"I would've thought…you'd be… happy he was gone," I grunted, trying to stop Griffin from connecting with my skin. Two days, and I hadn't learned anything except I was a faster and stronger opponent than other people my age. Other humans my age.
Sebastian was gone, and Luca and Griffin were trying to make up for it by pushing me and Athena to limits we shouldn't have been able to go to. To quote Griffin right before he sent me flying with a punch, This shit should come naturally.
I thought Athena was a hardass, but Griffin made her look like a bunny rabbit. He had no qualms about throwing me against every corner of the room or wiping the floor up with me. I had more bruises than skin. Luca said it was because we were down a person—Sebastian hadn't contacted us in two full days and, so far, half of this one, so we didn't know if he'd be around for the fight—and Griffin couldn't fight all that well. It meant we ended up as their punching bags all day, every day.
Griffin didn't bat an eyelash. He didn't even look tired. "Why would you think that?" he asked coolly. If anything, Sebastian's disappearance had made him even moodier. His fist danced around my arm, but it didn't really connect as I dipped low.
I wanted to give him a look that said the reason was obvious, but my face was too screwed up in half-concentration, half-exhaustion, to do anything but frown while I huffed and puffed. "Because you're in love—with Athena !" The last part of my sentence went up in a squeak as he took my arms and pulled me into him.
Griffin was solid, and his body was warm. His muscles had a lithe tightness I didn't get with Luca. Not that I cared. Luca was perfect in every way. "Yes," he answered calmly as I tried to kick his knees in. He dodged my kicks easily. "But even if there is no Sebastian, there still won't be a me."
I squirmed, but his grip was tight. "Don't you think you should try?"
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like I was Team Griffin for Athena. I was just pissed at Sebastian. He had left my cousin without a single word, hadn't contacted anyone of us, made sure neither Luca nor Hillary (who had come to visit the morning after he left; she was an absolute doll, although her continued presence yesterday and today was starting to irk me) could find out where he was. Athena was handling it well—if "handling well" meant that she hadn't reacted at all, except to throw herself into her training and using her power.
"You would've been dead by now if I wanted you dead," he remarked instead.
Well, question time was over. I had been training with him enough to know that when he ignored a question, it was best not to push him.
Griffin was the worst fighter of them all, apparently, but he was just good enough to teach me how to defend myself. Luca wouldn't lay a single finger on me, and it had pained him to so much as push me. We didn't get far with training before Athena and I switched partners. Now she was in the yard with some trusted demon friends of the guys', trying to take them all down at once.
Luckily for her, she found that she could use her power without feeling like killing everything or getting addicted like Samia, which only proved my theory that Samia had been evil long before the power.
I planted my feet against the ground, wrapping my arms up and into the crook of his. I thrust myself forward fully intending on flipping him, but Griffin kept a tight grip on me. When he hit the ground, I rolled, too, and he ended up on top of me. "So why the long face?" I asked, bringing a knee up into his midsection. "You worried about Sebastian?"
He moved at the last second, giving me just enough room to wiggle away from him and push myself up. "Of course not." He got up, gracefully, and I followed much clumsier and awkward. I pushed myself up like a toddler learning to walk, and he had gotten up like the full grown adult he was.
I was never going to get this.
We stood facing each other. He relaxed, not taking me as a threat (I wasn't), and I kept my hands in front of myself defensively, ready to stop him. I hadn't really learned to throw a punch yet, just dodge a majority of them.
"You aren't? That's your brother."
He shrugged. "We aren't close."
I pulled my fist back, aiming for his head. He leaned back, and I came up with nothing but air. He managed to grab my hand.
Of course they weren't close. I knew that. They were still siblings, though. There had to be some pressing desire for Griffin to know where Sebastian was. "I know that—" I balled my right fist up and managed to actually connect. It caught him by surprise, and my hand slipped out of his grip. "But don't you care?"
He gave me a murderous look. It had scared me the first day he did that, but then I realized it was a reflex. He wasn't actually going to kill me. It still was terrifying to make eye contact with, though.
"I do not give a single fuck about Sloth's whereabouts. He's always struggled with identity issues. It makes him a shitty person, and an even shittier demon."
I didn't press the subject since he spoke with finality. As he spoke, I was swinging again, and even though he was still dodging them, they felt a lot better. When I used the saber, I could feel the Guardian ancestry running through my veins. It gave me energy and luck. My ancestors gave me tips and help. Sometimes it even felt like they, briefly, became me. However, when it was just me and fists, I felt a little more badass. This was simply something I did. I didn't need to be special to punch someone and make it hurt.
"What do you think he's doing right now?"
"You ask a lot of questions when you should be focused on fighting, Clare." He sounded tired, as if I was a curious child, and he was the reluctant adult in charge of my welfare. "I'm sure Sebastian is one another murder spree. That's his go-to when he's upset."
Murder spree?
Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right—kick. I switched up the pattern suddenly, dropping my fists and angling a kick at his thigh. It sent him stumbling back. I delivered another kick, this one to the side of his opposite knee. His leg folded underneath him, and he went sprawling. "Murder spree? That doesn't sound like him."
Or did it? I didn't know Sebastian very well. What did know of him was that he loved Athena, and that pretty much summed up the rest of his actions. Except for his outburst, which he didn't remember and couldn't be faulted for since it was the memory swipe side effect, he was a quiet guy. He even seemed nice. Not like a murderer.
What he had learned was tough, though. I also knew the feeling of getting your memories returned to you suddenly. It was painful and disorienting. I would've shuddered had I not been in a fight. I wished that on nobody.
If I would've been able to use my saber and Griffin was a demon I wanted to kill, I would've taken my saber and stabbed him without a second thought. Before, I had wondered how I could kill something, anything, but when I was faced with demons trying to kill me, shit happened. It was no longer about morality or riding this 'kind soul' high horse. It was either them or my life, and I had chosen my life with no regrets.
I settled for kicking Griffin in the side. He grabbed my ankle, pulling me forward. I flailed as I fell. When I hit the ground, pain shot up my elbows and along the fresh set of bruises on my arms.
"Yes, a murdering spree. He once went on one that was thirty years long. I'm sure he's killed almost five hundred people, if not more," Griffin answered. "That was a stupid move."
I knew that. Groaning, I rolled over onto my stomach and laid there. Let him finish me off like I was the last cinnamon roll on the plate. Lick the icing (or, in this case, my sweat) off his fingers when he was done, too. "You didn't have to bring me down so roughly."
"Learn to take some pain." He smiled at me, though. He stood up and dusted himself off, giving me a few minutes to recover.
"That just doesn't sound like him."
Griffin gave me his 'explaining dad' look. "Clare, we're demons. Greater demons, at that. Just because Luca and Sebastian and I are here to save your ass, and we seem nice, doesn't mean we aren't bad guys on the inside."
Not possible. Not for Luca anyway. "Yeah, but—"
He cut me off. "There are no 'buts.' Each one of us has a dark side you don't get to see. And hopefully will never see." He walked over to the side of the room and tossed me my water bottle before looking out of the window to watch Athena. "We're not protecting you two because we want to save the world.
"I don't give a damn whether this world spins another day or stops and kills all the humans at this very second," he continued. "I care about Athena, and I care that Mother stays where she's at. I like the freedom of doing what I want with myself and my power. I don't want someone lording my freedom over me."
I knew Luca wanted to save me, and he didn't care much about the world either. But he wasn't evil. Even Lust as a sin wasn't bad. I took a long drink of my water. I would ask Luca about it later, just clear up the fact that he wasn't as bad as Griffin was saying.
Even though I knew little would change how I felt about him.
"If I'm being honest, Sebastian is the worst one of us all." Griffin turned away from the window with a sigh. There was a longing in his eyes, and I knew he wished he was down there with Athena. She needed someone stronger than him, though. "You would think it was Wrath or Envy, but, no, it's a lazy asshole."
I laughed.
Griffin looked at me with a smile. "All he needs is to let Athena love him. He won't do it, though. Not if he has to give up his 'wicked ways.'" He put the last two words in quotation marks. I heard two sets of feet on the stairwells—Luca and Hillary. She had been outside with Athena this whole time.
I thought he would. Then again, he wasn't here right now. "You never answered why you looked so sad."
"I look sad so Athena won't be." His answer was simple and earnest. No one who loved someone that much, despite her feelings for another man, could be evil. Evil people didn't have sympathy or compassion. They didn't care about someone else.
It took me a second to realize what he meant. That was why Athena had been so stoic. Of course, she was sad, but he had been taking it away from her. He could've given her happiness or something in return, though.
The door pushed open, and I saw Hillary's strawberry blonde hair before I saw Luca walk in behind her. I pushed down the flame of irritation that started in my belly. Hillary hadn't done anything wrong. She was nice to me, and she was here to support Athena. She had just been around constantly, leaving me no time to talk to Athena alone. They also had all these inside jokes and secret looks I had with Bella, who hadn't texted me since I left for Missouri. I was having serious best friend withdrawals.
Griffin immediately returned to the door. "You left her by herself?" he demanded. So much for trusted friends.
His reaction made me nervous. I looked over at the window, even though I couldn't see anything from my position on the floor.
"She's fine," Luca answered, sticking his hand out to help me up. "How's training?" And how are you?
Fine. I was bruised and battered but mostly fine. I was worried about Sebastian, but I was more worried about my cousin. The training didn't bother me. Griffin was fair, funny, and, despite the fact that he wasn't the greatest fighter, he was actually teaching me something other than running away. We hadn't been able to get to my power yet, though, and not for lack of trying.
During the fight, I had accidentally used them. I got too scared, and the next thing I knew, the demon was flying off of me. The power had an accompanying bright white light and an explosion of heat across my chest. By the time the demon was off of me, the moment was gone, and I had been catapulted back into the moment.
Luca gave my hand a slight squeeze.
Griffin looked away from the window briefly. Tension had worked itself between his eyebrows. Did he really think something was going to happen to Athena? "It's fine. She's faster than Athena. A lot stronger, too." He looked me up and down, appraising me. It made me feel like I was an animal he considered purchasing. "She'll be ready to handle herself in a few weeks."
A few weeks? I had a few days at most. Maybe two weeks. I still had to return to Louisiana Sunday for school. It was kind of mundane at the moment, but I couldn't just fail my classes. It made no sense to survive this and not have a degree after.
"We only have a few days. Have you learned how to handle your saber yet?" Luca looked mildly annoyed. It wasn't my fault my evil ancestor had stopped our line of Guardians before now I didn't even know what a saber was.
I'm not annoyed at you, Clare.
Oh.
Griffin gave him a look. "You know how often her saber will get knocked away from her in battle? She needs to learn—"
"—how to use the saber," Luca finished. He rolled his sleeves up like he was about to get to work on something. Today he had ditched the sweats and went back to his usual dress style of slacks, suspenders, and dress shirts. It seemed really impractical to me but whatever. "Clare, go get your saber."
I frowned. "I'm tired." I cherished these few minutes of breaks I got before Griffin started throwing me around again.
"You can be dead." Luca looked over the weapons on the wall.
"Yeah, see, we're still working with the stick thingy." I looked at it in the corner of the room, propped against the wall. It most definitely was not like Truth-seeker at all, but it had saved my extremities. "Also, I need this break."
He didn't bother looking at me. "You won't get a break during a fight."
I gave him a dirty look he couldn't see. "Really? Because I planned on grabbing a few seconds every now and then." I stomped over to the stick, ready to whack him upside the head with it if that was what he wanted. I understood he wasn't annoyed at me, but he was taking it out on me anyway. I wouldn't do anything, though, because he could read my mind and kick my ass.
Luca turned around, weaponless. "Everybody has a weakness, Clare, no matter how strong they are. The hardest part of the fighting isn't the physical part—it's finding the weakness," he explained, giving me a patient look. I twirled the stick in my hand, wishing it was Truth-seeker, and also wishing I was good enough to just bum rush him and knock him on his ass so I could get another two minutes to breathe.
"Okay." That was all I said, all I wanted to say. I didn't know where he was gong with this particular lesson, but maybe if I feigned dumb, he would give me a more in-depth explanation, thus elongating the time of my break.
He cracked his knuckles. "You think you've already lost the fight because I can read minds."
"Looks like you got this all figured out."
He didn't find me amusing. "Is this a joke to you?" His furious look gave me pause. I had never seen Luca so much as lose his temper at me. Like, I knew I wasn't exempt from pissing him off, but I hadn't done anything.
"I promise, my life is not a joke." Unfortunately, an untimely smile creeping across my face, in addition to the laughter dancing beneath my voice. Exhaustion always gave me the inappropriate giggles.
Hillary cut in. "I think we all need to take a breath. Things are tense." She had been standing by the door, arms folded, observing us the past few minutes.
I rolled my eyes. "Can't you just, like, foresee the future? Tell us when all of this gets resolved." I sounded snappy, and it was definitely on purpose. So far, Hillary hadn't contributed anything helpful to our situation. All she did was give these half-asses predictions that told us about the immediately future. How could she see Mother and not know who she was? Or even give us a description? Outside of helping Athena (who certainly didn't seem to need the help since she had us if she wanted to talk), she had no business here.
She shrugged. "I'm not in the vision business anymore, so no." She paused, unfolding her arms and walking toward the middle. She definitely wasn't a threatening person.
"Then why are you here?" I demanded.
She arched an eyebrow. "For Athena. Because she's my best friend, and has been for almost four years. Because the love of her life left without a word and isn't coming back." It was her turn to roll her eyes now. "No matter what I try to change, every outcome is the same: Athena dies, and you live. So forgive me if I want to spend what could potentially be the last few days of my best friend's life with her. If that's okay with you."
That hit like a ton of bricks to the midsection. I physically doubled over. "Does she—" I stopped. Of course, Athena didn't know. She would've been freaking out. I didn't need to know her for years to know she wouldn't have been okay.
Sebastian was gone. She could die while Sebastian was gone.
"She doesn't know, and I'd prefer her not to find out," Hillary snapped. "So, please, just listen to Luca. He actually knows what he's doing."
Did he? I turned away from her, annoyed but unable to disagree with anything she was saying. The fact that my annoyance outweighed my worry for Athena either meant that Hillary really bothered me, or that I was a horrible cousin (and sister).
Luca had returned to his patient look. Before you knew me, I volunteered with children, teaching them various forms of self-defense and weapons training. Most of the women who signed their children up came to watch me, but the children benefited from it. As he explained, I got an image of about thirty smiling faces, all dressed in workout clothing. He stood behind them, correcting postures and laughing. He pulled on pigtails when little girls weren't looking. He helped little boys get up when they fell. He stayed after and ate pizza with them.
This was not an evil man, as Griffin had hinted earlier.
I've done my fair share of bad, too, Clare. More than the good, Luca pointed out.
I would have to hear it to believe it, but there were more pressing matters at hand.
"Also, I think it's important that you die now, too," Hillary added, which hit my back like a ton of bricks since my stomach was still recovering from the first bomb. Her tone was casual as if she weren't discussing my imminent death. "It used to be that use she died, but you managed to piss off a very big demon, so now your life is in danger, too. It's beneficial that you learn to use that saber—and your powers."
I needed a moment.
Eyes closed, I took a few deep breaths. This was not part of my twenty-five year life plan I wrote when I was eight. I was supposed to be married by now, at the very least engaged. In two years I should be living at home with my first child (or set of twins if God blessed me). Instead, I was battling a demon for my life. With limited knowledge and limited skills.
A full-blown panic was about to start.
"Didn't need to see the future to know she would have an anxiety attack," Hillary observed. Her voice sounded like it was coming from far away as blood rushed to my ears.
In… out, Luca instructed.
I couldn't listen to him, though. The air was getting too hot to breathe in comfortably, and the quick pace of my heart only kept reminding me that this would be one of the last times it went this fast. My chest constricted, trying to get air to my lungs, but it was hard to come by.
There had always been a chance I could die, but it was slim. I had held on to the fact that Mother needed only one of us to die, and I was her favorite of the two. Even though she was pissed with me, I had been so sure she would forgive me and only go for Athena if it came down to it. I had bet on myself, and it had caused a terrible loss.
I had completely ignored the fact that I was facing a demon. She didn't care who lived or who died. She would kill me just because. There were no morals, no conscience. Nothing but her desire to get what she wanted.
I inhaled, chest inflating. The stick dropped out of my hands.
Luca's hands wrapped around my waist. He slid one hand under my sweaty shirt, resting it right against my back, parallel to my heart. "You know I'll never let anything happen to you, my Clare," he said in my ear.
True. But we were out of our element here. He couldn't defend me against a million demons, or even one really strong one. We didn't even know what we were fighting against.
"We'll figure it out before we have to fight her."
How could he be so sure? Mother could send a billion killers at us right now. The thought of that sent me spiraling again. I felt tears blur my vision. I would die in Missouri, far away from my family and my best friend. I would die beside my cou—
Athena.
What if she was in danger? I pushed Luca off of me, desperate to go check on her. She didn't even know her life was in danger, did she? She probably thought, like me, we would somehow beat this thing.
My chest heaved.
"Athena is fine," Luca said, grabbing my shirt and pulling me back.
No, she wasn't. Even if she was okay now, she was going to die soon. I was going to die soon. We were both were going to die, and we couldn't prevent it. Even Hillary couldn't do anything to change it. If she had exhausted all her options, who were we to try to stop the inevitable? I needed to get to Athena, explain to her what was going on.
"You need to settle down, Clare." Luca wrapped his arms around me, holding me to him. "Learn to use your—"
I ignored him, squirming. A stupid saber wasn't going to stop Mother from killing us.
Without thinking, just reacting, I drove my elbow into Luca's side. He grunted, loosening his arms just enough for me to get my way out of them. I scrambled to the door, needing to see my cousin, having to make sure she was okay. She wasn't inside like me. She needed to come in here immediately.
Hillary sighed heavily as I reached the window.
I ignored it as I searched for Athena. She was in the middle of the field now, and the number of demons had doubled. Griffin had told me there were two, but there were at ten or eleven now, all advancing toward her. Someone needed to be out there with her. She wasn't safe. They were going to kill Athena, and I couldn't stand—
Our power comes from our heart, my ancestor, Natalie, had written. Like me, she, too, had the power of the shield. If we want to access our shield, whether it be for ourselves to protect someone else, we have to first go to the place it starts. Find someone you love, someone you would be devastated to lose, and think of losing them. Picture them dying in your arms, and you could've done something to prevent, but you didn't. Take that pain, but also the love you feel for them, and push it out of you. It'll feel like a nudge at first, like something trying to break free. Let that nudge go.
Then it'll be warm, growing in your chest. The first time this explodes inside of you, you'll lose every ounce of energy you had. The second time it happens, because this time it'll be an accident, you'll faint. Your body will miss the power that just escaped from you. Do it anyway. Let it free because the third time?
The third time it'll empower you.
Warmth. It quickly turned to heat in my chest. I clutched my shirt, wanting to pull it off so I could get to my skin to cool it down. I had to save Athena. Both of us had to come out of this alive. Who else would be there to tell my kids that I was telling the truth and had saved the world before they got here?
"She's glowing. Does she usually glow?" Hillary asked. She sounded scared.
"You might wanna leave," Griffin said, and I felt him take a step back. The door closed behind her.
The demons converged on Athena, charging her.
Let that nudge go.
Just like that, the world turned a blinding white. Instead of around me, though, it wrapped itself around Athena, shrouded her in an angelic glow. When the shield left, it felt like letting go of someone I was hugging.
The second it demons hit it, they disintegrated. All of them.
When it was over, I pulled it back into my chest, folding it until it reached its hiding spot. The world was sliding out of focus again, but this time my heart wasn't trying to beat out of my chest. I felt calm, soothed.
"You said they're friends of yours, right," Luca asked nervously.
Griffin sighed. "Were. They were friends of mine."
I felt a hand on m—