My grandmother and Uncle Joey sat to the left of me on the plane ride to my grandmother's in Tennessee and I took the window seat. The two of them talked the whole ride as I sat in silence. They tried to engage me in conversation, but I usually just closed my eyes and pretended to be sleeping. Occasional, I would open my eyes and look out the window. The 2 hour flight seemed like a 10 hour flight by the time we got there.
Uncle Joey and my grandmother continued chatting as we got off the plane. I followed them to where our bags were. We gathered up our luggage and my Uncle Joey started scanning the crowd until he picked out a young woman waving her hands with a big smile on her face. "There she is," said Uncle Joey, and he motioned me to and my grandmother to follow. The girl had wavy red hair that went just passed her shoulders. She was average height, and was wearing white bermuda style shorts with wedged sandals. She was wearing a tight- fitted dark red t-shirt from Abercrombie and Fitch that made her hair look even brighter and her pale skin even paler. She was wearing big sunglasses that covered her pale green eyes. She took them off to greet Uncle Joey with a big hug and surprisingly a kiss. I never imagined my Uncle Joey with a girl, let alone one that seemed to be stuck in her teenage years.
She continued with a cheerful smile and annoying laugh to greet my grandmother. Then she turned to me.
"Kat, this is Skylar," said Uncle Joey.
"Oh Skylar, it's so nice to meet you! I've heard so much about you! And you're so beautiful. I've seen many pictures of Joey and Angela and I must say, you look just like your mother." She reached open her arms and suffocated me in a hug. I broke away from it, grabbed my bags, and started walking.
"Wha...what did I say?" My grandmother just shook their heads and followed behind me.
I saw from the corner of my eye Uncle Joey put his arm around her. I heard him say
"Don't worry about it, she's still a little upset," Way to underplay me trying to commit suicide.
We all climbed into Kat's small car and stuffed our luggage in the trunk. When we got back to my grandmother's house, Kat immediately went to the kitchen and started pulling out pots and pans.
"Would you like to help me with dinner Skylar?" said Kat as she opened up the fridge.
"I don't cook," I said coldly.
"That's okay," said Kat as she took out a carton of eggs from the fridge, "I can show you!"
"I'm kinda tired. I think I'm going to go take a nap."
"Oh, okay. Well, make sure you come down in an hour to eat," she said as I was walking up the stairs.
"'Kay," I yelled from the top of the stairs.
I looked down the hallway. There were two rooms to my left and two to my right. I didn't know which one I was supposed to stay in, then suddenly I heard my Uncle Joey running up the stairs behind me. I turned around and he was holding my luggage.
"You forgot your things," he said, "Let me put them in your room for you."
"You mean, the guest room." I didn't want him calling it my room. That made it sound permanent.
"Uh, right," he said. I followed him down the hall to the last door on the right. It was a small room, about half the size of my bedroom back home, with just a bed, dresser, nightstand, and closet. There was a small window above the bed.
My uncle put my bags on my bed and said
"why don't you start unpacking,"
"Okay," I said, even though I knew I wasn't going to. He walked over to where I was standing in the doorway and put his hand on my shoulders. He kissed the top of my head, then smiled at me. I tried to smile back, but I know it looked forced and fake. He scooted by me and then ran down the stairs.
I took my luggage off the bed and sat down. There was something very familiar about this room that I couldn't figure out. I leaned over the bed and opened up the drawer to the dresser to see if there was anything in it. It was empty except for a picture that was upside down. I picked it up and flipped it over. It was a picture of my mother and I when I was young. My mother's smile seemed to hide some sort of pain, like she was hiding the pain from me. That's when it all came back to me.
When I was 5 years old, my grandfather died. My mother, father, and I took a trip down here for the funeral. To me, it was a like a vacation. I got to see all my family members and stay with my grandmother for 5 days. At the time, I didn't realize that we were going down there to celebrate a death.
All the memories started pouring in. The barriers I had put up in my mind to keep all the thoughts out came crashing down. Thoughts and memories of my mother came back, the painful realization that she wasn't coming back just like my grandfather never came back, all rushed through my brain. The tears started coming, the knot in my stomach that I had tried to hold back all this time grew more and more tangled as I remembered and thought for the first time in months. I tried not to sob too loudly. I just sat in this bed that I shared with my mother 11 years ago with my knees tucked to my chest. It was almost as if I could sense her presence next to me.
Time slowly ticked by until my head started pounding from all the crying and emotions. I laid my head down on the pillow and closed my eyes. Soon enough I was fast asleep.
I woke up to the sound of voices and laughter downstairs. I had no idea what time it was or how long I'd been asleep. I lifted my head off the pillow and swung my legs off the side of the bed. I hoisted myself up and walked out of the room quietly.
I walked into the bathroom which was right across the hall. My face was beet red and my eyes were puffy from crying. I splashed cold water on my face and wiped it down with a towel. It helped a little, but you could still see the red tint my skin had. I put the towel down and started towards the stairs. When I reached the bottom everyone turned towards me.
"Well hello sleepy-head!" said Kat, "did you have a nice rest? You are just in time for supper!" Her voice was so cheerful, it was annoying.
"I guess so," I said. There was an empty seat at the back end of the table. I sat down and Kat placed a big plate full of roast chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, and a biscuit. I took my fork and twirled it around in my mashed potatoes. It all looked delicious, but I didn't have an appetite after all the crying. I took a few bites anyways to keep them from asking questions or thinking the worst.
There was a knock on the door. "That must be Sharon," said my grandmother. She got up from the table and went to open the door. A women a little younger than my grandmother came in.
"Sorry I'm late, my doctor's appointment ran a little late," The lady at the door said as she handed my grandmother a bottle of wine.
"Oh that's all right we only just started eating. Come on in and you can meet my granddaughter," my grandmother said as she stepped aside to let her in.
"It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Cooke," Uncle Joey said.
"It's nice to see you too Joey. And you, Kathryn, look as beautiful as ever." Mrs. Cooke said.
"Oh thank you, Mrs. Cooke." Kat said blushing.
"Skylar, I would like you to meet my friend Sharon Cooke," my grandmother said as she showed Sharon Cooke to the kitchen table.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Skylar," she said as she reached out her hand to me. I looked at her for a moment. She had short golden hair and brown eyes that hid behind square glasses. She looked like she was in her late 50's, early 60s. She also had a smile as big as her mouth would allow it.
"Um, it's nice meeting you too, Mrs. Cooke," I said as a shook her hand.
"Let me get you a plate and a chair. I should get a wine opener for this, thank you for bring it over. Kat, can would you like to give me a hand?" my grandmother asked.
"Of course," Kat said cheerfully, as always. My grandmother went into the pantry and pulled out four wine glasses, while Kat went to get Mrs. Cooke a plate. Uncle Joey even helped out and got a chair for Mrs. Cooke. He put it right next to me, which I thought was a little odd.
Soon we were all sitting down and eating like a "happy family".
"So, Skylar, do like art or music?" Mrs. Cooke asked.
"Well I..." I started to say but uncle Joey cut me off.
"She is a great guitar player and also a wonderful singer," he said proudly.
"Is that right? And what about sports?" Mrs. Cooke asked again.
"Um, I did horseback riding until I got into high school, then I switched to cheerleading," I said without any enthusiasm. I really didn't want to talk about me, but whenever I tried to change the subject it always ended up turning back to me. I didn't see why any of this mattered. I decided to quit all of these things the day that mom died. If she can't enjoy life any more, than why should I?
"And how are your grades at school?" Mrs. Cooke said interrupting my thoughts.
"They're good," I answered.
"Well they are more than just good. Skylar is in all honors classes and she does well in all of them, especially mathematics," my grandmother said. Not anymore, I thought to myself.
"That's a good start, now I know what I have to work with," Mrs. Cooke said.
"What do you mean, a good start?" I asked. Mrs. Cooke looked to my grandmother. Apparently she didn't realize that I wasn't told anything.
"Skylar, Mrs. Cooke is going to tutor you," my grandmother said.
"But, I don't need a tutor. My grades a good, you said that yourself," I said
"Uh skylark, I don't think you understand," Uncle Joey said.
"Excuse me, I think now is a good time to go get the dessert," Kat said as she got up and started clearing the table.
"I'll help," Uncle Joey said following her.
"What don't I understand?" I asked ignoring Joey and Kat.
"She is going to homeschool you," Nana said.
"Home school?!" I repeat in disbelief.
"You're father and I talked and we thought that since you are only going to be here for a short while, there is no point in sending you to school here," my grandmother said.
"As if I'm not weird enough, now I have to be home- schooled? And you expect me to stay cooped up in this house all day long, and not make any friends? I thought this trip was supposed to help me," I pointed out harshly.
"Your father sent you here, Sky, so we could watch you. How can we do that if you go off on your own?" my grandmother asked.
"I AM NOT FIVE YEARS OLD ANYMORE NANA! I DON'T NEED YOU TO WATCH ME!" I yelled. My grandmother had a hurt look on her face. I had never raised my voice to her before.
"Skylar, I don't think you should talk to your grandmother like that. I also think that being home- schooled will help you get through everything you're going through. It might help you heal," Mrs. Cooke said.
"DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT'S BEST FOR ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ME OR WHAT I'M GOING THOUGH!" I shouted at her.
My grandmother looked at me in shock.
"Skylar Marie McCarthy, you never shout at people like that!" she said.
"Then you obviously don't know me well enough, nana!" I said then I threw down my napkin, run up the stairs and slammed the guest door behind me