"Eva,you're late,"The doctor told me once I got to her office.
"I know,I had a situation,"I said to her.She was tall,contrary to what I had imagined."May I?"I asked for her permission to sit in the couch opposite hers.Silence reigned the room for a few minutes. "I'm Dr Renata,I should have introduced myself,sorry,"she said and smiled at me.I smiled back at her,reasurringly. "How does this whole arrangement work?Assuming I can still be saved,"I joked around.
"You are pretty much salvageable.We talk,then I'll write you a prescription,for your withdrawals,"she said and I nodded. "You have to attend all your scheduled therapy sessions,or I won't write any prescriptions,"she said."Got it,"I said.I just wanted to get through that session and buy the prescribed drugs.The tremors and body aches were killing me."One more thing,you can't use hard drugs and your prescribed drugs at the same time.Unless you want to kill yourself,"she said with a flat tone.I dropped in my seat.Fuck therapy!
"So,talk to me,"she switched topics real quick. "Where do I start?"I asked. "Anywhere,"she said. "Xavi tried to send me to rehab.It felt like he was just getting rid of me,"I said.She remained silent to allow me continue with my venting. "Xavi's my dad.Foster father,"I clarified. "What makes you think that he was getting rid of you?"The doctor asked. "He was sending me to Oaxaca.There are so many rehabs here but he was sending me far away.Maybe he didn't want anyone knowing that his daughter has a drug problem,"I explained. "And he also has a son.Another son that I didn't know about until recently.He's making him CEO by the way.At the winery,"I added.So many details at once,huh?
"So many factors in play,"she said as she flushed me a smile.Maybe it was to help me feel better but it didn't work."This new brother of yours,have you met him?"She asked.I nodded. "He lives with us,"I later said. "What's your relationship like?"She inquired further. "It's complicated,"I said and rubbed my nose.Talking about him was making me so nervous."What do you mean by complicated?"She gently questioned.
I had sex with him.Oh!His kisses.He was my friend,or so I thought.He tried to help Xavi send me to rehab.He was about to make CEO while I got the shitty job.Event planning?Xavi,seriously!I was jealous of Carlos.He seemed so flawless in everything he did.I,on the other hand was messed up.To top all that,he was Xavi's favorite.Quite complicated,right?
"I just feel so much towards him.I'm jealous of him.I admire him.I like him.I don't want to have to compete with him.He's always going to win,"I said. "What makes you think he's always going to win?"She asked. "He's good at what he does.It's hard not to like him.I want just that.To like him without feeling jealous of him,"I said and I meant that. "Eva,what are you good at?"She asked me.I didn't have to think so hard.There was one thing I was so good at."Painting,"I said and smiled. "Wow,look at that!"She sounded more excited than I was."Does Carlos know how to paint?"She asked.I shook my head."I don't think so,"I added. "See,everyone is good at something.You should focus on painting instead of comparing yourself to Carlos,"she said.She was right.Even I,had forgotten how great of an artist I was.My paintings were the best.
"When was the last time you painted something?"She asked. "Three years ago.When I started using drugs."I said. "Well,I have a challenge for you,"she started."Whenever you feel like doing drugs,I want you to draw something.Can you do that for me?"She asked.I nodded. "Good,"she said.
I got my prescription after the session and left Dr Renata's office.Therapy wasn't that bad after all.I was happy to have taken that step towards healing.Faby was waiting for me outside but lo and behold!He had company.Carlos and my nanny. "Why is he here?"I glared at my nanny. "Making sure you're okay,"Carlos replied."I know I'm not your favorite person right now.I'm sorry.I shouldn't have tried to make decisions for you.It won't happen again,"Carlos went ahead to say.I just looked at him and shook my head.I was not having it.He was always siding with Xavi.
"I'm fine.You should go home.I'm not going back.I'll stay with Faby for a while,"I said. "Well,Xavi fired me,"my nanny said and my heart dropped."That can't be true,"I sadly spoke.Where would I be without my nanny?Xavi fired my nanny.One more reason to be mad at him. "Is it because of me?"I asked.Guilt was beginning to consume me like a raging inferno. "It's alright.I'd be furious too if someone kept secrets about my daughter from me,"she reassured me.I hugged her so tightly.Ooh,I missed that!They didn't give such hugs in rehab,right?"You can crash at my apartment if you don't have somewhere to stay,"Faby offered."Thanks for offering,but I do have somewhere to stay.You can stay there with me if you don't want to go home.For now,"my nanny said to me.I quickly accepted the offer."I'd love that,"I whispered."We should go,"she announced and Carlos got behind the wheel.Yeah,he was driving. "Hey,I'll see you later.Thank you,"I said to Faby. "Anything for you,"he said before he kissed me on my cheek,near the corner of my mouth.
I got into the car and we drove off.I occupied the co-driver's seat.Every time I looked his way I caught him stealing glances at me.And you wonder why there are so many accidents.Okay,fine,I was also stealing glances and his firm grip on the steering wheel reminded me of the previous night.Things those hands could do...
"Are you alright?"Carlos broke the silence which I had been enjoying.And no,I didn't mind listening to him.His flirty voice was soothing to the soul. "You can say that,"I replied. "You and Faby..."he started.Did I smell a little jealousy?Hell yeah!
"Just friends,"I cut him short just before sighting my nanny put on her earphones.I turned towards the backseat to give her a big eye roll.She was being too dramatic about our conversation. "Do you want to talk about yesterday?"He asked.That was unexpected. "No,"I said. "Why are you always like that?"He asked. "How?"I asked. "Pretending not to care,"he said. "Because I felt used.Last night was nice and thinking about it right now makes it so weird.We almost had sex and next thing I know,I'm being sent to rehab.What was that?You wanted to fuck me one more time?Before I went to rehab?"I asked.
"Eva,no,"he said defensively. "Well,just spare me the games Carlos,"I said. "I told you it's not a game,"he said but I was not having it.I shrugged.
That conversation was far from over.I just wasn't in the mood for it.