** m o v e 0 1 3 part 3 **
<< r e i j i >>
THE FIRST TIME WAS IN VAIN.
Then I tried again, for the second time, and it was still futile.
And the third time was pointless.
I guess, it wasn't that easy to get rid of love. I've never felt this way about someone before, maybe that's the reason why I failed to realize it until I was in so deep.
And on the fifth? Or sixth? No. Maybe it was the tenth person.
I spent the night with someone who looked just like Yuma — same built, almost the same height, almost the same smile, and same look in their eyes. It was frightening how much I could see Yuma in this guy. So, when he asked me to spend the night with him, I could not say no.
I was laying on the bed and he was hovering on top of me, looking at me with such an intense stare as if he's going to eat me up whole.
He carefully inserted his thing inside after preparing me with his long and thick fingers. I closed my eyes as he thrusted in and out of me, feeling this sensation. My heart was pounding so hard against my chest and moans kept escaping from my lips.
My whole body shivered when I felt his warm breath so close to my ears while whispering,
"Reiji, look at me."
And when I did, the first thing I saw was Yuma's face — his cheeks flushed red, sweat dripping from his forehead, and eyes staring back at me with intense desire.
I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer, so close I felt him bite the skin on my neck as he thrusted into me.
'Yuma… I am making love with Yuma.'
My head was filled with that thought the whole night, and because of that, my whole body succumbed to this all-consuming desire and hunger.
'Just this one time…'
'Does Yuma kiss this way?'
'Will he play with my chest the way this person does?'
'Does his touches feel this way?'
'Yuma's making love to me....'
My thoughts were horrible but this was the first time, I was actually excited, I came so many times I lost my mind. I don't remember how many times we did it or when it ended. I just couldn't get enough of this delirium.
"Reiji, what do you think about doing it again with me?" This person asked. I knew he told me his name, and some stuff about himself, but I was so drunk to even remember such trivial details.
I thought for a moment. Thinking about doing it with him again, and thinking of Yuma instead, made me look forward to that second time.
"Sure. Give me your contact info."
At that time, I could never imagine how addicted I would be to this kind of setup. But just like any other thing, being addicted to something costs a lot.
He was my first fuck-buddy. Later on I remembered his name, it was Haruma.
***
"REIJI. I SAW YOU LAST NIGHT."
Yuma and I were eating together in the cafeteria. It's been a while since we spent time like this with just the two of us.
I looked at him, "Last night? Where?"
Yuma averted his eyes for a second, "I saw you with a guy entering the love hotel district."
"Oh…" My whole body froze, I stopped midway from biting my food. "You saw that?"
"Y-Yeah. So, was that your new boyfriend?" His mouth curved up in an innocent smile. Like he's happy for me.
"No, he's not. We're just fuck-buddies." I said
nonchalantly. As if him asking about it and me talking about this to him didn't bother me. I to act like this isn't a big deal or else… I don't know, I might just break down.
His eyebrows furrowed as he raised a look at me, he was completely at loss of how to react. "W-What? This is the first time I'm hearing this."
"Yeah. I was just… trying some new things out. And it wasn't that bad, besides it's more convenient than trying to look for a partner every single time." I shrugged. My eyes were fixed on my plate, I'm scared that if I look at Yuma again, I might not be able to hold on to this facade.
Will he get angry?
Will he worry?
Will he try to stop me?
I'll be happy if he will.
I heard him sighed. "Just make sure you take care of yourself. Don't just go with any weird creepy guys."
I could only smile.
'Man, what did I expect?'
***
JUST A FEW MONTHS AFTER THAT.
Yuma and I were on our way back home after celebrating a successful project in a nearby bar. We had drinks and we were able to catch up after such a long time. His girlfriend was currently out of town so Yuma was able to spend time with me again.
"Reiji? Who's that guy?!"
I turned to look behind me and saw Haruma standing a few feet from us with an angry look on his face.
"So, this is why you turned me down tonight… it's because you're with another guy?!" He said as he continued walking towards us, and stopped when he's in front of me.
"Oh! You got it wrong man." Yuma waved his hand, worrying and at the same time panicking, as he turned to face me. "Reiji and I are not like that. We're just friends."
'Just friends…'
Yuma nudged me on my side, asking me to speak up.
"Yuma, you don't need to explain our relationship to him." Then I looked at Haruma, with the coldest eyes I could manage. "Haruma, we're done. We just spent a few nights together and you already have the audacity to think that I'm yours? I don't want to see you ever again."
I immediately walked away. Without looking back. I don't even know if Yuma followed me.
I'm disgusted.
I'm disgusted by his feelings for me. I'm disgusted with myself.
It's repulsive how someone could fall in love with me when all I ever thought about was to use him as a substitute for Yuma.
"Reiji! Reiji wait!" I suddenly felt a large warm hand grab my wrist. "Hey, Reiji!"
I stopped on my tracks but I couldn't bring myself to look at Yuma. I don't have any idea what's the expression on his face right now. I don't want to know. I don't want to know what he thinks.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. It's just… it's such a shame, he's actually good in bed."
***
YUMA AND I WERE IN OUR FOURTH YEAR IN COLLEGE WHEN HIS GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH HIM.
I accompanied him while he cried and drank all night. He was really heart broken, he loved the girl so much. Watching him smile and cry both because of her was both painful for me.
I hate it when he's with her, but it doesn't make me happy that even though he's here with me right now, his heart and mind are still somewhere else.
"I'm telling you Reiji…" Yuma mumbled with his eyes half-open. He's already slumped over our table after finishing countless bottles of beers, and yet he still continued for more. "You should find someone who really loves you and cares about you. A person who will accept you as who you are. Someone who will protect you and take care of you. Someone who will never betray you."
I watched him empty out his bottle then I smiled at him, "Man, I'm not that weak to have to be protected. You say I should find someone who loves me but what if I couldn't love them? I'm quite satisfied with my relationships right now. And what are you? Some kind of a love guru?"
I chuckled trying to lighten up the atmosphere, but he didn't smile. Actually, he never smiled again since his girlfriend broke up with him a few days ago.
He shook his head. "Naah. I know having a person you can casually spend the night with is kind of fun and convenient but isn't it lonely? After you guys walked out the hotel room, you'll both go your separate ways, and just like that you're alone again."
I felt a sharp pain in my chest and it suddenly became harder to breathe as if I was being deprived of oxygen. Yuma has been worried about me, I know that much, but he would not stop me from doing things I've decided on my own.
Once again, I let go a forced chuckle, "What do you mean I'm alone? I have you."
---
Yuma was totally wasted and he was barely walking as I supported him on the way back home. We walked in silence. I could see from his expression that he's thinking about her and he's trying to hold his emotions. So I just didn't say anything. It's painful for me too.
His chest was leaning against my back and I could feel his heart beating. His warmth and his heartbeat were both not for me, and no matter what, it won't ever be.
We reached home and I brought him to his room, laying him down on his bed; I also took off his shoes and socks.
"Yuma, do you need water?" I waited for him to answer as I studied his face, but he didn't answer. He must have fallen asleep.
I sat at the edge of the bed and brought my hand to his face, grazing his cheeks softly with my fingertips. He was in so much distress earlier but now he's sleeping peacefully as quiet snores escaping his slightly opened lips. I gently traced my fingertips to his lips — they were soft and smooth.
I wonder if it tastes sweet too. But I have no doubt about it.
Slowly, I leaned down, inching closer to Yuma, with my heart pounding so hard against my chest. My eyes lingered on his face and on his lips as I closed the distance between us. My lips quivering in anticipation.
"Aya… don't leave me…" Yuma mumbled before he tossed to his side.
I immediately pulled myself back, as I regained my senses.
'What the hell am I about to do?!'
***
I was horrified by my actions and what I could've done. So I ran out of the house, without stopping, as if there's a monster persistently chasing me on my heels, only that... I was the monster.
I hailed a taxi when I was too tired to even stand and it brought me to Haru's bar. When I arrived at the bar, Haru immediately noticed my distress. He asked me what happened and even though I could see how genuinely worried he was for me, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. So I just immediately drank the beer I ordered and picked a random guy to ask to spend the night with me.
It didn't matter what he looked like, or if I knew him and talked to him before, or if he's not my type or if he didn't resemble Yuma in any way.
Haru tried to stop me but I was not myself. I couldn't forgive myself.
I went with this guy, I couldn't even remember the face, to the near-by motel and made love till morning.
I gave him a head, I rode him, I took the lead. And I also told him to be rough, to be aggressive, to do whatever he wanted to me. We did all sorts of stuff that I couldn't even remember the next morning.
The only thing I could remember was seeing Yuma's face as I lowered myself into him.
'Yuma… I'm so sorry…'
'Yu…"
***
[PRESENT DAY]
"...ma" I breathed out. My mind's gone hazy; the sensation and pleasure that's hitting me on all the right spots was making me feel so high. I feel like I'm melting underneath his body, underneath his warmth.
"Senpai… look at me." A deep voice resonated into my ear. The owner of the voice's words were laced with pants and moans.
I slowly opened my eyes and found Eisuke's dark brown eyes staring right at me, with his face flushed and bullets of sweat streaming down his jawline.
"E-Eisuke?"
"I'm the one you're making love with right now. Never take your eyes off me." He pulled out up to the tip, before vigorously thrusting right back in, with all his length.
I let out a loud moan from the sudden sensation.
"This is how I'll kiss you, senpai…"
Then I felt Eisuke's lips crash into mine, sucking and nibbling my lower lip. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I surrendered myself at his mercy and as our chests touched, our heartbeats became one. Suddenly his tongue was inside my mouth, invading and searching every corner.
I was almost breathless by the time Eisuke pulled himself up. My eyes were half-open but, somehow, I could still make up Eisuke's lips turn up into a smirk.
"And this is how I'll touch you…"
His big and warm hands caressed my chest and played with both of my nipples — encircling them, pinching them, teasing them. Then his right hand travelled down to my stomach, leaving hot traces from his touch, down to my still hard thing.
He gripped me and proceeded to jerk me off while his other hand kept playing with my nipples. Both sensations were too much for me to handle.
"E-Eisuke, wait…"
"There's no waiting, senpai. I want you to only think of me everytime we do this." Eisuke leaned down and licked my other nipple. I let out a loud gasp when he suddenly bit it, sending shivers all over my body.
He wanted me to think of him but the way things are, my mind had become completely blank, unable to think of anything other than the pleasure being flooded into my body. Even my vision's hazy from the tears welling up my eyes.
Finally, I came. My body shivered for a moment, as whitish liquid spurted out my quivering dick that was still in Eisuke's grasp. Soon after, I lay on the bed catching my breath, an attempt for my mind as well. But my head's still hazy. It felt too good.
"We're not done yet." Suddenly, Eisuke appeared in my sight, hovering on top of me, with his arrogant-looking yet handsome face.
And then he spread my leg open, positioning himself at my entrance. I felt the head of his thing touch my asshole, "And this is how my dick feels like inside you."
king's gambit chapter 13.2 // end