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I've heard of hell being described in many different situations.
In films, hell was school. It was being at home with nagging parents.
In life, it was used when someone found a place hateful.
The word 'hell' was too short a word to be used to describe this place. This place was repulsive. Despicable. Cursed maybe. Even those words were short.
It was here that I became comfortable with death. I killed innocent people. Hunted down travelers for sport. Murdered my fellow trainees as entertainment for the captain. Death to him was merely entertainment.
And though I grew comfortable with death, each life took a toll on me. Pushing down on my shoulders. Haunting me in my dreams.
The fact that the best trainee was killed in his sleep didn't help me sleep either.
"Hey fuzzball!" A boy my age shouted at me, in an attempt to mock me.
I ignored him.
Coming here also made me realize how long hair could become a bother. In matches against each other, my opponent would often grab my hair. It became annoying after a few matches, so I decided to cut it all off. What remained made me look like a little fuzzy ball.
It was easier to dye anyway.
"Good morning!" It seemed the Captain was in a good mood.
My mood turned grim.
His grin was a bad sign.
"Well, I'll finally get rid of you brats!" Captain Berret grinned. "You've all completed your training, last week's competition proved so."
Five of us were murdered.
"Last night I received a message stating that you'll be sent to your respective stations the day of tomorrow. You'll be leaving with a representative." He explained throughly. "Then I'll have two whole weeks to myself before the next batch comes in."
Then the vicious cycle repeats. Two years of training only to be sent off, if you survive of course.
"For today just go through your basic training then do as you wish. But stay out of my way."
As soon as he marched off, others burst out in excited murmurs. It seemed that they were eagerly wondering where they'd be sent. The palace. The capital. If you were unlucky, maybe front line against the rebels.
Should I leave on the way there?
I look up, making eye contact with a figure far away from me.
Helavo looked at me with eyes that cautioned me. As if urging me, 'Leave now.'
A chill passed down my spine.
I'd be stupid if I didn't take his advise.
It was late into the night, however, my tent-mates continued to stay wake due to nerves.
"Where do you want to be sent Jane?" The girl next to me asked.
Her name was Lucy. Not that it mattered.
I shrugged, playing along. "Somewhere where I can kill rebels."
She gasped, her green eyes widening. "The front lines?!"
A rough-looking girl in the corner scoffed in disbelief.
"But you could die!" Lucy mumbled.
"I won't before getting revenge for my mother." I said, remaining commuted to the role I'd given myself.
"If you can't beat me, how do you expect killing them?" The rough-looking girl, Danbi snickered at me. "You'd die within a day."
As a measure of protection, I did everything In my power to remain in the middle of the ranks.
The lowest would often be placed in matches to the death with the highest. Both were a place that called to unwanted attention. Danbi, however, had participated in several matches.
"Don't say that!" Lucy hissed, as if she were the one being cursed. "We've all made it this far. You're ruining the mood."
Danbi rolled her eyes, "Of course I am. I always am."
She then left the tent, leaving the rest of them in their chatter.
I would participate here and there emptily, only hoping they'd call it a night and go to sleep.
It wasn't until one in the morning that they fell asleep. I laid in bed, listening to everyone's even and calm breathing. When I decided that it was safe, I peered over, making sure everyone was in their bed.
Danbi wasn't.
Gritting my teeth I decided to wait.
Maybe she's in the restroom.
Thirty minutes passed, and nothing.
We wake up at five. If I don't leave now, I won't have enough time to run away.
Decidedly, I snuck out of my tent. My faithful backpack on my shoulders. These two years, despite corrupting my very soul, were useful. I was now able to sneak around, undetected. Shooting a gun was as easy as breathing. The killing- the killing was never easy but it was easier to shoot someone now.
Although I remained the middle of my troop, I secretly trained at night.
As I peered over the corner, a soft sniffle was heard around the bend.
My eyes widened.
Danbi sat crouched on the floor, weeping softly in her hands while crying for her mother.
My steps faltered, but in doing so, a soft crunch vibrated through the air.
Her head whipped towards mine.
Realizing her vulnerable state, she quickly rubbed her eyes. I took the moment of weakness to turn around and walk away, hoping she'd leave me alone.
However, I didn't get very far.
A few steps in and she was already grabbing my arm.
"Don't you dare tell-" She faltered when she saw me. Danbi's eyes looked me up and down, and lingered on my backpack. "Don't tell me you- You're escaping?!"
The grip I had on my backpack tightened as I hunched slightly.
"Oh," She started with a sinister grin, "This is totally going to get me into the palace!"
I quickly covered her mouth. "Just let me be."
She attempted to slap my hand away, but I expertly maneuvered her so that I stood behind her. My arm was slung around her neck while my other hand covered her mouth.
Danbi mumbled and struggled under my grip. But my extra practice had come into play. I was never middle ranked. I was the top of my peers.
"I don't want to kill you."
She mumbled again.
"I'm going to release my hand," I whispered in her ear, "don't scream."
My calm fingers slowly uncovered her mouth and she turned slightly so I could see the side of her face.
Her eyes were flaming with determination and desire. A sort of suicidal crazy that would only be seen in the most desperate and tired.
"You should just kill me."
It happened so quickly.
My arm felt her lungs expand with as much air as possible. And in that split second, I made a decision.
The moment her lungs were full, I was already making a sharp blade of ice.
It slid over her neck smoothly and warm liquid poured out.
The only sound Danbi was able to procure was a soft gurgling as her lungs begged for air.
Not long after, she slumped into my arms. Dead.
My heart pounded in my ears.
I'm sorry.
I laid her on the ground and sat on my knees.
I'm sorry.
I closed her frozen wide eyes.
I had no other choice.
My mind lingered on her defiant eyes. The way they glowed, not with the will to survive, but the will to rebel through death. She wanted to die. She saw no other way out of this hell. And I understood her perfectly.
I forced myself up, looking down at her body as it continued to gush blood.
I don't know if this is what you wanted, I thought, but I hope you're happy.
Dropping the blade on the ground, I brought my foot up and down on it. Smashing it to small pieces.
The dim moon glowered over me, the only witness to my action. It followed me, showing me the shadows in which I could hide from view. Faithfully, it led me out of the camp and to the edge of the woods.
I was about to escape when a small clink chimed behind me.
Helado stared at me, the bags under his eyes darker than ever. In his hand trembled a small lantern.
We stared at each other unknowing of what to do.
Suddenly, his eyes curved as he smiled softly. Helavo's smile trembled with pain and longing, as though he wanted to come with me. Instead, he gave me a single nod.
'Good luck', his eyes seemed to say.
In gratitude, I faced him properly and bowed.
Though he was the enemy, he was gracious enough to let me leave.
I turned around and began to trudge through the forest. A heavy feeling settled on my chest as I did.
Should I have asked for him to come with me? For Danbi to come with me?
The both of them wanted to leave.
I could've just done it...
I shook my head.
They also had their reasons for staying there despite all the suffering. They probably had someone to protect as well. Or maybe had no other choice. Either way, I'm sure they wouldn't have come with me.
Pushing the idea out of my head, I pushed forward.
Despite it being two years, I could still remember the path I took. Every pebble. That weird of tree that wiggled strangely. I remembered it all.
Therefore, I felt nothing but joy when a familiar berry bush crossed my path.
My heart began to drum and my legs sprinted without any need for an order.
Soon enough the house was far away, but in my sight.
The small wooden house. With a droopy roof and a single creaky window. The porch with the ringing bells and the worn out rope Benji used. The dirt path became clearer and clearer.
But when my eyes laid on a foreign object, my steps began to falter until they came to a complete stop.
My heart dropped when I was close enough to distinguish it.
A large thud rang out when I lost the grip in my hands and my backpack fell to the ground.
There in the distance, stood a cross, stuck into the ground. A dried bouquet of picked flowers sat on the ground.