"I think I'll upload stories on the Internet!"
It was autumn of our first year of middle school, I remember talking to Rin on one of our days off.
"Internet?"
"Yeah, yeah, Syosetu is a site where you can upload novels for free."
I started tapping around on my phone and showed Rin.
"Huh, so a site like this exists."
Rin was staring intently at the screen like a kitten looking at a human for the first time.
"And you know what? If your story ends up popular here, you can get published too!"
"Th-that's awesome."
"Of course it is! Maple Satou also started out on Syosetu too! I guess this is the path I have to take."
I hadn't even submitted a story, yet I could already feel so much tension. Posting a story on Syosetu and it becoming popular enough to get published was a pipe dream for me, but the mere idea of it had my head in a mess.
"Do your best! I'll do my best to help out too."
Rin clasped my hand with both her hands and gave me that sunflower smile once again.
"Y-yeah, thanks."
I could feel myself getting hotter as I averted my gaze. Now that she was in middle school, Rin had become even more cute, polishing off her rough edges. Compared to her elementary school days where she wasn't that smart or athletic, she was developing rapidly in both areas. She definitely transformed into such a bewitching figure, it was unbelievable.
Middle school was the time where people start becoming aware of the oppsite sex, and for me, Rin was a major reason why. It's gotten to the point where I can't really control my heart beat or body temperature anymore.
"When you start writing, please tell me, okay?"
Rin looked at me with such expecting eyes. She definitely wanted to read my story when I started posting it.
"Ahh... well, you know..."
I could feel the momentum of our conversation coming to a grinding halt. The tone of my voice became all soft as I scratched my cheek.
"Once I start, I don't want you to read my novels for a while."
"Huh? W-why?"
My answer caught Rin off guard as her pupils went all wide. Our habit of me writing and Rin reading whatever I wrote continued into middle school. Lately, we both bought each other phones as a gift, so now I sent my stories to Rin via the notepad app. While our process changed, the core of our actions hadn't changed one bit.
That's why she was surprised with my request to not read my stories for a while. I could feel the tension all over my body. I took a deep breath and stuck my hands in my pocket as I stared up at the clear autumn sky.
"I owe so much to you Rin, you've helped me a lot. It's because of you that I'm where I'm at today. You've helped me realize my dream. That being said…"
Rin stared at me with anxiety as she processed my last sentence.
"If you look at it, I've always been spoiled by you."
Rin opened her mouth in response.
"And that's a bad thing?"
I shook my head in response to her question.
"I want to become a pro. I can't have anyone spoil me. This is my fight alone and that's why..."
I placed my hand on Rin's shoulder as I declared the feelings inside of me.
"I want you to wait until I become an author. After I become popular on Syosetu and get published, then I want you to be the first one to read my book."
This is the end, I'm just digging myself into a deeper hole. I remembered the notebook with black sharpie written all over it, when I was a chuunibyou. I thought isolating myself in my room and writing stories all day was the only way that I would become a pro.
Besides that, I had another reason.
Lately, when I had been sending Rin my novels, I had a weird creeping feeling. I didn't feel this in elementary school, but I started feeling a little embarrassed when I saw Rin intently reading my stories. However, I didn't want to admit that to myself since that was embarrassing and I was such a stubborn kid, so I ignored that reason entirely.
So all things considered, I wanted Rin to stop reading my stories for a while. Looking back, Rin looked a little apologetic.
"Alright... then."
Her expression seemed a little lonely, but after a while she put on a smile.
"Alright, I'll be looking forward to the day when Tohru-kun becomes an author!"
Hearing Rin's words gave me a sense of relief.
"Yeah, just you wait!"
Full of confidence. I gave Rin a thumbs up.
Little did I know...
For an amateur with no technical writing abilities, it takes a lot of courage to expose himself to the general public. To be a pro means to suffer isolation and that takes a lot mentally too. I had thought that having Rin by my side had helped me over the years. And so, because of the compliments of one person, the young fledgling went out into the unknown wider world, only to be struck back down to reality a few weeks later.