stops combing to get my night dress. It's a pale blue with lace- something more after Almony's style than Nochten's. I found our gowns to be scratchy for my skin.
"Is something the matter, Ana? "Maddie starts. I just look up at the vanity to see my face. My loose silver hair frames it. Hair that Mykhol tugged behind my ear.
I shudder at remembering his fingers. It's almost like they are still there. I move to touch my ear as if to brush off the feeling.
"I… I'm not sure. "I confess. It's hard to say. I am mixed in how I feel.
One part of me wants to be happy.
Mykhol is my cousin, after all. And it seems he does want to have a relationship with me. Something that is a first.
I haven't had anyone want to establish family ties before now. Not from my mother's side. So it's not something I'm familiar with.
But something's wrong. I know there is. I'm not any happier with him or without him.
If anything, I feel stressed. He wears me out in a way that's altogether different, not like Aunt Funda or Uncle- or even being a court.
Being with Mykhol is…a challenge of something new.
"There is. So what is it? "Maddie sees right through me. She pushes my hair aside to get to the buttons on the nightgown. I lower my head and look down to the floor as she does. My feet are bare and wiggle.
"Is it your cousin?
"Ah," I suck in some breath. She guessed it on the first try. But of course, she would.
Logically speaking- it's the only thing that could be.
I nod after a moment.
"I feel like I can't breathe."I go looking at my toes.
"He's always there."Always by me-always at my side. I'm never alone.
"I've noticed," Maddie answers. She continues on the buttons.
I feel myself growing tired from having to relieve the frustration. It makes me let out a loud yawn and stretch my baby fangs. Then, I see them in the mirror- still stubby, white, and harmless.
"I need space to think. I want to get away from him – Not altogether. I don't want him to leave or anything. It's not like that." I want to be precise. I don't dislike Mykhol, per se.
It's not that, but I don't enjoy him—all the time.
"I want to have time to myself for a while."
I let out another yawn. Talking about my feelings makes me sleepy. I'm usually more controlled than this. I like to be.
Maddie smirks.
"Are you becoming a moody teen? Are we at an age where little Ana wants to be alone?" Maddie jokes.
I frown up at her.
"It's not like that-"
"I know, Ana. I was kidding."
"You need to learn not to take people so literally." Maddie teases. But she then becomes more serious.
"I'll help you. "Maddie finishes the buttons to move back my hair. Her hands gather up the strands and give a little twist. It rests on the side of my neck.
"I can make it so he'll never find you."
I turn to look at her with disbelief.
"You can?" Quickly my mind starts to doubt her.
"How can you do that?"
"I have my ways, "Maddie taps my nose. I jolt back from the attack, but it doesn't make me stop being curious. I only lean forward to whisper to her as if someone else was here to hear us.
"Can you? Truly, Maddie? "
"Prince Nicoli's letter should be coming any day. I'm sure you'd like some peace to read it." Maddie continues.
"I… Yes. I would. "I try not to sound harsh, but it's the truth. I don't want to be interrupted- especially with Mykhol around. I can only imagine how I would dislike that.
But what is Maddie getting at?
"Maddie- what does that have to do with anything?" I have to ask.
"Then, trust me. I'm a professional, after all. "Maddie winks. I only raise a brow at her strange behavior- and even stranger comments.
"Maddie… What are you going to do?" I test with suspicion.
"Let's promise on it, "Maddie moves to extend her pinky finger. I look at it, then at her.
"What is this? "
"Don't you know what a pinky promise is? "Maddie asks, a little taken aback.
"No?"
Maddie drops her jaw a second.
"How can any child not know?" Maddie stops as if reconsidering.
"You…wouldn't have anyone show you, would you." Her voice goes quietly. I only look at her.
"Maddie?" I test again.
Maddie's smile changes as if in thought, but it turns back up again.
"Here, wrap your pinky around mine. "Maddie instructs.
"That's it. And now we shake."
"What is this for exactly?"
"The idea is that if you break the promise, you break your pinky." Maddie informs me.
"Hence, pinky promise."
It breaks? I look up at her at the violent idea. It's surprising to hear.
"Does it? " I'm not even questioning how it does- maybe magic?
"I've never broken a promise, and my pinky's still okay. So probably. "Maddie smiles.
"Here, "Maddie holds her finger with mine, and we shake.
"Now it's a promise. I will do all I can to get you away from that dreadful Mykhol. "
"He's not dreadful per se. Just… A little clingy? "I want to be fair. But Maddie smirks and quotes me back.
"Clingy? "Maddie scrunches her fingers.
"I think we're beyond clingy at this point. "
I have to laugh at that. She's right. And it feels so good to hear someone else say it. For the longest time, I've felt like the only one.
Everyone else seems to be over the hill for Mykhol. While I am- less enthusiastic? Maybe overexposed is a better term.
Either way, Maddie understands, and I feel relieved.
"Thank you, Maddie. You always help me."
Maddie shrugs. She puts on a smug look.
"Pfft. Such a thing to say, of course. I'd help you." Maddie moves to flip back her graying hair.
"Now, watch me work my magic. "
Maddie moved to pick me up. I don't weigh much, so it's easy to carry me to the bed. When she sets me down, Maddie sits on the edge.
A severe expression comes onto her face for a second. Maddie is thinking hard. She only stops to smile as she helps move the covers onto me. They are thick with fur and feathers- something from our northern colonies.
"Ana, I want you to listen to me carefully. " Maddie tucks in the blanket.
"If you do this exactly the way I say. Everything will work perfectly."
"Uh-huh."I yawn. I can feel myself relax under the tone of Maddie's voice. She's starting to say what sounds like some instructions.
"When I hoot like an owl-like this 'hoo-hoo. It means he will be to your right, so you need to go left. "Maddie starts.
"Uh-huh." I nod as my eyes start to grow heavier. Her voice is so calming that I begin to close them for longer and longer blinks.
Maddie keeps talking as I blink for the last time. Finally, my body sinks into the bed, and I know I'm done for. I'm lost in the sounds and my thoughts.
All I know is Maddie sounds confident about what she plans on doing.
I can only trust her. She knows best. I have nothing to worry about.