I couldn't sleep, so I entertained myself by watching funny movies. I ordered for a wine in my room, and it came immediately. I was laughing and crying while watching the movie. My tears don't want to stop, so I laughed all throughout the night just to ignore it.
"Hello? Is this the hotel's customer service?" I asked dizzily on the phone. I'm trying to maintain my proper composure, so I could ask for another drink. My wine is already getting empty.
"Yes Ma'am, what can I do for you?"
"I'd like to order for another wine... Oh! No... Do you have a much stronger drink than the one you sent me?"
"What's your room number Ma'am?"
"I'm at room 37."
Gosh! I'm really dizzy.
"Alright. We'll bring you a classic tequila if it's fine with you."
I nodded unconsciously. "Okay." I hang up the phone and continued to watch the movie.
Few minutes later, my tequila arrived. I settled the bills and returned to my comfort place as soon as I got the bottle. I poured myself a glass until I consumed one-fourth of it. I really don't drink so the taste was really new for me.
Dion did not knock on my door after so many hours of waiting. I still waited even if there's no assurance of him coming back again because that's how I made myself realize my mistakes.
Overthinking filled my entire system all night. The part where Lyn can do everything she wants for Dion while I can't. Either she's his ex or not, I know she has a strong connection with Dion. She's the only one that can make Dion look and feel like that. I knew it because I have known him for so many years already.
He doesn't have to tell me that because I can already figure it out. Why else would he be careless and unaffected by me if he doesn't have anyone else, anyway?
I just find it all very sudden. I did not expect her to come back this early. I don't know her very well. I just heard of her name from Dion once. When he throws himself up with so much booze that night and all he did was to mentioned her name. That is all I know.
Her face, her identity, it was all unclear for me. If he's Dion's girlfriend or ex, I am not really sure.
One thing for sure is that, she came back for Dion. If she isn't, then I don't know what to think about it anymore.
What happened tonight is indeed a bliss. It's just sad that it has to end very quickly. Giving me no time to prepare myself. It is really true that when you owe something big, you should get ready for its great consequences.
I am paying the price now. And I think I've been paying for it since the time God gave him to me. He's like a special tonic made to cure my longing but I am receiving the opposite results.
I just though that it is maybe because he wasn't made for me. He's made for someone else.
The thought of giving him back to his rightful owner pains me. It made me cried hard. I poured my heart back inside its cage again and let it drowned because of so much tears I have cried.
I know I should have prepared for it for a long time but it is just so hard I couldn't even think of it. I can't afford to surrender him when I know I still haven't marked him mine.
The pain and alcohol that mixed made me feel dizzy, but it also made me feel hot. So I prepared the bathtub and filled it will all the essentials. My world is spinning badly, so I did it as slowly as possible. I don't want to end up getting wounds because of recklessness.
I also cleaned up the mess I made on my room. I throw all the garbage holding onto every piece of the room I can get a hold just to maintain my balance.
But it can't be helped. On my way to the bathroom, I slipped on my track and bumped my head on the corner of the door. My head falls down first and it scratched my head that it bleeds. I am already too dizzy to aid it, so I just wiped the blood away with my hands. I felt a small bumped on it but I did not bother.
If Dion finds out that I drunk a lot, he will surely get mad. So that's the least thing I want him to see. I don't want him to think I've been burning myself with alcohol just because of my stupid bitterness. It is all nonsense, anyway.
I moved to the bathroom and dipped myself through the tub. The cold water soothed the burning sensation I am feeling. It really helps. It calmed me down, and it made me breathe freely.
They say girls do a lot of things to comfort themselves after a heartbreaking moment. They also recover very slowly because above all, they are the one's who get hurt badly.
But I doubt it. For me there are no exact gender when it comes to who felt the pain much stronger. Anyone could feel its extremity. In any way possible.
"Hmm?" I answered a phone call while playing with the bubbles on the tub.
"I'm coming home now."
Dion's voice sent shivers down my spine. It is as if it made my dreams all come true. The long wait for me finally sets over. It excites and scares me both at the same time.
Can you imagine it? Because I don't remember feeling this kind of extreme irony ever since.
"Where?" my voice sounds too low that I couldn't even hear it myself.
What home is he talking about? Does he mean the mansion? Or his family's house? Did he buy a new house for Lyn? Wow! He's really unbelievable!
"Where else would I go?" he sounds annoyed.
Why the hell would he get annoyed?! I should be the one to get annoyed here!
"Go wherever you want." I rolled my eyes which I immediately regretted because it made me feel dizzier.
"You sound a bit off. What did you do?" he asked.
"I just watched a movie."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course!" my scream made him silent for a long while, so I regained my composure and bit my lower lip to avoid making another mistake.
"You should sleep now. It's late."
I looked at the time on my phone, and it's already 12 midnight. It took him four hours to come back after meeting that girl. Lyn better be prettier than me or else, I would cut his head till he bleeds and dies worthlessly.
"You think so?" I closed my eyes and sighed.
"Yes. What made you think that I'll spare you this night to stay up late?" He sounds very calm. Far from what I am feeling.
Sure, he is with Lyn when he comes back. It's funny how I want him to come back alone when it couldn't even happen. He said we would stay here for days but I already doubt it now. It's only Friday. If he wants to go home because of Lyn then both of them can go. I will stay here till my mind desires it.
"Iris..." he called me in an apologetic way.
He must never know what I feel. I can't promise to act normal when he comes back but I'll try my best to make them feel comfortable. I promise to stay out of the way.
It makes me want to laugh imagining that I got all of this just for loving this cold and selfish person. It cost more than millions. And to think that it was me who's hurting myself over and over again.
"Hmm?..."
"I'm sorry for leaving you in the middle of our--" I already cut him off before he can even finished what he wanted to say.
"It's alright. You can leave whenever you want."
"How could you say that so easily?..."
"Because it is." my voice cracked when I finally said it.
"I'm sorry..."
Could you please stop saying sorry?...
"I'm already sleepy." I responded sinking myself till my lips touched the water. I wanted to stop myself from talking more.
"Go on... Hang it up."
Tears pooled my eyes, and they began to fall non-stop. My mind is clouded with fear and anxiety about what will happen next when he comes back. Will he move out of the mansion? Do I need to prepare things up for him? How far could I possibly handle all of it?
With that, I ended the call and let my phone fell down on the tiled floor. I immersed myself on the water and let darkness consumed me for a deep sleep.