How do I get myself into these situations? Could it be because I cannot mind my own business, stay in my lane, keep to myself. I was perfectly fine 2 hours earlier, eating pizza and binge watching Netflix. Then I saw him. What was a well dressed, and I do mean well dressed, man doing in my not so well dressed neighborhood. Walking into an alley behind the Golden dragon, a Chinese restaurant that I am sure is a front for something. I don't know what because I can keep my nose out of that. I mean they have to put crack or something in the wontons--those things are addictive but I I don't want my supply cut off so I pretend I don't know anything which is really the truth I don't know anything about that anyway. I digress.
The man in the suit that looked like it was more expensive than my last three cars put together. Probably more expensive than my Community college education. Definitely. I shop at thrift stores and think it is awesome when I get something with a tag still on it. Why would anyone want brand new jeans when they can get soft buttery worn and loved jeans that don't need to be broken in? Speaking of worn jeans, mine are now soaked and starting to lose their shape because I have been squatting behind the dumpster in the alley under my balcony (a generous term I call my fire escape) waiting to see what Suit is up to. "Stay in your lane Nora, he can take care of himself- maybe. He was walking like he wasn't afraid-but I know that storyline well. My grammy always says, "Act like you know you belong and no one will question you."
I was just wondering if Grammy had any freshly baked cookies I could forage when Suit started back my way. Crap, crappity crap, crap, crap! I should have thought this out better. I could stay here and look like a homeless person, I am sure Suit is used to ignoring riff raff or I could somehow engineer a "meeting." Right as I was trying to decide which route to take, a huge rat darted from behind the dumpster and charged me like a bull of Pamplona. I am not afraid of rats, What? I'm not, they are gross and they always make me scream. Not a dainty scream that sounds femine but a blood curling deep from within my bone marrow scream that gives small children nightmares. Which I did, scream, I mean. I think it was in the top five screams of my life. It was long and loud and sounded like I was being maimed with a rusty knife. Not only did I scream but in my haste to get out of the demon creature's way, I stumbled back right into Suit. I wish I could tell you he caught me and I gracefully swayed over his arm and then he set me right but that is not how things go for me. No siree. Nora Jean Camden does not do graceful well. Graceful was at the other end of the virtue line when Nora was given gifts. Nora does clumsy well. Good grief, I hate it when I start talking in third person which normally happens when I get startled or feel socially awkward.
Instead, when I bumped into Suit, I was doing a great impression of a crab and so my head kinda hit his family jewels and he doubled over me. When I tried to move my head forward I grabbed his pant leg to push, my hand grabbed the edge of his pocket and with my body weight (which is just slightly over what those doctors recommend for a healthy range) and the momentum of my rat scramble the pocket ripped and I pulled the front of his right pant leg down with me. Naturally, the leg that was in it followed and the torso and well all of him came tumbling down like a drunk humpty dumpty. We were a tangle of arms, legs and ripped clothing (his not mine) rolling on the nasty alley ground. I couldn't help but notice he was hard everywhere. Not there-geesh get your mind out of the gutter. He had a very toned feeling and the glimpse of his thigh was nothing to scoff at. When I got my breath back, I started laughing. The cartoon version of what just happened playing in my head. He put his hand over my mouth and harshly whispered, "shut up!" I tried to calm my mirth but it was not happening and a giggle escaped. I heard a loud bang. Oh my goodness, was that a gunshot? Who was shooting and why were they trying to hit Suit. He rolled me over to the alley wall behind the dumpster back at the rat attack scene.
"If I take my hand away, will you not make a sound?"
I nodded. I would not make a peep. I have no idea if the people shooting could actually hit what they were aiming at. I mean they could miss Suit and hit me instead. There was no way I was jumping on that crazy train.
I could see someone's shoes under the dumpster approaching. I widened my eyes and shifted my head slightly to the dumpster hoping like heck this man could read silent panic speak.
He put his finger to his mouth, the universal shhh sign and rolled to a sitting position by my legs and pulled out a knife from somewhere. I am kind of surprised this man is still alive. Who brings a knife to a gunfight? A dead man that is who. Well, it was nice knowing you Suit. I was looking around for anything I could fight with when he jumped up and threw the knife at the stalker. It lodged into his esophagus immediately cutting off his speech and airflow. Stalker grabbed at his throat and fell like a tree in the forest except it did make a sound. Okay, maybe there was more to Suit than the book cover revealed. I scrambled over to Stalker dude and checked his pulse not really expecting him to have one since he barely had any blood to pump through anymore. I reached into my back pocket to pull out my phone and remembered I left it on my nightstand charging.
Suit walked over and pulled his knife out, wiped it on Stalker's shirt and calmly put it back in the depths of his suit coat which did not look like he had rolled on a nasty alley. How did he still look put together? Other than the ripped pants, of course. That was really unfair. Stupid perfect genes and expensive suits. I glanced down at my attire and groaned inwardly. I looked like a drowned rat. I have no intention of having anything more to do with a knife wielding suit but it would have been nice to have had the choice to turn him down. At this rate, he won't have anything more to do with me. I was staring at him trying to decide what to do next. He was tall, a lot taller than he looked from the balcony. I am not a short woman, I am taller than the average man but this guy had a good six inches on me. He was a lot wider than he looked originally as well. His shoulders were huge, his suit was expensive because he had to have them tailor made since there is no way a suit coat is made to fit those shoulders and look good all the way down to the trim hips. I say trim, they were still wider than mine which is really saying something since I like sweets. A lot. They looked trim under those shoulders. His thighs were solid and reminded me of tree trunks. I wonder what his butt looks like. Probably all tight and lifted, I barely got a glimpse earlier. This alley is dark and he was walking with purpose. I eased my head back to see if I could get a glimpse when he jerked his head to me and growled, " What are you doing here?"
I snapped my amber eyes to his blue, holy cow, how are eyes that blue. Is that even a color that crayola could emulate? I mean the depth people could swim in them. Did he wear colored contacts?
I was pulled out of my contemplation of the hue of his eyes when he snapped his fingers in front of my face. Clearly he was irritated.
"Well?" he grumbled.
Oh crap, he asked a question. What was the question? All I could think about was how blue his eyes were. Now they were getting darker--oopsie, he was sliding quickly down the slope to pissed off. What would I ask someone in a dark alley?
"Well, you see" I started weakly and tapered my voice down as I quickly spewed, "I was following you." I looked at the dead body, then back at him and asked a question of my own, " You got this or do you need me to call 911?" again my voice kind of dropped off at the end barely more than a mumble.
"I will just let you continue whatever it was you were doing and ah...go somewhere that is not here." I said as a I backed away from him towards the end of the alley. I was contemplating the intelligence of going straight back to my apartment or heading to the Golden Dragon to get some wontons, witnessing a murder made me hungry or maybe it was the mad scramble from the rat, I don't know but wontons were calling my name. I continued to take steps backwards until I thought it safe to turn around and booked it out of that alley. I turned the corner towards the Golden Dragon which just happened to be the opposite way I would take back to my apartment. I chanted to myself not to look back for several beats but it did not stop me from ducking my head and glancing back his way to see that he was staring at me while he had a phone to his ear. I could hear him growling. I picked up my pace and marched myself to get some much earned wontons.
"Hey Nora." Sally greeted me when I walked in. They have excellent customer service. Sally does not look like a Sally. She is clearly Mexican. You thought I was going to say asian. Nope. Sally has the jet black straight hair and bronzed skin of a native central american yet she was born and raised right here in the good ole U. S. of A. She does not have any traits of her father at all. She could be her mother's twin. She speaks spanish, English and Mandarin with the fluency of a native speaker in all three since her parents spoke all three raising her. Her parents own the Golden Dragon. Her dad is a small asian man that immigrated as a teenager, met her mother, also of small stature, who found her way over the southern border about the same time. They met and fell in love on Valentine's day so they go all out with those particular holiday decorations which is why the Golden Dragon looked like Cupid had vomited hearts and bows and all kinds of Valentine like crap after a really bad bender. It was tacky. But they loved it and everyone in the neighborhood loved it. Everyone except me. I hate Valentine's day. No, that is too mild. If Valentine's day were an animal it would be a rat with spider fangs. Nothing good ever happens to me on Valentine's day. It started when I was 3, Billy Johnson put a frog down my pants at his house and I was so intent on getting away from it that I stripped off my pants and ran down the street to our house. I still haven't spoken to him since. My mom said it was because he liked me. Well, if that is how someone shows they like you, I don't want to be liked.
"Hey Sally. Is my table available?"
"Yep. The usual?" I told you I really like wontons.
"Nah, I just want a double order of wontons and a beer." I started to walk towards my usual table and turned around to add, "and a shot of vodka." I turned again and threw over my shoulder, "make that two."
"Rough night?" Sally enquired to my back.
"You have no idea sista."
I told you the customer service was amazing around here. When I got to my table, Rosa, Sally's mom, had the bottle of vodka in her hand and two shot glasses. She set them up on the table, filled them for me and plopped a small dish of limes in front of me. I love this woman.
I threw back the first shot, squeezed some lime then immediately picked up the second shot and tossed it back sucking on two limes this time. I let out a huge "Ahhhh" and looked at Rosa.
"Thanks mamasita. You rock."
"You too crazy. You need to stop getting into things that make you need two shots of vodka."
I shrugged my shoulder and smiled. "Where is the fun in that?" she swatted me with her towel and walked off toward the kitchen.
I sat there for a while enjoying my wontons and beer wondering how long it takes to dispose of a body. How does one even do that ? I mean that dude was huge. The stalker-not the Suit, well the Suit was large too but he was fit large. The Stalker clearly liked his fried food. I would probably have to get a tarp and drag him then I would be seen and that was not good. I wonder if I cut him up how many trips would I have to make. When I realized the morbidity of my thoughts I snapped my head out of that funk. The last wonton. That always made me sad. Like eating the last M & M or the last chip or the last of anything really. The joy was over until next time. I was just about to get up when Suit sat down across from me and snatched it off my plate and put it into his mouth. He did not just take my wonton! My last wonton. Fire started to build in my lungs as I geared up for a suitable rebuke that died quickly at his words.
"Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in?