"Astronauts cry too"
_Josh open that door please.
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The bass of the knock on the door was noticeable on the glass table where my feet were resting. She insisted insisted until some security guards broke down the door, and there I was in my universe, looking at that ceiling through the helmet wondering how to rearrange that mess in my world. Some stars had already faded, some flowers had already withered and the wind was no longer blowing so intensely, in my universe it meant that winter was coming, but every second I spent sitting on the grass now it was no longer green, it was intense and me it helped to forget the real world and its selfishness.
Cecile pulls the headphones out of my ears.
_Aquilo was not legal.
She locked the door and sat next to me sighing.
_ What did you expect me to do?
She shrugged and put her hands over her face.
_Sometimes you are. ... you too.
She didn't understand me herself.
_Eu me until I put that. After that I just become what people want.
_And isn't that what you always wanted? Help the people ?
I smile inside me.
_Yes, but sometimes I ...
I ? Venting with Cecile? Never.
_Quer Saber ... Let's go, I need to rest.
_You are like a sealed box, more in there ... deep down there is something fragile needing repair.
After all ... astronauts cry too.
She got up, picked up her purse and left the door open. I stopped in front of the mirror and took one last look at it. It was that person that everyone wanted, not the ordinary josh. So I would be him until the stars of my universe fall, leaving that immense dark sky.
All the way home I did not say a word, that day was not as I expected, a week passed and no one has heard from me, my mailbox was full, the calls accumulated and Alice was crazy behind me.
Message received
Alice
Josh you are gone. ..I'm worried your boss said that you don't come to work for days. This trip is taking longer than I expected, and honestly I need a friend now. Call me OK ?
Unfortunately alice was like other people, each with their own peculiarity. But she was right it was time for me to come back, get up, and resume my life as if nothing had happened.
The next day I was at the bookstore, surrounded by fictional stories from people who knew how to solve their problems, even Romeo and Juliet. Even with a tragic end he knew how to resolve his pain.
The bookstore door opened and that common perfume on weekdays came in approaching the counter.
_Bom morning mister adventurer.
I lifted my head and that same wide smile from when we first met was not gone. It was there, maybe it was forced, but it was beautiful.
_Bom morning what will you want today?
She felt the coldness as I spoke.
_Only that ? Good Morning ? It's OK?
_Ahn ... of course everything is normal.
She couldn't believe it, of course I was not the most optimistic guy in the world next to her and suddenly I became a giant iceberg.
_Okay .... but then. Have dinner at my house today?
That would be the perfect moment for me, but somehow that didn't cheer me up very much.
_Dinner? I don't know alice is that a shipment of books arrived and maybe I will leave here later.
She dared to look at me with those pidona eyes she had. As disconnected as I might be, it would be good to know this den of disposition called Alice and her fables.
_Ta good .... I'll pass it later.
If that made her happy and a little distant from me, I would.
The bad thing about being insecure is that it is impossible to think that someone will love you, not only because of their appearance but because of everything, you did not feel good about yourself and what you wear, the days will always seem rainy and cold, and the worst of everything is that you end up getting used to it. It was time to accept that Alice would never fall in love with me, because her true love wore an astronaut helmet and unfortunately I was part of that. Another thing is time, it will always pass quickly in your eyes, and you will feel like you are in a world full of people with your headphones on while you scream for attention.
The door opened again and entering through it was Cecile holding the last week's newspaper. The story was almost all in bold, she threw the newspaper on the counter and looked at me for a while, I knew that look.
Breaking news
An author who calls himself an astronaut, runs away from a press conference at his own event.
He has an old saying that says "Airplane is only news when it crashes". Well, we are normal people until we make a mistake, and that is enough for a big iceberg of questions and false answers to bring us down and overwhelm us with so much criticism.
_Cecile is not a good time not here.
_First page josh?
She said it almost like a whisper. I snorted, rolling my eyes, Cecile was a good person, but even good people are a pain in the ass.
_Get in the car.
I said that taking off the apron I used to wear, I took the newspaper and left with it.
_Where are we going?
I could take it all, unless someone found out who I was from a sloppy cecile, so no matter how bad it was, I would have to go with her to the only place where I could be me.
_What place is this?
She said when the car pulled up to the curb of the sidewalk.
_My house.
Her eyes shone like never before, josh le feu presenting his house to a woman? that was the culmination of carelessness even for her, cecile knew that i was not well but never asked if i needed anything, it intrigued me.
_Ah my God, is this your home?
For those who are at this very moment trying to imagine what the house is like, I detail for you. It is simple is in the middle of a simple street where most of the neighbors are old. That street was pure silence, there was a tree next to the house that actually served only to dirty the sidewalk that never swept, my neighbors were the Jeffersons and the Andrews who barely knew who I was then was perfect. The house inside was small but comfortable it had everything I needed, the walls were white and gray, the ceiling black (it was my request) the room had a big sofa the TV was big but I never called, there were no pictures of me or of any relative of mine, but I had books, a small coffee table full of papers, my notbook on top of all that, in that house there were two rooms one was mine and the other kept all my stuff, prizes, photos and newspaper articles so he was always locked up. So that was it, everything was perfect for me.
_Now that we are here you can talk or shout.
She walked around the living room looking at every corner impressed by what I had.
_You have a piano? You play ?
_Do not move there, Cecile please sit down.
She threw herself on the couch, dropping the bag aside.
_You never showed the house to anyone because soon I?
I sat on a pouf facing her.
_Escuta ... You are the only person who really knows me, take this seriously.
_You who need to take this seriously, ran out desperate yesterday I thought wue would go home on foot. Come on josh why that? Why am I missing a week without calling without answering emails every time someone pushes you against the wall?
That was another moment in which I would lie to her, as a writer you learn to create several coexistent stories, to convince someone that it was raining without raining was easy.
_But a reason for me to fire you, questions .... _You don't know the work you did to explain your crises to everyone.
She got up and went to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and sat down again.
_It is complex believe me. It is better for everyone if you know very little about me.
For the moment she was convinced, maybe she didn't want to piss me off any more.
_You need to go back to writing, remember if you started all this, and now people need you. Strive to be a good thing for this world, see you tomorrow?
As annoying as she was she was right, I was the last bit of hope that these people had and if I disappeared maybe they would give up believing. We all need a motivation to keep fighting for something or someone, even for the money, but when that motivation disappears, we are just dust about to be blown away.