I love the fact that Manny wants to teach me how to defend myself against guys like Steve, I just hope that I can do it when the time comes. His home is big, the biggest home I've ever been in that's for sure. I forgot to show him some of my drawings before he left, crap! But it's cool I'll show him tomorrow at the beach. Man it's been some years since me and my family went to the beach, but we always have such a great time. I'm gonna ask him if he wants to barbeque too, I completely love when we bbq at the beach. I love the sand in between my toes and how I my skin gets darker from the sun. But my absolute favorite part is being in the water, I mean I can literally lay in the water for hours, no problem. And I've gotten to where I can hold my breath a whole 3 minutes too, I've been practicing!
I hope we can go back to his home soon, so I can get more ideas for a new drawing. He has a workout area there, I see where he gets his huge muscles from. A home theater too, I wonder what its like to watch movies in there... That kitchen was really cool, I would love to cook meals there. I'll feel like I'm on my own show on the Food Network lol. I love that bathroom too, he has a separate tub big enough for two people and a huge shower! He said he already had a room ready to be turned into a nursery 'gulp' jeez he is really serious about having kids. But it's awhile away so whatever.. I guess.
Walking into his bedroom was a bit scary, I've seen enough grown up movies to know what happens in there, they always say stuff like 'this is where the magic happens'. I don't know what is it about sex that's magical and I'm not tryna find out either. I'm sure Maria and Ruth didn't think it was magical when they found out that they were pregnant and are gonna have to raise their children alone. I'm sad thinking about it.
I don't see how some guys can just have sex with you and leave you alone with their kid?! Its horrible! But that's what happened to my mom over and over again. She was with a guy, then she was pregnant and then he was gone! I don't want it to be like that with me and Manny. That's why I decided that it would be best to get married first and then have my kids, not before. My mom has never been married and she has 6 kids. And also she was with sooo many different guys, I know she doesn't think that I remember them, but how can I forget. I also don't know if Manny can really wait till were married, he is so mannish some time. So far he has not been able to control hisself and I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop him if he goes to far. Oh man, it's so much to deal with and handle on my own, I need to talk to Grammy.
I go downstairs and Grammy is in her recliner watching TV, I bring her a glass of ice water. "Here you go, Grammy" "Thanks, Keya" "Hey Grammy can I talk to you for a minute?" she turned off the TV. "Of course you can baby, what is it?" "Well, I was just thinking about a lot of stuff and my head hurts" she looked at me worriedly and said, "Is it about Manny?" I nodded "Yes, but also about a lot of other stuff too. Like, why is it that people don't wait till they are married to have kids or have sex?" She took a deep breath and said "Because sometimes it's not that easy, when you're in the heat of the moment. And it's really hard to stop that feeling once its started, sometimes you can't because you don't want to. Its like a tiny snowball falling down from the top of the mountain, it grows bigger and bigger, and the bigger it gets, the faster it falls and the harder it is to stop it! Sometimes it doesn't stop until it reaches the bottom. It's impossible to stop it, unless you're very strong and I don't mean having lots of muscles, I mean mentally strong. Do you understand what I mean?" I thought about it awhile..."Yes I get it now Grammy" I said. "Has anything like that happened with you and Manny yet, has it been hard for him to stop what he was doing to you?" she asked. I was a bit embarrassed but nodded. "Yeah, today at his aunt's house we were kissing and.. if she didn't come knock on the door, I don't think he would have stopped! I don't know if I would be able to stop him either.." I was really worried.
"I'm also worried about that agreement we signed, I think 15 is still too young for me to be spending the night with him" I told her honestly. If he almost 'did it' with the house full of people.. I can guess what will happen if we are alone...'shiver' "Keya, I was your age when I got pregnant with my first kid, so was my mom, and her mom. It's not an uncommon thing to be a teen mom, okay. The only difference with you is at least Manny is asking me for permission to be with you. I was raped, so was my grandmother, it happens and no its not a good thing but its been going on for thousands of years like this." "Grammy just because something has been happening for a long time, doesn't mean that its right though!" I said "I know Keya but that's just how life is sometimes, it just ain't right. Even being married doesn't mean nothing some time, I'm married and my husband still left me and our kids, to go start a life with someone else, so don't think that being married is the ultimate solution either okay?" she said.
"Well what is the ultimate solution then, because I don't want to be with anyone if its not gonna be forever!?" I was seriously confused now, if marriage wasn't the answer.. "Prayer, Keya, you just got to pray about it continually, pray that he's the right man for you. And that you don't have to suffer the things that I had to go through or that your mom or my mom went through okay? That's the best advice I can give you." I gave her a hug and kiss, "Thanks Grammy!" Well at least now I knew what to do. Talking to Grammy always makes me see things better. I'm happy that we are with her and not my mom, her daughter, anymore she's just horrible! Always drinking and smoking and worried about some guy. What about your kids don't we even matter to you at all!? I thought. But I didn't want to think about her, she never really thought about us so why waste my time.
"I'm gonna call Manny and ask if he wants to BBQ tomorrow." I told her, "Okay" I dial his number, "Hello beautiful, you miss me already?" he said. I giggled blushing, I did miss him a little. "I was just calling to see if, maybe you wanted to BBQ tomorrow at the beach?" "Hell yeah, we can do that, I love BBQing! What do you like to eat so I can get it from the store?... Hey better yet, I'll come get you and let you pick out what you want to eat, cool?" "Um okay that's cool" "Okay I'll be there in 10 babe" "Okay, I'll go get ready" "Ok" I hung up. Told Grammy he was on his way back and she told me what to get and where to go get it from.
I put on a regular t-shirt and shorts with some flip flops. I only mostly wear dresses to church or parties, cotton t-shirts and shorts are much more comfortable to wear. I grab my backpack and put on my cherry lip gloss and head back downstairs, check on my kittens they are so cute and fluffy. I go to the door and there he is waiting for me with the car door open. "I'll be back soon, Grammy" "Okay". I get in, put on my seat belt and we go. "So what store you want to go to sweetie?" he asks. "Tony's over on Fullerton" "Oh I know where that is, why did you change out of your dress, you looked real sexy today" he said looking at me like he wanted to eat me again. Jeez is that all he thinks about?! 'Sigh' I wonder if doing it with him will help him not think about it so much or will it make him worse?.... Oh well it's not happening today so whatever. "I like to be comfortable and the dresses I have are not really comfortable so I just wear clothes that are." "Well would you wear them if they were comfortable?" "Yeah I guess so" "Okay well I'm gonna take you clothes shopping too, cool?!" "Um okay cool" "But first we are gonna stop by my place so I can change, k?" "Okay" and we drive back to his home.
We arrive and he gets out, I decided to just wait in the car for him, since he won't be long. He comes around and opens my door, "Come on in" he smiled. "Oh um, I'm okay, I'll just wait here for you" I told him. He frowns and bends down unhooks my seat belt and lifts me out of the car. "Manny!?", what's he doing? "I wasn't asking!" he said, oh goodness gracious what is he doing? He carries me all the way to the bedroom, closing the door with his feet, sitting me on the bed, I'm really shaking in my boots now. He's looking down at me hungrily and then he starts taking off his shirt..'gasps'..oh no...should I run...or scream... or fight...I'm not sure..
"Ma..Manny? Wh..what are you doing?" "Just giving you a small taste of me.." OMG!? WHAT?! I don't want this, what am I gonna do...? His pants drop and he is just wearing his boxers his thing poking up and out like a tree branch! I was sweating and shaking uncontrollably. He starts coming towards me, I put my hands out in front of me and try to stop him..why does this keep happening to me?.. First Steve, then Caramelo and now.. "Please don't do this, please, Manny, I'm begging you, please?!" "Don't worry baby its not going to hurt, you'll love it, I promise" He is on me before I can think of what to do, in between my legs! He's kissing me like he did on his bike, his tongue swirled around mine and sucking on it, but this time he doesn't stop and its super intense.
"My Keya, I have been dreaming about this for months and now you are finally in my bed..mmm!" He starts licking my neck, sucking on my ears..I closed my eyes... "Mmmmm...gasp...Man..Manny!" I moaned uncontrollably. My butt started tingling again, its really hot and I feel goosebumps all over me! "Yes baby I love when you say my name, say it again!" I shook my head, I didn't want to do this! But.. he grabbed my thighs and rubbed his thing on my... "Oooo my G...., mmmmManny...." "Yes baby just like that, put your arms around my neck!" GASPS! No, I know what happens when... I shook my head again, he rubbed hisself against my privates again, harder this time! Over and over again... "Aaaaaa...mmmm...mmm..." I felt like I was on fire! "Say my name and I'll stop baby..or do you want me to keep going?" I wasn't looking at him, my eyes were closed tight and I couldn't think straight..did I want him to stop or not..? He was breathing hard and he started going faster...He started caressing up my sides and I felt his thumbs rub against my nipples! I felt extreme goosebumps all over me... "Aaaa..gasp...mmmmmmMannyyy...!" It was really hard to breathe and my heart was thumping so fast in my chest that I felt it in my ears... "Say my damn name!" I felt like I was gonna explode and I wrapped my arms around his neck... he stopped for a moment then...'GROWL'...he sounded like a beast about to attack, it scared the daylights out of me and I opened my eyes! He was sweating and smiling at me, "Mannyyyyyyy... fuck!" I knew he had did that on purpose.. "OOOHHH...gasp...mmmm" "I fuckin love you Keya! Say you love me baby, say it!" I couldn't take it anymore! It was too much! My head was pounding and I screamed "I LOVE..YOU..MANNYYYYYYYYY!" 'BOOOOM!!' I exploded! And felt something I had never felt before! I don't even know how to explain it but flooded my whole body and I was dizzy, shaking like crazy and I can hardly breathe, my heart felt like it was tryna escape outta my chest. It was like I was on fire and someone came and poured cold water all on me! RELIEF! I heard him yell, "KEEYAAAAA! UUUUUGGHHHH!"
He was breathing on me and I felt his sweat dripping on me. "I love you Keya " he kissed me and sucked on my bottom lip then rolled off me. I was dazed and confused, I couldn't move even if I wanted to. I just laid there tryna catch my breath, thinking about what the hell just happened. My whole body was thumping, like my heart was in every part of me. After some time, he turned to me smiling and said "I knew you loved me baby, I just had to bring it out of you." I wasn't looking at him but up at the ceiling, my head was spinning, I felt like I was gonna vomit and pass out or something, "Manny, I don't feel so good" I sounded really weak and far away, my stomach was churning and I started breathing weird, he picked me up and ran me into the bathroom, we barely made it to the toilet and I threw up! 3 times! He cleaned me up and helped me stand so I could rinse out my mouth with mouthwash. "Are you okay?" he sounded worried. I shook my head, still not looking at him, I..couldn't. He sat me down on the tub, I just sat there, tryna figure out what to do or say...
He said "I'm gonna take a quick shower okay?" I nodded. He showered and got out. He had muscles like the guys on WCW! And his 'gulp' thing was long! About as long as my wrist to my elbow and just as round too! I was coming back to my senses and I asked him slowly, "Was that..sex we just did Manny?!" I needed to know for sure, because if it was then I'm pissed! I looked at him, he came over to me and said, "Uh kind of..That was more humping and grinding not really sex, sweetie." With a shaky breath I asked, "Is sex worse than that or better or the same?" "Sex is much better than that baby I promise you. But because you have never had sex before, I'm sure it will be a little painful at first, but you will not hurt for too long baby. Why do you ask, do you want to have sex with me?" He asked curiously half smiling at me. "NO! But I hope that you are satisfied now and will stop being so mannish with me!" I yelled at him, I was actively pissed. I begged him and he didn't listen to me at all! I started bawling uncontrollably, he came to try and hug me and I pushed him away, "Don't touch me! I begged you! And you didn't listen to me, I don't wanna be with you anymore!" I screamed at him.
He was shocked but I didn't care, he didn't listen to me and I didn't want to be with him anymore! He made me feel things I never felt before! Say things I didn't want to say! And do things that I didn't want to do! He's not a good boyfriend at all! He dropped down to his knees, looking miserable and said "Baby please, please don't leave me, I..I'm sorry and I love you more than anything in this world..I'll control myself from now on,..Keya please, I promise, just don't leave me baby please?! I'm so sorry!" he grabbed me around my waist and was nearly crying for me to not leave him. And for some reason, I like being in control of him like this, having him beg me, it was a very different feeling...powerful! I told him, "Fine, but you can't attack me like that again or it is OVER Okay?!" I grabbed his face, digging my nails into his skin a bit, I was so mad and told him, "I'm serious Manny, I'll tell Grammy and this relationship is done, do you fuckin understand me?" I said seriously. He looked grateful and said "I'll be a good boy baby, I don't want to lose you, Keya you are my world baby, believe me!" "Well then control yourself Manny, you promised me that you would wait and what you just did to me was not waiting was it?" I told him. He shook his head, tears coming down his face. "We need to pray, Manny that's the best thing we can do to help both of us okay?" he nodded his head fast and grabbed my hands and we prayed together. And he promised me that he would not attack me like that again.
He got dressed, gave me some money, then we went to Old Navy to get me some new clothes. He let me get whatever I wanted. Then we went to Foot Action and he bought me 7 pairs of shoes, and he paid for everything. After that we went to Cub Foods and bought what was needed for the BBQ. He took me home, took everything inside and told me he'll see me in the morning. He kissed my hand told me he loves me and went home. 'SIGH' Goodness gracious, what a night!