Today has been a rough day. Things aren't going necessarily bad but not good either. I'm on fourth period and English has never been quite this boring. Having Josh sat beside doesn't help. Although he keeps acting super friendly I don't buy it. I'm stubborn enough to not fall for his facade.
"So psychology, huh... I should have known." Says Josh mainly talking to himself since I'm ignoring him. He might have been rather nice the other day but I still need to keep my guard on just to be safe.
"Please be quiet, I'm trying to focus!" This is a lie. I acctually don't mind his voice, if anything it's therapeutic. It helps me stop thinking and take a break. But I would never admit it to him.
He stops trying at this point and and some time after class is over. I head straight to Alis's locker, where she greets me with a big hug. After reading the letter I noticed a slight change in her. She seems less energetic than usual, like she walking on her tip toes on top of fraglile glass with the fear that is going to shatter.
"Have you spoken to your dad yet?" She pushes her locker shut and begins walking beside me.
"No, he always happens to be busy when I want to talk to him".
"I'm here if you need me, just hit me up!"
I nod in response. "It probably won't solve anything but I'm still going to give it a shot. If he shuts me off like he usually does I'll take the letter out. I just need to find the right words."
"Maybe something like... Hello dad. Dad...? Is that even your name? It could be but, how can I be sure if you never act like one." She winks at me, "Jokes aside, a simple 'Can we talk' could work."
After that we change the subject and we start talking about plans for the weekend. We are sat in the cafeteria where I suddenly hear a guy scream: 'Morrisons' and Kyle waves back in response. He seats beside him and starts talking in a loud voice. Kyle must have felt my gaze upon him because he turns around multiple times until he sees me. I'm not making any better by keeping my gaze fixed on them, and being only a few tables away I can be easily spotted. I feel my cheeks burning when I finally look away and face Alis.
"They're always unnecessarily loud." Giggles Alis seeing my red face.
"Is it that bad?" I ask her.
"Hun, bad isn't the correct term. Sun burnt would be a better way to explain it." She winks at me and I can't help but smile.
°°°
After class I run back home. Although I know that my dad isn't back from work yet, I have this energy rush that can't go to waste. I'm always so insicure that before doing something I get a rush that lasts only a few minutes - until I give up for good. However I get bored soon because I am home alone, with nothing to do nor friends to hang out with since Alis is out with her parents. Which is why I find myself bing watching on documentaries and barely hear the door when my dad is back. I realize he's at home only when I hear the door of his his office slam shut.
I give him exactly twenty minutes to sort out his stuff and get changed. After that I head to his office door and hesitantly knock. Now my legs start to tremble. If I had a tail it would be shaking so much out of nervousness instead of happiness.
"Come in" , he says with a frustrated voice as he massages his temples sighing multiple times. His desk is a mess, papers are everywhere which is unusual since my dad is usually very organized.
"Hey dad, rough day at work?", my voice comes out extremely high pitched and very quiet at the same time.
"We can put it that way. Did you need anything in particular?"
"In fact I do... Dad we need to talk." My voice is suddenly very assertive as I build up the courage to speak up, "its about mom, she left me a letter"
"Not a good time Joy, I have so much paper work to get done and the house that is going to be sold soon... It's just not the time..." He makes up esxuses as usual, I can't stand it anymore. This time is different though, his face grew pale after I mentioned the letter, and his speech is slurred. He's usually dead confident on his excuses, yet this time it seems as though he's grasping at air searching for a way out.
"You can't keeps dismissing me like this. Don't you realise that I have a right to know, mom clearly felt the same way since she left me a letter before passing away, yet in all of this years you have done nothing but dismissed my questions. I-I-I... I can't stand it anymore!" I say, my tone starts very low and slowly build up to my breaking point. I fight back the tears despite the pricking feeling on my eyes and continue, "this is hard for me too, you know, and it seems like we are strangers ever since she left. I need my dad too."
My dad stands up and leaves the room. I'm confused, very much so, yet I don't follow him. Instead I take a sit in his office hoping he just went to grab some water and will eventually come back soon. I was wrong. Two hours later and he hasn't shown up yet, and there's no trace of him in the house. The car is still here at least, but his keys and coat are gone along with his personal phone. I am very confused and all I have left to do is go upstairs and try to sleep.