As we entered Kedron's room, both Nurse Yin and a doctor were present. The doctor stepped forward, "you must be Kynlee?" I simply nodded and shook the offered hand. "I'm Dr. Armani. Good to see you Dr. Teton. You didn't have to come in the middle of the night though. Tomorrow would have been plenty soon. Shoot, now that Kedron here," Dr. Armani said and stepped to the bedside, "is finally awake, we can proceed with his rehabilitation."
I kissed Kedron's forehead and his eyes popped open. He gritted his teeth around the breathing tube and gazed into my eyes. "I wouldn't like the tube either Kedron, but it's helping you breath." I looked up at Wam for an answer about the tube.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Kedron. I'm Dr. Wam Teton. I've been consulting and took a special interest in your case. I'm a neurosurgeon and happened to be here the day they brought you in."
"I'm so happy you're awake Kedron. I was starting to worry you wouldn't wake up," I admitted as I put my palm on his cheek. I felt Kedron attempting to push against my hand, but the external halo kept him from moving his head.
"Dr. Armani, what have you done so far? Did you explain the communication system to Kedron in case he has things he wants to communicate?"
"Not yet Dr. Teton. We ran vital signs and backed off more on the ventilator support. Kedron is almost breathing on his own at this point."
Wam leaned over Kedron again so he could see him, before he began speaking, "so Kedron, until we can take out the breathing tube, you'll have to use your eyes to communicate. One long blink for 'yes' and two quick blinks for 'no'. Understood?"
Kedron closed his eyes and held them for a bit before opening. "Wam smiled warmly, "yes, just like that Kedron, thanks. Do you know where you are?"
Kedron gave two quick blinks.
"You are in the hospital in Rochester, MN. Do you know why you're here?"
Two quick blinks.
"You went to work 8 days ago and fell head first off a ladder. Unfortunately you seriously injured your cervical vertebrae and spinal cord."
Kedron's eyes went wide and his chest started to rise and fall at a faster rate as the information I gave him sunk in.
"Kedron, it'll be okay. I'm here and you have some of the best doctors in the world looking after you," I said to try to calm him.
Kedron blinked twice and closed his eyes. I hadn't thought about how he would take the news of his accident and injury. I was simply excited he had woken up. Now where do we go from here?
Wam began to speak again, "Kedron, I need to do an exam. Is it okay if Kynlee stays?"
Two short blinks.
"I'm sorry Kynlee, but he would rather you leave for this part," Wam said to me in a calming voice. Wide eyed with shock, I nodded and left the room.
Once in the hall, I could hear murmuring, but couldn't make out what was being said. I covered my face with my hands and cried. I cried for everything Kedron has lost, everything I've lost, and for everything our family has lost. Heck, we
lost our family. Now it was just me and Kedron... and Wam. I cannot forget what Wam told me about wanting to be with me and support me. Oh how I wanted that, even if the idea of losing him scared me. It seems I lose everything I care about, and I'm not sure I can take losing another.
A nurse I hadn't met before approached me and asked if I needed a quiet area. I nodded as I wiped my tears and followed her to the same small consultation room I'd been in the day Kedron was brought in. I needed to pull myself together for Kedron's sake, but instead I sat there and cried for I don't know how long. Finally, the door opened and then closed, startling me out of my pity party. I glanced up just as Wam was taking a seat next to me.
I just sat there, staring at the floor until I heard Wam's voice, "Kynlee, please try not to take it personally. Men are harder to treat after an accident because they don't want anyone to see them as weak. It will take time for Kedron to accept this."
I nodded again, took a deep breath, and felt Wam grab my hand. "So what's the verdict?" Whether I wanted to know or not, I needed to know.
Wam sighed before he explained, "Kedron appears to be paralyzed from the neck down at this point, but seems to have some ability to breath."
I met Wam's gaze and he looked sad. I felt like there was something he wasn't telling me. 'Paralyzed from the neck down'? 'Some ability to breath'? "So what exactly does that mean for the future Wam? I feel like there is something you aren't telling me..." I asked, needing to know the reality.
"We have surgical procedures that may or may not help and rehabilitation may or may not help increase Kedron's level of movement and sensation. We will do our best, but in the end, he may remain quadriplegic. Kedron will likely never walk again and the use of his arms is unlikely, though not out of the question, since Kedron is able to breath some without assistance. My hope is that we can get him off the ventilator and extubate. Time will tell if he is strong enough to remain off the ventilator."
"Wow... that's a lot. Did you inform Kedron of all this?" I asked.
"We actually had to give Kedron something to help him relax after we told him. He became somewhat hysterical and was fighting against the halo brace with his head. I couldn't have him injuring himself further." Wam had regret written all over his face at how poorly the interaction had gone.
"So is Kedron still awake, or will he be out until morning?" I felt like I was full of questions but none of the answers so far had been good except that Kedron was alive. Of course that was a huge plus as far as I'm concerned. I still have my brother.
"He is able to wake up, but will seem like he is tipsy. I gave him Ativan to help him relax and rest. Did you want to say goodbye?" Wam inquired.
I nodded and got up from my chair. I wiped my face and returned to Kedron's ICU room. His eyes were closed, but I saw movement behind his eyes like maybe he was dreaming. I kissed Kedron's cheek and whispered, "I love you K, no matter what." His eyelids flickered but didn't open fully. I'm unsure if he knew it was me because his eyes looked rather unfocused before they closed again.
The ride back to the cabin was silent. I felt numb, and the last thing I wanted to do was continue to talk about my brother's uncertain future. I just wanted, needed to escape from the reality for a while. It was about 3am when we walked back into the cabin. We both removed our shoes and hung our coats. Wam turned toward me and pulled me into an embrace before confessing, "I'm so sorry Kynlee. I wish I could fix Kedron's injuries. Please remember you are not in this situation alone. I plan to see you and Kedron through this." Wam's arms engulfed me and I felt his head resting on the top of my head. In his embrace I felt like everything would be okay. I didn't feel so alone. I'm not sure how long we stood there, holding each other, but neither of us seemed to want to let the other go.
Finally Wam said in a soft voice, "I suppose we should get some more sleep huh? We have a shed to clean today."
Leave it to Wam to bring me back to reality. I responded with a simple, "okay. Thank you for the hug. I needed that." As I pulled back I tried to muster a smile for Wam, but am not sure I pulled it off. I turned toward the steps but turned back and reached my palm up to cup Wam's cheek as I said, "you're a good man Wambleeska Teton. Thank you. Your support means more than you'll ever know."
I climbed the stairs and slipped back into bed. I was so exhausted both emotionally and physically that I didn't use the bathroom or bother setting an alarm. I pulled the covers up to my chin, breathed slowly and deeply, and must have drifted off.
The next thing I remember is waking to the smell of food and the bright sunlight shining through my bedroom window. Mother Nature picks today of all days to be sunny? The last thing I felt was bright and cheery. I growled and pulled the covers back over my head. Unfortunately my bladder was screaming at me for action, and once I'm up, there is no going back to sleep.
Bladder empty, I brushed my teeth and followed the tantalizing smell of food and coffee toward the kitchen. There, moving around the kitchen and plating what looked like French toast and sausages, was Wam. The man can cook? Good to know!
Just then Wam turned around with travel mug in one hand and plate in the other. As he looked up, he gave me a warm smile, "oh, good morning Kynlee. I was going to bring you breakfast, but since your up, is the table okay?"
I couldn't help but return his smile as I answered, "you were going to bring me breakfast? Wam, that's so sweet. Thank you!" I grabbed the plate and travel mug and walked out to the table.
We made small talk as we ate, but Wam very skillfully avoided the elephant in the room as he talked about everything but Kedron. I'd never been so grateful to anyone in my life for trying to distract me from my grim reality. Wam went to stand, but I stopped him with my palm facing toward him, "uh uh. You made breakfast, the least I can do is clean up." I stood and went about doing just that. Keeping busy was another great distraction, but sooner or later I had to face what was our new reality.
When I finished cleaning up the kitchen, I walked back out to the dining room and open living area just as Wam was exiting his bedroom in comfortable clothing. I don't believe I'd seen Wam in jeans and a long sleeve tee shirt before. He looked good enough to eat. Wait! I just had breakfast, what the heck was I thinking? This is Wam, he's off limits. I would do well to remember that and not mess up the only support I currently have.
"So what would you prefer Kynlee, shed or hospital first?" Wam asked with his hands in his Jean pockets.
"I think we should clean the shed first. Once I've been to the hospital, I may not feel like cleaning the shed," I replied.
"Fair enough," Wam nodded.
"Just let me go freshen up quick and then we can get to work?" I raised my eyebrows in question.
"Sounds good Lee, I'll meet you out in the shed." Wam turned on his heel as he was so good at doing, and headed to the entryway to put on tennis shoes and grab a zip up hoodie.
As I sprinted up the stairway, I thought, did he just call me Lee? I like it. No one has ever called me that, but I like it!