Ghost hasn't been stalking me for a day or two now so I should be happy, but that doesn't change the other things that makes me go through a living Hell, and that's my final year of high school coming up two weeks from now. Not just that, but my own Mother that rants and raves about what I was born as and what I see that most other people cannot see. Tossing and turning in my bed, I feel spirits are close by and are about to do the same thing every single night, plus every day; Calling me "Van Helsing." and how I'm destined to do great things that only I'm supposed to do. Looking out my window, I begin seeing a glimmer of silver dancing like ballerinas and then he shows up; Ghost. Closing my eyes tight, I try to ignore the inner fright and terror that I have of him.
"Dear John, oh how I hate—no I'm excited to say this, you'll be dead sooner than you think!" Ghost roars then silence hits back again and every single spirit that's in the room with me are whispering to themselves in unknown emotions and it is hard to understand what the hell they're saying. Opening my eyes again, I get into a sitting position and look at them.
"You dead people need to stalk another person that can see you guys, like seriously," I say groaning. Turning over to my desk, I see it's still the same shit like always and it's 3:00 AM. I went to bed at 11:00 PM now I'm already up...Whatever, no one will ever understand how I feel.
"That's not true," a voice chimes close by. My ears perk up in alertness and now this is a voice that I never heard before. Looking by my bedroom door, as I keep looking, a beam of light went through the cracks of the door.
"What the Hell," is all I can say. The door starts to open and I can feel soaked in fright, what's behind that door? Then suddenly--
"I'm here Johnny, wanna play?" a soft spoken voice slithered into my ears and all I know is that this voice doesn't seem like Ghost, like I've known and have heard this voice once before.
"Why are you so scared? I mean we are of the same blood and all, trust me Johnny, we'll meet again and this time we'll try to make that bond we once had back and make it stronger than it was back in the good ol' days!" the voice says playfully then turns dark and disturbing.
"But, I will tell you one thing dear, if you do what you did to me again in the past, I will kill you and I'll make our home part of this world like before," the voice says. The door opens up fully and darkness with something that feels like I knew that wants me dead, but the question stands unanswered; Who and what is it? Blinking my eyes a few times, I see Mom rushing in and kneeling beside me.
"John, are you okay? The spirits told me that someone came to you from years ago," she says.
"I'm fine Mom, I'm okay," I say to her, I'm surprised she was worried, but deep down I think in the end she does care, but in the end she has a strange way of showing it. Mom then gets me off from the bed and sighs. Mumbling to herself, something that I could never understand because she never taught me Romanian. Leading me into the kitchen, something shined into my eyes and everything turns to pitch black.
Opening my eyes, I can barely see with the sun glaring into my eyes, it's morning and it's a new day of Hell. Getting up from the bed, I get dressed in a long sleeved "Paramore" band shirt and baggy goth style jeans I go straight downstairs where I see a stranger with Mom. he has short jet-black hair, he is pale, his eyes are a shade of sapphire blue and he's wearing all black from the shirt down to his shoes. Looking at this stranger, Mom just flashes a dark glare at him for reasons unclear to me. He then looks at me and turns back to Mom.
"John, this man is a good friend of the family, his name is Derek and he's just about to leave, right Derek?" Mom says shaking in irritation. He looks at me and turns and leaves the house. Mom looking at me breathes deeply and walks up to me.
"John, there are things that I'm trying to change and our relationship is one of them, don't forget that," she says then leaves the kitchen. Okay this is like Deja Vu. Turning back around, I walk back around and walk back to my room to kill time before dinner tonight.
Reading my journal about what spirits bring up about where Dad is on the other side, but then again, it is just about their inexcusable reasons as to why they call me "Van Helsing."
"I might as well give up and die of old age, and not knowing if he had ever loved me and Mom," I say to myself. As I keep on staring at my journal while as I sit behind my desk, I hear Moms voice chiming in from outside my bedroom door.
"John, dinner's done!"
"Coming," I answer as I place my journal back into my desk drawer. Standing up, I walk out, walking downstairs and straight into the kitchen, and as I sit down at the kitchen table, I see Mom placing the Chinese takeout food down onto the table.
"Let's start eating," Mom says. As I sit in the kitchen eating with Mom alone, I start to wonder if we are in the 'Twilight Zone' since there are not any guys here visiting Mom.
"I am coming after your soul, Johnny!" screams out a voice. Looking all around me, I just see that I am still alone with Mom in the kitchen. Mom then looks at me and her expression turns from calm and relaxed to worrying about what only the Goddess knows about.
"What is wrong, John?" Mom asks. All I can do is pretty much shake my head.
"Everything is fine," I say with lies going straight through my teeth. All she does from my short answer is shake her head and then goes back to munching on her shrimp and broccoli that is drowned heavy in Chinese mustard. Looking at her, I finally gave in by asking Mom this lifelong question.
"Mom, what was Dad like before he left us?" I ask. Mom's eyes widen in shock.
"What?" she asks.
"I never knew him and no matter who I ask from the other side, they do not tell me anything, so I am asking you Mom, what was Dad like before he left us?" I ask. Within a moment after I ask this question, she stands up and looks at me.
"I will never tell you; it's not even worth talking about," Mom answers. Turning her back on me, not having any consideration that I just want to be accepted by the people that surround me on a day to day and night by night basis. Mom knows something and at this moment of searching for whereabouts on Dad is just becoming a hopeless battle and maybe not meant to be a part of my life. Knowing this, I just feel like I can define myself and can describe the feelings that are in my heart in one simple definition; All I feel is dead inside.
"If I had the choice, things would be different...much different," says Mom then leaving me in the kitchen all alone.
"Mom…" I say. Standing up, I walk out and as I walk outside into the backyard, I then look up at the midnight sky. As I look directly at the moon that was surrounded by large bright stars, I start to think about Dad and why he left us before he died.
"Wherever you are on the other side Dad, I just wish you could tell me why you left me and Mom before you died," I say out loud in the open as rain clouds begin to slowly consume the moon into the darkness and as it starts to rain, I feel as if the Goddess was trying to heal my pain.
"I highly doubt the pain is going to go away anytime soon," I say as I let the rain fall onto my body.
"John," someone calls out. Looking around, I see that I am still alone.
"Who is there?" I ask.
"I will always be there for you and your Mother, the both of you will be okay John," says a voice. As I feel the rain hitting my body harder, I then feel a hand sliding onto my shoulder. My eyes widening in alertness, I begin looking all around again, and yet there is still no one here.
"I need to get back inside," I say to myself as I walk back inside, drying myself off, walking upstairs, going into my room, going straight to bed, and passing out.
"Johnny," someone says nearby. Opening my eyes, I find myself in an open field the grass that I am laying on feels dry and sharp to the touch digging into my flesh. And then there came the dead bodies that loomed all around me. Their appearance seems as though they have been slowly tortured to death. The voices were not there, but their fear I can get a strong understanding against my mind, heart, body, and soul. The scent of their rotting flesh caused it to hit the back of my throat and have me throw up onto the ground.
"What is going on here? And who is calling out to me?'' I ask out loud in cold sweat. Getting into a standing position, I began to look around to leave this bloodstained scenery and to try to find help. Turning around, I see a cave, but shaped as one with the help of large trees, the one odd thing about it was the trees were dead and the branches were thick enough to cause this unique cave shaped made by the dead trees, the shadows were pitch black. Sighing from these odd observations, I just walk over to the cave with hesitation, but at least as a way to find my way to get out of this nightmare...or maybe it is one of those "Average living dreams,". Hey, you can never know until you find out for yourself, right, Johnathon Haven Stone.
"I guess this is the only way that I will be getting out of here," I say to myself as I walk into the shadows of this cave.
Walking further into the darkness, I walk passed dying flowers and bushes of blood covered thorns, the trunks of the trees had carvings on them that looked as if there were faces on them and the faces that have unknown emotions to me. After walking for what seems to be forever, I find myself at a dead end and I then see the back of a stranger that is wearing a jet-black cloak on.
"Who are you?" I ask. The only thing that this stranger did was give out a chuckle.
"That is an extremely intriguing question for you to ask since you do not remember, but if you must know, I will have to show you in order for you to get an idea," says the stranger. As soon as he turns around--.
"John!" someone shrieks in rage, as if they were trying to frighten me…which they always have. As I open my eyes, I see nothing but the sunlight blinding me. Getting out of bed, I began to get ready for a new day...or maybe the same day as any other day. Walking to my closet, I grab whatever I could find and as I walk downstairs, I see Mom on the phone laughing her ass off from the corner of my eye. Blowing her off, I walked into the kitchen and made coffee for myself with chocolate soy milk.
"Morning," says Mom as I watch her going into the fridge and grabbing a half gallon of orange juice and a breakfast bar.
"Out of vodka?" I ask. Mom just ignores my question as she then begins eating her breakfast bar and drinking her orange juice.
"What about you? You starve yourself for reasons I do not even know about," Mom says lecturing me.
"I do not starve myself," I say to her. Mom just glares at me and grabs a banana from the fridge then tosses it over to me.
"Eat this so I know that you have something in your stomach," she says. Looking at her, I groan then grabbing it I peel the banana and as I was eating it, Mom was there watching me closely. Finishing the banana, I throw the peel away, I look into Mom's eyes.
"What makes you so worried over my wellbeing?" I ask her.
"Because I am your Mom and I want what is best for you John," she explains. My eyes widen from those words. That never came into my mind that we were Mother and Son...not in any point of our lives as well as of us living together along with the shitty relationship between us from the moment I was born. we need to have a positive bond, just like any other family relationship and or bond on planet Earth. But seeing Mom's current actions is like drop kicking me into the show "The Twilight Zone." As I finished finishing my cup of coffee, I cleaned up and walked to the kitchen door.
"John," Mom says. Turning around and looking at her, Mom smiles.
"Yeah," I say. Mom walks over to me and wraps her arms around me, and tears formed from her eyes. After all of these years, she never once showed pain like this before.
"One day, you will know why I had given you your name John, one day," Mom says then parts away from me and walks away. Mom, whatever it is that you are hiding, I just hope it is nothing terrible.
Opening my eyes, I see myself in bed and in the dark. What happened? Last thing I remember was that Mom was trying to be nice to me, well John it was just a dream… one of the rarest extremely pleasant dreams that I have ever had. Turning to the side and closing my eyes and ending up falling back to sleep.
Sitting by my desk, I keep thinking about that dream I had with me and Mom. Then the usual voice like always:
"John, get your ass ready as I am not wasting my time waiting for you," Mom yells out at me.
"Yeah I am getting ready now," I answer back as I slip in a pair of dark gray sandals, a loose pair of jeans and an old band T-shirt and walking out and downstairs, only to find Mom making out with another total stranger.
"Can we just make this dinner date quick?" I ask in irritation. Mom just stops and looks into my eyes with an unexplainable expression on her face.
"I do not give a shit about what you want, just listen for once and eat," Mom says hissing at me as the three of us walked into the kitchen and began to eat the leftovers from the Chinese takeout that we never got to finish from yesterday. As me, Mom and one of her new boyfriends, Scott were eating, Scott places his fork down and looks at me with wonder.
"So, your name happens to be John too, huh? I never would have thought in a million years that your Mother would name you after--" Scott was saying but Mom cuts him off.
"He was not named after his pathetic Father, he left me so he can be free from taking care of John," Mom explains as she glared at me. Now I know what you are thinking--If I were named after my Dad, then how come my own Mom would want to treat me this way because of it? Standing up then cleaning up my plate, I look at both Mom and Scott.
"I need to go Mom," I say then walking away and walking upstairs, but only to find spirits closing in all around me to a point where I might fall down the stairs.
"Get out of the way!" I say hissing in a soft tone of voice, then walking up to my room I can finally relax.
As I sit behind my desk, I start to think about myself and who I am as a person. Twiddling my fingers, I can finally figure out the first few words.
"Hello dear strangers who are reading this journal, my name is Johnathon Haven Stone, but the spirits usually call me "Van Helsing"," Sitting in my room in the middle of the night, I am currently writing in my personal journal hoping that the spirits could give me any information about my Father, but in the end they were still silent about it. But then turning to what I dread most, next week is going to be my final year of high school, oh joy.
"John," says one of the spirits. Turning around, I finally speak to them...in a civilized manner.
"Hey," I say to them. The spirit smiles as he places his hand on my shoulder. I wonder how this spirit understands on how I am feeling at the moment.
"You are one of the very few spirits that are considerate enough by calling me by my real name," I say giving out a chuckle.
"You are Johnathon Haven Stone, you may see us spirits and you may have white hair with red eyes, but you are special to us and you will see how special you are when people know how you feel about what they do to you is wrong," says the spirit then vanishes. Shaking my head, I just do not believe that my classmates will ever understand. Walking to my bed, I crawl underneath the covers then falling into a deep sleep.
Opening my eyes, I look out the window and as the light passing through the window, it sends an intense glare into my eyes. Turning my back against the sunlight, I groan.
"Might as well get up before I become a hermit crab," I say then getting out of bed and getting ready for a new day...of Hell.
"Morning," I say to Mom as I walk over to the counter and pour a cup of coffee for myself and adding chocolate soy milk to it. Mom just stands there drinking vanilla flavored vodka with some biscuits that had butter and cranberry jelly on it.
"Morning," Mom replies as she bites into her biscuit and then takes a gulp of vodka with it. Ignoring that moment. Looking at me, Mom just rolls her eyes.
"Do not even begin to start expecting me to cook for you," says Mom then turns her back on me and goes back to drinking and munching. Finishing the last sip of my coffee I clean up and grab the keys.
"I am going out, call me if you need anything," I say to Mom then walking outside and getting into the truck, and started driving to the grocery store, looking for enough hope that this can be the start of a new day.
Driving down the road, I see cop cars by a local cemetery and an ambulance. I am just assuming victims that died over here, whatever, I do not care as long as I do not get dragged into any part in this.
"Your soul will be in my hands Van Helsing!" shouts out by an unknown voice. Slowing the truck down,
"John, I know the things that annoy you most, you just need to be the grownup in these situations and just walk away," I say to myself. But sometimes it can be difficult at times when it comes down to being harassed by these irritating spirits, classmates and teachers from school and family who treated me different from mainstream society because of my appearance and speaking to things from the other side. Parking the truck, I get out and grab a wagon and then walking inside the store.
As I walk through the aisles and getting this week's grocery shopping over and done with, I find myself being harassed by spirits...once again. Looking around, I find the culprit right in sight.
"What do you want?" I hissed in a whispered tone of voice so that no one can see me and think that I am talking to myself. The spirit just stood there in silence and smiles.
"You will find out in your future dear John, you will find out soon enough," says the spirit then vanishes.
"There will be things that are never going to change…and what I just encountered happens to be one of them," I say to myself as I went to the cashier, who seems nice. She had half yellow and half green hair with a spiky haircut and has several piercings on her. I start unloading my things onto the counter. As I wait for the cashier with getting the things into the grocery bags, she then looks up and smiles sad.
"You seem like you have got something on your mind, would it be okay to talk about it?" asks the cashier.
"I am dreading about next week; this is going to be my final year of high school and I do not even enjoy school, I get picked on by them and it is not any better at home," I say to her.
"Well, let us just have hope for you to have a good future, not just for school, but for life as well," she says then the one thing that caught my attention were these words.
"Remember kid, even though you feel miserable right now, there will come a time when you find hope at the end of the tunnel and no matter what happens, good or bad, there will be people who will have your back in the ring of fire,"
Driving back home, if you can call it home...better word for it would be a room for rent since I do not have positive relations between me and Mom.
"Your Mother has your interest at heart John, do not forget it," says a voice that appears right next to me. Taking a quick look at him before directing my eyes back to the road again, he has deep hazel brown eyes, pale skin, natural red hair and wearing jeans with a white T-shirt that has a large black bird spreading its wings on it.
"I watch over you John, your Mom has moved on from losing your Father and you need to move on too," the guy says. As he says those words, I just feel the pain overwhelming my heart.
"How can I? I never knew him, and Mom says he left us behind before he died," I say crying. The guy sighs then patted me on the shoulder.
"She is wrong, your Father loves you and your Mother as well, even at the very end of his life," the guy says then smiles at me.
"I have to go John, but do not forget that you are never alone as we are all here for you and there is hope waiting for you at the end of the tunnel, we have your back in the ring of fire," the guy says then fades away.
"Wait!" I say in distress. Taking a breath to calm down, I then wipe the tears from my eyes and I just directing my eyes back onto the road once again.
Walking inside the house with the grocery bags and placing them on the counter. Looking at the counter, I find the same old note that Mom usually leaves.
"I am just done with this bullshit with what she pulls," I say to myself in irritation then getting ready to organize everything.
As I get dinner fully finished, I see Mom walking into the house then sitting down at the kitchen table.
"What is for dinner?" Mom asks groaning from another hangover. Her dark brown eyes were bloodshot, and she was barely able to keep a straight posture.
"Mom, I will give you a small bit of dinner later on, but you need to sleep until you are well enough to eat," I say to her. Mom just looks at me and nods.
"Fine, I will just go to sleep then," she says. Getting her off the chair and helping her upstairs. To be honest, I get scared for her safety and I do not care about the bullying I just want to work towards getting her to quit drinking and everything else. Opening the door, I get her to the bed and getting Mom underneath the blankets and then looking into her eyes.
"Night Mom," I say to her. As I turn around, I feel her taking my hand and a single tear fell from her eyes.
"I love you," was all Mom says before passing out. Then the pain hit me against my heart. Those three words never passed through her lips. Turning around and leaving with pain in the very depths of my heart. I still wonder why the sudden change on how she feels about me.
Walking into my room, I go straight to my desk and then sitting down.
"Those words, how on earth could this change? The relationship that me and Mom have...is there true love that she feels for me?" I ask myself.
"You will be surprised by the people that walk among you in your life in the here and now," says a spirit. Turning around I see a young woman standing there. I see her long wavy blonde hair, fair skin tone and the energy around her pulsated from within me like a quick heartbeat every moment it gets deeper and faster, this was no ordinary spirit.
"Who are you?" I ask. The woman then smiles warm.
"I am what you need John, I am the hope that you need and no matter what happens, I will always be here for you," says the woman then fades away. Hope...I just cannot understand why they want hope in the darkest of moments of pain and sorrows in life, yet they still have enough strength to fight against their lives most terrifying demons as well as to fight to gain happiness as well as to have hope. Standing up, I take my shoes off and getting ready for another night's worth of Hell of what I am pretty used to; Demons, harassing spirits and nightmares that make me want to be saved...If anyone does care. Getting into the covers, closing my eyes, then falling asleep.
"John!" screams out a voice. Opening my eyes, I see Ghost once again. Getting into a sitting position, I try to calm myself down and try to not cry out in fright. This cannot be happening! Ghost then begins to walk towards me. My mind is racing, my soul is trying to find a boulder to hide under, my body begins to shake uncontrollably and my heartbeat quickens more and more of every second of the many minutes as I see Ghost walking closer to me. The fear is getting close enough to blast out of my mouth in utter agony and terror when all of a sudden there was a shooting ray of light and causing me to—Opening my eyes and only to see no one. The fear was gone, but how come ghost's energy is still here? Turning to my side, I look out of the window and I see the full moon.
"Dear John, I promise that I will keep a much closer eye on you," a woman's voice says in a soft tone.
"How come Ghost's energy is still here?" I ask still feeling scared.
"Yes John, he is still close by, but he knows that he cannot cross me…he knows me well enough when I am here in this plane," she explains. All I can do is smile…
"Thanks, but one question," I say.
"Who are you?" I ask. The woman laughs a bit.
"I am beyond what you see as a deity, I am the Mother of creation; the source that which the Goddess and God as well as Ghost has been lived, died and reborn from, in the end there are things that you must be careful John, even though I cannot tell you what is to be in your future, but I can simply say that you will be safe in the end," okay, what is she talking about?
"What are you talking about?" I ask in confusion.
"Ghost maybe stalking you at the present moment, but there is something else that has been lingering in your many lives," she says. My heart gets hit again with fear.
"You do not need to fear as we keep a close eye on anyone who wishes harm onto your Mother and yourself, my dear child John, but the one thing that we cannot control is him going into your dreams, but tonight was different," the Mother of creation says. What is she talking about?
"This could have been a physical attack, but with Hope's help, I am now here with you and will keep a better eye on Ghost next time this type of event happens again,"
"This may sound odd to ask, but what do you want me to call you?" I ask.
"That is something you will need to figure out, my real name will come to you when the time is right," the Mother of creation says then her voice cuts off by midnight's silence. Smiling to myself, I finally realize one thing; Love can work in mysterious ways.
"Goodnight, my friends,"
Waking up from the incident with Ghost last night was like a hangover for me.
Another day of walking into the kitchen, I see Mom making eggs.
"Huh," I say without thinking. Mom then turns around and groans.
"I can cook you know; I just hate doing it," she says as she was just about to finish cooking the eggs. Looking back at me I saw a small smile on her face.
"If you want John, I will make you pancakes?" Mom asks. Smiling at the thought of eating with Mom was something that I never thought could happen. Smiling at her, I nod.
"Yeah, sure,"