I pulled up the first address and started the car, put my seatbelt on and looked over to suit. "Seatbelt." He rolled his eyes but complied. He started to say something but I beat him to it. "Don't."
"Don't what? You don't even know what I am going to say."
"Yes I do. You are going to ask what the big deal about Valentine's day is?"
"He shifted in his seat and looked straight ahead. "Maybe. What is the big deal?" he asked anyway and looked at me. I kept my eyes on the road only shifting them to my phone to see the gps route. I turned on the radio. One of my favorite songs was on so I turned to Suit and sang along with the words, car dancing, "Shut up and dance with me, this woman is my destiny, OOO--oooo, shut up and dance with me!" Probably not the best choice of words on Valentine's day with my history. I was trying my hardest not to relive all the tragedies that occured over the past 29 years of Valentines'. Well maybe just 25 or so, I don't really remember the first four. Once in elementary school, I was swinging on the swings back when they were really tall and you could go really high. James Palosee was pushing me. We weren't going out or anything. He was pushing and I kept saying, "Higher James!" well he tried to push me higher but instead of pushing the swing he pushed on my butt and knocked me right out of the swing onto the ground face first. I broke my nose and then broke his nose. I thought that was fair. James never did swing me again.
"At least tell me what we are walking into right now. I like to be somewhat prepared." Suit said.
"Just shut up and look intimidating. This is not my first rodeo." I retorted as I pulled into the drive of a rather sad looking house in a rather sad looking neighborhood. It was probably a happy neighborhood about 25 or 50 years ago. The paint was peeling, the grass was clearly left to return to the chaos of nature and the fence couldn't keep anything in or out unless you were afraid of tetanus. Luckily the steps leading to the front door were stone and looked like they could hold me at least not so sure about hulk. I looked in the window next to the door and saw a lump on the couch. Yay, Jerry is home and not in a state to give me trouble. I rang the doorbell and heard a very deep rumbling bark that sounded like it came from a dog the size of a horse. Of course this wasn't going to be easy. It is Valentine's day. I pulled out my stun gun, glanced at Suit to see if he was ready for the fun that was about to happen and opened the screen door holding it with my back as I gently tried the door knob to see if it was open. At least something is going my way today. I ducked down and prepared to open the door, looking for cerberus so I would know which direction to aim my stun gun. The door creaked like a haunted rusty gate. The deep growl grew closer and I could almost hear the slobber dropping from it's mouth but still could not pin the direction. It was so loud it sounded like it was reverberating throughout the house in surround sound. The door was almost open far enough for me to squeeze through when it was ripped out of my hand thrown wide open by an impatient Suit to reveal the biggest, angriest dog ever known to walk the earth. I do not know my dog breeds but if i had to guess this one was new. All the aggressive traits paired with a huge muscular body that looked like it would crush me without a touch of remorse balled up into a furry, slobbery beast. His teeth were the size of my pinky fingers. As he started to charge at me, I did a really good impression of sliding into home under the dog pressing the stun gun to its neck and activating it. Uhm, should he have at least hesitated. YIKES! I continued my slide under and rolled over on my belly and reached up to tag it's butt activating the stun gun again. This time he did hesitate but it was more like he was irritated with a nagging mosquito. I saw Suit pull out a gun and aim it at the dog. "No!" I shouted. "We don't kill animals that we don't eat." I scrambled up and jumped on the dogs back as he lunged for Suit. I put his head in a chokehold. The dog started bucking around trying to throw me off but I refused to let go even as slobber coated my forearm. So gross. I am definitely taking a shower as soon as possible. The dog changed his tactics and rolled over on me before he passed out. On top of me. I was flailing around trying to get the dog off of me and finally managed to get my feet on his back and push him onto the floor. I stood up to see Suit grinning at me. "I will hug you." I threatened. His grin disappeared quickly. I was covered in slobber. I hope my leather jacket recovered. How do you get slobber out of leather? I was going to have to search for that information later. I slung my arms down trying to shake the bulk of the nasty off of me when I heard from behind. "Hey what did you do to Peewee?"
"Peewee?" I squeaked. " What kind of a name is Pee Wee for a nine hundred pound dog, Jerry? Huh? Why would you name this dog Peewee? His name should be zeus or Hercules or Arnold but peewee? Geesh you should be in jail for that alone." I walked over to Jerry and pulled his hands behind his back to cuff him. "Jerry, I am Nora. I am going to escort you to the police station to be processed. You missed your court date this morning. They don't like that much Jerry. And my boss doesn't like it much when people don't do what they said they would do. You know why he doesn't like it, Jerry?" I paused for Jerry to answer me. He just looked at me like I was speaking a language other than his native tongue. I continued, "He doesn't like it Jerry," I drug out his name, "because it cost him money and you know what else, Jerry?" I paused again. "He likes his money. so , "I pulled him toward the door stepping over Peewee. "We are gonna make that all better. K?" I paused again and kept my forward motion going, "k."
"What about peewee?" he said lamely.
"What about Peewee?" I asked back.
"He will get lonely. Who will take care of him?"
Oh. my. Goodness. I sighed. "Do you have anyone you can call to take care of him?"
"No. He won't let anyone near him." I sighed, I could totally see that. "You cant just leave him here that is animal cruelty. I will sue you if he dies." I rolled my eyes.
"Fine. Does he have a harness or crate or something to contain him?" Jerry grinned. "He has a harness hanging in the kitchen by the back door." I looked at Suit and tipped my head to the kitchen. He just stared at me. I tipped my head again. He just kept staring. Oh for goodness sake, "Will you please go get the harness?" I said in a sickly sweet voice.
"And food." Jerry added.
"And food." I confirmed with a sigh.
Suit looked at me and rolled his eyes then went to the kitchen. I situated Jerry in the back seat cuffed to the S hooks. Opened the back for Suit to put in the food and then went back into Jerry's house to get Peewee. I searched the linen closet for a sheet and a towel. The towel to get the majority of the slobber off and the sheet to wrap him up and carry him out to the Rover. Peewee was no peewee. I whistled to Suit. He raised his eyebrow but walked toward me. "A little help?"
He assessed the situation and said,"What did you have in mind?"
"Well," I started, looked down and let out an exasperated sigh, "I don't really know. I thought you might have some valuable input."
"Valuable input?"
"Yes, valuable input. An idea. You are more than gorgeous muscle and expensive tailoring right?" I taunted. He raised his eyebrow.
"Okay fine, let's wrap him in the sheet then you lift that end and I will lift this end. Easy peasy no problem?" I couldn't help the raise of my voice at the end making it sound like a question. I spread out the sheet by Peewee and we rolled him onto it, pulling the sides over him and then bunching up the ends preparing to lift him by the sheet.
"On three." He said, " one, two."
"Wait." I said quickly, stopping the count. "Do you mean one, two then lift on three or one, two, three, then lift?"
"One, two, lift on three. I said, 'on three'".
"No need to get snippy, I was just clarifying people don't always say exactly what they mean." I grumbled.
"I am not snippy." he snipped.
"Oh-kay." I drew out with clear disbelief.
"One. two. Three." we both heaved on three barely getting the dog off the ground. He started walking backwards out of the door and we finally made our way to the back of the rover and somehow heaved the monstrosity in.
I walked to the driver's side door and opened it to Jerry's, "my front door. You can't just leave it open like that. I will sue you if something happens to my house." I turned around and glared at him, "Jerry." I said in a clipped voice. "I will shut your front door but if you threaten to sue me or even think about suing me I will call animal services and tell them Pee Wee bit me and insist they put him down immediately. Are we clear, Jerry?" he paled and nodded. I did however, go lock his front door. I mean it is the right thing to do.
We made it to the police station with no more issues or Jerry threatening to sue me. I got Jerry processed and headed back out the rover.
Pee Wee was sitting in the driver's seat with his paws on the window looking right at me like I was his next meal. Oh man, I forgot he was in the car. I turned down the sidewalk heading to the butcher's. I was greeted by Lenny, "Hey Nor. What can I get you? I got those ribs you like to barbecue."
"Hey Lenny. Ribs you say? Wait, no." I said, shaking my head, "I can't take them right now but can you hold them for me, I can swing back by later today?"
"Sure Nor. No problem." He gathered up the ribs, wrapping them for later. "What do you need right now?"
"I need some scraps to give a bloodthirsty hound." He looked at me then glanced to Suit, then back to me. "It is Valentine's day," he stated.
"Yea, I know. He is not the bloodthirsty hound. I have one in the Rover. I had him wrapped up and all peaceful but he woke up." Lenny started chuckling. "Does the bloodthirsty hound happen to be PeeWee?" I narrowed my eyes at Lenny. "You know PeeWee?"
"Yep. Jerry comes in for scraps frequently."
"You wouldn't wanna take care of him for Jerry until he makes other arrangements would you?"
Lenny started shaking his head frantically. "No way Nor. That dog hates everyone."
"Great." I mumbled as I took the scraps. "I pulled out my cash to pay for the scraps but Lenny held up his hands refusing to take my money, "On the house Nor. It is the least I can do today."
"Thanks Lenny." I grabbed the scraps and headed out the door back to the rover. I carefully placed the scraps in the bowl we also grabbed from Jerry's house. I rattled the bowl and said in the universal I am talking to babies or small animals voices, "Here Pee Wee, come and get your yummy scraps. Come on boy. Come on." Pee Wee sniffed the air then bounded over the seats to get to the scraps. I quickly shut the back and ran to the back door on the driver's side and grabbed Pee Wee's leash that was attached to his harness and secured it to the s hooks reserved for this very purpose. I let out a satisfied, "Ha" right as Pee Wee lunged for me but was snapped back right before he got to me.
I gave the enormous canine a smug smirk and backed out of the vehicle. I got in the driver's side and turned to Suit as he was joining me.
"That was probably not you, I will put that one on Jerry. But watch it."
"What did I do?"
"You are near me on Valentine's day that is what you did."
"I don't see what the big deal is."
"You will, Suit. you will. It is only a matter of time before the Nora Valentine's day curse will strike through you."