After much panting and pain I make it back to my room.
The slam of the door sounds and I find myself sliding to the ground.
I hit the ground with a thud and the defeat comes.
I'm in a room I thought I would never return too. A situation I didnt think I would live to resolve if possible.
My fists slam into the ground before logic can reach them as my frustration boils over.
Pain travels down my leg and my breath quickens.
What now?
Peter and Uriel are downstairs in am embrace of healing. Lin is dead.
Grayth is god knows where with Kyran.
Will and Varian I havent seen. So now.
How the fuck do I resolve this.
I cannot do anything to make up for what I did by abandoning them. I cant even transform right now because of this damn injury.
Collings killed Wendy and Lin but all I could was wrong. Im still to weak.
Despite my flurry of thoughts my body weeps too. My tears are dripping onto my frayed hospital clothes and blood seeps through. Of course betraying my fierce 'Im fine' attitude.
Im not fine. I have no idea where to turn now. I thought I could die happily knowing they got out and yet its not enough. It will never be enough. I want my friends back. I want Peter's trust back. I just want a family with Layla, Varian and Will included. But I cant have that its just out of reach. It fucking kills me.
A relentless sob racks through me. Its a dream just out of reach. I cant deal with that. I am fucking child and I have all these promises to keep on my shoulders. I dont know what to do from now. We have all these institutions to stop. I must get my people to have rights.
But how? I dont know how to change a whole society let alone the world. I was just a girl who wanted to save her friends. But now I have to make a new plan and move forward.
Deep down I know I dont want to. I have to go back out and fight when the fight has been taken out of me. Funny enough not by a bullet but by Uriel's words. I had an idea of how bad it was going to be but I was way off. Its my fault Uriel went through that. If I wasnt so broken it wouldnt of happened.
My ragged curls droop across my eyes and even I can see the Purple Streak has faded. I feel more broken than ever yet I am needed more than ever.
I dont know how much time has passed but my sobs are subsiding. I dont know where my heads at but I do know I cant stay in this room. Unless I want those demons of thoughts to come right back.
So, pushing off the ground I force myself to balance before tearing the door open and hope to god no one is in the art room. I need to release some frustration on anything but myself.
I slide down the stairs and sniffle with each wave of pain that makes itself known but I will myself to get to the art room because I need to not be secluded in my mind.
I arrive at the fourth floor and stalk across into art room only to disturb two figures entranced in their activities.
Upon closer inspection the figures consist of Will and Varian as they hunch over their clay.
My desires for isolation evaporate and with the rising emotions I ambush them. In a rushed fashion I grip Will and Varian under each arm to pull them close.
Varian chokes dramatically and Will's breath halts abruptly.
My throat constricts and my voice thickens. 'Im so glad you guys are okay.' My emotions are unmistakable but all I feel is an undying relief.
Varian rolls his eyes before responding. "I would be better if you werent choking me PP.' However I see through the act as he quickly wipes his eyes.
But Will says nothing causing me to withdraw my arm to avoid an awkward situation.
Before I fully remove it Will stands abruptly and yanks me into a hug.
"Your okay. Thank God Erza.' His voice drips with emotion and it causes a pang in my heart. Shit Peter and Laith did mention how scared he was.
'I'm okay Will. It was close but im here okay.' I hug him tightly as I feel him shake.
He pulls away and his green blue eyes lock with mine. They are full of water and pure exhaustion. His brown curls are wet against his skin and he has some scuffs but looks relatively okay.
'Dont you do that again. I was scared.' He doesnt say it but it reminds him of his childhood alone without his parents so I just nod.
Varian is sat still with his back to us and I release Will to sit opposite them.
Varian has his black hair in a tight bun with a few wisps flittered across his forehead. His emerald eyes are dead. No emotion. No spark. Nothing. What the hell happened?
'V you okay?' I ask casually not wanting to pry too much.
Varian meets my eyes and a sorrowful expression reflects his face.
'Your dad?'...I look down expecting the worst.
'His dad wasnt there Erza.' Will confides holding his head in his hands.
Oh please no. I glance over at Varian whose face his pale and drawn. He looks as if he lost weight.
'All that fucking work and he wasnt there.' He seethes but I remain silent.
'Those fake fucking promises Laith told me. The only thing that kept me going and my dad wasnt there.' His voice rises with every word but me and Will make no sound.
'Now what? What the hell do I have to live for now? He could be dead for all I know yet I sit here powerless abiding every plan Laith has. Tell me now what? Erza? Will? Go ahead cause I dont know my own path anymore.' Varians face his flushed and he pants clearly the rant taking a lot out of him.
I cant offer him any comfort for I have none myself so I settle on the truth.
'I dont know Varian. I have no clue whats next. You see I didnt expect to come out of this mission alive and by all odds I shouldnt have. Now I'm alive with no next step. My team I rescued will want fuck all to do with me because of my decisions. Uriel had her uterus taken from her because I was a coward and ran instead of fighting with them. Lin and Wendy died saving my ass because for some unforeseen reason they think im the one to change things. So Varian I cant offer you comfort because I have two bullet wounds hurting me like shit right now and it still doesnt compare to how my heart feels.' I exhale hurriedly before continuing I dont even look at Will and Varian as I am determined to get this all out.
'Before I had some weird ass vision with Lin who taught me a lullaby for her daughter and told me to promise to live. I took some girls mother and yet she held no fricking grudge even in death. Laith is heart broken. Peter nearly saw me die and still stuck by me after everything I've done. Kyran was excited to see me despite everything. So please dont ask me whats next cause I have no clue.' I slam hands on the table and shake with every emotion scurrying beneath the surface.
As I shake and cower into myself no one says anything. But a heavy weight rests on my head causing me to look through my tears.
Varian has his arm outstretched as he smooths my hair down. Tears are dripping down his face too and he is nodding without words he is saying he gets it. I am grateful.
'We will figure it out guys. I swear. We are a team so for now focus on healing, speaking of Erza your wounds are dripping blood on the floor. We need to get you back to the infirmary now.' Will's eyes narrow and I know not to argue right now.
His patience is limited for sure plus his worry for me and Varian overshadow anything else at this point. I dont know when Will started to feel like a brother but I wouldnt have it any other way.
Will joins me and helps me off the stool. My head spins and I am sure its from blood loss. Will takes my weight as I limp towards the door.
'Erza?' Varian speaks up.
Me and Will halt as Varian stands. I flip my head round waiting for Varian to continue.
'Thank you for saving my life on the mission.' Varian stares into me.
I smile through my grimace. "Make sure you save me next time."
'AH.' I cringe and grip my side which is wet with blood.
Varian looks alarmed and rushes to grab the other side of me. Will ushers us out and heads towards the stairs.
In a blur of black and rushing stairs we make it to the ground floor. My vision doesnt clear and the bustling movements around me dont help.
The sounds around me compile into a static and by the time we make it to the infirmary the pain is severe enough that I groan involuntarily.
'Mara WE NEED YOU!' Will echoes around me.
I feel myself pushed back onto a soft surface. Pain blindsides me enough to scream.
'Hold her down.' A firm voice instructs.
'What the hell happened.' A voice vaguely familiar shouts.
'She pushed herself too damn hard because you lot upset her. That's what.' A snarky voice remarks.
A sharp pinch enters my arm and my body relaxes.
'Us what did we do exactly? You dont know us.' A tired voice comments.
'No but we heard enough of you. She did everything to get you back and now here she is breaking cause of it. Jackass.'
'Hey. We are just as worried about her so stop blaming us okay? I care about Erza too.' A childlike voice murmurs.
The haze fades away and my vision clears.
On one side is Peter, Grayth and Kyran. On the other is Varian and Will. The stare down is tense and Kyran looks nervous. Mara is shining a light into my eyes and lifts my top to see the damage.
'Listen she came to us a mess, so whatever one of you said to her can you just back off?' Will steps forward directly in front of Peter.
Peter's frown deepens and the wind around him quickens, ruffles Wills clothes and hair.
'How about you back off. You've known her a few months and we were her family for years. So shut your mouth before I make you.' The wind is rapid now.
Varian flexes his hands and his power swirls. 'Listen redhead. Dont speak to him like that or you will deal with me. You didnt see the state of her when we first found her. You didnt see her break herself over and over training to save your asses. Do not tell us to stay out of it when we held her back from running to your selfish ass and getting killed.'
Emerald meets emerald as Varian and Peter's eyes meet. Peters face is confused until his eyes widen in recognition a Varian's words. The wind slows but only slightly.
Grayth steps in as his grey eyes pierce into Varian's. Grayth pulls down his mask before speaking.
'Okay man. I get you guys are protecting Erza and I am grateful because despite everything I care about her but in all seriousness if you threaten Peter again. Yeah you with the green eyes someone is gonna get decked because as much as I dont want to fight I will if its to protect my team.' Grayth's head is raised and he meets Varian's gaze head on.
Varian looks him up and down before smirking. 'Okay handsome bring it on.' Varian lifts a hand now full of his power substances.
Peter's wind picks up and Will gets in a fighting stance.
Grayth smirks at Varian back before opening his mouth to release his poisonous fog.
'Sstopp...' I croak. But no one hears me. They do not even turn. Shit this has got to end now before it escalates too far. I cough before I can talk again.I lurch forward and ignore Mara's protests.
Kyran whose brown skin looks pale with fear and his brown eyes dart nervously between the two sides. By mere coincidence his eyes land on me coughing and trying to sit forward despite Mara's insistancy. Kyran's settle and he frowns.....oh god.
'You all need to stop.' Kyran says. Once again no one listens as egos are in control.
'I said you need to STOP.' Kyran releases an electric surge and the lights flicker around. Peter, Will, Varian and Grayth hit the floor like flies.
Well it worked.
Kyran rushes to my side and pushes me onto the bed.
'You need to rest Erza, I took care of it.' Kyran smiles mischievously.
Hehe. I am glad he has'nt lost that side of him.
'Thanks Ky. I can always rely on you.' I croak.
Kyran sits in a chair beside me and clutches my hand. Mara continues to clean and restitch my wounds with an annoyed mutter every stitch.
'Ugh Jesus kid. Did you have to shock us that much?' Varian snarks from the ground.
'Yea he did handsome since you would'nt shut up.' Grayth adds sarcastically.
'Oh shut up pretty boy.' Varian grumbles.
'Coming from you?' Grayth asks.
'Ya mind shutting up the flirting?' Peter complains as he pulls himself with singed clothes and hair.
'Despite his shitty attitude I agree with redhead. Shut up Varian.' Will stumbles into a chair.
Peter gives Will a dirty look before looking at me.
'What did you do exactly?' Peter asks me pointedly.
'I went to my room after Uriel and then met Will and Varian in the art room. I pushed myself too hard.' I leave any of my breakdown bits conveniently.
'Erza can't you look after yourself.' Peter asks although it sounds like a statement.
But before I respond Will does.
'No Erza's problem is she puts people first and forgets her own needs.' Will's eyes are ferocious as he looks at Peter.
Peter meets Will's eyes and then mine. His eyes depict sadness and I cant tell from what.
'That's a new thing but I can see she does now.'
The words stab but he is right. I fiddle with Kyran's hand in mine avoiding Peter's gaze fully.
Will sighs but does not grant a response.
Varian and Grayth make their way from the floor. Although they glance at each other now and again neither say much.
'You okay Erza?' Grayth leans over Kyran and touches my leg.
'Yea I'm okay. I just cant transform for a while.' Grayth nods but keeps his eyes on me warily. He probably thinks I'm unstable which could be accurate.
I lay back and close my eyes. The stress of the day leaving me no energy. So I rest.