"I found you a therapist!"My nanny announced as I was finishing up my dinner.Dining solo was so boring by the way.What a broken family! She dropped a card with the therapist's information at the table,next to me. "A lady?She's pretty,"I said as I took a napkin to wipe the corners of my mouth before dumping it on the table.
"You wanted a male one?"She asked. "Yeah,one I could bang during my free time,"I said and she rolled her eyes. "Make it work kiddo.You start tomorrow,"she said as she walked away. "Okay mum,"I teased her as she disappeared into her room. I went to my room too.What a long day it had been!A girl needed to rest.I popped a few opiod pills,not to get high but to take care of my withdrawals.They didn't get me high anymore.I wasn't sleepy yet so I just threw myself on the bed to think about things that I didn't want to think about.Carlos said it was good to let myself feel things. I didn't really believe that but maybe he was right.I trusted him.We were friends. And speaking of Carlos,I thought I heard him unlocking his door.I found myself rushing to open mine,glance at his face one more time before going to bed.
"Hi!I didn't know you work out too,"I said as soon as I saw him looking all sweaty,messed up hair,in a gym outfit and with his usual beautiful smile.Did I mention his hazy eyes? "What is it Eva?"He asked.Was I up to something?No,I wasn't. "I was just about to sleep,"I found myself saying instead.Okay,that was weird. "You should rest Carlos,it's been a long day,"I said to him before quickly disappearing into my room and shutting the door behind me.I just felt like I had embarrassed myself before him,again.Twice in a day? A knock at my door.Was that him?"Deep breaths,deep breaths Eva,"my subconscious whispered to me.I opened the door just to find him standing there with a bottle of wine in his hand. "Hey,"he greeted me and an awkward silence followed but I didn't mind.It felt good to just stand there in awkwardness with him. "I was hoping we'd sip this wine together.It's been a long day,"he said.I nodded. "I'd love that,"I agreed to drink with him.
"My room?"He suggested and I nodded. I had never been to his room before,after he moved in.It smelled like him in every way.And like every guy's room,there were clothes all over the couch. "Should I get glasses?''He asked.He was nervous.I could tell from his voice.Did I make him nervous?Was that a good thing? "It tastes better when you drink from the bottle,Carlos,"I whispered as I grabbed the bottle of wine from his hand.I opened it and took a sip then handed it back to him to do the same. He followed my lead and did the same.There was no difference.It was just my excuse to have him drink from the same bottle as me.He knew it too.He liked it.So did I. "I have a better idea,"he said and his face lit with excitement."Do you trust me?"He asked immediately.Usually when someone asks you if you trust them,it's because they are about to do something weird,bad or uncomfortable.Of course I trusted him.Early to say but with my life even. I gave him a nod just before he took a sip of the wine,held it in his mouth,pursed his lips,bowed his head and pointed those lips towards mine.Well thought out Carlos,well thought out.
Our lips brushed and locked.I could feel him breathe so hard yet so close to me.I could taste the wine as it dripped into my mouth,his lips locked with mine.Forget the wine,I wanted to feel those lips against mine.As if he could read my mind,he gently placed the wine on the lamp shade next to us and wrapped his hands around me.I used mine to cup his slightly bearded chin as our tongues fought to find each other.The things his mouth was doing to me,I wanted more.That didn't seem nice.To want more from the guy you were jealous of?The guy that seemed to have many girls falling at his feet?The guy that was about to become CEO of the biggest winery in Mexico?Xavi's son?The guy with the sweetest smile?Too good to be true.A girl with daddy issues and drug issues like me didn't deserve him.I would just ruin it one way or the other.
"Carl,I can't,"I stopped kissing him to whisper that.Why did I always have to ruin the good moments? "I'm sorry.Am I overstepping?Am I misreading signals?"He asked."I thought you wanted this,"he added. "I should go bed,"I said and turned around knowing too well I didn't want to leave. I felt strong arms around my waist.Carlos.He rested his chin on my shoulder even before I could touch the door knob.
"Come on Eva,stop fighting it,"he whispered to my ear. "Let's say I do want to be kissed by you all night.What's in it for you?"I asked him while still enjoying his firm grip around my waist. "I get to make love to you,"he said and I felt goosebumps all over my skin.How did we get here? I was silent for a while,just thinking about his words."Say something Eva,"he spoke again and kissed me a few times on the neck. "Make love?That's a strong word Carl,"I said and broke free from his grip. "The scary part is that I want it too.I just don't want to ruin our friendship,"I explained. "I understand,"he said and I nodded before whispering a thank you. What had happened in Los Angeles was just sex.He was a stranger to me.If it were to happen again it would just complicate things.I didn't want that.
"I'm sorry,"he said. "Stop apologizing,it's okay,"I reassured him.
"More wine?"He asked and I nodded. "Get glasses though,"I recommended.