I sat in that damn library alone on a bench in the far East of the hall, I looked around and spotted the librarian that explained the silence in there everyone seemed to read. It made me nervous because I was just staring at my Economics book, which was the only book I'd carried that day. I turned my book over and wrote something. Mom always told me writing your feelings helps.
I wrote,
I always wonder how being in love feels like, is it better than being high. Does it also bring a little peace within. . .
I heard mummurs and raised my head, random movements had started it meant the librarian had walked out. There was another library near the science lab where students who behaved like they would top every class and worshipped every teacher read from. It was a lot quieter and had a few students. I would have gone there but quiet lonely places make me uncomfortable sure crowded places make me uncomfortable but I rather be in place with many people seeing them from a distance than be in a quiet lonely one. But also the noise makes me lose it sometimes.
I tried to concentrate but the distant murmurs were getting louder and were starting to get to my head if I didn't leave it could get much worse. I didn't like the other library it made me uncomfortable, but atleast I would be better off there. I thought and covered my book.
" Hey what's up " I heard someone tapping my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder and it was the guy I'd played basketball with.
" Long time no see " he put his book down and settled.
" We got in " he said and smiled
He must be Mulo Sydney. I thought.
" We did ? "
" Yeah, haven't you checked the notice board ? "
There is this loud prolonged beep in my head, it was because of the distant loud noises. If I could atleast concertrate on one it would have been less annoying. I wanted to stand up and leave immediately but I didn't want him to get a bad impression of me.
" It's only three of us, I think those mother fucker team members laid off all the other guys intentionally " I was surprised by his choice of words. I didn't usually use these words, ever. Maybe because I was always talking to mom.
" Yeah. " I said and the loud beep persisted.
It triggered the tremor.
Not now. I tried to hold it in.
My hand started shaking and I put it under the table.
" Are you okay ? " he had noticed my discomfort.
" Yeah I'm fine " I said. My breath got heavy.
" Come to the notice board, we can check " he said pointing to the entrance of the library.
" No. I mean yeah but. . . I have to finish. . . this " I said and pointed to the book.
I wanted him to leave so that I could walk away from the library without drawing any attention.
I would go to the sickbay. First thing whose location I learnt at school, mom reminded me to go there everyday I never did. I felt sorry for myself I should've remained homeschool like mom suggested.
" Okay, you look tense though " Sydney said and walked away. He sat at another table with guys
I presume were his friends.
I started breathing from my mouth, my legs were shaking involuntary too, I couldn't stand up I was stuck. A girl on the next table noticed my discomfort frowned and she looked away.
I'm screwed.
" Hey Chilly " Jenny passed her hand over my head.
Strangest thing happened, only her voice and the loud beep faded away. She sat near me and when I saw her it's like she scared the shaking. My body calmed and the breathing gradually got steady.
" Are you okay ? You look awful " she placed down her books.
" I'm fine. . . I just. . . "
" I don't care " she said and opened one of her books.
I should go to the sickbay. I thought.
No I'm fine. I thought again.
The bell was sounded and as after a queue kids stood up gradually left and others settled, it was flooded again. The distant noises were there but they didn't affect me. I felt Jenny's presence near me maybe I was scared what she'd think of me, maybe the tremor was scared what she'd think of me. That was twice and she'd saved me and she didn't know.
I had to thank her.
" Why are you looking at me like that ? " she said without looking from her book.
" Noth. . . nothing, I'm not looking at you " I said.
" Whatever "
" Thank you " I murmured.
" Huh " she looked at me eyes wide open.
" Thank you " I said again.
" You don't have to thank me for sitting with you, you're not that bad looking you know " she just had to ruin the moment. Classic Jenny.
I looked around to pass time, I was no longer affected by the noise, for some reason unknown to me.
I spotted Tess and Ralph in the corner a bunch of other kids seated near them, Ralph's hand again around Tess'shoulder and she was writing down something completely ignoring the presence of the people around her. At that moment I wanted to be Ralph my arm around Tess, cool, popular stupid non repulsive and definitely not in a withdrawal state.
" You know when she sees you looking at her like that she will know how weird you are " Jenny said as she noticed me starring at Tess.
" Who. . . I'm not looking at anyone " I turned to my book.
" I thought you were over her, apparently every boy tries to run after her, I thought you were better than that Chilly " she said and normally her words didn't provoke me but this one statement did.
" I'm not every boy, I kissed her " I said and my chest puffed up in pride.
She just laughed " You. Give me a break "
" I did at the supermarket " I said.
Jenny was still not believing me.
" I really did, she was trying to hide from Ralph "
I don't know why I wanted Jenny to believe me so bad.
" So she kissed you, come on Chilly that's just sad now " she said laughed but then she noticed my seriousness.
" So you did really kiss her " she said and leaned back.
" Yeah, I did "
" Apparently it doesn't mean anything to her unless why would she be with him now " she said and my heart hurt.
Jenny was right, it didn't mean anything to her, whenever I looked at her she gave me a stupid friendly smile, the kiss was only a favor to her.
***to be continued...