We ate dinner in silence at the restaurant that Faby had made a reservation for us.He was staring at me,hard,as if he was deciding whether he could trust me or not.Of course he could trust me with anything.
"You haven't said anything since we got here,"I said as I dug my fork into the spicy grilled chicken. "I don't know where to begin,"he responded after a couple deep breaths.He looked into my eyes and I felt my heart melt away.He was fine as hell and deeply troubled at the same time."You can begin by telling me where you were and why you left,"I said and he stopped eating."You can trust me,"I added. "I know.I just don't know if you'll still like me,"he said."I'd really want you to still like me,"he said and smiled.
"I know I'll still like you,"I assured him. "Wanna take a walk with me outside?"He asked as he rose from his seat.I nodded and he helped me get up from my seat.We held hands as we walked outside where it was a little bit dark and silent.Just the perfect atmosphere for us to kiss.Oh!I was dying to!"Is this a date-date?"I asked. "You want it to be that kind of a date?"He asked. "You don't want it to be that kind of date?"I asked too.Questions questions questions!He stopped walking and I did too.We were facing each other and I planted a kiss on his left cheek.He wrapped his hands around me and I rested my head on his chest. "Don't love me more than you should,"he whispered. "Why?"I whispered a question to him. "You'll get hurt.My world is no place for you,"he said."What do you mean your world?"I asked getting tensed and scared. "I messed up big time love,"he said.Was he at the brim of breaking down? "How bad?"I asked and lifted my head off his chest to look at him. "I should be in prison,"he said and I broke away from his embrace.
"What did you do?"I asked trying so hard to hide the fear inside me. "They were fighting,he was going to kill her.I just wanted to help her.I picked up his gun from the floor and aimed at him but,I shot her instead,"he explained as he broke down. "Calm down Faby.What are you talking about?"I asked,horror evident in my voice. "My mom,I killed her,"he whispered. "Faby,you told me your mom left for Madrid,"I reminded him. "That's the cover up story.My mom is dead.I killed her three years ago,"he put in simple terms. "Holy shit!"I cursed.That was so much to handle.We stood there just looking at each other in silence.What do you say to a guy that has just opened up about his biggest secret? "Say something,the silence is killing me,"he pleaded amidst his tears. "I don't know what to say.I need time to think it over,"I said. "Wow!And you wonder why I left.You can't handle it now,you couldn't handle it then,"he said as he dried his tears with his thumb. "Can we not do this?"I spoke. "Sure.Goodnight Eva,"he said and walked away.I entered the nearest bar with the intention of drinking my emotions and sorrows away.
"What will you have miss?"The bartender walked over to me as soon as I sat down. "Anything stronger than whiskey,"I said.He returned later with a bottle of white Bacardi rum,a glass and ice cubes."Enjoy your drink,"he said and left to attend to others that wanted to get drunk like me. I poured some Bacardi into my glass and gulped it down my throat.It was really strong."So much for enjoy your drink huh,"I thought out loud hoping no one drunk alcohol for fun.It tasted awful! One bottle of Bacardi later,I just wanted to go home but I was too drunk to move.Faby had just abandoned me.Twenty seven missed calls?Someone was blowing up my phone and it just had to be Carlos.What time was it?Ooh!Midnight! "Need help?"I heard a familiar voice right behind me.Sid,the drug dealer. "Are you drunk?"I asked him. "No,"he replied. "Good,because you are driving me home sweetheart,"I said and patted him gently on the shoulder as I struggled to stand on both feet. He took my left arm and guided it over his shoulder.His went around my waist and we got out of the bar."Got more hard stuff left?I know you were making a delivery,"I said to him as he helped me into the car."You are drunk,I'm not selling anything to you right now,"he said. "You should quit,"he added. "Isn't that bad for your business?"I asked as he started the car."Trust me,I'd rather go out of business than see you ruin your life.You are better than that Eva,"he said and everything went silent.The next time he spoke to me we were outside my house. "Thank you,"I said and got out of his car.He was a friend.My friend.I had not realized it yet. I took off my shoes before entering the house because I didn't want to make any noise.I found my mom,dad and Carlos in the living room all waiting for me."You're getting home right now?And you are drunk?"My mom asked.I just stared at them saying nothing."I don't remember telling anyone to wait up for me,"I said minutes later. "We were worried about you Eva,that's all,"Carlos. "That's beautiful Carlos,"I said. "Y'all can go to bed now.I'm home safe and sound,"I dismissed them. "Eva this is my house!As long as you are under my roof,you live by my rules.You know you just can't just come here at midnight like you please,"Xavi said. "I know it's your house Xavi.So tell me,when are you kicking my mom and I out?Or maybe you got some other kid somewhere that I don't know about yet?"I fired back at my father. "Eva..."Xavi started. "No,I'm not done.Perhaps everyone should just be honest with me.Stop keeping secrets from me in the name of protecting me.I don't want to be protected if it means living a lie.Mum,you can start by telling me who my dad is,"I cut Xavi short.Everyone went silent and I knew if I kept speaking I would hurt some more souls.I didn't want to do that.I didn't want to hurt Carlos. "Have a goodnight everyone,"I said my parting words and climbed the stairs in my drunken state.
What a day!And if there was one thing I made peace with that day,was the fact that I needed help.Professional help.I was battling so many emotions deep inside and I was losing it.
Then there was the drug thing too.I needed help with that too.God,I was a mess!