"Uhm... I--" before I could even say a word, Dion came.
"Hi girls! Having fun? What are you guys talking about?" His smiles moved every girl around. He talked like a king surrounded by his followers. It is like this is his kingdom. His voice makes the rules and his rules are kept to be followed.
"We're just asking Iris some things." Lou said.
Is what you have just asked even a question? This is humiliation! How dare you?
"Is she even aware of the company's whereabouts?" Cheska asked.
I can really sense something wrong with this girl. Something very fishy and stingy.
Our company produces construction supplies and equipments. I had already visited the plant many times, since grade school. I always take a look of it every month since Daddy died. Sometimes when I don't have a plan for the summer vacation.
I can visit the plant for always because it is just few kilometers away from the mansion. I have seen the main building only a few times when I got to the city. I memorized its floors departments. I know my father designed every bit of it, but the plant amazes me more.
I have always admired the big cylindrical tubes of it. I've already memorized the blueprint of the whole area since highschool.
Sure, they can insult me all the way they want but I know I have done good so far in the entire years my father has left me.
I asked for a permanent work in the office last week. I will work while finishing my last year in college. Dion did not see me there because he had a conference. But for sure the notice will reach him very soon.
I started analyzing the company's production system. I'm learning. I can say, I am. Still not enough but sooner I will...
My eyes suddenly went blurry. They seem like a traitor at this moment because of the sudden irritation I felt. I am annoyed, but I won't say anything. I don't want to cause an embarrassment for Dion right in front of his colleagues.
I know it is normal for people to judge you even if they don't know you enough. It's unfair but it is the reality. I will endure this because I want them to like me. Somehow...
"Are you okay? You look pale." he asked me when we already decided to go home.
I know it is still early, and Dion's friends also ask him to stay. I also don't want him to feel ashamed because he needs to take care of me.
His friends probably now think that I am controlling his life, but he insisted. He said I should not stay up late. So I was left with no choice.
If I were to choose, I would also want him to stay. We could stay until the sunrise if that's what they want. Dion will need to work again for tomorrow, so this is the only chance that I could be with him.
"I'm fine." I answer in disappointment before looking at the window.
"You should not insist again next time. I know you did not like it."
I glanced at him for a while before answering. "I like it. I am just not friends with them, so I barely talk. I think we should have stayed. Or better if you just told me to go home alone..."
My voice is very eager, but my mind is telling me the opposite. Of course I should suggest him what is ideal and not what's favorable for me.
"It's alright. I'm also sleepy. And I saw you drink." there's a hint of danger in his voice, so I felt a bit anxious.
"It was just a shot." I protest.
"Still. I told you not to drink while I'm away."
My heart pounded loudly. It had taken me a few minutes before it calmed.
Does this mean he cares?...
The past four years was normal, yet excruciating. I mean, literally. The pain was excruciating. I just consider myself lucky because I don't take rejections seriously. I don't get mad for a long time. Being left by your parents was way more painful than anything.
I had already accepted that he doesn't like me.
Or does he? Because I also don't know. He doesn't tell me. And I don't hope either. At least I don't force myself to him.
There are so many people who get hurt by forcing theirselves to the person who doesn't want them. Why the hell would I repeat their mistake?
But because I am also a human, it hurts.
Yes, he already cared. He became more thoughtful after the hundred times of rejections. He was careful of his actions. Maybe because he doesn't want me to get hurt even more. He doesn't want to reject me directly. He protected me like how my father wanted him to do so. But it still hurts.
The feeling was really different when you loved someone, yet he doesn't love you back. It was as if you were happy but it was followed by, "I just wished so..."
To complain is absurd. I also don't want to get a straight answer. To demand is stupidity. Thinking that he should return my feelings as well would only make me unreasonable.
If he can't answer it, then it's fine. If he can't give back my love, it's also fine.
I don't want him to settle for less when he can have more. He can leave me anytime he would wanted.
I could not assure him it won't hurt me bad but I can promise to move forward.
I already told him that before. I only tried for once. When there's this time that I realized he will not going to stay with me forever.
He can easily find a girl in his liking. Someone who's not younger than him. Someone he's not forced to take care of.
Someone who's not me.