Something unexpected happened.
No, it wasn't that Joohoon ceased his teasing, nor his sudden nerve wrecking "moments", that gave Jiwook heart attacks, though it slowly made him to unwillingly like it more and more.
No, nothing as big as that.
Still it was something you couldn't miss to notice.
For sure. How could he not then it was about his life.
Jiwook began honestly to wonder how it was even possible. For it to change so easy. So much.
His life turned at 180° and it happened in a just mere 3 days.
It was straight funny and at the same time frightening enough to think that your life can change like that effortlessly. Sometimes you fight till your soul is bleeding and your last strength is leaving you, but you can't change one damn thing and you're forced to accept the outcome. To bend and carry the weight of your unfortunate fate...
That was Jiwook's life.
He fought in his own way and everything he did seemed right for him since it was for his "survival", his "happiness". Yes, Jiwook was selfish. To the point that in his fight against inexistent threats, he lost the meaning and the cause of his fighting. He forgot what happiness even meant for him.
Until then.
"However I look at it, it's wrong. But then, why do I feel that it's just like it should be... It's strange."
Strange was his definition of his mess of feelings and the core cause of that was none other than Lee Joohoon.
His will to be closer to him, to make him like him back, to be someone worthy for him, become the sole object of his interest, up to wanting to control him – all of it was mostly the cause of the sudden change of Jiwook's life. Better said Jiwook himself began to change.
Unconsciously he desired attention and finally got what he needed the most.
Self-love.
Since to be able to love someone means you have to love yourself first.
Thus that was the biggest trigger in changing his life.
- Hhm
Before that, everything he could see or feel, was cold darkness, wherefrom Jiwook didn't even dream to escape anymore. However now, he didn't just find the light which he always had looked for, but an whole new existence for him, a new meaning to his own life, an will, an...
Lee Joohoon.
- Huf
No, the darkness didn't disappear. It was still there. The void of that dark madness stayed silently behind Jiwook, ready to swallow him whole. Jiwook just wasn't looking at it. He was trying to grasp and hold that precious light with all his might, afraid to lose it. Cause he knew, if he'd lose it, never would he be freed of his own demons.
- Huf huf, aah!
Jiwook flinched and opened wide his eyes, his locks drenched in cold sweat, his breathing heavy and unstable. It wasn't that bad as the night in the basement, but he still had those awful nightmares which sucked all the living out of him. Even his cry sounded strangled to the point it seemed a mere muffled moan than a frightened scream.
Sigh.
He was tired of it already. In his nightmares he saw himself dying over a hundred of times, each time in a different way, but always equally painful. Sometimes he was seeing his brother, better said his corpse, for a second, cause the next Jiwook was looking at his own miserable corpse. He was feeling as he'd lose his sanity if it continued like that, but strangely enough, he was getting used to it. Maybe it was thanks to his reality, the bright, unusual, out-of-this world time with Lee Joohoon, which he slowly began to cherish so much, that the terrible nightmares remain like that. Just nightmares.
Jiwook turned right, his eyes met a broad back, that was moving slightly upwards and down, displaying the calm sleeping breathing of Joohoon. He was close but not close enough. The elder slept on a futon at almost 5 feet away from Jiwook and if at first he felt extremely nervous that Joohoon was that close (what made him have a hard time to fall asleep) at that moment he wanted to be closer to him.
Jiwook stood up and though he hesitated for quite a while, he began, in the end, to move his futon next to Joohoon as quietly as possible. He didn't even dare to breathe. If Joohoon would wake up that very moment, he'd go kill himself on his own.
"Please, just don't wake up."
There he was right next to him. Jiwook very so slowly got back under the cover and for a long time he still couldn't still his heart. Even so, he wasn't satisfied.
"A little more..."
Closer.
Jiwook needed that proximity to pass safely through his nightmares. He needed that drop of assurance that he wasn't alone, that ... Joohoon was there. With him.
He huddled himself in a clew, making him look a few times smaller than he was, taking maybe just one fourth of his whole futon and leaned towards Joohoon's back. Barely, almost imperceptibly, he touched the other's back with the edge of his both hands tightened together and his forehead.
Jiwook closed his heavy eyelids, breathing in the warmth of the person beside him, which instantly calmed his ringing heartbeat and anxious thoughts.
He felt safe.
Finally.
An ordinary sleeping person wouldn't feel that light touch, wouldn't hear anything at all, cause no sound really could be noticed there to begin with.
Yeah, most certainly.
However, that was Lee Joohoon. The line of his lips widened in a subtle, almost naughty grin.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
- Huh it's open?
Joohee entered the house with a dubious look on her face, a broom already in her hands, as she wondered if robbers sneaked inside, though she was more than sure that there was nothing valuable to find there. Still it was dangerous. Who knew that coming to water her grandma's plants will end up in a fight with robbers. She tightened her grip on the broom and ever so quietly began to look through the house. She got to the last room on her tip toes, so far nothing unusual. She opened the door just for an inch only for her eye to peek inside. And that's when she really had the shock of her life. Or maybe said, the unexpected surprise? Anyway, Joohee stood there completely dumbfounded with nothing but wide popped eyes and a fallen month in disbelief, which was about to reach the floor. Her frozen mind wasn't giving signs to start working, but the curiosity got ahead of her, so she moved carefully the door away without any sound.
Indeed the sight was too priceless for her to lose.
There, in the comfort of her grandma's covers laid her dear brother, one hand supporting his head, the other playing with locks of blue hair, curling it softly around his finger. The blue flock was drowning in the colorful covers and was nuzzling in Joohoon's chest just like a cat. If Joohoon wouldn't have moved the cover the next moment, Joohee would never know that it was an actual person there. Her brother lowered his head and started to tease the sleeping person, the lobe of his ear, his forehead, the tip of his nose, under his chin, the crook of his neck – all of it was showered with flips of light kisses, so tender, so soft and careful, as if one ounce more would break the skin of the person next to him, but it felt intense enough to notice that Joohoon wasn't satisfied with just that. He reached his last goal – plump rose lips, slightly pouted, like begging to be kissed. It faintly trembled then Joohoon traced slowly his thumb over them, perhaps betraying excitement. Awaken or not, the seeming sleeping person didn't have to wait for too long, as Joohoon granted their wish quickly. Those lips reacted instantly and seemed to move on its own, slowly melting in Joohoon's lingering kiss.
This was maybe the most tender and endearing scene Joohee ever saw in her life and the most unbelievable was, that her indifferent, often cold-looking brother was capable of such strong and at the same time gentle affection towards someone. He was kind and loving to her, yes, but that's all to it. Never did she see him reveal his feelings, to the point that she was worried that he'd lost his ability to feel anything at all. Well, she was wrong. Though still too hard for her to believe in it, the proof was right before her eyes.
Her greed to know more, to peek longer at the miracle happening in front of her, made Joohee hold her breath from excitement and engrave each second in her mind for later study. She was utterly shamelessly peeping at her brother's making out and felt no remorse whatsoever. Completely unfazed.
But then...
Flinch.
While the kiss continued unperturbed, Joohoon's eyes changed its prior focus and suddenly struck directly Joohee's curious eyes with a cool, sharp look that demanded no disturbance (even if that was his sister).
Joohee become finally aware of her situation, turning bright red from embarrassment. She felt like a kid for imposing on her brother's sweet moment and (with a heavy heart) she hurriedly left, closing quietly the door.
Sigh.
"What a shame... I didn't get to see who that was!" thought Joohee, embarrassment long gone, she had just the feeling of regret for not getting the chance to find that out.
Though just from their long eyelashes, stylish hair and refined features, she could guess that was a very beautiful person.
- Ha! I knew my brother was in love!, said she out loud this time, satisfied that her instincts were right.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
- Hmm...
A few seconds after Joohee left, Jiwook seemed to finally get a hold of his senses, though he wasn't yet completely awake. With his eyes still closed, he wet his lower lip, feeling it a bit swollen. His hands were hugging something and, though he should have first asked himself what it was, he just squeezed it a little tighter, cause it felt so warm, so good. He even brought his head closer and snuggled his forehead to whatever that was, his hair getting messier in the process. For the first time for a long while he could finally have a peaceful sleep and no nightmare had tormented his mind. He was able to get a really good rest that night and at last he felt alive again. And it was so warm and pleasing. Jiwook moved now slightly his legs, interlocking it with folders of the covers (- so thought he), gluing himself completely to that gentle warmth. He nearly began humming or maybe he just did.
- Hmf.
A short muffled sound broke the stillness.
Actually, while he moved his leg earlier, he accidently touched something, which triggered that strange sound. He was feeling too good to be bothered by it, so he simply ignored it, while drowning further in that delightful warmth. Then, being more sensible to sounds, a soothing and calm string of beats flowed in his ears. It sounded like heart beat. As if bewitched by an unknown spell, Jiwook wanted more and more, but he really didn't know exactly what. Just "that" something. Though impossible, he still managed to get closer and glued his right ear in a way, to hear that sound the best.
Perhaps right then, he thought, that he had the best moment in his life - "it feels like heaven" – everything was new to him, but at the same time strangely familiar. He loved it.
Along with the heartbeat, a warm breath was tickling his nose. He cringed his nose and with the back of his hand tried to wipe the invisible disturbance away. It wasn't that easy, cause it looked like it stuck firmly to him.
A muffled chuckle.
This one sounded too familiar. Jiwook loved that sound and he knew it very well.
"Yeah, it's just like Lee Joohoon's laugh.
...
...
?
LEE JOOHOON ?????"
Yeah, his heaven seemed to be none other than Lee Joohoon.
Jiwook flashed his eyes wide-open and so far what, better said whom he saw, wasn't surprising at all. He couldn't even ask why he was there, cause memories of the night before rushed to him and made everything clear. He had no chance and time to make up a good reason as to why he was there in the first place. Jiwook's face lit brighter than any lamp, so red, it looked like he'd catch fire.
- Hm!
He shut his month, like preventing himself from spitting nonsense and tried to use his last mean - to run away. However he got so entangled with Joohoon and the covers around them, that no matter how much he struggled, he couldn't get out of it alone. And of course, Joohoon wasn't about to help him. The elder dropped half of his weight over Jiwook, making his escape as good as impossible.
Jiwook couldn't even complain, cause he got himself on his own in that kind of situation. How did he even end up from leaning slightly on Joohoon's back to be literally interweaved with him. Everything he did before he woke up, sprout out in his mind, making him even more embarrassed.
"D-damn. What should I do?"
His heart was about to burst out of his chest from so much nervousness, embarrassment and some other complicated feelings. No choice left, he tried to move again.
- Hmf.
Again.
He touched something, he shouldn't have.
- If you'll touch it once again, I'll take it as your consent for getting further.
- !!! s-s-sorry!
"I f*ked up! Jiwook, you're very very f*ked up!!!"
Jiwook didn't move a muscle or even breath, staying extremely tensed as if he was about to meet his end.
Chuckle.
"Damn, don't smile like that or I'll..."
Jiwook felt himself loosing all his will to run away already.
Joohoon moved a lock of Jiwook's hair away from his eyes and with a mischievous smile he continued.
- I didn't take you for the cuddle type. I guess I was wrong.
The answer was just an even more flustered Jiwook. The younger bit his lip cause no words would cover his shame at that moment.
- I thought you didn't like me around, but you came to me yourself. I was wrong again.
Jiwook could just look away, his forehead and hands drenched in sweat.
- Did you miss me that much? I wasn't that far you know...
Jiwook bit his lip harder.
-... but I see now. It wasn't enough.
Jiwook turned his eyes back to Joohoon meeting his gaze. He hit the point just right.
Joohoon put his thumb on the younger's lips and stopped Jiwook before he'd make his lip bleed out.
- Don't. Let me instead.
Joohoon dropped a few butterfly kisses around his month, as if wanting to make the younger to relax a bit and then deepened his kiss, to a dangerous level of intensity, successfully making the younger lose his breath. Jiwook clang his hand on Joohoon's back, gripping his shirt so tight like he wanted to tear it off.
"It'll never be enough."
As if Joohoon heard the younger's thought, he slowly broke the kiss and said unexpectedly. It seemed he was out of breath as well.
- Foxy Han, you're too excited.
He got caught. He had nothing more to hide.
"F*ck it all, I don't know anymore!" thought Jiwook and threw away his sanity, to worry about everything later.
The elder meant to tease him, but Jiwook didn't fall for that. He leaned quickly and caught himself Joohoon's lips and pulled him into another hot and thirsty kiss. Making Joohoon surprised may one say, was his greatest achievement and he smiled while kissing, delighted with his small victory.
His hands glided lower.
Joohoon stopped again. It was hard cause the younger kept clinging and dragging him down to kiss. The elder broke it again receiving an unsatisfied moan back from Jiwook.
- I'm happy you're so willing today, but now it's not the moment.
Jiwook looked right away at the other's lower body, thinking already on how to help Joohoon and make him as "excited" as he was right then.
- Haha, giggled deeply the elder, while messing the blue flock of hair with his hand. – The problem is not down there.
- ?
- It's more difficult than that. It's my sister. She saw us kissing.
- What??!
Jiwook was so shocked, that he paled instantly, just his ears were still red, his eyes wide from the shock. He turned fast his head from side to side but couldn't see no one.
Joohoon reached his hand under the younger's chin and tilt it slightly towards himself.
- She's here. In house. We'll have to say hello.
Joohoon's wide mild smile didn't manage to calm Jiwook's alarming state, not one bit.
- I count on you.
To say Jiwook's expression was anxious, was an understatement and it didn't help at all that Joohoon was grinning and being all that nonchalant about it, while he was desperately trying to come out with a good explanation for his whole confusing situation. Jiwook's already swollen lower lip was about to burst bleeding if he continued to chew on it that hard.
Joohoon came to rescue Jiwook's lips by open and pat it with both his thumbs.
- Don't ruin it. I still need those lips.
Smouch.
With a quick peck on Jiwook's lips, Joohoon got up and began to make himself ready.
Jiwook was speechless.
May God help him cause it seemed Joohoon had no plans for it.
Yeah, anything but it.
"What?! He's enjoying it, damn it. What should I do?!"