Nights are always the best part of a day, where world seems to finally shut up, where thoughts seems to make sense and hope concentrates again so we can wake up next day and stand.
But in my case, I hoped I don't wake up next day.
Sitting on the edge of the roof-top, staring up at the empty looking sky, remids me of my meaningless life and if I change my angle of observation, it will give me the idea of consequences if I just jumped with this height. I will be squished like tomato,
Back to the empty sky,
This is what it looks like, a life without a purpose is like sky without stars.
This is how I reflect to the people around me. An empty space. Which is there without any value, even though I *poured* my love to them.. I still be an empty space to them.
*i guess its too late*
I have asked myself a thousand times before my friends asked me, What I want from life?
Music, dance, art, youtube, insta, bleh bleh bleh, what exactly pulls me to it?
My heart stayed unresponsive, and its not my fault. There were times when my heart clicked and I knew I want it. Usually over food.
Heart loves food.
Being the owner of potato sack as my stomach, I can proudly say that.
I was agitated with the idea of getting married, Just the image of me like that make me want to jump right off.
I have seen people making hell out of each other, being unsupportive and lettin one to suffer alone, being unfaithful, and messing one's life and their children's .
I know not all marriage work like that some may actually stand. But I simply hate the idea of being in bed with an unknown person according to Indian marriage system.
I cringed at the thought.
This is how I see it, it's that simple.
"KYA kar rahe hai Didiya!" Billu jumped out of nowhere, I held the wall immedietly to not to fall off, my heart racing miles per second.
I turned to him with gritted teeth, and caught him by collar, pushed his head down and banged my fist twice on his back.
"kutta, gadha, pagalwa, avi gir jate hum!"
I caught him by his hair. He didn't dare to move or I will be ripping his scalpe.
He winced in pain "sorry didi!"
"fir karega?"
"nahi" he said
"kahe aaya!?"
"Mummeya bula rahi!"
I wiggled him by his hair so he shook like a rag doll and he winced again "mummeya kya hota hai?"
"mummey bol rahe, mummey bula rahi!"
I let go of him, he rubbed his head leading me to come with him.
"aap bahut marte hai!" he complained "matha dukhne laga!"
"maar khane wala kaam krega to aarti thore utarenge?" I said before rubbing his head lightly while we stepped down the stairs "Nikku kesa hai?"
"humko motka motka bolta rehta hai" He said quickly " didi ek baar chal ke dara dijiye na"
"Tumko hum churael lagte hai?" I held back a smile as he struggled to answer.
"Apse darta hai bohut" He said
"hum to kavi usko bajaye nahi?"
He shrugged "humko kutate dekha hoga"
We thought before humming in agreement.
"lekin didi!" He said " aap mast dare avi matlab apko bhi jaan ka dar hai?"
That just clicked in my heart. I caught the wall sub consciously, in the fear to fall.
"kahan kho gaye didiya" He mocked and winced immedietly as I caught his hair again.
I gave him a shake again before wiping my hand in my pajama
"tel se naha ke aya hai baklolwa!"
"mummey laga deti hai pakad ke" He answered passively
"bechara tum" I pitied as we reached to the kitchen.
She stood there with her hand on her waist.
"kya hua?"
"hota to rota na ji!" She mocked
"Ro hi raha hai ji, ander ander" I said in her elastic tone " Billu ko kahe veje the mera pran harne?"
"apko ladka ka photo dikhana tha" She said lowering her excited tone. My smile dropped immeditely.
She said "dekhne me bara mast lagta hai"
I frowned "Apko pata hai na humko ye sab achcha nahi lagta?"
She gave me a sour look before saying "To kya pura zindgi yahi rehna hai?"
"Dikkat kya hai?" I challenged " Mere Papa ka ghar hai, jab tak chahenge rahenge!"
She looked like someone just slapped her "Tab rehiye bethe yaha, humlog ko kya hai"
She stormed off.
-------
Okay, you remember how Einstien and Hawkins said Time travel is not possible?
They are just proven wrong. 5 people just travelled crom medieval period to 2021 sitting in front of me, and I can't believe my eyes if I am dreaming.
SOMEBODY PUNCH ME! (my overexcited sarcasm)
5 people circled around me, 2 of them were women who seem to be bulging out of the saree. And Men, that looked hypnotized by a Vampire.
And I, I felt like a zombie.
I was asked my name, and then a lady found in so funny that she started snorting.
Tiliksha Tuleshwari inshort Titu. I don't find it funny.
Then I was given a notebook to write. So they know I am educated. And can write my name or not.
They stood me up and asked me to walk.
So they can see I am not paralysed.
Then A lady smiled like a old fat cat, and asked me to come in the corner.
"kyu Aunty?" I asked
"Tumhare hath pair dekhne hai" She replied casually " koi nishan wagairah to nahi hai" other lady walked near us.
"utar ke dekhna parega!"
I let out a worn out sigh. Massaging my temple.
"pehle aap" I said
"Kya!?"
"Pehle aap" I said out louder, pointing at all the people including my Uncle and grandfather " Aap sab apne apne kapde utariye, fir main"
"Kya bol rahi hai!?" A man snapped glaring at me.
"wohi jo ye bol rahi hai" I nodded at this lady.
"Utariye!" I yelled the word, and lady stepped back in fear.
"Aye ladki kya bak rahi hai!" came out from this lady.
"chal ke bhi dikhaiye, Lulli-langri to nahi hai na?" I said
"Kya tamasha hai!!" those men jumped on their feet. Angrily, so did My uncle and grandfather.
"Nalayak! Isko le ke jao" Uncle told aunty angrily.
"Nahi jayenge kahi v" I walked to the door and took out a fat stick.
Uncle and Dada was trying to catch me but I asked them "chup chap se beth jaiye nahi to abhi yaha pe chillane lagenge, bahar me bhi tamasha ban jayega"
"badtameez!"
I rolled my eyes " Haan, to anty, chal rahi hai ya .." I gestured at the stick "Chaliye! Chal ke dikhayiye. Pata chala itna saal se bethe bethe kamar akda pari hai!"
"kesa badtameez gharana hai! Log thukne v nahi aayega yaha!"
"Arre, machli ka yadasht hai kya? Abhi yahi sab to mere sath kar rahe the!"
"ladki hai tum! humlog ladke wale hai!"
I gave an impressed look " ohh, samaj ne license de ke rakha hai apko?"
"Ayye chalo re yaha se pagal log hai!" the Man 1 said
"arre kahan, aunty ne puriyan banayi hai" I said politely " thus ke to jayiye ladke wale hai!"
Dada held my hand tightly and tried to drag me out of the room.
I tried to get myself out of his grip but it only tightened
"chhoriye!!" i yelled " chhoriye dada!"
"naak kata ke rakh diya hai!" he said gritting his teeth.
I used all my power and pushed him away from me. He stumbled away from me, leaving a tingling pain in my arm.
"mere sath badtamizi kar raha tha tab to nahi bole kuchh?" I yelled at him "Ghar ki laxmi-ghar ki laxmi bolte hai aur ese behave karwate hai ese gawar log se meri! Mere kapde utarne bolgi wo?"
"aap jhute insaan hai. Mere papa ke dost hai ye log?" I yelled " jhut bol ke yaha pe betha diya! Aap duniye ke sab bare jhute insaan hai!" I scremed pointing at him.
My voice broke at the last word, my throat closed, feeling out of air. I shut my moist eyes, intensly clenching on my veins to hold back tears. I felt like my head was exploding with the idea of ripping each one apart.
He looked speachless, not angry.
My menatal state was imbalanced. I cannot trust myself to stand here and not harm anyone, I slammed the stick on the wall with such a power it broke into two. The shrill of it ecoed in the room.
With that I stormed off.
--*--*---*--*--*ab tak humare sath bane rehne ke liye apka dhanyawaad*--*--*--
(this happens in real life, I know hard to believe but something like that happened to a woman I know, i thought it was important to include this in the story)
I sat on the edge of my bed, pillows on the floor, fighting my tears, Hugging my knees trying to find comfort in myself.
At that moment I knew what was goin in the mind of "Sita-Mata", i felt the pain, the burn of revenge. An urge to destroy this house if only I had enough power.
"Didi..?" unsure soft voice spoke from the door. Billu's head appeared, uncertain look on his face.
I didn't said anything as I was trying to control myself.
He slowly reached me, standing in front of me, looking through his beady eyes.
I don't know why, maybe I was crazy, maybe I was tiered of controlling, maybe I felt something warm after so long.
I let go of all the restrictions, hiding my face in my palm. I broke down..
----