[ Warnings/Triggers : self-harm ]
- We couldn't find him. No traces. It's like he evaporated or something.
Joohoon's mood dropped below his tolerable degree of anger, any lower and it will be the mood to kill someone. As if sensing that, Joohoon uttered with the quietest voice possible, somehow still trying to hold back his anger.
- Leave.
One word, cause his eyes couldn't be seen through his locks (not like anyone dared to look him in his eyes though), just this one word made them tremble and already praying for their life. Thanks God the word itself meant hope, so all the boys left immediately, almost tripping over their own feet.
Joohoon was angry – that was an understatement. He has control over everything, especially his emotions and now he was on the verge to loose it. No, he already lost it.
He kicked with his leg the closest thing to him, that was not a box but an entire column of heavy-looking boxes. All of it went flying so high and fast that it met the opposite upper wall and even the ceiling, with such a loud bump like the entire wall just cracked.
Unfortunately the kick wasn't enough to still his anger even for a bit, so Joohoon was about to make his second attempt but now the noticeable door caught his attention. He didn't expect anything, but something was screaming inside to open it and he did, only to find his reason of nearly going crazy right there. Jiwook, half dressed, barely breathing was on the floor, which was spread with pills all over. Bare overwhelming horror struck Joohoon at the sight, for a moment he was living anew a dreadful scene from his past, that he tried to bury deep inside for many years; his body and mind both frozen, even his heart seemed to stop. An almost invisible tremble of Jiwook's eyelashes pulled Joohoon out of his numbness and made him finally move.
- Jiwook!
He threw himself on his knees lifting the younger carefully and checking his breathing.
- You're alive, said, better say, whispered Joohoon and tightened his grip, holding Jiwook closer to himself almost in an embrace. The sudden warmth reached the younger and a quiet painful sigh left his lips. He was still trembling from cold though at the same time his all body was burning.
Joohoon softly put Jiwook on the sofa and wrapped him in his jacket. The younger looked more like a living corpse than alive, what made Joohoon's hand shiver. The view he got when he found up Jiwook made him unusually alarmed. It was too familiar. He took quickly his phone, planning to call an ambulance, but a weak grip on his shirt stopped him.
- D...don't... tell a..nyone, struggled to whisper Jiwook among his short breaths that he was trying to make. With all his left strength Jiwook was fighting to not loose his conscience again. Not before he hears Joohoon's reply. The elder was conflicted for a moment. He knew Jiwook needed a reply, he also knew why the other said it but to not call for help could mean death for the younger. Joohoon's entire expression darkened. He frowned in visible disagreement but still gave the answer Jiwook wanted so much to hear.
- Okay. I'll not call the ambulance, said he, while dropping the call at once.
A faint smile that was nothing more than a barely visible move of the younger's lips upwards, came instead of a reply and with it Jiwook passed out.
- Jiwook... Jiwook, called back Joohoon but he couldn't wake him up.
He hurriedly listed through his contacts and took another call.
- Hey, Joohoon-ah wha-
- Take your things and come to check on someone. They lost conscience.
- What? Joohoon you should call an-
- I can't. Taejoon-hyung ... I need your help. Please hurry, Joohoon's voice trembled a bit at the end. Even though his tone didn't reveal anything, his close friend noticed the anxiety in his voice right away.
- Alright. Tell me what happened.
Taejoon, Joohoon's childhood friend just became an intern that spring and though he knew Joohoon too well, his unexpected plea took him by surprise. It made him think of the incident through which Joohoon went back years ago. Joohoon, still a child, was completely broken then. It made him worried. Joohoon wasn't the person to call for help even if he'd be in danger to be killed. That's just the kind of a person he was. Taejoon took quickly what he thought would be of any help in a backpack and went out in hurry. Joohoon was lucky he was free that afternoon. He caught a taxi, telling the address he got from Joohoon and listened to the younger's words carefully.
- He passed out again just now before I called you.
- What do you mean with "again"?
- I found him unconscious on the floor. There were pills all over everywhere, said Joohoon walking back in the bathroom looking for the pills' bottle. He found it – It's painkillers ... dammit it's expired.
- I got it. Check his breathing.
- It's faintly, but he breaths, answered Joohoon touching his forehead - He looks like he's burning but it's cold sweat.
- Is he on his back? Raise his legs a little above.
Joohoon did as he was told.
- I'm almost there. Keep checking his breathing.
- Yes.
The call ended, which left Joohoon even more anxious. He kneeled in front of Jiwook, holding his cold hand and checking his breath every minute. For the first time after he found Jiwook like that, he was thinking of the reason the younger did that. Did he really try to kill himself? He thought he knew him well enough. He'd expect any sly action, runaway or any dirty trick to save his back; Jiwook could do anything, but not this. At least he believed that Jiwook wouldn't do it, but now seeing him like that made Joohoon doubt it. He was angry. More angry at himself than at Jiwook. For what he did. For leaving him alone. Damn. He regretted that.
In a few moments that seemed like forever for Joohoon, the door opened and Taejoon finally came. He nearly dropped his bag and gasped in shock at the view in front of him, seeing the Joohoon's worried expression and him knelling down beside the unknown person. The other jumped right away on his foot and approached him quickly. Taejoon set aside his questions and surprise for later and came closer to the unconscious man. Joohoon took his friend's backpack and coat and went tail after him, watching carefully his every move.
Taejoon examined through and thorough the younger with a stern look on his face, his silence successfully making all Joohoon's nerves even more tensed. After a short moment Taejoon made a small sigh and sat beside the patient, while taking a few wet locks away, out of their closed eyes.
- Thankfully he shows no sign of drugs poisoning – which made Joohoon extremely relieved – but he's in a very weak state. He has an unsteady breathing, overly pale face, his trembling and cold sweat seems like he has it for a while by now. Do you know what happened to him?
Joohoon looked like he was hesitating for a bit, but just for a second, the next, he answered honestly.
- Last night ... we were together. I left in the morning. He was very tired and distressed... He looked like he was having a nightmare. It's ... he had an incident the day before. I think it caused him something like... a mental breakdown, said quietly Joohoon trying hard to hide his emotions, but failing in doing so.
Taejoon looked directly into his friend's eyes trying to read the truth beyond his words, though he didn't get the details, he had a raw idea what that boy meant to Joohoon. Alone his troubled expression, masked with a cold placid face, where his knotted eyebrows gave off more the feeling of him being angry than worried – it all confirmed his suspicions. Taejoon made a long sigh, gave a lock of hair aside from Jiwook's eyes, taking a better look at his face. It was died in a nearly white shade, lines smooth and delicate, even the puffy red eyes couldn't shame his innate beauty, he looked like a fragile porcelain and was just as beautiful.
- ... I still think that it would be better to take him to the hospital, said Taejoon, his words instantly making Joohoon's eyes fill with anxiety.
But before the younger could ask anything, Taejoon already replied him in advance.
- But it's not that bad. If it's like you said, the most difficult phase passed already. He needs a good rest for now, and then a good meal. To avoid any stressful situation now, would be the best ... and a better place than this.
- Yeah sure. I will take care of it. Is he...will he be really fine?, asked Joohoon still unsure, his eyes pinned on the unconscious Jiwook.
- I'll give him something to calm him a little. You'll have to watch over him tonight. I'll check on him tomorrow again. If something, call me, anytime.
Taejoon put a hand on Joohoon's shoulder trying to assure him that it'll be fine and he doesn't have to worry.
- Joohoon... - Taejoon called out for him, his voice reassuring, making the younger take his eyes from the floor and look back at him – You're different from then. You're stronger. And you're not alone anymore. Don't worry, it will be fine.
Joohoon frowned. It seemed that just at that moment he finally realized how anxious he felt. He sucked in a plenty of air and then held his breath, messy thoughts biting his already tired mind.
"Am I worried?... Why do I even care about-", his thought left hanging when his eyes met the unconscious Jiwook. If possible, Joohoon's stern expression became even more rigid. He felt trapped in those new feelings of his and he didn't like that at all. Caring, anxiety, regret, guilt, helplessness, worry. As if engulfed suddenly in a thick veil of mist, he lost himself in that fog of feelings and didn't even notice it. Once he realized it, he was about to make himself ignore it, he should just erase it all, as if nothing happened. "Nothing changed".
Joohoon clenched unconsciously his fists tightly, a dull crackle from his knuckles pierced through the tensed air around him. Taejoon that was on his way to leave, was forced to look back at his friend and got struck right away by Joohoon's unusual dark expression. "That isn't good."
- Joohoon!, almost shouted the elder, in hurry to pull him out of that mad horrifying state. He put his both hands on the younger's shoulders, pinning him in place. – Listen, it's okay to change. It's alright if it's hard or if it hurts. I'm honestly glad to see you like this. I thought I wouldn't see the Joohoon I know ever again.
Joohoon's expression changed in bewilderment, as Taejoon's words caught him by surprise. It was outright frightening to have someone read you as an open book, even better than yourself.
- ...
Sigh. – Joohoon I wish you'd come to live for yourself, not for your sister or anyone else. For you and your own happiness.
- That's bullsh*-
- Joohoon!, Taejoon's voice, too thick and rough from its usual gentleness, shut up the younger. – Say, you'll at least give a try. Say it.
- ... Ok, I got it, Joohoon felt more than just a bit disturbed, but he knew better than to argue with Taejoon.
- Very well, smiled widely the elder, - I'm always here to help you. Just ask.
He patted lightly Joohoon's hair, though he needed to get on his tiptoes to achieve that and went away, with a satisfied grin on his face.
"That smarty. He just enjoys to mess up with me.", thought Joohoon while dropping a long tired sigh, though there were no sign of anger on his face; rather his friend helped him calm down a bit and Joohoon felt more or less at ease. He turned to Jiwook, his hand all very slowly found its way to the younger's drenched forehead and rested there for a moment.
- "It's okay if it's hard..."
The words rolled on Joohoon's tongue as if trying to comfort them both, himself and Jiwook as well. Another sigh.
- Now, let's find where should I take you... foxy Han.