"Don't fight me Azul." Altan warns when I try to push away his arms, "You need to save your energy. I'm only doin this to help."
He wraps his arms around my body and pulls me to him. I'm on my side and our bodies are pulled together. I feel like my breathing becomes shallow as I stare right at Altan's bobbing Adam's apple. He pulls me as close to him as he can, and my arms get pinned between us. He rests his hands on the small of my back and exhales, the warm air of his mouth caresses my forehead and makes my hair tickle my cheeks.
His body heats up as soon as I'm pulled to him. He reminds me of a heated blanket I used to use when I had period cramps. Except that blanket was old and took forever to heat up. Altan heats up in an instant, and aside from warming my outside he somehow has the ability to inject warmth into my body.
"Relax." he commands and I realize my body is as stiff as cement. "I'm only trying to help."
I scoff, and the scoff turns into a cough. "Yeah right." I respond sardonically, but slowly let my body relax in his embrace. Even if I hate it, it's still better than shivering to death.
"What does that mean?" He tilts his head down to look at me but I don't dare meet his gaze.
~We're too close.~
I consider scoffing again, but decide I don't want to start another coughing fit, "Stop acting like you're doing anything for me." I say, "from the moment I first met you, everything you've done was for yourself."
a lick of silence follows my words, "If that's true, then why am I helping you now?"
I want to laugh at his dumb question, "Because you need me to be ALIVE if you're going to use me to end the War of Old."
"What do you know about the War of Old?" his response comes out quicker than I expect.
"I know enough." I say, "I know that you're using me because of my lack of memories."
Altan doesn't deny my words and it makes me want to push away from him.
"If you wanted to ACTUALLY help me." I say, "Then you would have let me escape."
"That's not an option." Altan's voice is like steel. "You will marry me, and that's final."
"Not if I die." I rebuttal.
"Do you wish to die?" He asks.
Another round of silence falls on us, and I hear the crackling of fire and mumbling of soldiers outside the tent.
"No." I finally answer.
"I know you don't wish to marry me." Altan sighs.
"No dip, captain obvious." I retort.
Altan shifts at my words, "What?"
"Nothing." I shouldn't have used an earth-joke on him.
"Do you think I'm a captain of-"
"look," I cut him off, cause I don't want to change topics and I don't want to have to explain middle school slang. "I'll get married to you."
"You will?" He questions.
"Well, it's not really like I have a choice." I shake my head, "I'll marry you, if I'm not killed first. because I don't see another way, and if I at least agree to it, then it feels less like a terrible thing."
"You will not be killed." His voice responds stern.
"Right," I pat his chest, "I get it, you'll do you're best to keep me alive." I sigh.
~I'm surrounded by far too many overly-confident men in this world~
"But just because we're married, that doesn't mean I want to do all the 'married' stuff with you, okay?"
"I'm not following."
~Of course you're not.~
"Stuff like this!" I gesture to our intimate position. "I don't want to kiss, or sleep together, I don't want cuddle sessions, and I DO NOT want to have kids with you!"
Altan doesn't speak when I finish.
"You can just have kids with your other wives or something." I say, "Tell everyone I'm barren, or something."
"I understand." Altan finally speaks and his voice sounds weird.
~Did I hurt his feelings? no, no, no, I'm thinking too much.~
"You do?" I ask.
"Yes, you want a marriage without the love."
"Exactly." I pat his chest again. "We can pretend in front of people for the war, or whatever." I say, "But when we aren't in the public eye I want to be left alone, so I can seek out my own hobbies."
"Hobbies?"
"We can talk about that later." I say.
Altan releases a sigh, "You are a very difficult female." he says.
I blink at his words. "what do you want me to do? pretend to love you when I don't?" I ask.
"Isn't that how love blossoms?"
I raise my eyebrows at the cheesy words.
~I suppose in a culture of arranged marriages, people probably think that way.~
"Anyway." I change the subject, cause I don't want to argue with him, and I'm already feeling tired. "You touching me like this is fine, for now, cause I'm sick... But when I'm better, I don't want you to touch me without permission."
I hear Altan's mouth open, I know he wants to protest, he wants to argue. He loves to touch me. for heaven's sake, he hasn't let go of my hand for the past two days. But instead, he just nods his head. "I'll wait for your permission."
~Well, that was surprisingly easy.~
"But," Altan continues, "When you finally give me permission, I will not hold back."
I swallow...
~That's not really what I meant by permission.~
"That- tha-" I stutter cause his words set a strange kind of feeling deep in my core.
"you should sleep." He says before I can form my thoughts.