Everyone in town tried to come to the hospital everyday to see me, but I really didn't want to see anyone. My dad told me that Cody came everyday. He didn't say anything about Chase though. I got discharged a week later; the day after that was my mother's funeral. I woke up that morning and took a shower. I stood under the hot water for a long time. I let it hit my face until it went numb. Then I got dressed in the black dress my mom got me for Christmas one year. I brushed out my wet hair and put on some jewelry. Finally I did my make up. I tried to cover the bruises I still had on my head from the accident. When I was finished I looked at myself in the mirror for a minute. I sat down on my bed. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to go see all my friends and family as they shook my hand and hugged me and said "sorry for your loss." It meant nothing to me. I just wanted to sit there and cry until I'd cried out all the sorrow. A moment later there was a knock on my door and my dad entered.
"Honey, are you almost ready?" I heard him ask. I nodded and then got up after I collected myself for a moment. I followed him out the door.
I blocked everything out during the mass of the funeral. I didn't want to listen, I didn't want to see. I just stared off into space. I didn't cry either because I didn't let myself think. It hurt too much. After the mass we walked over to the cemetery with my mother's casket. They said a few words and a blessing and then they lowered the casket into the ground. As I sat there and watched I was telling myself that this was all just a bad dream. I kept thinking that at any moment I was going to wake up in my bed and it would be the first day of summer and my mom and I would go for our summer ride and everything would be fine.
Soon after the funeral everyone started leaving. That was when I heard two old ladies, who I recognized as clients from my mom's beauty shop, talking. I listened as they walked by.
"I hear she was expecting, the poor soul," One said.
"Poor Skylar, she now has to grow up without her mother," said the other.
I didn't want to hear anymore, so I closed my eyes and put my hands over my ears. A few seconds later I felt a tap on my shoulder. I jumped a little because I wasn't expecting it. When I turned around to see who it was I saw Chase.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just wondering if you were alright," he said. I just continued to stare at him. "Look Skylar, I'm sorry about your mother," he said, but I still didn't say anything. "Could you just talk to me?" he asked now, getting aggravated.
"There is nothing more to say," I answered as I turned and looked down at my mother's casket.
"I bet if I was Cody you would talk to me," I heard Chase say.That made me snap.
"Look, I don't want either you or Cody, so can you just leave me alone! I don't need this right now!" I yelled. When I looked back at Chase I saw that he looked shocked and angry. I also saw that Cody was right behind him and that he heard every word I said. He looked hurt. I closed my eyes after seeing this.
"Don't think, don't think, don't think." These words ran over and over again in my head.
A moment later I felt someone's arm come around me. I opened my eyes and looked up. It was my dad.
"I think it's time to go now boys," he said to Chase and Cody. Then he started leading me to the car. While we were walking I looked back at my mother's grave stone. It said:
Angela McCarthy
1985-2016
Beloved wife and mother
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails"
"Goodbye mom," I whispered and the tears came streaming down my face. There was no point in stopping them anymore.
A lot of people were already at our house waiting to pay their respects when we pulled up. As soon as I got out of the car I ran inside and up the stairs. My dad didn't see me because he was already surrounded by people. I ran into my parent's bedroom and shut the door behind me. I felt that if I stayed in there I would see my mother again. I sat on the end of the bed and looked around the room.
"She would be here lying next to me, if it hadn't been for me," I thought to myself.
As I continued looking around the room my eyes came to her closet. I got up and walked into it. I could smell her perfume. The smell made me dizzy. I sat down and buried my head into her clothes. I didn't realize that I was crying until I lifted my head again. I felt sick and my head was pounding. I laid down on the floor and listened to the people downstairs. Pretty soon, I was asleep.
I felt someone rubbing my back. When I opened my eyes I saw my Uncle Joey lying down next to me.
"Hey kiddo," he said as he attempted to smile.
"Uncle Joey?" I said. I saw that he had tears filling his eyes. I stared at him for a moment and then said.
"She was pregnant." I started sobbing. Uncle Joey pulled me closer to him and I cried into his shirt. I couldn't remember what happened after, but when I woke up again I was in my bed.