I glanced behind me, the crowd spoke excitedly between groups as they waited for the film to start.
I looked at Arianna who was at the farthest end of the cafeteria speaking to someone with that unwavering smile. Then I stepped outside of the cafeteria, stepping into the tunnel that sent me to the laundry room.
Being in that crowd even for a moment was physically draining, and seeing the opportunity to escape I did so.
In reality, every moment in this place was physically draining and I had not felt comfortable for a long period of time. Tomorrow- tomorrow everything will go back to normal.
As I entered the room, my eyes instantly fell to the bed where the fierce-looking girl, Sani, sat with an open book.
I took my steps towards my bed and laid in bed, taking off my shoes before I did. She didn't realize I was there until my knees pressed on the squeaky mattress. My sight quickly faced the wall and the only words between us were the hushed turning of pages and our quiet breathing.
"Thank you." She finally said. "It's been a while since I've had a nightmare like that." She began. "I guess it's because you came out of nowhere."
So now it's my fault?
"I normally have trouble sleeping, and one night I woke up. You haven't slept a wink have you? The past few days, you haven't slept at all you just sit there and watch."
I remembered the night in which she suddenly sat up and stared at me. Chills went down my spine. I haven't felt that terrified since the day I ran into a grandma in the woods.
"I'm saying this because I was like that too. My eyes were wide open, my heart would beat quickly and without mercy."
A few moments passed in silence before she spoke up again. "I'll step out, so that you can sleep here until the film is over."
"No need." I muttered.
"I hear you'll be going back upstairs? No one in their right mind would do that but it's none of my business, you need your strength so that you can continue to survive. I know how important a couple of hours of sleep are, so just take them."
With that I heard the squeaking of her mattress and the receding footsteps that led her outside the door. The last thing I hear was the clicking of the door and I was, for once, surrounded by silence.
I wanted to push myself back up but my body suddenly felt heavy, as if her words actually convinced my mind to rest. It was as if my body had been planted and rooted on the mattress itself, limiting my movement. My vision became blurry and my eyes fluttered insecurely. No, I can't. I- My eyes didn't pay attention to me and my thoughts were beginning to become jumbled.
Forcing to open my eyes, I came to the realization that I was no longer in the same place as before. My view was not the wall that faced me but instead a large green field of wild flowers.
I cocked my head sideways as a small smile escaped my lips. I know this place. My feet pulled me towards the field, careful to cause the least destruction possible to such a beautiful place.
It was the place I had found after wandering around on my own. When I was alone and afraid for the very first time. In the distance were remains of a burned down home, but despite that, this place continued to flourish. Flowers of different colors and petals grew there, unaware of the chaos that lived around it. It was a place I would constantly visit in seek of rest and comfort.
It is nice to see this place again even if it is in a dream, I thought as I laid on a patch of grass. A sunny blue sky with cotton-like clouds met me and I closed my eyes.
The pollution of the war caused the earth to react abnormally. We no longer saw that blue sky, or bright sun. Our white fluffy clouds turned gray and flat. Kateelyna was known for its vast amount of beautiful snowy fields and mountains in the winter, but it no longer grew cold enough for it to happen. Our once magnificent land had been reduced to ashes.
My heart ached at the sight of such shades of blue and white.
Knock, Knock.
Suddenly lurching up, my eyes flew open and back into my reality. Staring alertedly at the door, my hand reached into my pocket and I breathed evenly. Sani and the others appeared excitedly speaking about the movie.
Shoulders slumping, I decided to go back to laying down.
"Did we wake you up?" Sani asked.
My head shook.
"I see." She trailed off then went back to conversing with her friends.
I wasn't sure how long my body had slept for but it definitely refreshed me back to life and the rest of the night went on peacefully, causing morning to appear quicker than usual.
The girls got up, got ready, and began to leave for their daily training just like any other day. Sani suddenly turned around just before stepping out of the door.
"I hope you don't die."
Then she was gone, leaving behind the uplifted corner of my lips.
Going on to pick up my belongings, I gave a short chortle. "It would be better if I did."
"If you did what?"
I sling my backpack over my shoulders and my feet made their way to Arianna, who stood by the door. "Where is he?"
"He told me he'd be waiting by the cafeteria." She mumbled quietly.
Her features look heavy, her eyes looked tired, and her body was slumped. It was as if she had little to no sleep.
I frowned in my head but said nothing.
She abruptly stood in front of me, blocking the path outside the room. "Can't you stay?" She cried.
I blinked.
"It's a lot safer here! There's enough food and plenty of things to do! Here, you don't have to worry about the army or being caught! You don't have to spend anymore sleepless nights or ration your food anymore!" She rambled on and I struggled to breathe. "Stay here!"
"I-"
You can't stay here.
I shook my head. I can't.
"Yes you can!" She begged. "I mean, you're already here!"
My eyes met with hers and she froze. "Please." It came out as a weak whisper and I hated myself for it, but it seemed effective enough.
Her eyes slowly fell and she bit her lip. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I- uh, I guess I got comfortable."
Those were the last words she said to me as we walked in silence towards the cafeteria. She would smile and wave at others but stayed silent towards me.
I didn't want to end things like this towards her, who had helped me through the past couple of days but perhaps it was for the better. She could quickly forget about me. A sharp pain squeezed my heart and I scrunched my eyes.
"You're here!" Mr. Small greeted me with a wide grin, as if he hadn't spoken to me yesterday.
I nodded once and walked toward him, leaving Arianna behind.
"What? You're not going to say goodbye?" He pointed behind me but I ignored it and continued to walk.
Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and a head buried itself on the crook of my neck. My body had frozen due to the suddenness of her actions.
"I'm really going to miss you." Arianna breathed tenderly. "Thank you for being my friend for a short time and I wish you all the luck."
A few moments passed and she let go, taking her warmth with her. I quickly pulled myself together and walked out of the cafeteria.
What's wrong with her? She barely knew me.
There was a sharp sting on my lip so my hand naturally reached to touch it. A red smooth smear rested on my fingers.
"Arianna's a sweetheart." Me. Small smiled beside me.
She is.
"Oh! I've got something for you!" He pulled out a thin but long scrap of cloth from his pocket and handed it to me.
I looked at the scrap of cloth then back at him.
"It's for your eyes!" He said proudly yet I still couldn't follow. "So when you go up that tunnel you won't get freaked out!"
My eyes blinked. I could've just closed my eyes.
He walked with a tune and I followed him up the tunnel that lead to the stair case. Sharp-eyes waited at the end of it.
"I've cleared the area already." He glanced at Mr. Small with a curt nod.
"Thank you. Let's get going shall we?"
Sharp-eyes began to climb up the ladder as I pulled out the cloth and placed it over my eyes.
My hands grabbed the bars steadily and without stumble. My heart beat steadily as the only thing I heard was the echoing of climbing. Then, I felt it once more. The breeze of cold air as we approached the surface.
I pulled myself out of hole and pulled the cloth off my eyes. The colors of orange and yellow was splashed in front of me.
Stepping forward, my feet crushed the leaves beneath me.
So this is it. Time for me to leave.
I turned to Mr.Small and gave him a curt bow.
I did the same for Sharp-eyes before turning to the vast woods before me.
"Our doors will always be open." Mr.Small's voice rang behind me. "If you're tired or need a rest, we're here. Always."
Taking in a deep and quiet breathe, I walked away from them. The crunching of the leaves beneath me echoing each one of my steps.
I could feel their stares on me every step of the way, until I was too far for them to see.
At each step my heart felt heavier. My feet no longer wanted to raise above the floor. Stopping, I placed a palm over my heart.
It feels as though I've lost or forgotten something important. I thought while bitting my lip.
I wanted to keep walking. I wanted to keep moving because I wanted to be somewhere safe when night came. Yet I couldn't move.
How pathetic.
I raised my head to the sky but froze when I saw something extraordinary.
I rubbed my eyes and pinched myself but there it was.
The smallest patch of blue.
I couldn't keep my eyes of it.
At the same time my heart soared and began to beat fast.
I never thought I would see such a thing in my life time. It was beautiful. It was extraordinary. It- It gave me hope.
My eyes widened.
Hope.
I couldn't hear anything but the beating of my heart. My body spun on its own, and my feet began to move once more only at a faster rate.
I felt hope.