Wasn't it absurd that when I touched the death, you kidnapped me from the death with your killing hands?
*
When I saw my boredom and the need to relax my mind as the reason and started to clean the house with the cleaning materials I found in odd corners, I felt a little relieved, no matter how much I was clumsy and knocked over things.
An hour later, when Pars walked through the door, he tottered forward to the seat opposite me and threw himself into the seat. "Smells disgusting," I said with a grimace. "Are not the Soldiers allowed to drink?"
"Nothing is forbidden to me," he grumbled. On the other hand, he was trying to stand up. When he failed and fell back into the seat, he swore, leaned his head back, and started watching the ceiling.
"She won't come back," he whispered as he closed his eyes. "Never," he said lastly.
"Who?" I said as I fold my arms. He had lowered his guard.
"My old weapon."
"For all you care!" I said as I headed for the door. I didn't want to deal with a drunk guy. It would be very good to leave here even with that guard down. He shouted when I quickly opened the door. "Where the hell are you going? Come here!"
It wasn't working. So he could only use his power while sober. This would serve the purpose, but when I grasped the handle of the door firmly, it was wrong to look back. I shouldn't have looked.
He was watching me numbly. There was no feeling in his green eyes. When I looked at him, he stood up as if waiting for this and tried to come to my side, faltering. When I left the handle of the door and turned towards him, he suddenly stumbled on the carpet in front of him, and when I reflexively tried to hold him, we were overthrown in the seat next to us. We were now lying fully on the sofa. In addition, he fell on me.
"I don't understand you. Or rather, I can't understand you." I said as I sniffed. "You are either crazy or your only concern is to play with someone. Don't treat me like that. I'm not a toy."
"Who were you before they broke your heart?" Suddenly I pushed him as I strained by what he said, but he didn't move a little.
"Who?" I said, looking away.
"What?" he said as he got up off of me. "It suddenly occurred to me. An excerpt from a book I had read a long time ago. Now don't talk nonsense. Yes, I read books too."
"You are crazy," I said as I took the fetal position and buried my head well in the seat.
"We all have madness in our blood, Alenas. Only some of us are more dominant. For example... Your step-family. From what I heard, they did everything in the book to you."
"Shut up!" I said angrily.
"Harassment, torture, sadistic fantasies... What else have they done? I am surprised that you are still a virgin, to be honest."
"You…" I said as I bury my fingers in my legs I hugged. "Are you going to shut up?"
"I won't shut up." He was smiling. "You cannot be happy when I am in pain. You will suffer with me. After all, you belong to me, right? I don't mind if you suffer. Not at all."
My eyes began to darken as my heart shattered in the order of what he said. Yes, I got rid of them. But I had not been able to tidy up the wreck they had left behind, and my pain was growing exponentially by the words of a man who now stumbled into my life and declared himself my owner. Whereas I just wanted to be free. It was my greatest goal to get rid of this dark hole and go to a country my name was unknown to anyone. Pars Sarehan had chewed and spat on this dream like chewing gum condescendingly and shattered all my hopes. Then... There was no point in my life either.
When I died, freedom would be in my hands. The whip of my stepfather would be given to my hand, the cigarette stubs that my stepmother put out on my body would fall into my hands. This time, I was going to hurt someone.
"I'm trying to forget," I said with a smile. His eyes were focused on me. "But you're not helping at all. You know what? Some things are better when they are left unspoken."
I screamed in pain when I pressed both of my hands against my head and began to put the weight of my power on my head. Death stood before my eyes, waving to me.
Despite that pain, I could see him. "You said she won't come back, Sarehan. I won't come back either. I wanted you to know that."
When his drunkenness disappeared completely and his strong hands grasped my wrists, I was overturned backward. "Let me go! I want to die!"
I lied. I do not want to die. I don't want my eyes to close before I laugh a little. I want to live. To live.
"Reverie, stop." When his calm voice reached my ears, my muscles on his command relaxed and my arms fell by the side of my head.
"It..." I said as I was sobbing. "It hurts so much."
"I know," he said, pulling me into his arms. "Take a deep breath. Your pain will pass."
"It will not pass!" I cried.
"It will pass."
"Do not lie!"
"I'm not lying." He hesitated. "Did you know? Kissing in the eyes helps the pain."
"Liar."
He smiled. "I am a liar, but you need me."
"I don't," I said angrily. He pulled back suddenly and pushed me out of his lap.
"You're having fun, aren't you? You constantly give me your fake affection. You like to hurt me."
"I like it." His eyes were locked on my lips. "I don't feel anything, Alenas. I do whatever I like and I don't question it. Get used to it. I'll kiss you, touch you, and over time I'll make you fall in love with me. Get used to it. Get used to me. And you should also get used to the fact that I will never love you. Because Reverie, the fragile little girl, I've never loved anyone in my life. "
He spoke. I was silent. I couldn't say anything... I also couldn't say I didn't love anyone in my life.
Even if I said it wouldn't make any sense, I knew that. It wouldn't be more absurd than gifting a heart to two people who didn't know how to love. Our hearts were ripped from our bodies into an endless well. It was too late to love.
That night, just because of this, brutal darkness passed over our bodies.
It was 5 a.m. The sun had not risen. We were sleeping.
That night, the hands of the man who whispered to me under my ear, caressing my hair, were wrapped around my neck like a hanging rope. I didn't care. It was like a lullaby he was singing.
"Don't be afraid. I'm with you, kid. There, now..."