Chereads / Kynlee’s Desperation / Chapter 37 - Chapter 36- Who Am I If Not A Doctor?

Chapter 37 - Chapter 36- Who Am I If Not A Doctor?

I was gobsmacked when Lee reached up and kissed me. Initially I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or if this was really happening. When I felt her soft curves against my hard muscles, I thought I'd died and gone to Heaven. In case this was the last kiss I ever got from her, I was going to make it one to remember.

I'm not sure how long we stood there, our lips connected and moving together, completely lost in each other, but eventually we had to come up for air. I rested my forehead against hers with my eyes closed, as I caught my breath. Once my breathing slowed, I pulled back and met her eyes. Her breaths were still coming quickly, her cheeks were flushed, and her pupils appeared dilated.

"Didn't we just discuss why this isn't a good idea?"

"You just said you're attracted to me, but your too good, too noble to let it happen. I like you a lot Wam. If you aren't attracted to me, say so, and I'll let it go. No one at the hospital has to know. You are not Kedron's primary doctor. You're simply consulting, and yet you're the one who stepped up to help us. I'm appreciative of your help, but that's not why I'm attracted to you."

"Kynlee, if this got out, I could be fighting for my medical license. I worked too long and too hard for that to happen. I care about you, but this is a huge risk," I express in a very serious tone. A few minutes go by with us holding each other, caressing each other's bodies, and looking into each other's eyes but neither of us says a word. Finally I lead Lee back to the couch with our hands entwined and we both sit back down. "So, why are you attracted to me then?"

Lee looks up slightly startled by my question, "what did you ask me?"

"You said you aren't attracted to me because I helped you. What is it that attracts you to me then?" I ask with a smirk on my face.

"Wam, you have to know how handsome you are. You're kind to others, patient, intelligent, caring, sexy as hell, not to mention you smell good," she says with flushed cheeks.

I love how easily I can fluster her. That's why I was so shocked when she kissed me. She may claim not to have much dating experience, but that was one of the single most passionate kisses I've ever had. The most passionate if you only count since I lost Winona. How do I even begin to tell Lee about Winona and that I've not had a serious relationship since? Maybe I don't have to tell her, and we can just see where this goes?

"For the record, you smell pretty darn good yourself. If we are really doing this, we have to take it slow, and no one can know. You deserve better than this Kynlee."

"Wam, please stop putting yourself down. I like that you're humble, but you don't take personal compliments very well," Lee said as she peaked up at me from under her eyelashes.

"What do you mean, personal compliments?" I ask, feeling rather puzzled by her comment.

"What I mean is...I've heard many people talk about you being a great surgeon, a great doctor. I've heard you say 'thank you', and ''your most welcome' when it comes to work. When I give you a compliment about you, not the doctor, you don't seem to know how to respond," she says with a small smile.

I think about what she just said, and she's right. I've built my whole life around being a doctor. Who am I other than Dr. Teton? I simply nod, unsure what to say, how to respond. Still holding Lee's hand, I sit back on the couch, deep in thought.

"I didn't say it to upset you Wam," she says in a quiet voice with her mouth and eyebrows drawn down.

I pull her into my chest again, and she came willingly. Once she is against me, I dip down and kiss her brunette head. Up close I can see lighter brown highlights mixed amongst the dark brown. Finally I answer, after feeling her warmth and softness against me, "you didn't upset me. You just made me think. That was a very astute observation Lee."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you've spent so much time in college, in residency, then studying to specialize as a neurosurgeon, you forgot who you are without that title," she said into my chest.

I continued to hold Lee and stroke her hair as she rested her head against my chest. I could sleep like this, her body nestled into mine. Something about Lee makes me want to be a better man, to be the man she deserves. "No, I think you hit the nail on the head. Ironically, I never realized that's how I've become. I joke I'm married to my job, but it really has become the truth." I take a deep breath, but it comes out as a sigh.

"Maybe we can work together on figuring out who you are outside of Dr. Teton? Try new things, spend some time away from work?" She says in a questioning tone of voice.

"I think I'd like that...a lot. Thank you Lee." I kiss the top of her head again, but it isn't enough.

I'm not sure when she became so bold, but Kynlee pulls back from my chest and reaches up and kisses my lips again. She starts out tentatively, as if gauging my reaction, but soon becomes more assertive. She licks my bottom lip and I gladly open for her, thrusting my tongue out to meet hers. I cannot remember a time after high school when I've felt turned on so quickly. My jeans are quickly becoming uncomfortable. I cannot help but moan when she slides one knee over my hips so she is straddling my lap, and threads her fingers through the back of my hair.

I'm breathing hard as I pull back to meet her eyes, "what are you doing to me Lee? I told you we should take it slow."

She doesn't say anything, but gives me a mischievous grin as she continues to play with my hair.

"Kynlee," I say in a stern voice. "I'm only so patient. Please don't push me to do something you're not ready for. I care too much to do anything to hurt you. Believe me, the physical attraction is there, but I'm trying to be respectful."

Her response is to rub against my hard length as she kisses my jaw and then down to my neck. Oh my gosh this woman is going to be the death of me. My hands go to her waist and begin to caress her hips and then her back. Her lips feel so good, as she attempts to untuck my shirt to get to my torso.

At once, my mind becomes an active participant again and screams at me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP NOW!

I push gently on her shoulders to put some space between us and force her to meet my eyes again. "As good as that feels, you need to stop. We aren't there yet Lee, and this shouldn't be about sex. Please, we should get some sleep."

Her mouth turns down slightly but she nods, gives me a quick peck on the lips, and slides off my lap. Kynlee turns towards the steps, swaying her hips as she goes and tosses a nonchalant, "Good night Wam," as she wiggles her fingers over her shoulder. My eyes are fixated on her body as she walks slowly up the steps. Maybe she is part siren? Something about her certainly draws me in.

I can feel the hardness inside my pants pulsating, and I realize I need to remedy this situation if I'm going to get any sleep tonight. I stand up, lock the door, shut off the lights, and enter my bedroom. I close the door and strip off my clothes, placing them in my hamper.

I hop in the shower and wash up quickly before I start to stroke my male member. Visions of Kynlee's face with her lips wrapped around my length take over my head as I close my eyes. The small amount of affection we have shared to this point, and I may already be gone on this girl. She begins to swirl her tongue around the mushroom head, bobbing back and forth while applying suction as she backs away. It feels so damn good, and it takes little time before I can feel my thighs, hips, and back muscles tense and my sack draw up closer to my body. I place my free hand on the tiled shower wall to keep myself steady as I begin to move my hand faster and clench my fist tighter. I can't hold back anymore and without thought I talk to the beautiful brunette with flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes in my vision, "yes Lee...take it. Take it all and swallow it down. Oh..my..ahhh," I yell the last word.

My essence shoots out on the tiled wall in front of me and on the floor. The release seems to go on forever and I feel shaky and unsteady when it finally ends. I spend a couple minutes regaining my composure before I rinse off both the soap and body fluids. I rinse the tiles on the wall and the floor. I certainly don't need Aggie finding the evidence of my loss of control. I shake my head as I realize Lee is the first woman to make me lose control and break my own rules since Winona. What that means for me is unclear at this point, but I know I need to try to slow things down no matter how badly I want her naked and joined with me in my bed.

I dry off and wrap a towel around my hips. I shut off the bathroom lights and see my bedroom door open a crack. I close it, but thought I had already done so. I guess not. Good thing Kynlee was already upstairs, or she may have gotten an eyeful. I hang my towel over the hamper to dry, flip off the bedroom light, and climb into bed sans clothing.

Now that my frustration is no longer an issue, I should sleep well tonight. I say my prayers, giving thanks for all the positives in my life, and pray for Wanda, Hal, Kedron, and Kynlee to be the best they can be and live happy lives. I care too much to pray that I hope Lee chooses to stay with me. I want the best for her and her brother whether that's with or without me. That sullen thought, of Lee no longer being here, kills the afterglow I was basking in.

I set my alarm for 6am, but likely won't need it since my body is conditioned to wake up at 5am. I roll on my side, pull the covers up to my chin, and close my eyes. The last thing I do is whisper into the darkness, "good night sweet Lee. Sweet dreams." Sleep comes quickly after my release.