Dawn was staring out the window when I entered. She looked at me and smiled lightly. I walked over to her side and asked, "Does it hurt anywhere?"
She shook her head and replied, "Not much. Dr Jones gave me a small dose of painkillers and it helped. Did she tell you about everything?'
I knew when she said everything she meant about the ototoxicity and not about what they privately talked about. So I simply nodded and said, "Yeah, she told me it's ototoxicity caused by cisplatin."
"Your assumption was correct after all. I hoped it wasn't true, but I knew it was too good to be true, especially after I woke up and it remained and I lost my balance."
"It'll get better, though. We found it very quickly and cutting the dosage of cisplatin will be effective." I told her, trying to reassure her that the symptoms will disappear in the near future.
"If you didn't think of the possibility, we might have found it much later. That's what scared me."
"But I was here with you and found it, so isn't it all good?"
"Yeah…" She said.
This was as good a time as any to begin that talk. Or more like, the timing just rolled in on its own."So just tell me whenever something feels off, okay? Even if it turns out to be nothing of the concern?"
Dawn's face darkened. I hoped she didn't guess that Dr Jones told me about the talk. "But if it turns out to be nothing, everyone involved would have used up their energy for nothing."
"But before the people get you through the necessary tests we'll never know if it was worth it or not. We have to leave that possibility open, don't we?"
Dawn definitely understood my point, but was unwilling to admit I was right. She was stuck in a dilemma she would win only by her pigheadedness. I knew she was strong on it but I couldn't let her win this one.
"Things might get more complicated if you don't tell me or someone. It might lead to further infections and others I don't even want to think of. But if you tell someone, just someone, things might not have to turn for the worse. It may not get better, but just remaining the way it is is the best we can ask for."
Dawn still didn't look convinced. So I just had to pull the last card. "If you didn't tell me, and that was critical for your health, I would regret that. As long as I live. Do you still think it's better for you to not tell me?"
Dawn turned her eyes away, refusing to meet my eyes. "It'll still hurt you. I don't want that."
"That pain, coming from you telling me the truth, is in the short term. But you are, telling me the truth and hurting without telling me, that pain is in the long term."
I couldn't look at Dawn's face. I felt like tears were coming to my eyes and I felt like Dawn would be crying. "It's the fact. I can't dance around the truth. Dawn, Dr Jones told me about the chat she had with you. Dawn, I didn't know you'd think that way, let alone think it'd be something common between patients."
"I don't want you getting hurt more than you've already gotten. When I told you I'll be your caretaker, I meant not just that I'll take care of you, but I'll be your caretaker, bearing the pain I'll feel after you leave…"
Of course, Dawn knew I loved her and I almost disagreed because of that. The pain of seeing her in pain and everything afterwards… It nearly made me say no to her request. I knew one thing though; I'll never be able to say no to her, even if it would hurt me in the future. It's the side effects of beginning the one-sided love myself. (Yes, I know. It's the same as being able to give up for the happiness of the person you love.)
I first controlled my breath and continued to speak. "I know it'll hurt. A lot. It'll last long, how long I don't know. But if you don't tell me about how you truly feel, I know I'll be regretting that I didn't know how you were feeling and wonder if maybe I wasn't a reliable person for you. You might say no and wonder how I was able to go that deep from just that but I really think that."
"I don't think it's quite unusual for you to go that deep, but I know you will be hurt from me telling you that. End of discussion. I refuse to talk more about this."
Dawn must have a supernatural ability; supernatural tenacity.