*Ana*
"You'll like the library." I go as I lead the way. Mykhol smiles with a nod, but I can feel his eye drift. He seems to look forlorn for some reason.
"Oh." I find my steps slow as I see it.
Does he not want to go? Am I being pushy?
"Unless…you'd like to go elsewhere?" Because you don't seem that interested. But I don't say it out loud. It just looks like he isn't.
But Mykhol quickly shakes his head. His energy is back, and he's looking at me eagerly.
"Oh no, please-"
As if to make sure, I feel him squeeze my hand. Then, he drives to move ahead before stopping to look at me.
"Please, I would like to see it. Really." His grin curls as it did back in the court room. He seems to be waiting for me. Or some reaction from me.
Am I supposed to make one? I'm not sure. But I nod with a quiet sigh.
It looks like he means it- that he does want to go. Maybe I just saw something by mistake.
"Yea, well," I make to step ahead.
"It's right this way."
I continue leading us to the hall. But It doesn't take long before I feel the silence start to nag us. It makes me wish someone else was here.
Aunt Funda and Uncle had to return to their duties while we left. And Maddie seems to have been stolen for help in the laundry room. And since it's just us, I left the guards behind.
But aside from the periodic servant popping out from a door, we have been left to our own devices. Hence the walk in silence.
I wish Maddie were here. She would make things easier. But I know I can't be unreasonable. So I will see her when she is done.
And the walk isn't that bad. I know the way, and it's not far from the court room. So I need to keep going straight.
And so far, to my luck, Cousin has been a pleasant companion. He's been mostly quiet and seems to stare off at things, but he keeps up with my pace. And when I check on him, he's smiling again.
Perhaps he's shy? I consider. Is he hoping I start the conversation? I only now have to consider that talking to an Empress might be a bit intimidating.
Maybe that's why? Perhaps, I should start talking?
What a very uncharacteristic thing for me to do- become the talkative one. But I don't think there is an alternative. As I don't believe so, my cousin will initiate.
So I push myself to start.
"Cousin Mykhol, you attend the academy." I go off what I already know.
"How is it?"
"It suits my needs " Mykhol smiles, but his answer is simple. I hold my breath to let him continue, but I hear no more elaboration. It seems he isn't going to talk further.
Was it a wrong question? I feel myself suck my lip. Small talk is hard.
"Ah, good." I only return. I try to keep my face composed as I inwardly stress out. What is the next prompt question? I have so much to ask about but am unsure how to approach it.
Can I ask? I feel oddly thick-tongued at the moment. But, again, I wish Maddie were here. I think I'd be more confident to ask.
I open my mouth to speak but find Mykhol going first.
"Does cousin Anastasia like the library?"
The Library? I look over at him in surprise. But it quickly lifts my spirits. It's a good question- as I can feel the words bubble up in my throat.
"It's a decent library. It houses a good amount of books. "I speak.
"I've already read most of them long ago."
"Did you?" Mykhol sounds impressed. He smiles at me with some color on his cheeks.
"Wherever do you find the time?"
"I...have a lot, actually," I confess, thinking how long the days can be. Many of which I spent alone or now with Maddie. With no real social interaction, I have plenty of time to read.
But I don't think that's necessary to add. And I dismiss it. It would only be sad information. And I don't want to change to mood. Cousins is talking with me now. So I want to keep things light- so we may speak more.
It should be your turn to speak. I think it is correct.
Do you like to read? I feel excited to learn if he does.
"Cousin, what books do you-"
"Take me to where you like to go, dear cousin," Mykhol asks, and I feel myself pause.
"Oh, you-" I feel my nose scrunch up but relax.
He's just trying to learn more about me. I quickly excuse myself. He's just excited.
I feel excited too. It's an opportunity for both of us to learn about each other.
"Follow me then, "I agree and turn. He moves with me without breaking hands. We are still together. But I wish he'd let go now.
I feel my hand starting to become sweaty and slick. It feels gross- and his hand is just as cold if not colder than mine. But he doesn't seem to want to let go.
Even as I give another testing pull, I feel his hold strengthen. He curls his fingers over my small ones. I don't even see my hand under his.
He still won't let go.
I only sigh inwardly and press on.
I take Mykhol to the two places I can think of—the water fountain up front and the rose garden. But neither place feels me with the same excitement or glee as I usually would find them.
The fountain is off, and the water has been drained. It just sits in the front like a statue. And the rose garden is barren, with just brown and dead bushes that line the paths.
There is nothing to see at either place, and it's cold. I find that even after being bundled up for the outside, it still feels the icy air. Nochten is just as harsh in the winter as in the summer.
The only real fun is the occasional sandstorm that will pull up a tunnel of sand and run around. But that doesn't happen while we are out.
I am also frustrated at something that surprises me. My cousin is being rather…evasive?
I still can't quite put my finger on it, but I have the sneaking suspicion that the more time we are together, the less I get. I keep asking and trying only to get to know him, but he somehow answers but doesn't.
His answers are so straightforward and to the point. But, unfortunately, he doesn't divulge anything past the question. And I find myself feeling almost rude even to ask.
What's worse is he seems to keep changing the subject off of himself and back onto me.
Doesn't he have anything to say?
I am thoroughly vexed by the time we are back inside. We are in the last place I christen a favorite- my study. It is time for afternoon coffee- an excellent way to warm up after spending so long in the cold morning outside.
I cradle my cup as Mykhol takes the opposite couch. He drinks it black- something I happenchance to learn as he does it- I didn't have to ask.
Everything else, though, feels like trying to pull teeth.
All these questions, I sip my drink. All these questions keep turning back onto me.
I feel like I'm under interrogation.
You know, there was a time when I found the interest in me to be welcomed. When Maddie asked questions or showed interest in me, I felt pink inside. But with Mykhol, it doesn't feel the same.
I find myself growing uncomfortable with it. Like I'm being exposed and prodded. It doesn't feel like they come out of curiosity- rather like pinpointing some invisible map.
I find it odd that this whole day has been chiefly me talking.
It shouldn't be all me about me. I pout. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like this is a conversation.
I want to know more about him.
"Cousin, what foods do you like? " I throw out another line. It's a simple question. Something I don't think he can word it. He'll need to be detailed.
He quickly proves me wrong.
"I'm not very particular. Anything is good." Mykhol doesn't even stop drinking while he speaks. I feel my shoulders drop in disbelief.
"Anything?" I repeat.
To make matters worse, Mykhol lowers his cup to look at me.
"What does dear cousin like to eat? "
Did you turn the question back on me? I drop my jaw in disbelief. I can't believe he's doing it again.
You-! I have to close my mouth as I need to start yelling. It takes me a good second to control the rage before I lower my cup.
I've had enough now. So I'm going to put an end to this.
And to show my determination, I lift my eyes to find his.
"I don't wanna be the only one talking. "I state- not ask.
"I have spoken too much already, Cousin Mykhol. But I've heard nothing of you." I pause for Mykhol to respond but am not surprised to see him smile at me.
Fine. I think. If he wants to be that way, I will be more serious. I will ask whatever I want.
"Let's talk about you now. What do you do for fun? What subjects do you like to study at the academy?"
I stop to let him answer. Two questions- he needs to answer both of them. They are, again, simple.
I want to know that much. I look into his eyes. I wait for him to speak.
Mykhol smiles and puts down his cup in thought. A flicker crosses his eyes. He seems to be choosing what to say.
At last, he speaks.
"Dear cousin, I'd rather learn more about yourself."
"You are the more interesting one here. "
I feel my face blank out, confounded.
"Me? What? "I have almost to laugh. I point at myself before shaking my head.
"Cousin Mykhol, I'm sorry, but it's not me who - "
"Wouldn't anyone find an Empress more interesting than a common Lord?" Mykhol leans back in his seat. I have to close my mouth at this.
"I… can see what you mean, yes. "
He is speaking from a logical point of view. I can see that. Yes. I would normally be the more intriguing of us.
But still…
"What is there still to say? I think I have told you just about everything I can. "I have since we left the court room. It's just been me talking.
I would think he had more than enough about me at this point.
Mykhol smiles at me quietly. He reaches to take up his cup again to sip quietly. I can almost taste the sourness of his cup compared to my sweet and creamy one.
I see his fangs slightly protrude from his lip. They are mature fangs. Mykhol has already gone through his first blood.
He's an adult. I have to regard him as such.
"What does an Empress do for fun, dear cousin?" Mykhol licks his lips. It doesn't seem natural to do so like that- as if he did it purposely to create some reaction from me. But I find it awkward.
I wait for him to stop before I continue. This seems to upset Mykhol because he wanted me to do something. But I don't know what that is.
He only seems to sour a little and stops.
"Who do you spend your time with?" Mykhol gestures to my desk. A pile of letters is off to the side and piled neatly.
"Who do you talk to?"Mykhol's voice has an odd tone.
But I'm too exhausted to begin to question why.
I think I've had enough of this. I'm tired of running circles with him. Talking is getting us nowhere.
I need a break- or a nap.
Maddies had me up since earlier morning getting ready. And the time is getting to me all the more because Mykhol is acting so secretively.
If he were just more forthcoming and shared more about himself. I sigh with disappointment. Both at myself and how this is all turning out.
I thought this to be a great chance to make a new friend. We are family.
But things aren't turning out the way I expected.
Cousin is not overtly terrible. I can reckon that. He isn't like Aunt or Uncle. He seems to have some interest in me. That much I can see.
But he's no Nicoli. I realize dismally.
The difference is clear.
Whatever I had hoped for is not going to happen. I sink in my seat a little. It's hard not to show my disappointment.
I want to leave now.
"I study, dear cousin," I reply dryly.
"If not, I'm in the gardens or at court."
Mykhol nods as if he already knows all this. His stare is steady, but I can see his foot tap. He seems to be waiting on something more.
"Such a studious child you are, then. " Behind his eyes, something twists.
"I try to learn everything to become a great Empress one day. " I reply again with a little more enthusiasm. The idea of becoming a true Empress always does that for me. It's my ultimate goal- everything I ever wanted truly.
No more regents. No more Aunt and Uncle. I have no one to answer to. I make my own decisions. I can rule alone.
With Maddie by my side, of course. But that is a given.
I smile as I can already imagine the future years of it how Maddie and I will look on that platform; both are in delicate Nochten dresses. I would wear the proper Empire's crown.
I'd be radiant.
While I look off as I daydream, I hear something. And when I look over, Mykhol's lips are moving. But whatever was said was too low for me to hear.
"What was that, Cousin?" I ask, and Mykhol leans forward.
"Aren't you lonely studying locked away in this room? " Mykhol takes a look around the room. His eyes fell from the desk to the walls of books.
I instantaneously shake my head a big no.
"Not with Maddie with me. "I answer.
"Maddie?" Mykhol lifts a brow, and I raise my hand toward her.
"My maid." I smile to have Maddie smile back.
"Your maid?" Mykhol goes in a measured tone. His eyes flicker over to where Maddie stands in the corner.
Maddie just joined us not long ago after finishing in the laundry room. Her hands are still pruned, and I smell all the lye soap.
"Hmm?" Maddie smiles at Mykhol. But it's not as warm as hers are with me. She seems weirdly guarded.
No, I'm just seeing things. I quickly dismiss. Why would Maddie be guarded around my cousin? He is family.
"Yes, Maddie," I repeat.
Mykhol nods, hearing me, but his fangs pop down from his upper lip. He seems to lightly sneer at her before turning back to me. His face relaxes as if I am the preferred sight.
Asides from the silver hair- I see the look cross his face as he looks at it.
"Is that so?" Mykhol goes, and before I know it, he's doing it again. He's reaching for my hand.
Not again. I try not to cringe.
"Fear not, cousin. I shall remedy it now that I am here."
"Remedy?" I look at him curiously. What remedy?
"What are you redeeming?"
Mykhol gently squeezes my hand before rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. His touch is almost colder than my skin. I guess he hasn't eaten in a good moment.
"I mean, I will ensure you are never lonely again. " Mykhol smiles
"I'll be with you from now on."
"From now…" I look down at my hand. I lightly give it a pull- no surprise. His grip tightens.
He won't let me go for a while, is he?
I'm stuck. I realize, but a new sensation comes over me. Underneath my weariness of the day, there is something else.
Something about this unsettles me. But I can not make out why. I almost want to dismiss it, but it seems as stubborn as Mykhol's hand. It won't let go.
It doesn't take me long to realize why I felt like this.