When we get to Travis Gran's, it almost dark outside. As we walk in, his phone rings and I decide to open my WhatsApp. Surprisingly, I've got a missed video call from my ex, Sidney. And missed call from Tracy, a good friend of mine that lives right on my street. He's practically my neighbor. I decide on texting them both, I tell Sidney I've got WhatsApp tickets I cant video call, even though that's a lie, then text Tracy Hi. Travis walks to me and sits right next to me. The livingroom is dark and the only light we get is from my phone and the one from the laptop. Tracy sends hearts and kisses wishing me a Happy New Year. That's when Travis gets curious and asks, "who's that?", its actually the first time he asks anything like this.
"My boyfriend", I joke. He doesn't take it as a joke though, or I didn't sound like I'm joking. He's about to ask more questions but then Sidney's text pops up. I've got his contact numbers saved with a heartbreak emoji.
"Why is that one saved like that?", he asks. I guess we've moved from Tracy to Sidney now. He sounds pissed, or worked out, I don't know.
"Who?", I ask knowing very well who he means. He points at Sidneys contact and I act all surprised.
"Oh that", I smirk. "That's just a brokenheart emoji no biggy",
"But why?", oh he's definitely worked out, and jealous.
"Cause he once broke my heart", I reply calmly.
"So he's your boyfriend?", I turn looking at him with a confused expression.
"No he's not",
"Who is he then?", he interrogates.
"Okay okay, calm down", I sigh. "He's my ex, an old ex",
He frowns, his face turning into something I don't really know. "You still talk to your ex?",
"I actually don't", or atleast I used to. "I'm sure he only texted to wish me Happy New Year or something",
He's jealous. He's definitely jealous. I would too if I were him. "Oh", he breaths and it doesn't sound like he's relieved.
"Look", I feel like I need to explain just to ease the guy a little, plus I don't wanna get him jealous over nothing. "This guy and I only dated way back when I was still in school. Now we hardly talk, he's just got this tendency of checking up on me and I guess it's because we didnt have a bad breakup or anything. I mean, after our breakup we had closure", I shrug my shoulders.
"Then why did it take you that long to reply?",
I roll my eyes. "What the hell?", I guess I've made things worse.
"That's because I didn't think you were being serious", I shake my head. "Plus you're interrogating me while I'm texting",
"Oh wow", he turns looking away. Oh well, he's pissed. I text goodbye to my two good friends, it's time I give my boyfriend attention or I won't have a boyfriend by morning.
I turn glancing at him, I wanna see what damage I've caused, and it seems I've messed up pretty badly.
"Hey", I move closer to him and touch his face. He's cold. "Come here", I try hugging him but he pushes me away. He's super jealous and pissed. "So you're not gonna hug me now?", I try touching him to see if he'll respond the way I want.
"Not now", he pushes me away. I've messed up. It's something I'm good at, messing up. I shouldn't have pushed his limits, he's also human. I should have answered his damn questions respectfully or I shouldn't have texted anyone that would get me in trouble from the first place. I'm such an idiot.
"But I want you to hold me now", I push his limits even further. I guess I don't know when to quit.
"No", he shakes me off from him. "Stop", he pushes me away from him and I'm left on my side of the couch.
Flashback to when I was dating Teo in 2014.
We walking from his home and we laughing as he mocks me like he always do. I'm cool with that. He makes fun of me in all sorts of ways but I know how he feels about me, plus he doesn't go too far to upset me. "Real girlfriends don't do that", out of nowhere, like we always do, we start arguing.
"Oh yeah? I don't care what real girlfriends do", I snap. "Maybe I'm not a real girlfriend after all",
"What's wrong with you?",
"What's wrong with you?", I whisper yell at him. Fighting with us is becoming something we do. We nolonger care where it happens these days, even on the streets while people are around. But what we good at is making it seem like we talking.
"You know you have your days and I have mind, but seriously I thought people with moods are girls",
"You don't have moods", he laughs. "You're crazy",
"Crazy?", I gasp. "You're calling me crazy", I walk a few steps faster then turn stopping infront of him. "You're the crazy one for calling me crazy",
He stares me right in my eyes with a deadly smirk on his face. "Move, get out of my sight or-",
"Oh what?",
"Don't you dare test me", his face has turned red with anger.
I walk slowly towards him and close the gap between us. I'm shaking with fear, but I believe he loves me too much so he'd never lay a hand on me. "Oh what?", I push his buttons even further. "You gonna hit me?", his eyes are deadly but I'm standing my ground and praying to God that he'd never hit me.
"You'd never survive my slap", he chuckle but still looks too pissed. "And I don't hit girls", he says then push me to the side and keeps walking. I follow right behind him. He's walking me home but here I am acting like I'm some kind of victim. I start all fights, I'm the queen of arguments and when I lose my battles I act like it's the end of the world. We've been dating for 2 years and here I am trying to ruin it.
Reality
I sit quietly and stare at the movie Midnight Sun, it's actually my favorite and that's why Travis played it. Since I messed up what was nicely put together and whom I call boyfriend, I get up defeated and head to the bedroom. I start packing my stuff, that's basically how I get attention. He must have figured that's what I'm doing cause I hear his footsteps heading to me.
"What the hell are you doing?", I'm about to leave when he appears from the bedroom door.
"You're mad, I'll let you cool off", I reply.
He walks closer to me and grabs my backpack from me and starts removing all the clothes in it. I stand and watch him empty my bag.
"Why do you always do this?", he asks. "Are you always gonna run off everytime we fight?",
"What the hell do you want me to do?", I snap. He hates it when I try leaving so it was the only way I could get his attention.
"You told your parents you're spending the night here so why are you leaving?",
"I didn't tell them that", I lie. I grab my bag and start packing again. He grabs my hand and force me to stop packing.
"Would you stop packing", he orders. He's clearly upset but I'm too stubborn to listen.
"What's wrong with packing my clothes, I wanna pack", I insist and grab the bag again.
"You're not going anywhere", he says.
"Oh yeah?",
"What the hell is wrong with you?", he snaps.
"What's wrong with you?", this actually takes me back to my old relationships. Same fight, same actions of pushing them off, maybe I'm the problem. Maybe all my relationships don't work because of me. Like seriously who wouldn't get tired of me?
We stare right into each others eyes. The house is dark since when we got back we didn't bother to switch the lights on. I grab my bag and toss it over my shoulder, and as I try to walk passed him he stops me.
"Would you please listen to me for once", he growls. I should be scared right now, but I'm intrigued.
"What?", I roll my eyes. "I have a right to go home when I want to",
"Put that bag back and let's go sit on the couch", he tries saying it calmly but he's too pissed to cover his mood.
Who am I kidding? I don't wanna go, I wanna be here with Travis even though I've pissed him off beyond pissing. "Will you hug me as we sit?", but here I am, still pushing his buttons.
"No", he says quietly.
"Then I guess I better go", I shrug my shoulders and grab my bag tightly.
"You won't always get what you want", he says softly. He sounds tired, or he must be feeling some kind of pity for me. Cause seriously maybe there really is something wrong with me. He doesn't even know what to do with me and we haven't even been dating that long.
"Why not?", I act cool even though i know he's right. I won't always get what I want, even from those that I love or those who loves me. Life doesn't work like that.
Travis stares at me and he looks like he's got all kinds of questions but decides to keep them to himself. From the look on his face I decide what I'm doing is childish, I'm making a fool out of myself. I'm not a child anymore. Im not in high school anymore, I'm a grown ass woman and I need to act like one.
I toss my bag on bed and walk to the livingroom as he follows right behind me. I take a seat on the couch we were on earlier and he joins me.
After a few seconds he sighs, then taps on the space between us. "Come closer",
I frown, I know I should stop my bullshit but it seems I can't. "You'll hold me?", I ask.
"Yes", he nods. I quickly move closer and lay my head on his chest as he wraps his hands around me.
"I don't like the fact that you got some dude saved with an emoji like he's important or something",
"You can check my conversation with him and you'll see that we don't talk that much", I reply.
"I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna be one of those guys who goes through their girl's phone just to make sure they're loyal",
"Hey, hey, I love you", I assure him.
"Sure feels like it", he replies.
"The guy has moved on", I explain, yet again. "He's got his own family, he's got a son, wait I'll show you", in my head I'm sure he thinks I'm making this all up and the guy is Duncan. So showing him the kids pic could clear my story cause seriously its the truth. I'm not lying about any of this.
"I don't wanna see his child", he shakes his head. I move from his chest, grab my phone and search through my pictures to show him the pic anyway. He looks at the child then looks away. I toss my phone back on the table and climb on Travis, placing my legs on each of his thighs. I need to fix this. "Hey", I whisper placing my hands on his face. He doesn't fight me or anything, he just stares at me. "I love you", I start kissing his face then kiss his lips and he kisses me back, and that's a relief.
"Next time I ask a question please answer right away", he says and I nod.
I might not be 100% headover heels for Travis but I truly have good intentions. I'm not with him to waste his time, I'm with him for the right reasons. I'm done messing up relationships, I'm actually working on treating other people the way I wanna be treated. I'm not saying I'd be perfect with it right away but surely it's something I'm working on. People mess up, no one is perfect. And with me theres a lot I'm willing to undo in my life, but I'm not gonna reverse time, I'll be good with Travis and make sure not to repeat the mistakes I did with my ex or to my other past relationships.