Something was not right with Sebastian, and I knew it the second he yelled at me. Not that Sebastian and I hadn't had our arguments and fights, but the look in his eyes—wild, inhuman—let me know something wasn't right.
And I knew exactly what it was.
"You doing alright, Athena?" Griffin's voice was behind me, seconds after the last demon had disintegrated, courtesy of Clare. I had known as soon as I was shrouded in that bright white light that she had been the culprit. My power wasn't like that—it was more like wisps of darkness, creeping into people, and stealing from them. The Destroyer.
Luca told me that Samia hadn't been completely forthcoming with information. Yes, her power had twisted her, but she also had been easy to twist. I was in no such danger of falling prey to my powers.
Still, the weird feeling lingered.
I turned and smiled at Griffin. "Freezing," I answered softly. I acted like this because they wanted me to. Being sad wasn���t hard—the guy that had left wasn't Sebastian, and he hadn't been for some time, I believed. That meant that my Sebastian was somewhere, and if I had my information correct, he could possibly be dead. That was the cause of the gut-wrenching horror in my stomach.
With Clare upstairs learning to fight at the hands of Griffin, I had opted for kicking Luca's butt in the snow. Except it was less butt-kicking, more equal grounds. Something had changed. I was better now.
I also had to practice here with the demons. They weren't invited into the house.
The house—the only place I was safe, but Sebastian wasn't here to protect me, and some imposter had been here for weeks. Although, it puzzled me as to why he hadn't tried to kill me. He had to work for Mother—because who else would do it? But I couldn't think about the house or Sebastian right now.
As soon as the pang filled my heart, traveling down to my toes and up to the crown of my head, I felt it go away. Griffin almost visibly winced. "You should come inside. Get something hot to eat." It sounded more like a suggestion. A plea.
Maybe Griffin was in love with me. He sure acted like it. The past two days he had taken every ounce of sadness away from me. I was left with nothing—no happiness, no sadness, no anger or pain. Nothing but numbness.
Two days ago, Griffin hadn't wanted to be closer to me. Now, though, Griffin stayed close to my side. He was there when I was awake, and when I was asleep. Even when he wasn't by me, he was. I could feel his presence, slowly taking away the sadness, trying to give me happiness. He didn't understand why he had to re-up so often, though. Sebastian might be dead. I sure couldn't feel him. But, then again, had I ever been able to?
What kind of soulmate was I?
"Well, there isn't anything out here for me to do," I joked, but it fell flat on my lips. "What happened with Clare?"
"She freaked out, thought you were being attacked." He came closer to me since I made no effort to go inside. Why should I? Sebastian was no longer in there. I needed to be where he was. Wherever that was. "I didn't like the idea of you being down here with them either."
Weren't they his friends, though? If they weren't to be trusted, the last thing he should've done was send them to me. "Glad she has my back."
The urge to talk left me. I hadn't had a meaningful conversation since Sebastian left. I hadn't been able to do anything but work my anger out with my saber and my fists. And I had a lot of anger.
Someone had taken my best friend from me. I was angry about that. I hadn't noticed. I was angrier about that.
Griffin put his arm around me tentatively. I hoped he didn't decide to make his move since Sebastian wasn't around. My eyes could never gaze upon the side of Sebastian's left ear ever again, and I still wouldn't want anybody else but him. Love was stupid, soulmates were stupid, and the idea of someone being meant for me but still causing me this much pain was the biggest load of bullshit.
"We all have your back," Griffin corrected. "If you want to talk about—"
"I don't." If I put it into the words, it'd be true. I hadn't accepted he wasn't coming back yet. He couldn't just disappear on me. He was out there somewhere, I was positive, waiting on me to come to save him.
He squeezed my forearm. "That's fine, too."
I tucked my head into his side. I wasn't mad with Griffin anymore. Life was too short to hold on to that anger, and if he thought he loved me, so what? As long as he didn't act on it, I didn't care. Griffin had his own soulmate out there. I hoped he found her soon. "Thanks, though. I appreciate you being there." I also appreciated him to taking what sadness he could from me. It took the hours from unbearable to breathable.
The nights were a different story, though.
"I'll always be there for you."
That was impossible to say. When he found his soulmate, he wouldn't so much as look at me the same. The only person who would be there for me was Clare—and she had Luca. Hillary had the rest of the world, and she wasn't required to help me. All I had was the hope Sebastian was still alive, and I couldn't share my thoughts with anyone else.
One, if the fake Sebastian came back, it could be disastrous for us if he knew we knew. He had a direct line to Mother—or to someone who had a direct line to her. It was best I keep this secret to myself.
Two, I had no proof except for a look in fake Sebastian's eyes and the feeling that something was wrong.
Inside, Clare was laying on the sofa, her breath rising and falling softly. Luca draped a blanket over her. Hillary was behind the sofa, irritated. Being cold outside would be a welcome relief from the tension in here.
"What's going on in here?" I fought the urge to sigh heavily. I wondered what everybody talked about when I wasn't around because the room was always tense when I returned. Maybe it was what they weren't talking about instead. "Why is everyone so tense?"
No comment. Luca gave Hillary a dark look, and she gave him one in return. Of course, Luca would be mad with her; Clare disliked her. Although I had no idea what their beef with each other was.
"Good talk." In the kitchen, I smelled Hillary's famous tomato soup. My stomach grumbled at the thought of it. Hillary's talents were as followed, in no specific order: seeing the future, cooking tomato soup, baking lemon/blueberry cake, making mixed drinks and acting. "Anybody else wants something to eat?"
Again, nobody answered. I knew by Hillary's face Luca was communicating with her. What on Earth did they have to talk about that they couldn't tell me? I was one of the faces of the prophecy. If anything, I should've been the one withholding secrets.
Oh, wait, I was.
Halfway through fixing my food, footsteps accompanied me in the kitchen. I didn't have to look back to notice Luca's towering presence could be felt from across the room. "You have something to say?"
He stepped closer into the room. "Kick your friend out."
My immediate response was a hard 'no.' Hillary might had been keeping what she thought was a secret from me—it didn't take a genius to know she was intent on spending time with me because I was going to die, considering none of us knew who our enemy was, and we hadn't mastered our powers yet or found the other five virtues—but she was still my best friend. I loved Clare because we were cousins, and we might have shared this Guardian journey together, but she wasn't Hillary.
Hillary knew everything about me. Literally. One, because I told her, and, two, because she saw it. I had nothing against Clare, though, and I loved her, but Hillary was important to me.
My immediate response had been a hard 'no,' but after some thought, that response was 'no,' too.
Luca wasn't having it. "She's upsetting Clare."
I wanted to laugh. "Stay outta my head." I finished scooping my soup into my bowl. Clare was upset? Clare wasn't the only one here. In fact, they had asked Sebastian to come to his house, but days after he was gone, it was all about Clare and what made her upset. I was putting my life on the line, too. I had lost Sebastian. I was the one who had been dealing with this much longer.
Weeks before Clare found out, I was attacked by demons and almost killed. I had been sleeping with nightmares and bad dreams for the past month. Every time I left this house, I thought about how I could die. Even when I was inside of it, all I knew was that death awaited me. The only reprieve was knowing Sebastian was there for me.
He wasn't anymore, though. Being around Griffin made me feel like I had to toe a fine line between being friendly and not getting his hopes up. All I had was Hillary, so Luca had to forgive me if I didn't give a damn about Clare's feelings.
"I just think that Clare would fare better if Hillary wasn't here."
"And what about me, Luca?" Because everyone seemed to be forgetting about me. Clare had come here ignorant and untrained, so everybody felt sorry for her. Even Hillary, who had been making remarks—despite her irritation—that I should spend more time with Clare because she felt put out. Griffin had been trying to get us to spend more time together than me and Hillary. It was like nobody remembered I was hurting, too, long before Clare and Luca arrived. "How will I fare? Or do I not matter? Mother only needs one sacrifice, right? With Sebastian gone, it'll be easy to just get me out of here. Maybe I'll walk out into the middle of town by myself. Make it easy for you."
He opened his mouth. Closed it. In the living room, Clare woke up. He looked over his shoulder, and the desire to go to her was apparent.
Sebastian looked at me like that across rooms, sometimes in public spaces. He wasn't there when I woke up all the time, but when I was sick or scared, he was there. I wanted him here now. Where had he gone and how did I get to him?
My appetite was replaced by grief so bad it made my heart sink to my feet.
"Just go see her," I snapped, fighting back tears. "And tell Griffin to let me feel something for once, okay?"
Nothing could break me—not until I confirmed Sebastian was dead. Until then, the hope I had (a tiny sliver that was fragile at its strongest) left was enough to keep me going.
I threw the bowl at the wall. It hit it with a noise much louder than it had a business being. Tomato soup slipped down the wall. Tears slipped down my cheeks.
Where are you where are you where are you
Anger and agony fought over which one I would feel. Sebastian couldn't be dead. The thought made my stomach turn. My legs shook as I slid to the ground in his kitchen.
If I saw him again, I would tell him I loved him. The first second his eyes laid on me.
The breath I took shuddered against my lips. My chest squeezed against my heart so tight I could barely breathe. I hadn't asked for this. I hadn't asked for anything but good grades and to be the godmother of Hillary's first child. Instead, life had dealt me a hand that was supposed to be "blessed" by angels. I had demons after me, powers I couldn't manage, a world that needed saving, and the only person I needed by my side was possibly dead.
"Athena ."
Two strong, warm arms wrapped themselves around me. Luca lifted me up, pressing me against his body. He tightened his grip like he wanted to force me to get myself together through sheer strength. We'll find him.
How? How could I find Sebastian when I hadn't even realized when he had gone missing? I had nothing to trace him to.
He's not dead.
He didn't know that.
"I do," Luca said into my ear. "We're all connected. Just like you would know if Clare died, I would know if Sloth died."
The tears slowed—slightly. His confession eased the tightness from around my heart. I could breathe easier because Sebastian wasn't dead. I could find him. Save him, even. My powers might not be as strong as Samia's were, and I might not be the best fighter, but I'd kill for Sebastian's safety.
Luca gave me a squeeze, setting me down on the floor. "When copycat demons take over a body, they become that person, which is why they have to kill them first."
Even though Luca had just assured me Sebastian was alive, I shuddered.
"But Sebastian is alive, which is why the copycat had such a hard time turning you in," Luca continued, a finger on his chin as he thought it out. "Assuming we've been with a fake for more than a week, he's had plenty of time you turn you in alone. But he didn't."
I waited for him to finish his thought, halfway following along. Truthfully, I kept thinking about how Sebastian wasn't dead. I could handle him in any other state. No problem was too big if I could get him back to me.
Luca looked at me expectantly, but I had no answer. He sighed. "That leads me to believe that Sebastian still had some control over him, which is why he couldn't kill you. I believe if the copycat wanted to, you would've been dead."
What a relief. "Why did he hang around then?"
"To get to Clare," he responded. "She offended Mother. I've noticed something was… wrong with him the past few days, despite his best attempts at appearing normal."
I wanted to ask how Clare could offend Mother. Literally the girl was nothing but sugar and sweetness. Instead, I tapped my fingers against the table. "What does this mean for Sebastian—how do we save him?"
Luca took a deep breath. "That is a wonderful question. If I know Sloth, we won't have to do anything." He gave me a serious look. "My brother would do anything for you, and if—"
Griffin came barreling around the corner, eyes wide. "Athena—your dad—he was attacked by demons this morning."
For once, it wasn't snowing, and it wasn't cold. It was perfect outside. The sun was high in the sky, the water was crystal clear, and the breeze against my skin was comfortable.
I tilted my head back and took it in. I missed the beaches at home and being able to drive fifteen minutes to one. Parking the jeep with the cover down half a mile from the beach and walking to the sandy shores with my mom. We always wore matching bathing suits because we were that kind of mother/daughter duo. We would sit on a shared blanket, pop open two bottles of cold drink, and watch the water come to the shore. Mama would have a bible to her side, and she would reach to it every now and then, put her fingers on it, but never open it. I always wondered why she did it, and her response was, "Just to remind myself God is there for me, baby."
Was He there with her now? Did she have her bible by her in the hospital? I hoped she did.
I needed Sebastian here. I also needed to call my dad when I woke up. If he was awake. They were giving him twelve hours to recover or else. They thought he wouldn't wake up. I didn't know what I would do if that happened.
My father had been my best friend when I was younger. Yes, I was close to my mother and we had our beach days, but it was my father that watched the stars with me at night and told me about a world full of angels that talked to humans and kept us safe. Daddy had stood next to me, a pillow held in his hands, as I threw punch after punch, kick after kick, as he told me, "Your guardian angels can only protect you from so much, sweetheart." He would fix me a cold glass of lemonade after, my favorite. We would spend the next hour or two in front of the tv, eating chocolate chip cookies Mama baked before she went back to preparing lesson plans.
It was Daddy who taught me to think outside of the box. Daddy who told me about demons. Now they had tried to kill him. Because of me. Because I was a coward.
"Athena ?"
Sebastian's voice, even in my dream, put the anxieties at ease. I opened my eyes and turned. He was strutting toward me, hair down, in a pair of blue swim trunks. Blue was my favorite color on him. It made his olive skin look so good; and with the sun shining down on him, it looked like he was golden. A smile crept across my face, slow and easy. At least if I couldn't have him awake, I could enjoy him here, while I had him. "Hey, Bash."
But he left before I could touch him. I closed my eyes, tears on my cheeks. I wanted him back.
When I opened my eyes, I wasn't at the beach anymore.
The first thing I noticed was how red the sky was. With no sun, moon, star, or even a cloud. It was just an empty red sky. Around me, the world land stretched wide and vast. Hot sand crumbled underneath my bare feet. Being still here gave me the creeps, so I walked.
The air was hot and stale.
Where was I?
I could only see two things from where I was—a black, hulking castle about a half mile away from me, and imposing mountains on my right. The castle somehow gleamed in the red sky while managing to look menacing. Big, ivory spikes surrounded it that I somehow knew were the sharpened bones of the dead without needing to get close to them. The mountains were just as intimidating, as they seemed to come to sharp points.
Just as Sebastian's voice had come from nowhere, so did this woman's while I looked around, trying to make sense of what my imagination had created for me.
"'Proclaim this among the nations: Prepare for war! Rouse the warriors! Let all the fighting men draw near and attack.'"
Without turning around, I knew her. Mother. Her teasing tone was wildly different from the dark, demonic tone I had expected. She sounded… almost normal.
"Well, I am normal, child," she answered, still behind me. "Are you familiar with that verse?"
I wasn't. I wasn't familiar with many verses.
"Joel 3:9. A short but wonderful chapter if you have time to read it." She came closer until she was standing right behind me, running her fingers through my hair. They felt soothing and warm, much like my mom's. They weren't claws or talons or anything like that. "Ah, Athena, I haven't spoken to you in forever."
Not since I was little, and I raised a dream sword to her and sent her running. Now that I knew better, it wasn't a sword so much as a saber. "For good reason." She had tried to kill me, too. Not someone I wanted to talk to. "What changed?"
"Always so direct." She tugged on my hair and sighed. "You know, I miss Clare. She at least pretended to tolerate me."
"Because she's afraid of you."
"And you aren't?" She still sounded amused, as if my anger was unimportant.
"Not at all." I wasn't afraid of her, not anymore. She had tried to kill my father. I wanted her head.
She made a sound like she didn't believe me. "Then why aren't you facing me?"
"I don't respect you. You don't deserve to be looked at." If this was where she lived, which I knew it was by the castle and desolation, then it made sense why she was so desperate to get out. She was lonely.
She sighed. "I have a temper, sweetheart."
"As do I."
She laughed. Shivers ran down my spine. "Then let's keep this short, for both of our sakes." She leaned forward, her lips right at my ear. Ice water seemed to drop onto my back. "You either bring yourselves to me in three days' time, or there will be more casualties than your father.
"As you sleep your pitiful sadness away, one of my followers is currently blowing bubbles into your father's IV. You know what's the result of that?" I knew. It would lead to a stroke, or even worse, his death. "This is what happens when I don't get what I want, Athena. The people around you suffer."
Anger bubbled up inside of me. "If my dad dies—"
"Then what? What will you do? There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop me." She laughed, a hand on my arm, ready to turn me around. "Do you think that God is listening to you? Do you think He cares? Where was He when your father was dying at the hands of a demon? Where was He when I killed Sebastian? Tell me, where was your God then?"
I wished I had an answer, but I hadn't been a practicing Baptist in the better part of a decade. Mother wasn't worth an answer, though. She wasn't worth my time. "Leave me alone," I said simply.
"Leave you alone? I brought you here. I control your dreams."
I felt my hand tingle, just like it had years ago. I had sent her away once, and I would do it again.
Spinning around, I shoved my saber through her stomach. She screamed, turning to ash at my feet.
"It's still my dream, bitch."
I woke with a gasp, sitting up.
It took my eyes a minute to adjust to the dark room—it was the middle of the night now—and when they did, I saw a figure sitting across from me. I started to scream, but the light turned on, and I saw Clare. She had a blanket pulled up to her shoulders, and her eyes were watching me intensely. "You wanna know what's cool about my power?"
Blinking, I shrugged. Yeah, sure, whatever. Still a little disorientated, I let her talk.
"It doesn't just protect you physically from bad things. It protects you mentally, too, even when you sleep." She gave me a soft smile, and I understood. It brought tears back to my eyes. "I love you, Athena, and I know you have Hillary, but you have me, too."
She started to leave, but I had to stop her. "Hey, Clare?" Suddenly, I wanted my cousin, just like when we were younger. Sitting on our bed, blankets over our head, giggling over boys and books, watching trash tv we were too young for. "Can you stay a few more minutes?"
She grinned, pulling two magazines from back when we were younger from under her blanket. "I was hoping you'd ask."