She layed on the bed, flipping the pages of her old-woman fashioned magazine, Wearing her cottony green saree and looking as fresh as fish out of the water. The air was filled with the faint scent of lux-soap and a familiar smell that I can't name.
"fir kya hua?" She asked without looking up to me.
"Fir kya, Le kutaiyya le kutaiyya" I said with enthusiasm punching my pillow "Mummey log bahut khatarnak prani hoti hai"
She glared at me.
"Kya" I defended " Tum v to thi, hum to din bhar bajte rehte the jese insan ka bachcha nahi, Ghata ka ho"
"Tumhara harkat v wesa tha beta" She said sweetly
"Hum to bahut achche bachche the" I said with self-satisfaction
"haan" She said sarcastically "din bhar piche piche bhago thali le ke, maharani ji gayab hai, maro to muh fula ke gayab ab fir dhundo"
"apna bhool gayi?" I reminded her " Mere khilona se tum khelti thi, mere nanhe samrat book ka sara puzzle solve lar k rakh deti thi, Upar se mehman log jo pausa dete the le ke rakh leti thi" i added "or bolti thi-baad me de denge"
"aur tum bhool jati thi, bhulakkari"She laughed
"aur tum chai-piyakkari!" I said smiling "din bhar chai chai chai chai!"
"ese bolegi kutti!" she said "yai sikhi hai pagaliya se?"
"unse to hum "aaye ji" "oyye ji" sikhe hai" I said "ayye ji, apke Uncle to humse pyaare nahi karte hai, bhag jate hai" said waving my hands mimicking my aunty's typical action.
She laughed and started to tell me very funny story about aunty getting tricked by my mother, no matter how many times I hear that, it always cracks me.
Always been a prankster.
"7 sidhi se kud ke bhag gayi thi" She said laughing "Dekhne me lagta nahi par bhagne me bahut tez hai"
" arre humko ulta pulta deti hai"
"Didi!?" Billu's appeared through the door, confused "Kisse baat kar rahi?"
I looked back at my mother.
She smiled at me, but this time it didn't reached her eyes. I tried to smile back but it faltered as the reality began to sink in my head.
Her face contracted in a small frown, and slowly her face began to get unclear, until there was just an outline, soon it also started to fade before my sight. I was left to stare at the empty bed where no trace of her remained.
"Apne aap se" I said stretching my lips into a smile "bina apni jaan ki parwah kiye, yaha kahe padhare swami?"
He shook his head with a knowing smile on his face " Tumhare liye kuchh laye hai!"
I wiggled my eyebrows regarding *what?*
He came closer to my bed and sat on the edge of my bed.
"Ye" he slipped out something from his half-pants pocket.
"dairy milk?" wo v 10 rs wala..
He smiled brightly at me
"birthday hai tumhara?" I asked him " Pair choo ke pranam karo"
He shook his head "arre b'dday nahi hai, ese hi laaye hai kha lijiye"
There was a silence, I used to read his expressions.
My heart swelled up with warm air, staring at this innocent stupid boy. I know what he was trying to do. He was trying to make me feel better about everything, and he can't use words so he did what his little head can think of.
I unwrapped his gift and looked at him.
I broke the chocolate into two halves and offered one to him.
We ate in peace chatting about his mother staking her afternoon nap.
"Didi, hum jaa rahe khelne" he said before slipping out of the door.
Once again, I was alone with my thoughts and imagination.
I closed my eyes, for a moment and pictured a lion, a metallic golden lion. With his eyes as blue as inky sky, and three blue stars on his head as mark of hierarchy . His flaming mane and long narrowing tail with a triangular ending, even that end was firely. He moved with his nose up high, and crushing the best this world has under his feet. Holding ultimate power in his eyes that make u weak and crumble in fear of life, at the same time giving a sense of safety under his shadow.
Standing like a king he was, having an un-defeatable confidence and a conquering demeanor. A roar that can make miles thunder in fear, giagnatic. He looked mesmerising until he unfolds his golden wings, and took my breath away.
*Agokus*
The lion that I created in a small page of my notebook, when I was 8.
See, this is the power of imagination, where we become the creator and create another world for us, offering safety inside it.
Well, genius people create masterpiece for the world but I am average. Average and selfish.
I am just able to create a bubble wrap around me when I feel intimidated. Talking to imaginary person is a part of it and is very unhealthy for my mental state.
I mastered the art of deluding myself, as it brings emotional safety for me and not want to leave it. I build a place where everything is normal, where my loved ones still exist and where I am not alone.
Where I am a kid doing mischiefs and getting scolded about it, where I am loved and cared like any other person around me. Where I have people to talk to, and right to become emotinal and lunatic. And I want it to take me in, forever..
Back to the originals.
Half a week has passed since Aman is gone, the streets looked like cursed and deserted, I try to keep my mind off this awful reality that sparks agitation and desperation in me.
Scratching under the surface of my skin, something is willing to get out again, just like old times, and something is stopping me from that, just like old times.
(Titu's mind is a complicated place to be in)
I was told I was the worse product of the family and They have to get rid of me. By shipping me to some stranger's house. I wonder when the words stopped bothering me, when I matured this much and when I became so unresponsive and depress.
Long, long ago.
With unfaltering support of my family.
I was warned not to step out of the door, all the door were locked, and aunty had the keys hidden in her woman bag, with the instruction given to her to keep an eye on me.
Which they don't realise I have spare keys, and that they can keep me prisoned in my own house until I use them.
Billu was prohibited to step in my room but he finds a way to sneak in when his mother takes her afternoon nap, and Dada, he pretended I don't exist, Uncle plays as a commentator, however they didn't bother to lower their voices as they complain about literally everything I do.
Even me having lost my appetite is a topic to complain about for them. My paler skin and lumpy walk is a matter of mockery.
I believed there is nothing left to do, beacuse I don't deserve anything and I decided I will let myself drown as a punishment for being alive.
But, I also want to know. Is this how I will end?
My phone started ringing.