-So cold! My whole body is shaking. It's snowing outside and I'm in my room, but why do I feel so cold? I stood by the window and blow hot air on a cold glass drawing a small heart inside.
-Don't get sick again-someone whispered in my ear and his hands wrapped around my waist warming my whole body. I wanted to turn my head, to see his face but I couldn't
- Why do you hide from me?
-Because you can't love me....- he answered with a sad tone in his voice
-That's not true! Let me see you, please !!...- His soft lips kissed my cheek
- I'm happy to love you like this...
- But I'm not!- I tried to turn around again but my body didn't follow my wish.
- You have to wake up HyeMin it's time for school- he said and moved his hands.
- Wait don't go I want to ask you something !- my voice becomes weak
- You have to wake up- his voice echoes through the room
-Wake up HyeMin!- I opened my eyes and saw YunRea standing by the bed
- You'll be late for school! - My hand touched hers
- Why did you wake me I could see him!?
- See who?- I closed my eyes
- Ah nobody I was just dreaming... yeah that was just a dream...
Throughout the whole day, I was so sad. That dream affected me so much.
-Who is he?- I asked myself over and over but I had no answer. Is he really James? Ah, I have to find out! Maybe I should ask him directly? But it's strange if it is him why he keeps quiet about it? Is he shy?
- "You can't love me.. "- his voice echoed in my mind
- Why can't I love him? Is something wrong with him?- Aishhhh !!! - I ruffle my hair- Must stop with this nonsense that was just a dream!
I speed up my steps like I was running from my thoughts. Another day in school was ahead of me and I needed to focus. During my last class I got a text message from James:"- Hi HyeMin how are you today? What do you say we go for another cup of coffee if you have time? "- While I was reading his message strange feelings took over me. I was imagining him as my black savior but he just didn't fit in that picture. I liked his personality and his smile but something was missing there... Never felt any connection and my feelings for him were more like a sister to brother than a romantic kind.
I left a sigh and text him back: "-I can't go today I have a lot to study"- He sent a sad emoticon-
" Ok, then maybe next time"
Why do I feel sorry suddenly? He was always polite and good to me- Ah HyeMin stop it already- I scolded myself- You can't force yourself and it's better not to give him much hope.
When my classes were over I headed to the library. Our history teacher gave us a sign, so I needed more research.
It was a cold autumn day but I decided to take a walk. Put my hood and hold it under my chin
- Need to buy a new scarf since I lost my white knitted on a train. That scarf was the only thing my mom got from my father so it had some value to me. She hates it and wanted to throw it away but I hid it under my bed. The truth is I never saw my father but that scarf was the last connection with him. And now I had non... I left a sigh
- I guess it was meant to be like that... some things we can't stop from happening...
My steps were slow and even tho it was cold I didn't want to speed up again. That cold wind on my face felt good. It helped me to clear my thoughts. A dream from last night left me confused and I didn't want to feel like that. The best thing is to stop thinking about that mysterious boy and just move on with my life.
A sudden sound made me jump. I looked up and saw a car driving slowly by my side. The window opened and I saw Jun
- Are you going downtown?- I nodded surprised to see him
- Get in I'll drive you there- My mouth opened to say "No" but he already stopped and opened the door so I just shrug my shoulders and sat in the car
- Where you had it?- To the library I have to write a school assignment..- He nodded and started the car.
In the beginning, we just drew in silence listening radio and I didn't feel awkward sitting there alone with him. He stops at the red light and looked at me
- Are you still cold? Do you want me to turn the heat on?- I looked at him surprised. He seemed so different today. Where is that arrogant boy without good manners? Not that I missed him just... just I liked that change. My eyes wandered across his face and landed on his soft lips. I couldn't take my eyes off of them and they were closer and closer. I closed my eyes wanting to feel that gentle touch... but nothing happened. I opened one eye. His face was close to mine but he was just reaching for seatbelt buckling me up. My heart pounded so fast wanting to jump from my chest so I looked away trying to hide my eyes. My cheeks were burning I could felt that. I looked at him in secret but his eyes were on the road, and only a small smile was in the corner of his lips and that made me realize that he saw my reaction. I kept quiet not daring to look at him again. How come I always succeed to embarrass myself in front of him? He always red me like an open book!
Jun looked at me and wanted to say something but his phone rang
- Yes?- he answered and kept quiet listening- Yes I got it but it's in my apartment and I'm close to downtown now.... ok, ok... I will bring it don't worry!- He hung up and left a sigh looking at me
- HyeMin I have to take something from my apartment, hope you are not in a hurry?- I opened my mouth to say how I actually am, but no words came from there. I just looked at him speechless. I didn't want to leave his car and just wanted to stay close to him...My traitor heart was pounding fast while I clenched my fists.
- Ok- I said quietly and he turned his car so we kept drawing in silence. I wanted for this moment to last. What happened to me? My thoughts were chaotic and I couldn't think straight. This person sitting next to Jun is that me?? I couldn't recognize myself. My eyes met my gaze in the side mirror reflection. I looked so different. My shaky fingers touched my cheek and I bit my lower lip hard closing my eyes.
-We are here- Jun's voice surprised me and I look at him. His eyes widened
- Hyeon your lip is bleeding! - I touched and saw blood on my fingers- Ah!
He gets off the car and came to my side opening the door, took my hand, and led me to the elevator. Throughout the whole time, he didn't let go of my hand. We entered his apartment and he brought a first aid kit.
- Sit here- he pulls out the chair and took antiseptic to apply on my lip. It stinged a little so I frowned
- Does it hurt much? I'm sorry I'll be more careful- he sounded really worried. I watched his gentle movements and concentrate look in his eyes. Then our eyes met... Everything around us stopped, only my heart kept hitting my chest like trapped wild bird in a cage. His eyes were so deep, endless dark ocean, pulling me in.. I wanted to dive in there ... to see that bottom.... but he looked away and stood up putting back medications. For a moment I thought his hands were shaking but when I looked again he seemed calm like nothing happened. Probably that was the truth and I was the only one who felt this emotional earthquake.- Ah HyeMin you are a fool ! - I scolded myself ruffling my hair in anger- Get yourself together! You are acting so crazy today!!
While Jun was gone I took a moment to look around. His apartment was so nice and cozy and I liked it so much. A good combination of colors, nice details, simple but classy and with taste.
- Does he live here alone?- I looked around but didn't saw any traces of another person. Passing by a shelf with CD's I saw a lot of Michael Jackson albums and his posters on the wall. There was one picture of young Jun dressed like him too. I took the frame and smiled. He had a wide smile on his face and looked so adorable.
- That's my first TV appearance in a music show. I was thirteen then- He came closer with a smile on his face. I notice he changed his clothes and now he had a white turtleneck sweater looking so attractive in it.
- I promised myself that one day I will become famous as my idol Michael Jackson.- I smiled too
- You look cute there- He nodded
- Thanks... Let's go now I have to give this CD to Henry.- He was holding a CD case and turning around he took my hand again leading me out.
Once again we draw and soon he parked near the library
- Here you go and I'm sorry I took your time like this but I really needed this CD- he said that in an apologized tone but with bright smile on his face. I shok my head
- It's ok I wasn't in a hurry anyway. Then I turned to open the door but he grab my wrist
- HyeMin... - My eyes met his
- Yes? ... - He slowly reached and tuck hair behind my ear while his fingers kept traveling across my cheek stopping near my lips
- Take care of that lip. - I nodded swallowing big lump in my throat
- I will thank you.
Then he draws away without saying goodbye...