Days passed and life is going on. People are busy thinking of their problems and their moving steps. Depression, do you know the meaning of being depressed?
Isn't crying off your mascara in the shower or sad quotes posted on instagram. It isn't about playing sad songs or not eating for days or not wanting to talk with people. Sometimes depression is about eating everything in your fridge or being around people for 24 hour. Depression isn't black and white, depression is keeping your sad feelings secret. Depression is like seeing the world naked, like nothing is worth keeping you alive, no dreams to hold you and no one to hug you, Like I'm alive but I'm not living !
" Tastes so sweet, looks so real. Sounds like something that I used to feel but I can't touch what I see, we are not who we used to be, we are just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me.."
-Two ghosts by Harry Styles
Harry's words described me so deeply. When I look at myself in the mirror, I can no longer know that person who is staring at me, I'm not who I used to be. I changed a lot, there was no smile on my face and some black colored under my eyes. I'm not feeling happy with who I become.. Yeah Harry, I'm just trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat. People asked me why you are so depressed? It's not that I don't want to be happy, you don't know how hard I tried, you did not walk my path, you did not hear what I heard, I felt depressed and scared, I don't know how I should go out from the self-hate hole. They all blamed me for the bad results and my changing mood. But every time I asked for help I either be ignored or told to do meditation or exercise. And I kept telling over and over that my problems won't be solved in this way. I felt that depression is a disease that is affecting my life, education and relationships. Till this day and despite my best efforts to explain I was always met with blind hesitation. I am not enjoying seeing myself falling in this hole. I wish that my depression wasn't that deep. I was afraid of putting my prejudice down, maybe they will laugh at me or I will be judged at something that I cannot control. That's why I hid my feelings and built the walls, to not let the world see my pains and to protect myself. For me living became a constant nightmare. Depression is like cancer was eating me up daily.
Advice: Smile, don't care for their words and live your life in the way you want.