It was dark and the air felt like it could slice you in half if it got any colder. White coated all around you like a useless shield trying to slow you down, your breath staggering and puffs of moisture exiting into the cloudy night sky before disappearing behind you. Your feet was quickly covering as much ground as you could in a snowy terraria, trudging forward in a heap of adrenaline. Fear was all you knew at that moment. Fear of dying, ironically after you believed you were more bold about death, but you were hell wrong.
You can feel the hot tears coming down your face, staining your grey cheeks as you thought, 'This is it, this is how I'm going to die.' before your hand was squeezed lightly for reassurance. The figure in front of you was none other than your brother in a bright red sweater. He was leading you away from the danger right behind us and intertwining through the woods. Where's your father?
"Where's dad?!" You yelled out, but Kankri seemed to not hear.
"Come on Karkat!" A panicked expression was painted on his features, practically dragging you along the trees. "We're almo-"
BANG
...
"AHH!" Your scream filled the respiteblock as you sat up quickly, a sweaty and traumatized mess. Your eyes were wide as your shaky hands lightly patted your torso for a wound, nothing. You give a long sigh and cup your face with your hands, not caring about the enormous amounts of sweat that plague your whole body.
That was a first. The air, the sight, the sound, hell even the taste all seemed so surreal. You wiped away your terror tears and huddled into a fetus like state with your head between your knees, hoping Kanaya wasn't there to hear anything. That dream was the monster of dreams, always worsening, more terrifying than the last reoccurrence. Why do you have these? What are you even afraid of right now? You made a mental list of fears and it does connect a bit, but not very possible if it was a connection. You're hopeless, useless, pathetic. Afraid of nothing but vivid, fake nightmares. Thats why you're having them, is because you're weak and they feed off of your own mind.
"What the fuck is wrong with me..." You sighed and tried to shake the sickness out of your head, fingers scraping into your black messy hair.
"Karkat?"
You jumped at the sudden voice and peeped out of your protective ball, just to see a worried Kanaya with a nutrition plateau in her hands. She kneeled down and placed it next to you, her emerald eyes piercing into your maturing crimson ones. You were suddenly feeling intimidated by her stare and directed your gaze down to the weird brown human food she seems to not mind eating.
She shifted down to her knees and tilted her head slightly, her voice low and soft. "I thought you informed me that your terrors were gone... Did you lie to me, Karkat?" Yes.
You roll your eyes, though guilt plagued your mind. "It was just a stupid nightmare, everyone gets them."
"If you say so... It seems as if this nightmare has you shook up, might I ask you remember anything about it?"
As simple as it was to speak to her about your problems and tell her the most intimate personals, you couldn't let anything bare upon her this heavy again. You remember her staying by your side almost every night, getting punished for disobeying orders from her job, being marked as a low helper, not sleeping, and all you could think of was how one sided this moirailance was. You will not go back to being that pathetic, you'll handle it yourself, guilt and all the lies that you follow through with.
"Well... I was just running through some woods and it was freezing ass cold. Something was chasing after me, but I woke up soon before I could see anything." You give a shrug, "See? Nothing abnormal, just me not knowing how to react. I'll be fine." You lied again.
She sighed heavily before shaking her head, "As long as you're telling the truth, I will not worry. I apologize for being a bit over protective." Her arms draped over your skinny frame, pulling you into an embrace. You could feel your lips curl upwards a bit as you relaxed and took in her calming sweet scent.
"It's fine." You said as you closed your eyes for a bit.
Kanaya was more than over protective, she was the only person could you trust even more than your chatty brother. You didn't mind anything that she did to you because there's always a reason for everything she does, even her motherly attached nature that grew to accept you.
Your moirail hummed, "Oh, I have been meaning to tell you about this literature club that had just started. I would love for you to atte-"
"No. No fucking way am I attending one of those shit clubs! Not that your shit club is really that shitty, but you know what I mean!" You shot up from the embrace and crossed your arms with a snarl. "You really think that I write, let alone can join something socially demanding? Do you really think that? I can barely even start up a conversation without others bringing up something that fucking makes me explode into a pointless rant on how idiotic they are! Plus, even though I'm apart of your quadrants, doesn't mean I can just walk on into a mid-blood cult ring without being culled alive like a helpless shitstain! Buoy's aren't caste acceptable to do things like that and I kinda don't want to become a bloody pulp any time soon!"
Her jade eyes rolled as she shook her head, standing up and mimicking your pose. "Karkat, I would not even think of putting you in such dangers as social casting. It's much more safe for you and everyone is able to join, as long as they have a passion or is interested in creative writing!"
"Me, creative? Ha!" Your hands found themselves in your wild hair, gripping at the seams. "You must be loosing your mind to even think I'm going to that thing!"
You later realize, on the walk home, it was a huge and utter failure to even think you could win that argument. As much as it culls you, fate has decided that you must go to this book club for losers who have no life, and by fate you mean the lovely Kanaya herself. Such elegant grace and stature, yet is the most violently persuasive troll if needed. Thinking about it, you didn't really put up a fight, just some yelling and rambling nonsense that got you nowhere. Who even makes something as involving for lowbloods? Will anyone show up? What the fuck are you suppose to think? All you knew at this point, was the total disappointment your moirail would have if you didn't just pop in for a few minutes. That's all she expects, then you're out.
You immediately hate yourself for disregarding the last speck of self dignity, wondering if you would just... Get sick all of a sudden or fall down a mine shaft before the day arrives. As low as it sounds, it would be a perfect cover up not to be there.
Jumping the fence with your backpack strap slinked around your shoulder, you finally make it back to the crappy little ghetto you were raised in. The sky was freckled with clouds and the smell of burning rubber filled the air, just as suspected. Your eyes spot a few young rustbloods kicking a can back and forth, making you shake your head lightly in remembrance of the simpler times just like the ones they were making. Not very long ago, you had no care in the world and could do almost anything. Now? Well, as time goes by, your blindness and innocence was taken away and all that's left is a bleak reality. It's not fair to be fed lies all your life, but without the lies how can there be happiness in such a young age?
The hive came into view and so did your brother. He was siting on a step with his hands covering his face, his dark brown tunic bunching up at his waist. You assume something was well wrong and a sense of nervousness shook through your body. You picked up your pace into a light jog until you've reached the steps to your home.
"Kankri?" You finally piped up in a mix of worry and curiosity, making the warm cement an unpleasant seat for your ass. "What the fuck happened to you last night?!"
He whisped some air out from his lungs before removing his hands that uncovered a bruised eye. It was definitely fresh, the darkened grey and purple skin discolored into a ravenous and violent rainbow. Both of his eyes were red and puffy, one from the possibility of crying and the other from the wound. A mixture of emotions ran through your being at the sight, who would do such a thing? You could tell that he was upset, head tilted away from your sight a bit and his crimson eyes focused onto the ground at a few insects crawling around into the cracks of the paved path. His lips opened to take in a breath before speaking, "Father had needed help with the temple, to set up his sermon for prayer. There was more than last time Karkat, more rioters against fathers messages. They cornered us on the way into the chapel and I didn't know what to do! This royal blood came at me so fast... I-I think he wanted to kill me."