Dreams: The life of your subconscious and a world that guides you into what needs to be changed and what needs to be fixed, who knows about me with what my dreams--wait, more like nightmares. The nightmares that have monsters stalking me in my sleep and when I am awake, I deal with isolation by the hands of family and school, then comes the plus, my appearance. My appearance that people frown upon is with my red eyes, pale white skin and white hair along with the ability to see and speak to the spirits--and as well as monsters that wish to torment me from the other side until I myself die. But what will happen after my death? Once in a while when these spirits from the other side contact me, they do bring up the name Mom had given me and not the name "Van Helsing,"
"Johnny, you wanna play?" a girl asks, shouting out in a wicked laughter. Great! Another demon banshee keeping me up. Looking at my digital clock, it is 3:45 in the morning and yet I am still up and staring all around the room. There are not too many spirits here tonight, something is up with that. Though I guess it is a blessing from above, I am just not used to getting the space that I have been longing to receive.
"I should be grateful that the room is not crowded tonight," I say to myself in a whisper, then my foot jumps into my mouth--
"I am coming for you and your soul Johnny!" the masked stranger shouts. Opening my eyes, I see nothing. Getting up and walking into the bathroom and I look into my reflection.
"Well I guess my reflection is not that scared of me," I say to myself. As I keep on looking into the mirror, the power turns off and a hand creeps upon my shoulder. I turn around, but what I see was nothing but darkness.
"May the Goddess bring light back into this damn house," I pray alone in the bathroom.
"Do not forget John, you will be dead by the hour that strikes twelve," the masked stranger whispers as if his lips were against my ears. Fortunately, the light turns back on and as soon as I was about to turn around to say goodbye to my reflection, fear begins to stab me in the heart. The masked man then reveals himself and then--
Opening my eyes and crying out loud in agonizing fright, I see my bedroom door open and Mom comes rushing in. sitting next to me as I lay in bed, Mom places her hand on the top of my head.
"What happened John, was it that masked man again?" Mom asks in concern. I wiped the tears away and I nod. The thoughts of how she is been treating me for the past eighteen years did not show up, I love Mom and I just want us to be there for each other. Mom leans forward and then kisses me on the forehead.
"You will be okay as long as me and the spirits are around," Mom says then stands up and reaches out for my hand.
"Let us talk in the kitchen," Mom says smiling.
Sitting in the kitchen, me and Mom talk about my problems.
"I never knew about Randy with smoking pot with his sports friends, what about Randy's Father?" Mom asks. I just shake my head.
"Apparently, he lets Randy get away with murder, everyone in school hates me, even most of my teachers hate me,"
"Kate," a voice says from behind me said. As soon as I turn around, everything went to pure darkness. Opening my eyes, I am unable to remember how I was able to calm down from the previous nightmare from before.
"Must be some higher power wanting me to keep me from reliving it," I say to myself as I then turned to my side, I start to think happy thoughts then I fell asleep.
School was like any other day. Being picked on and teachers pointing to the door, since they do not want to teach jack to me. As I walk to the truck, one of the cheerleaders came walking over to me.
"Hey Johnathon, I heard from Mr. Forbes that you can see and speak to things from the other side. Can you do a reading for me? I will pay you--"
"I do not charge things like that, all I can say is that your Grandmother has been watching over you and your Mother, she is worried about your drunk Mom, she does not want you to get involved just respect it," I explain. The cheerleader gasps in shock.
"My Granny, I was given things that my Mom wanted for herself, I will make sure to keep my Grandma's things away from her," she says then turns around and begins to walk away but then stops and turns around then looks at me with a small smile on her face. The first smile that I had ever gotten from my classmates.
"I know a girl who watches over you John, look find hope and you will know the true meaning of what your desires really are," the cheerleader says then turns back and meets up with her friends from the cheerleading squad. Smiling about how I was able to help someone and being thanked for and that they were not calling me names or thinking about hitting me. I am just in utter shock.
Driving back home, I see a sign on the side of the road.
"Support in finding a cure for heart disease, have hope," says the sign. Maybe there's hope, I guess I will probably find it someday in the future.
Walking into the kitchen, I see Mom with a stranger drinking with her.
"I am not a part of this B.S Mom, just let me get into my room," I say to her, but then shit hits the fan.
"You either eat with us, or I will throw you out for a week," Mom says just using these words, so I do not get out of control and start to act out of control. Like Joseph did back years ago for example.
Sitting in the kitchen with Mom and this new guy that she is currently dating at the moment, Joshua. At least if I remember his name correctly. As you guys already know, I hate eating dinner with Mom and her many boyfriends. There is one reason for it: I would get my ass kicked out of the house and since I do not make enough money to live in any apartment, I live life alone. Mom's boyfriends just give me the creeps. As I keep on looking at Joshua, I can only compare his brains to dead batteries. Mom then turns to my direction and gives me a nasty look on her face. As we were eating, I start to notice spirits popping up without any common courtesy. They always come when I need space as I get stuck with dealing with the bullshit from people of the physical plane. All I want to do was chase them away with Michael Myers' help, so they do not bother me anymore.
"Mom, I need to go and get my homework done, I will talk to you later," I say then cleaning up my plate, then rushing out of the kitchen and up to my room, and as I walk in I hear my phone ringing.
"Who even knows my number besides Mom?" I ask myself. Pulling my phone from out of my pocket, I pick it up.
"Hello?" I ask. All I hear is giggling, who is this nutcase?
"Who are you?" I ask, then the fear stabbing me in the ear.
"Your worst nightmare!" the voice shrieked. Hanging up the phone, I turn it off and I immediately the battery out of the phone then placing it in my desk. As I then sit down to start homework, I hear someone knock on my bedroom door.
"John, can I come in?" Mom asks.
"Yeah," Mom then walks in and looks at me with worry in her eyes.
"I need your phone John," she says. I might as well, I do not call anyone unless I want to know what Mom wants from the takeout place, we go to when she is too lazy to cook.
"Okay, it is in the desk," I tell Mom. Ripping the phone and battery out of my desk, she then leaves and does not make a single ounce of sound. Hmm, I wonder what that was all about.
"Who knows John, but for this moment, let us just get started on homework," I tell myself as I pull my things out of my bag and start with my weakest subject; Chemistry.
Getting into my bed after homework and having to give my "Goodbyes" to Joshua, I close my eyes, I finally fall asleep.
"Van Helsing," Someone calls out. Opening my eyes, I can tell it is the other nightmares other than the ones with Ghost. I see myself in the middle of the wooded area with light like the Heaven's gates were open and the light falling upon the Earthly plane. As I keep on watching Vlad fighting against Van Helsing. I already know how it is going to end, because what I know is that it is like watching a movie that you have seen several times and all you could do was ruin your friends life because it was their first time watching it. Somethings will never change with Vlad and Van Helsing.
"Die, monster!" Van Helsing screams out as he then stabs Vlad in the gut. Standing there for a silent moment, Van Helsing collapses and looks up at Vlad.
"Oh, poor Father Van Helsing, what are we going to do with you?" says Vlad with a glint of his fangs as it is revealed through a wicked smile. Vlad then takes Van Helsing's Hand by force and bites into it.
"You monster, I will die before you turn me into a monster like yourself!" Van Helsing shouts. Vlad then pats from Van Helsing's arm and wipes the blood off of his mouth.
"This bite mark will be bringing a surprise someday if and when you are ever reborn remember this," Vlad says then pulls up his sleeve and revealing an eight-pointed star on his wrist.
"The mark I gave to you will keep you from defeating me, you will find out the reason why someday," says Vlad then stands up and seeing him walk away and into the shadows of the wood.
"There all lies! I will defeat you, one day, Vlad Tepes!" Van Helsing shouts. But in the end Vlad was right, there is no chance of defeating him, but there are two questions that need to be answered. How come the bite mark keeps Van Helsing from defeating Vlad? And why is Vlad saying that there is a chance of Van Helsing being reborn onto Earth? Opening my eyes and sitting up, I see it is 5:50 in the morning.
"Might as well beat Mom in getting ready and getting to school on time," I say to myself.
Driving and parking in the school parking lot, I jumped out and within not even five minutes of walking towards the school building--
"Hey John!" Randy howls like a wolf who this very moment has enough balls to raise out his personal stash of pot that he usually hides in his pocket, so he does not get caught buying, selling, and smoking it. I groan loudly and walk through the crowd, but then finding myself looking at a crime scene. The police taking pieces of what looks like to be a human body. The people, then shoving the remains into a black bag and carrying it outside and into the ambulance that was right outside the school building parking lot. As I keep on looking at it and giving this a close look from a distance at the crime scene, one of the cops made a turn towards my direction and his eyes are unexplainable. Who is this guy?...
"What the Hell is going on over here?" I ask myself, then Fate who happens to be one of Randy's girlfriends, walks over to me and patted me on the shoulder.
"It is no surprise that you can see me," she said then walked around me and pokes me on my forehead.
"And FYI, I am not Fate if you must know," the girl says then walks away from me. As I look a bit closer at where the bloodstains are, I feel that this is something that at one point or another that I have seen at one point of time. Something that I have not seen each other for so long ago, wait! Why am I saying something like this? Shaking my head of these thoughts then heading towards the direction to my class, but then there came a screeching voice right by my ear.
"We will fight Johnny, and my destiny is to defeat you Johnathon, it is going to be my one dream come true, once I slaughter you and the people that want to protect you, do not forget these words, I will kill you!" The Strange voice shrieks. Stopping at a halt, I take a long, deep breath to try and calm myself down without people noticing me being shaken up from that voice shouting towards me.
"Just for once in this Hell of a life, cannot these bastards just shut up?" I think to myself as I then began to walk on my way to class once again.
Walking into my room after another night of work, I plop onto my bed and I stared up at the ceiling. If I could, I would just disappear and never come back to earth.
"You sure are stubborn now aren't you eh, Johnny?" Sitting up, I look all around the room. There was nobody here. But what I had then noticed was that there was a card on my desk. Walking over and looking at it, I then open it up, only to find a letter but with blood stains on it.
"What the…" I say to myself as I began to read it.
"Dear John,
Here in this letter, I have assumed that you are already able to see and speak to the dead. I am only writing this letter to let you know that I will be coming into your life once again to finish the job and for us to fight as what destiny has planned on for the final fight between us. I shall speak to you again soon once I see you six feet under.
Yours truly,
The masked stranger."
After reading this letter, I place it down.
"I can only assume that other demons are now after me and able to come through and send physical items now, but right now I just need to focus on keeping him from meeting me face to face, but how was he able to after years of tormenting me along with the other nightmares with Van Helsing and Vlad Tepes?" Shaking my head, I then turn around and lay back down again.
"Goodnight John, may you have pleasant dreams," I say to myself then closing my eyes, then falling into a deep sleep.
Darkness: Who would have thought that it is the only thing that could have brought peace into my mind?
"Someone help me!" Mom screams. Getting up and running out of my room, and into the kitchen looking in every direction, I see nothing but a broken glass bottle of vodka on the floor and spreading into a pool.
"Mom, where are you?" I call out. But not one ounce of sound came within my reach. Turning around, I find myself seeing Vlad staring back at me. Vlad smiled and walked over to me then wraps his arms around me.
"All things will end well, because my dear child, there is hope, and that hope will give you the ultimate victory in saving the cosmos," Vlad says.
"Why does everyone and everything say to have hope? I never had hope before and I do not think I ever will," I say.
"Because you have not seen or experienced the magick of hope yet, you will know when that time and day comes along John," says Vlad and then starts to fade away.
"But Vlad, how can I trust what you are saying? You kill innocent humans as the most powerful vampire in history!" I yell out.
"You need to trust yourself in order to trust in other people that surround you, remember it," says Vlad then everything turns to darkness. Blinking my eyes once again, to only find myself alone, in my bedroom and in bed. Turning around, it is 3:45 in the morning, sitting up and getting into the bathroom, then turning on the light and looking into the reflection in my mirror, and seeing what I look like. But it was the complete opposite, I saw a young woman. Her golden blonde hair, dazzling blue eyes, fair skinned and had the aura of an angel.
"Believe in yourself so in the end you can believe in other people that surround you. I have faith in you John," says the young woman then vanishes. Seeing my real reflection once again. My snow-white hair, blood red eyes, deathly pale skin, and the ability to see things from the other side. What do you call a person with these things about them? I would never have a problem with it. But I am the ultimate exception to this subject. I am seen as a freak and a devil worshipping monster that does not do jack about being part of the mainstream society in this life. Then turning off the bathroom light, walking to my bed and then crawling underneath the covers, I slowly fell back asleep and hoping that some higher power will keep me from waking up to another horrifying nightmare like this one...for at least until tomorrow.
As I walk out of the school building, I bumped into a stranger that looks familiar. She has golden blonde hair, fair skin tone, her clothing was stained with paint and her eyes had said it all: Both her soul and my own soul was at a loss of words to speak of. Something about her made me drawn to her, like on a spiritual level. All I can do is shake my head and went back to walking to my truck. Whoever she is, I am most likely just overthinking things, because right now I just want to live life, even though my life sucks at the moment. Right before I jump into the truck, I decided to look up. The clear aqua colored sky. If the Goddess that flies in the heavens that could be my Mother, maybe I would not look like the devil himself.
"Okay enough John, stop daydreaming about the impossible and just drive back home...if that is what it could be called," I say to myself as I jump in, then starting up the truck and driving out of the parking lot and getting on my way out of here.
Driving back home, if that is what you can call it, I guess you can call it that in some sense...Maybe if I just prayed to this "Almighty God" to give me a good life and a loving family, then how come God gave me Hell on a stick? I then start thinking back in the past before people all around me began picking on me for seeing spirits for the very first time...
Flashback Begins:
"Van Helsing," Says a voice. I open my eyes and I start to see people walking all over my room. What is going on?
"What are you people?" I ask wondering about how I am not screaming in fear and turning on the lights to just ignore these things that are in my room. The person that calls me Van Helsing, he was wearing armor from what looks like to be fourteen hundreds, he has a rugged beard with dirt on his face as well. He smiles and then pats me on my shoulder.
"You will be okay, dear Father, as long as I am around," he says. then everyone that includes himself vanishes. It is frightening to know that these things that showed up, what am I? Then looking up at the ceiling and closing my eyes, I start wondering about my future. What was that guy and why did he call me Van Helsing? As I close my eyes and right before falling asleep, I heard a girl's voice.
"I promise to protect you John, just look for hope, in the end of this fight that is in your future, I know you will be okay John, Hope is by your side,"
Flashback ends:
As I keep driving back home and remembering what had happened back during those years ago, spirits--more like demons that torment me every single second of my existence. suddenly they then start screaming right into my ear.
"We will kill you, Van Helsing!" One of the spirits shrieks out. Slowing down, I looked around and yet I do not see any spirits, but to no surprise was the fact that I am being called 'Van Helsing.' once again. Who is this guy?
Walking into the kitchen, Mom is on the phone with the Chinese takeout menu in her hands. Looking into my direction, I can see something that was a surprise; Mom being in a good mood. Most likely one of her boyfriends is on their way to chat with her. All Mom did was shake her head and got ready for my turn to get something for me to eat.
As I kept on watching Mom on the phone ordering Chinese food, I started wondering about my destiny with what God has planned out for me.
"John, what do you want?" asks Mom, who was tapping her high heels in impatience with me not speaking one word.
"Egg drop soup." I answer.
Walking into my room after eating dinner with Mom and her newest boyfriend, Ray if I remember his name correctly as there is too many to count with who she goes out with.
"Time to get working on that homework John," I say to myself as I walk to my desk and pulled out my books and then looking through them to see what to start with.
As I was putting my schoolbooks and materials back into my bag, a sheet of paper fell from one of my books.
"I wonder what this," I say to myself. Picking it up from the floor, I begin to read it.
"Students,
Here in this letter, we are to inform you that we're holding a benefit for fighting to find a cure for heart disease and this benefit will have students from this school and all other schools as well to compete with one another in an art competition. Whichever school wins the most points the student's art will be donated and the money will go directly to the funds.
Sincerely,
Principal Mr. Taylor Forbes."
After reading the letter, I place it into my desk.
"I wonder why people are always fighting for something that does not exist," I say to myself.
"That is because you are in a blinding nightmare," says a voice. Turning around, I see a young man that looked to be in his late teens to early twenties. He was wearing a black hoodie and a pair of dark gray slacks. His black hair in a buzzcut and blue eyes were something that made me wonder about if I am either seeing a spirit or I am just insane.
"Who are you?" I ask.
"My name is a secret, but you will find out soon," says the young man.
"Well then what do you mean by a "Blinding Nightmare,"? Can you at least explain that to me?" I ask. The young man smiles and then walks over to me and pats me on the head.
"The enemy at hand is trying to keep you from finding hope, although he is starting to lose his touch since the ball, which is the fight against him is already rolling, you will be okay John, I promise you on my life," says the young man then disappears. Getting up and lying in bed, I close my eyes and darkness then takes over.
Waking up from the sounds of spirits talking, their voices sounded like they were nails on a chalkboard. I just want to strangle them to death--No wait, they are already dead. Looking at them closely, I just want this to end. To disappear and never come back.
"Dear God, why have you abandoned me? Are you putting me in this life for your enjoyment to seeing me being surrounded by hatred, judgement, ignorance and isolation?" I ask in an empty room with me and the spirits that were surrounding me. But then I heard a loud voice coming from close by.
"I will be coming for your life, Van Helsing!" a voice shouts. Opening my eyes, I saw nothing but shadows passing back and forth from my bedroom window. I hate shadows, they scare the shit out of me, and it fills my heart and mind with fright.
"Okay, John do not let these things get to you, you are way stronger than these monsters," I say to myself.
"Oh, yes I forgot my dear Johnny, you are just a weak and timid human!" the voice says as a pair of blood red eyes came drawing in from the pitch black shadows that were across the room from me.
"What are you? What do you want?" I ask in a shaky voice.
"You will have to fight me in order to figure that out my dear child," says the voice.
"John, wake the Hell up!" says Mom from outside my room. Cracking one eye open, I see it is 6:00 in the morning.
"I am already up," I say calling out to Mom. Getting up I walked over to the desk and finding my assignment that I had not worked on that much for the past week. Looking at what I had written so far in it, it is simple and much more straightforward.
"Johnathon Haven Stone: The black sheep of the Stone family, you are probably wondering why I am using the term "Black sheep" now aren't you? It is quite simple as my two older brothers are priests now and following the name of God as what my Mother dreamed for all three of us to be, but because I was not interested in becoming a priest like them, aside from that I am different looking and am a psychic medium as well, so I decided to not train for that job, for those personal reasons, my only Mom will not treat me as a child of her own--"
"John, just get ready quickly before you end up in school late," says Mom. Ugh, I just wish it were a Saturday, it does not matter at all in the end. Putting my paper back into my desk, I go into the closet and I grab whatever I could find that was clean.
I walk into the bathroom and I take a good, long look in the mirror. Looking at what I am used to seeing. As I looked into my reflection, I see who and what I am. Then running my fingers through my white hair, I pondered within my mind. Whatever this "God" has in store for me, I just hope that for my own sake, that I can make it through this bloody Hell of a life.
Pulling into the school building parking lot, I jump out of the truck and start walking towards the school building where the captain of the cheerleading squad calls me out.
"Hey Randy, look who's back again!" Calls out Trish. Looking at her direction as I hear the sports jocks laughing their asses off, I groan and went back on walking. I guess even though I do not pay much attention to these words that are thrown at me, in the end in some way it does hurt me deep down inside knowing that God has never done jack about my life. All my life, they say that God has our lives planned out like he knows our destiny. It is something that I have no belief in, like if this "Almighty God" did make the destiny that I was born to live in. All of the people that are telling me that God is helping me by leading me to my path of love and peace, then why do I still get picked on at school and at home?
Sitting down in my first class of the day, Mrs. Judy is handing out the tests that she graded from what we took last week. Walking over to me, Mrs. Judy smiled.
"Just like always, you did a great job on another test," Mrs. Judy says as she gave me back my test. She is the only teacher that does not give me nasty looks on their face. I guess God is not always that hard on me. Just do not jinx it John, or it will end up kicking you in the ass.
Walking back inside the house, I find another note on the kitchen table.
"I am done reading this crap," I say to myself as I throw out of note and walk out of the kitchen and upstairs to my bedroom. I know that it was fate that has me left in a corner where the troublemakers usually have to go to when they are being punished. But yes, my life sucks, I just give up. I just give up on making friends, trying to be positive. God maybe God, but he is not my hero. Not in the lives that I have lived, the life I am living in now and the lives that I will be living in the future.
Walking into my room and just like any other day of my life, spirits started following me and staring at me with the same expression that they give me when they call me "Van Helsing". Looking at them, I finally snap.
"Go the fuck away!" I snap at all of the spirits that were in an ears distance and only stood there in silence.
"We are only here to help you through this war, Van Hel--"
"I am done being called by that name, I am not this 'Van Helsing' guy, my name is Johnathon Haven Stone, I was born human aside from the deathly pale skin, red eyes and white hair, I would like it if you people would just give me some God damned space!" I demand in pure rage and finally done with keeping this patience. Then after a few moments, they vanish. I know that it is not going to keep them from entering into my life again. I just need to learn how to cope with it.
"Get yourself together, John you just need to get it together," I say to myself as I then stretched my body and then got ready for homework.
Listening to my Mom's laughter from talking to Joseph, my oldest Brother, it feels like I should have become a priest so Mom could talk to me and not isolate me in the here and now.
"Okay Son, I will talk to you again soon, I love you too," Mom says then hangs up the phone and things became quiet. I cannot understand why I am the only one in this family that is different from the mainstream society. Something is will never be answered, unless God is in a good enough mood to talk to me and not send bullies out to torture me with words and a Mom that seems to think that it works well when I am at home as well.
All four walls are pasted with spirits and it is causing madness to fill up to the top from within my mind. Finding myself thinking back about that armored man that had said about how he will always be there for me. Maybe it was just all lies. I am alone and there is no hope.
"That is absolutely not true John," says a voice. Turning away from my desk, I see that same girl from school.
"Who are you?" I ask. The girl smiles warmly.
"Well, I am what you call an angel of hope," she answers.
"John, you need to know something that no one has ever told you," the girl says then walks over to me and places her hand on the top of my head.
"What would that be?" I ask.
"I cannot say much about your future, but there are people who want what is best for you and until then you must have two things: Patience and hope,"
"How can there be hope? You were never in my shoes so how can I take a chance!" I say to her.
"There is always hope silly! Even in the darkest of night, these stars that fly across and throughout in the heavens and shines light within our minds and hearts, John, I believe in you and I see potential in you, and love will never leave you as love never dies, just like with hope," she says then starts to fade away.
"Wait! Can you tell me what your name is?" I ask.
"You will know as fate guides you through the darkest of your problems and your life being brought back out and into the light once again,"
"I will be here for you John, if you ever want to talk to anyone from the other side, just ask for hope," the girl says then disappears. Sitting in my chair at my desk in silence, I felt tears trickling from my blood red eyes and looked down at my hands. This may be hard for me to say, but this girl might be right and might be the savior of my life.
"Let us go to bed John so we can hope that things will get better,"
Waking up with motivation and hope I can finally feel excited for a new day at school, waking up and going into the closet, I pick out my Nickelback band T-shirt, loose jeans and acid black and white sneakers, I got dressed and walking downstairs and walking into the kitchen, where I see Mom eating toast with cranberry jelly on it.
"I am assuming you want to bring joy by leaving sooner than usual?" Mom asks. I shake my head.
"No, in fact, I am not letting you bring me another day of Hell, I am going to school and I am going to look for Hope," I say to her. Mom's eyes widened in shock then turning around, I open the back door, jumping into the truck and leaving the house. After last night's message from that girl, I am going to try and take it one step at a time.
As I drive into the parking lot, I jump out and walk in the building, passing by my bullies that say that they cannot stand looking at me. But in the end, I could care less in their problems when it comes to me. Let them yell, let them scream and shout as I am done with their bullshit, so walking in English class, I walk in with pride. People may not notice my new lifestyle. But yes, I now know my path is in the light and my fate is going fight to find hope…
Walking down the hall for second period, I bump into that same girl again. This time she says something to me.
"I am sorry, I was not paying much attention," says the girl.
"Nah, it is okay. I do not pay much attention either, even though I see--" I explain but I then stop at a halt. I cannot tell her that I see dead people, she will think that I am a freak too and run for the hills. She tilts her head in confusion and then laughs softly.
"Well I need to go, I cannot be late for World History class again, take it easy," she says then rushes off. That was the first talk that I have ever had that did not make me want to hide underneath a rock.
"Okay John, we will be okay as long as hope is by our side,"