(Lotus - Soen)-This song means a lot to me. Please listen to it.-
"Shake your head to the sides, wake the animal inside of you
Run away from it all, let the wildness be your home
Plant a tree, kill a man, let your instincts be in charge of you
Where you walk, what you dream, measures who you really are"
*
Lying in my double bed, I was watching the empty ceiling as if there were a million things there. For hours, I had not heard any other noise at home, nor the voice of Pars. I was so bored that I was grunting with vexation and turning around in the bed.
When I suddenly heard the rap of the door of my room, I jumped out of my bed with a strange excitement and rushed to the door, unlocked it, and opened it wide. The person standing in front of me was Pars. I didn't expect anyone else to come to my door anyway. Trying not to look excited, as I put the veil of numbness in my eyes, Pars leaned his left hand against the jamb and looked into my eyes under his eyelashes. Oddly, he had nothing in his eyes too, maybe that's why we were so harmonious with each other.
When I frowned at this strange thought in my mind, Pars's eyes turned to my eyebrows, and the corners of his lips curved upward. "What is going on in that crazy mind?" Thanks to the question he asked, I stopped frowning when I came around and ignored his question. When I stopped frowning and straightened my back, he pulled his left hand from the jamb and straightened his back defiantly. It was the first time in my life that I saw a man as tall as him.
I blinked quickly as he headed down the stairs without saying anything. I couldn't understand him, the moment I tried to understand, I was failing. It was obvious what he was doing, he didn't want me to understand him in any way, and he was doing everything he could so that I wouldn't understand him. Was there any way out of this situation? I guess there is not.
I was startled standing in front of my door when he shouted from downstairs. I had just realized that his voice was not like the male voice I'd heard before. He had a unique voice that was charming in tone. Or was I slowly getting ran with him, even if unintentionally? No, that couldn't be right. "Come down quickly!" Fortunately, when I got back from the party, I changed my clothes and put on my daily clothes. So I hurried down the stairs and met my eyes with Pars standing impatiently in front of the outside door. First, he eyed from head to foot with his eyes, then continued what he had to say. "Guys of ours caught the people who had recently trapped you in the tunnel trying to get into the headquarters area. Let's go, we have scores of things to do."
When he opened the outer door and took the first step outside, I went down the last steps without waiting and ran towards him. When we both left the house, the outside door closed and locked by itself. Pars was on the front and I walked a little behind him, and after a few minutes, we arrived at the main headquarters. The moment we entered the main headquarters, I even felt the tension and chaos of the Soldiers in my veins. Why was everyone so worried? As a result, the masked people were caught and the problem was resolved. I was very curious about the reason behind their concerns, but I knew that even if I asked Pars, he would not answer my question. It was as if he had taken a great oath not to give me the truth.
After walking through several corridors in the main headquarters, we got into a large elevator, and after Pars had his left hand on a device in the elevator, the elevator started to descend. Where were we going? I could feel the air cooling and sharpening. "Where are we going?" I said in a low voice. For some reason, the sudden change of environment made me feel uneasy and defensive. As the elevator was still descending further, Pars turned his head to me and fixed his numb eyes on my eyes. At that moment I was curious about something, who had made him this way?
"You will see when we arrive. Be patient." When he turned his head back to the elevator door and his eyes away from me, as if the elevator was waiting for this, it stopped suddenly and the door opened. When the elevator door opened, I swallowed in surprise, because there was nothing but darkness ahead. I could not see anything tangible. I was used to the darkness, but this darkness seemed sick to me. It was dangerous to walk in this darkness, dangerous to be even here. I could feel it, and my feelings were never wrong, but Pars was staring into the dark with his unchanging face expression.
When he turned his head back to me and lowered his eyes to my hand close to him, I swallowed again, but he did not see it. The hand close to my hand slowly reached towards it, and I felt my heart quicken as he grasped my little hand with his big cold hand. His hand was so big that my hand was lost between his. His hand was cold like mine but not colder than mine. The moment he grabbed my hand, I had not deliberately kept my eyes off his face because I wondered if his expression would change. Yes, this time his numb face had changed. The moment he grabbed my cold, little hand, I saw a momentary rage in his eyes, but I didn't know what or whom he was angry at. Was it possible to eradicate this enormous anger that fit into his enormous body? Because this anger did not suit him.
"What's going on?" I said, bowing my head towards him. I wanted him to look into my eyes, not my hand. He immediately turned his eyes to my eyes as if he heard this request, but this moment was short. When his eyes touched the darkness again, he had a thoughtful expression on his face.
"This darkness is sick, Alenas. No Soldier descends here without any light and never takes a single step into this darkness without light. We keep our enemies here because we know... The sickly darkness kills them in a short time." When he took a step towards the dark, I tried to take my hand away from him, but I failed. "There's always been a reason I chose you." One more small step. If he took another step, he would have stepped into murderous darkness and there was no light next to us. "This world has been dominated by endless darkness for centuries, and we do not know when our path will be completely dark." He looked at me and smiled. I was looking at him with fear because I knew what he would want from me. "You, Reverie, will be my light in the dark. Until you die. If necessary... Forever."
As he took his last step into the darkness and pulled me towards him and threw me into the darkness, a different smell filled my nose. This darkness I was thrown into smelled of death. I knew this fragrance because that same scent filled my nose that day too. There was no way of escaping the deaths I caused and traumas.
At that moment I heard voices in the darkness. Lots of voices. They were all bad because they wanted my heart. However, I wanted to hide my unloved heart until death. I didn't care to be selfish. I just wanted nobody to touch my heart of unloved. And at that moment, when a bright light began to emanate from my unloved heart, the evil voices began to fade one by one. The light in my heart grew and expanded and covered my whole body. Now my skin was shining brightly as if all the stars in the sky were buried in my body, and tears flowed from my eyes like grains of silver.
When I turned and looked at him, I saw the satisfied look on his face. He did this on purpose. He deliberately threw me into the darkness because he knew that because I did not like the dark, I would light this sick darkness with the power I had. He used me, my feelings didn't matter.
I had felt worthless all my life, but the emotions I was feeling now overwhelmed them all. "One day..." I said, keeping my eyes on him. "I will not light any darkness." When my body was gracefully aired and my body radiated light, I began to float towards the metal door that appeared ahead, thanks to the light I emitted. I could hear footsteps coming from behind me. "What will you do then?"