Ren
Mag-isa akong naglakad papasok ng School. Maigi na rin yun, di ko pa alam kung paano ako magrereact sa nangyari kahapon. I'm hurt, I've been here before and I know this will pass.
Alam ko naman na magiging ganito. Kasalanan ko din for still choosing to like him. Pero Putspa! H'wag naman niya ako bigyan ng mixed signals.
This is temporary, this pain won't kill me pero nakakainis pa rin.
Arrrghhh!
I arrived at our classroom, there he is on his usual seat, sleeping. I choose not to sit beside him, I don't want to see him for the mean time. I didn't wait for him at lunch di rin ako tumambay sa Library. Sa gymnasium ako tumambay mabuti at walang practice ang basketball team ngayon baka matamaan na naman ako ng bola. Schedule ata ng mga cheerleading team ngayon.
I was just watching them as they execute their dance.
Kung ganyan ako kaganda, ka-sexy kagaling sumayaw will Kai like me?
I don't know if Kai is looking for those qualities. Wala talaga akong pag-asa kung ganun. Kahit personality wala rin akong ipagmamalaki. I'm so ordinary and typical, kung tutuusin I fit being on the sidelines.
"Huy!" Dinig kong sigaw na tila sinadyang itutok sa tenga ko. Nabulabog ang pag-iimagine ko nang biglang sumulpot si Nigel sa tabi ko.
"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" tanong ko sa kanya. He was smiling na parang di ako sinigawan kanina.
"Nanononood ng cheerdance practice, bakit?" I answered flatly.
"Bakit ka nakabusangot?" usisa niya habang umuupo sa bakanteng espasyo sa tabi ko.
"Pake mo?" tanong ko pabalik.
"Bakit di mo kasama ang Master mo?" tanong niya ulit.
Wala siyang kasalanan pero nabibwisit ako.
"Pake mo ulit?"
"Alam ko na! Na-friendzoned ka noh?"It was not a question but a remark.
Putspa!
"Aha! Tama ako!" parang nanalo sa lotto na sigaw niya.
Bwisit!
I know he will react like this. Ayoko siyang kausapin. Ayoko nang kausap lalo na kung aasarin lang ako. Tumayo ako upang mag walkout, but before I even take my first step hinatak niya ako, dahilan para ma-out of balance ako. Before I fall on my back he catches me by the waist. We were both appalled, this was the first time I saw his face this close. His eyes becomes dreamy drawing me in and he started to lean closer.
Don't tell me he's going to kiss me?
Bago pa ako mawala sa sarili ko ay nagawa ko nang makatayo ng maayos. I Pushed him with both hands and stand straight. I kept a short distance from him. My heart quivered because of bewilderment as I bolted away from him and out if the Gymnasium.
Putspa! Broken hearted ka Ren! H'wag kang marupok sa tukso!
I stride on the pavement, stealing glances at my back mamaya kasi sinusundn na pala ako ni Nigel. Naku! Nababaliw na ata ako. I suddenly bumped into someone. Nanlaki ang mata ko nang makita ko si Kai. I froze as he walk towards me.
"There you are," he sighed out of relief. Digla na naman akong kinabahan, bakit niya ba ako hinahanap?
"Hinahanap mo ako?" nauutal na tanong ko.
"Are you done ignoring me?" bintang niya.
"Bakit naman kita i-isnobin?" Pagsisinungaling ko at di makating sa kanya ng diretso.
"Don't lie," he said with his stern face.
"Ewan ko sayo, bakit mo ko hinahanap?" Tanong kong muli.
"If something is missing, you look for them. What more if it's someone special," sabi niya.
"And the last time we're apart you got yourself hurt," dagdag pa niya.
Special na ako ngayon? May leche flan at ube na ba ako sa ibabaw? Saka naman dumating si Nigel, napatingin ako sa kanya. Putspa! Sinundan talaga ako!
"There you are!" saigaw niya at lumapit sa amin.
Nagpapalit-palit ang tingin sa amin ni Kai.
"You were with him?" usisa niya.
"Ha?" parang tangang sabi ko.
"Yes she's with me," pag kumpirma ni Nigel.
I turned to look at Nigel and saw him winked at me I furrowed my brows. Anong trip nito sa buhay?
"I'll go ahead then," paalam niya na tila naiinis.
"Saan ka pupunta?" tanong ko sa kanya.
"Where my feet takes me, besides you seem to enjoy Nigel's company," pahayag niya.
Di pa man ako nakapag paliwanag ay umalis na siya. Napakuyom ako ng aking kamao sa inis. Bakit ba siya ganito? Why is it easy for him to arrive at conclusions. I stomped my feet out of dismay and turned to Nigel.
"Kasalanan mo 'tong kulugo ka!" bintang ko sa kanya.
"Paanong kasalanan ko? At ang pogi ko namang kulugo." Ngisi niya sa akin.
Aba! Nakuha niya pang mag-biro. Inirapan ko na lamanag siya dahil sa inis ko.
"Bakit ganyan ka makatitig? I just helped you. You're not ready to see Kai right?" he stated. Sabagay tama naman siya.
"I thought we were friends,but it seems not," he sound dramatic.
Guilt tripping din to ehh.
"Ang hilig mo kasi mang asar," dahilan ko na lamang.
"Kelan kita inasar? Hinulaan ko lang naman kung anong nangyari ah," pag mamaang-maangan niya. I just sighed out of exhaustion di ako mananalo sa kanya.
"Tutal down ang friend mo, ilibre mo na nga lang ako ng fuds!" sabi ko sa kanya.
"Hala! Nabudol pa ata ako," tila nagsisising sabi niya.
We are at the cafeteria I sat waiting for him as he ordered our food. Nilapag niya ang tray sa ibabaw ng mesa namin tsaka naupo. Nakaka ilang subo pa lang ako ng spaghetti nang magsalita si Nigel.
"So what happened, how did you got friendzoned?" tanong niya. Wala man lang preno mag tanong.
"Lagi naman siyang ganun tuwing may magagawa siyang bagay that might take our relationship in the next level ipapamukha niya na Bestfriends lang kami," pagsisimula ko.
Putspa! Why am I even telling him about this.
"Hindi ito ang unang beses na nangyare yun. Ang akin lang naman why does he keep on giving me mixed signals," dagdag ko.
"Kung ayaw niya akong ma-fall umayos siya," inis na sabi ko.
"Wala ba talaga siyang gusto sa akin o talagang malisyoso ako?" tanong ko.
He was just listening to my rants.
"Gusto mo ba malaman if talagang wala siyang gusto sayo?" he asked when I calmed down.
"Paano?" tanong ko, siyemre gusto ko rin malaman iyon para di na akon nalilito sa mga galawan niya.
"Make him jealous," he suggested.
Nababaliw na ata to?
"Paano?" I asked confused.
"I'll help you," he offered.
"Paano?" I asked again.
"Wala ka bang ibang itatanong?" he asked in dismay.
"Wala, wala akong ideya," parang tangang ngisi ko sa kanya. He rolled his eyes losing his patience.
"It's better that way, so reactions will be natural," sabi niya.
Di ko alam kung anong binabalak ni Nigel but I agreed with his idea. Kung walang mangyari edi wala.
***
We went together to our next class. I looked at Kai to see his reaction but his eyes were focused outside the window. He didn't care who I walk together with and it saddens me.
Wala ba talaga kahit katiting na pagtingin ang damuhong ito?
He suddendly looked my way, I quickly averted my eyes from his gaze and took my seat. Our professor asked us to look for a partner for the activity. I stood up as I was about to ask Kai to be my partner, when Nigel asked me. It's the first time we didn't do an activity together. My heart clenched as I see him partnered with a girl classmate. This is pathetic.
Why should I be jealous?
He was smiling at her, Gusto kong magwala. Hirap na hirap akong pangitiin siya tapos ganun ganun lang ngingiti siya sa iba.
Putspa naman ehh! Bakit parang ako lang ang nahihirapan sa pinag gagawa ko.
Strong ako! Di ako hinintay ni Kai bago umuwi so I have to walk with Nigel. It's like were having a world war 3. They both ate dinner in our house Nigel sat beside me and he didn't bothered arguing. Things kept going like this. It felt like we were strangers to each other no uttered words. We still watch tv shows together. But we didn't bother talking to each other.No acknowledgement when our eyes meets. I don't see him in the Library were he loves to sleep. I don't see him eat his lunch. I don't know where he goes everytime we have class vacancy.
It feels like we we're growing apart and its suffocating me.
What's wrong with me?
Pinili kong gawin ito pero bakit sinasaktan ko lang ang sarili ko.
***
Nanonood kami sa salas katabi ko si kuya at Nigel nasa gitna nila ako si Kai naman ay naka upo sa tabi ni kuya. Busy on his own little world.
"Ren! May problema ba kayo ni Kai?" bulong niyang tanong sa akin.
"Wala naman, bakit?" pag mamaang-maangan ko.
"Bakit parang hindi kayo nagpapansinan?" usisa pa niya.
"Guni-guni mo lang yun." sagot ko.
"Bakit parang si Nigel lagi mong kasama at kausap?" tila nag hihinalang tanong niya.
"Bakit? Bawal?" simangot ko sa kanya. Tumayo si kuya at hinarap si Nigel.
I was confused kaya bahagya akong umurong sa kinauupuan ko para bigyan sila ng space. Napansin kong katabi ko na pala si Kai kaya ibinalik ko na lang ang tingin ko sa palabas sa TV.
"Nigel, tapatin mo nga ako," tanong ng kuya ko habang nakapamewang.
Kita ko mula sa gilid ng akimg mata na tumayo rin si Nigel para harapin ito.
"Type mo ba tong kutong-lupa kong kapatid?" tanong ni kuya.
Natawa ako sa tanong ng kuya ko kahit nakaka insulto matawag na kutong lupa.
"I'm about to asked your permission to court her." I frozed at Nigel's words.
Putspa! Wala sa usapan namin to! I looked at him questioningly. Anong kalokohan pinagsasasabi nito.
"Hoy Nigel! H'wag ka ngang magbiro ng ganyan." I said nervously, habang pinandidilatan ko siya ng mata.
Tumigil ka na! Nagbibiro ka lang diba!
"No, I'm dead serious Seiren. I like you and I want you to be my girl," he exclaimed.
Napatingin ako sa paligid nanghihingi ng tulong na ibalik sa katinuan si Nigel. I saw Kai looking intently at Nigel' s direction. Walang ano-ano ay hinatak ko siya palabas ng bahay si Nigel. Putspa naman, Nang bahagyangq makalayo kami ay binitawan ko siya.
"Hoy Nigel anong pinagsasasabi mo dun kanina?" I questioned.
"Nakakagulat ka, muntik na akong maniwala," kabadong sabi ko.
"I'm serious about that Seiren. I really like you," he confessed.
Putspa!
"Abnormal ka! Wala sa usapan natin to," I reminded him.
"Alam ko, but I've fallen for you," agot niya sa akin.
Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaction ko sa mga sinabi ni Nigel. I didn't saw this coming, I'm not ready for this.
"Alam mo naman na--" simula ko.
"Just let me prove myself to you," he stopped me from talking.
This is totally unexpected.
"Paano nangyaring nagkagusto ka sa akin? May sakit ka ba?" di pa rin ako makapaniwala sa sinasabi niya.
"After spending sometime with you, I realize I like you." he said.
"Sigurado ka?" I asked. Baka nalilito lang siya o ano man.
"I am sure about this, I am sure about you," he implied. He held my hand and kissed the top of it. Binawi ko rin iyon agad.
"Give me a month or two, and answer me," pakiusap niya.
"Sigurado ka?" tanong ko. Tumango siya bilang sagot.
"You don't have to do anything, hindi ko pipilitin na gustuhin mo ako. Just let me prove myself to you," sabi pa niya.
Hindi ko na alam magiging reaction ko. I don't have any idea after this.
"Kailangan na ata nating bumalik sa loob,baka ano pa ang isipin nila." he suggested. Tumango na lamang ako habang sinusundan siya pabalik sa bahay. Sinalubong kami nang tatlong pares ng mga mata.
"I'm sorry," simula ni Nigel.
"Seiren was also surprise about this," dugtong niya.
"But I have good intentions for her," paliwanag ni Nigel. Tahimik lamang ako.
"Pumasok ka na sa kwarto mo Ren," utos ni Papa.
Sinunod ko na lang si papa, at bahagyang kinawayan si Nigel. Si kuya naman ay sinisenyasan akong bilisan ang pag-pasok. I didn't bother to look at Kai. I know he won't care.
Things turned out like this but maybe this will help me move on with Kai.
< End of Chapter 12>