Altan and I stare at each other for a brief moment, as my fear sinks into both of us.
~Poison! poison! what if it's poison!?~
My brain screams at me.
"P- Poison?" the healer boy stutters, "Who would DARE to poison the future duchess of-"
Altan puts a hand up and silences the boy. "How is your breathing?" he asks me.
I'm hyperventilating a little, but I take a moment to try to take a deep breath and I feel my lungs fully expand without difficulty. "I think it's okay." I answer.
He stares at me as he thinks, "Surely it's not poison." he says, "Because I would be affected as well."
I think on his words, and he's right. Everything I ate yesterday, everything I drank, Altan drank the same. Even the soup bowl and water canteen we shared. I remember thinking about how it was an indirect kiss each time I shared a drink with him.
"You're- You don't feel sick?" I ask him.
He answers with a shake of the head. "then it must be an illness." His words are spoken lowly. "In which case, we need to waste no time in returning to Kiziljer."
At his words the healer is on his feet and out of the tent. Outside I hear scurrying and running around as everyone begins to pack up the camp. I try to get to my feet as well, but Altan stops me, he calls out of the tent, then shorty after, a bowl of hot broth is delivered to our tent. He feeds it to me spoon by spoon, and all the while I feel nervous. his eyes are roaming over me, as if he could asses my sickness just by staring at me.
Finally, I finish the bowl of soup, and when Altan helps me to my feet and leads me from the tent, the entire camp is packed up. There are just a long line of horses ready to make their trek up the mountain.
I may not have realized I was sick at first, but when Altan hoists me on to the horse by my hips, my stomach sloshes. And when we begin the slow climb up the range of mountains, with the horses swaying back and forth, and changing their walking tempo to move up the hills with more ease, I fear I may throw up.
I don't say anything to Altan, I don't want to cause more trouble than I already have. But because of my sickness, I'm sweaty one moment and shivering the next. I can't tell if it's hot in the mountains because we're closer to the sun, or if it's cold because of the elevation. My brain tells me it's colder.
~Of course it's colder! the mountain peaks are covered in snow!~
But still, I don't believe it when my whole body feels like it's suffocating from the heat.
~This is terrible. This is far worse than when I had a desert cold.~
We ride on through the mountains, the terrain getting rockier as we go. Our horse loses his footing often beneath us with the uncertain terrain. And when midday arrives I'm ready to dismount. To my dismay, we don't stop, we keep riding on and pass out dry food rations.
When Altan hands me a dried piece of meat I stare at it and feel like throwing up. Luckily, there is nothing in my stomach to throw up.
"I can't eat." I say, passing the meat back to him. He looks at me worrisomely in response.
"You should try to rest then" he says.
I snort at this, "And how do you expect me to rest?"
"You can start by leaning on me." He says, and I tense up at the suggestion.
These last two days I've purposefully been riding uncomfortably. I've been leaning as far forward as I possibly can, and doing everything in my power to touch Altan as little as possible. It's been difficult, don't get me wrong. When we are both crammed onto this tiny saddle and his arms are around me, there really isn't anywhere to go except into his embrace. But still I fight it.
"Go on." He says, then he lightly grabs the top of my head and pulls it back until my head is resting against his chest.
~Well, 'resting' is a strong word.~
My head is touching his chest, but I refuse to rest, I refuse to relax. I won't let him have the gratification of that.
But even as I think that, my eyes fall closed drowsily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake, and I'm so cold... Mostly.
It's nighttime now, the red moon and a plethora of stars are overhead looking more dazzling than I've ever seen them. Maybe because we're in the mountains, we're closer to the stars now.
I sit up slowly and rub the sleep from my eyes.
~Well, there goes my oath to not relax around Altan.~
At some point, I was turned on my side. My legs are no longer astride the horse, I'm sitting side-saddle with Altan's arms around me and my body is next to his chest. Although I'm kind of mad about it, I feel cozy here. Something feels oddly secure, like how a daughter must feel in her fathers arms, there is a sense of safety. One I know I shouldn't feel.
"You're awake." I see Altan eyes aglow against the night sky, like shining stars of their own.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep." I say and my voice is as groggy as my head.
"You're shivering." Altan says then, and I notice it too. I woke up because I was feeling cold, and I am. Every part of me feels like Ice and I can't stop my body from shaking like I've been caught in a blizzard. The only parts of me that are warm are the parts that are touching Altan, he's like a human heating pack.
"Let's make camp!" Altan shouts to no one in particular, but everyone responds.
People start dismounting their horses and unpacking. I hear people collecting wood to start fires, and others are complaining about the cold or how their butts hurt from riding nonstop all day.
"Come." Altan removes me from the horse, and when I'm not held to his body my teeth start to chatter.
I don't know how it's done, but before I'm off the horse, our small tent is already set up beside a roaring fire. Altan sets me down inside on a pile of furs, but my fever is taking over me.
~I'm so cold.~
"Azul, what can I do to help?" Altan sounds weird... he sounds like he's worried.
~Am I in that bad of shape?~
"leave me alone." I say, because there is nothing he can do for me. I probably just need to ride out this fever or die from it.
"No, you need to warm up." I feel him touching my arm, "You feel as cold as ice."
"Is it cold here?" I ask wondering if it's just me or if the climate is making it worse.
"It's cold," He says, "But your body temperature shouldn't be this low."
I try to sigh, but the breath comes out of me shaking, "Just let me sleep." I tell him and try to close my eyes. "that's all we can do."
"No." he says again, "I'm going to warm you." He lays on the fur beside me and starts to scoot closer to me.
"What are you doing?" I try to push him away but I'm so weak.
"You need my body to warm you."