Today Laith has requested I go to his office as Layla passed on the message as popped in today. The chair where Peter slept was moved but empty when I awoke signalling he did sleep here but just chose to move before I woke up.
Can things get anymore complicated between us? I didnt think so.
Layla told me Laith is still not in a good place over Lin but he started training her again which she thinks is a great sign. On the other hand Katie hasnt left her room since the news of her mums death.
As Layla glazes over Katie's behaviour I cant help but feel the heavy weight of guilt land on my chest. I reckon once I am healed I should go see Katie and attempt to draw her out her room. If worse comes to worse I can sing her the lullaby Lin taught me although I dont think its appropriate considering its my actions that lead directly to Lin's demise by Collings own hand.
Collings name ignites a wrath in me that wont be tamed. I dont think it will till I end him by my hand alone. I guess I will have to bicker with Laith over that matter.
Layla hurried off after a while though as she has class with the other kids so I am left here in this hospital room until I force my body up the stairs to see Laith.
I drag the tray over with my porridge on and eat it with disdain. They seriously need to sugar this crap at some point is plain as crap. I know how arrogant I sound but after weeks on this porridge I just want something a bit more enjoyable?
My mood is dark and I cant decide if its Peter, life or Laith. I mean I got shot twice and he can't come see me himself. Jeez. This is my reward for living through the mission.
I pull on some grey overalls and my mood sours even further. Why is everything this hospital gives me grey? No bloody colour in this place.
I hobble out of the room and decide to visit Uriel for some unknown reason. I mean if she is in the same mood as me maybe we can be pissed off together. Despite feeling like my sanity is shot the pain is bearable from my wounds just a hassle to keep leaning on the curtains every four seconds.
Through all my training and starvation from the past year. This is the first time I have been so breathless by just walking. Its disgusting. I despise feeling so weak. Just reminds me of a time where She had power over me.
That damn woman who sold me into this mess. She pops into my head at the most inopportune moments and this is one of those times. Her hazel eyes with dark bags underneath. Even her wispy blond her she straightens relentlessly, i always figured it was so her curls wouldnt show and she could pretend I wasnt hers. Her responsibility. Her blood. Her mistake.
On impulse my heart quickens out of fear just by the mere image of her face in my mind and I cant stand it. The fact she has such a hold over me that I still can't think of her without the burden of emotion. Blood is never family, only a cage.
By the time I have grumbled down the corridor and caused every medical worker to look alarmed at this crazy purple haired patient, I made it. Im standing outside of Uriel's curtains. The regret is instant and I have no idea what brought me here. This girl hates me yet there is no one else I want to be around at this point.
A breath later and I yank the curtains back. Grayth who is sat on the right of Uriel jumps but relaxes to an extent once he sees its me.
Uriel is sitting up, her fuchsia hair tied into a messy bun and her skin full of colour again. Thank God it means she is healing.
'Your here.' Uriel voices her eyes analysing each move I make towards her.
I plonk myself next to Grayth who looks cagey between me and Uriel as if a bomb was about to erupt. His gray eyes look tired and his gray hair is tied in a ponytail. His jaw is still too sharp for his height but he is slowly but surely getting back to the weight he should be. Thats all I can ask for.
'How you doing Erza?' Grayth asks his voice haggard betraying how worn out he is.
'I'm fine. But more importantly you look dead on your feet. Go rest, I will take over here.' I offer.
Grayth looks me up and down, apparently deciding if I am trust worthy enough to leave Uriel with. That hurts like hell. Can I blame him? Absolutely not.
Uriel glances at me, hatred the centre of her gaze.
'Leave us Grayth.' She states.
Grayth has the decency to try hide is startled expression at Uriel's words.
Grayth looks back at me before standing up and leaving.
'Look after yourself Erza. Dont push yourself.' Grayth murmurs before walking through the curtains.
I turn to Uriel who looks at me expectantly.
'What.' I ask. My voice comes out sterner than I would of liked but given my mood my control is slipping.
'You dragged yourself down here for a reason.' Uriel comments, her eyebrows raised.
'I wanted to sit with someone equally as blunt and pissed off as me.' I blurt.
Uriel's face blanks but doesnt contort angrily so I take that as a welcome.
Silence stretches throughout the room. I have to break it.
'I'm sorry I left you guys back then.'
'You say that but are you?' Uriel's voice sharpens.
'Of course I am. Thats why I came to get you.' My voice hitches.
Uriel's hands grip the sheets until her knuckles are white.
'Sorry doesnt do shit for us. You betrayed us. Your so called family. You have no clue the impact you had on the others.' Uriel turns away, rage blatant in her eyes.
So with baited breath I decide to ask.
'Then tell me.'
Uriel eyes flick back to me and looks over me. She sees something that helps her decide because she pulls herself up with a gasp of pain.
She sits forward her ebony skin looking pale as she grits her teeth. I go to offer my help but think better of it as a quick look from her blue eyes tell me she would without hesitation set me ablaze.
I wonder if she has tried to use her powers since the operation, could her fire be affected by physical weariness?
'You want to know fine. But I wont sugar coat anything for you.' She adds dryly.
'I know. Thats the point of me asking you. Grayth will be as quiet and minimal as possible. Peter and me arent currently speaking. Kyran is in class with Layla presumably.'
Uriel smirks.
'Kyran has had nightmares since you left. He was terrified for you. We both know he thought of you as a big sister. But then the nightmares would evolve into being scared for us from the entities. He wished with everything you would save us. Just before you lot came he was losing hope. He stopped screaming at night. It was like he gave up.' Uriel heaves a sigh and I see the turmoil she has undergone just by worrying over him.
The pain seeps in but I push it down. This isnt about me. This is the consequence I have to face for my actions.
'Grayth has always been withdrawn and quiet as you know. But after your betrayal and exit he became non existent. He didnt add his sassy one liners to conversations. The banter he would have with the sergents didnt exist. He kept his mask on all the time he was so scared he would feel too much and lose control of his power. Just incase you forgot his power is a poisonous fog converted in his body from oxygen. He can release it from his mouth. So thanks for that. We really appreciated you making him doubt everyone and anything he thought he knew.' Uriel voice turns harsh as she finishes.
I knew how hard this would be. I came here for this reason because I need to hear about the effect my actions have, in order for me to decide what to do moving forward. Even so I cant stand it.
Uriel always good at reading the room notices my distress.
'Sure you can go on Purple Predator?' She asks smugly.
I bristle at the use of that damn name. But I nod anyway.
'Now we are on to your favourite. Peter of course. We all knew you too were the two leaders of the group. The way your personalities meshed. Even how you would work together so in sync we all knew how he felt about you. But the life we were in nothing could come of it. When your roommate Cat died and we saw you deteriorate thats when we decided. To escape before you died under the pressure. Peter came up with the idea. We wanted a life outside too. A future. I remember how excited he was to introduce you to us after he met you in Isolation. We were young then but the way he described you as some 'warrior' and 'cool' sure as hell caught our attention. If you want me to be blunt. I was jealous I mean he never looked at me like that but I got over it soon enough.' Uriel closes her eyes and leans back into the pillow. I have no clue if she is done yet but I say nothing.
'Then you ran off. We woke up in chains in the isolation cells. To add to the horror Kyran's chains were doused in liquid so if he tried to his electricity to escape he would be severely injured, possibly die. Peter was mute for weeks. We tried everything to get him to talk. But to no avail. Then they sent us back on missions and he broke out of it. He lead us alone. But he was never the same. He would have this guarded expression at times which a contrast to open and playful personality he always had. Collings enjoyed rubbing it on our face that you had left and were running around playing vigilante.' Uriel spits bitterly. Her blue eyes are cold as ice, an opposite of the hot fire searing her bed sheets.
I jump up and douse her hands with water before any nurse comes running in. I cant be bothered with the hassle of being nagged to rest and sleep. There isnt time.
Uriel looks at her hands with shock and her eyes fill with water.
'He took everything from me. But at least I still have this.' Uriel holds her hands to her chest.
'I still have my powers Erza. I may never be able to have a family but I have my powers. That's better than nothing.' Uriel murmurs rocking back and forth.
What do I say to that? My powers were always a curse to me. My own mother sold me into this life because she hated my powers. She even hated herself for sleeping with my father to make me. So,what can I say.
Thinking has never been so my strong point, I'm at acter so I act. I lean forward and place my hand on Uriel's scorching one despite my own skin sizzling I dont move it.
Uriel's eyes meet mine but she doesnt move it away.
'Was it worth it Erza?' Uriel whispers.
She doesnt need to explain. I know what she is referring too.
'No it wasnt. We could of escaped together. The only saving grace for me was meeting Layla.'
I dont know when it happened but my eyes have closed. As if I cant face Uriel's response. I can handle her bitterness even her hatred but her pain thats a pit I cant bear to fall into.
'I hate you Erza. I blame my loss on you. But even now I am glad they didnt form this operation on you. To have you lose your uterus is to lose the future. So as much as I despise you I am glad you got away.' Uriel pulls her hand back and I fall back into my chair.
Before I can think of a response Uriel speaks again.
'Instead of lying in that bed moping over your own pain. Get up and make a plan to fix this. You got us out, now what? There are many institutions in this country that have people like us. So stop acting like a victim and be a leader. You used to be one once so be better. Get up to your leaders room and make a plan to change this society. We can't go back to Insurgo Erza. That team is dead now and so are the people we were. You find your own path.' Uriel breathing intensifies and I stand to call a nurse.
The nurse rushes in and shoos me away.
I make my way down the medical ward in a haze. Uriel is right I have been sitting here mourning. I did this and yet I was naive enough to secretly hope for another chance. It isnt coming. Peter and me wont work it out. Grayth will not open up to me again. Uriel loathes me. Kyran will never stop looking over his shoulder to see if I will leave or not. This is the result of consequence and truth of redemption. It doesnt always come.
A throbbing reoccurs in my leg and my side sears of pain but I dont slow down. I make my to the stairs ignoring Aibek's call of concern. I am seeing Laith because I made my damn mind up. We are changing this society with me on the front line.
I hurry up the stairs two at a time ignoring the damp feeling of blood on my bandages. At this point I dont care. The priority is talking with Laith.
By the time I am at the third floor there is a constant whisper around me and I shake it off. They all recognise me from the mission most probably. You can tell those who have just been rescued from the people who are long residents here. The purple under their eyes is potent. Their nightmares still linger behind their eyes but once you get used to the idea of freedom they settle.
I cross the hallway in double time and hear Will from the art rooms but even then I ignore his calls.
The strength I can muster I use it to boot Laith's office door open who is sat expectantly at his wonky desk. He smiles when he sees who dares kick his door down.
'Only you Erza would make an entrance like that.' Laith comments and his eye brow is raised for effect.
'Well I like to make myself known.' I sit down in a spare chair and will the wheezing from my chest to go away.
'Perfect timing. I was just discussing things with your friend Peter here.' Laith gestures to the corner of the room where Peter is floating his legs crossed as wind surrounds him. He pointedly avoids looking at me.
I was so focused on getting to Laith I didnt notice him here. I need to be more self aware damn it.
'Really? I am curious what about.' I attempt to keep my voice levelled but fail as the shake comes on.
'He wishes to go in the field. I was thinking of placing him with your Flighter team while he learns the ropes.' Laith responds clearly with the underlying question. Do I want Peter with us?
I glance over at Peter who is looking at Laith, that guarded expression ever present in his eyes. Okay if thats how it has to be.
'Sure why not. Its good for him to get in the field before I become a Fighter anyway.' I add briskly.
Laith eyes go wide before he replies Peter's wind speeds up. But as he did to me I ignore it.
'Your becoming a Fighter? When did you decide Erza?' Laith stands and walks around his desk.
I release a breath before confessing.
'Just now I spoke with Uriel and what she said made sense. So here I am and I want to be a Fighter.'
Peter's face hardens but he utters no words.
'I am glad to hear that Erza. We need you but not until we are sure you have healed.' Laith presses.
'Fine. What about Varian? How is he about his dad?'
Laith flinches before sighing. 'He wont speak to me. So I dont know. Although I have seen him with your comrade Grayth frequently so maybe ask him?' Laith eyes are downcast, clearly troubled by Varian's behaviour.
Ugh he is with Grayth again...
'Sure. So whats the plan now.'
Laith smirks. 'I trained you well. You are always looking for the next step.'
Peter beside us stirs clearly dying to say something.
'Yes Peter?' Laith turns and gestures to him.
'Are you sure its wise for Erza to be in the field so soon after her injuries. We dont want her to be a liability.'
A lia-fucking-bility? Now wait a fucking minute.
A growl erupts from my throat and I stand without thinking.
Peter looks taken back but his wind picks up in force. He wants a fight?
I call upon my power for the first time since the mission. I wont have anyone calling me a liability in the field, not anymore.
'Say it again and I will show you a liability PP.' My eyes turn into slits the tell tale sign the tiger is coming.
Peter's eyes are ablaze. He always hated the name Peter Pan.
Laith stands there observing.
Peter's wind forms into a whirlwind getting faster and faster. The whirlwind moves towards me and I can feel its pull.
The control I so desperately clinged to; I release it.
In an instant my body is screaming. Fur pushes through my skin. Bones break into form. Muscles twinge and strain into their position. My wounds stretch and throb under the force but I wont stop.
I plant my paws on the ground and stare at Peter whose face is a mix of awe and anger. His wind pushes at me and I force a paw forward then another.
Laith's office is being transformed into Chaos but he makes no move.
I bare my fangs at Peter and put every emotion I feel into the roar. My tiger eyes weep from the effort but I carry on anyway. This is the only way I can prove to Peter that I can handle myself in the field. I dont need his doubt or pity.
When the roar ends Laith is between us. In his water spirit form the lion of Laith bears his neck to help me simmer down then he turns to Peter and releases water.
The water encircles Peter forcing the air away from him within seconds Peter's green eyes close as he fades into unconsciousness. Laith lowers Peter to the ground who is now soaking.
I withdraw my power and fall to my knees from the strength it takes out of me. The purple streak is not back until she can transform with ease. I gasp and grip my leg from which blood is pooling around me.
A meter away Peter is on the floor, his red hair darkened from the water and his bandages just as red. The evidence of over pushing himself is as obvious as it is on me. I drag myself to him and brush his hair from his eyes. He is a fool.
Laith grips my by the arms and pulls me up.
'I am sorry I let that go so far Erza. I just needed to see if you were both ready.' Laith has the decency to look guilty.
'Ready for what?' I croak, my voice feels raw from the roar.
'The Flighter mission tomorrow. We need you guys to scout near Covent Gardens tomorrow. I wanted to see if you would both fight despite your conditions. I was right to think you would.'
Despite my irritation that Laith used us for pawns. I cant help but feel resigned. It looks like this is how me and Peter will work together from now on. Yippee.'
Laith tells me to wait here but I barely hear him. My mind keeps zoning out.
I need to see Layla. I have'nt checked in on her training.
I pull myself out of whatever chair Laith slumped me in. I head to Layla's class, eager to get away from reality.
Reality only seems to bring more pain and double the problems. I cannot fathom why.