This year is a changing one for me. Everything changed and I changed too. I always wished to have a new life without old memories. And I think the first step is to get into another school and that is what I did. And tomorrow is my first day. I am so confused, a lot of thoughts and questions are running there in my mind. What if I don't like it, what if I can't make any friends? I hope tomorrow will be good. Good Night.
10:00 PM SUN 23/8
"TOOT...TOOT"
With the annoying sound of the alarm, I woke up, took a shower, brushed my teeth, and carried my bag, my jacket, a good book to read, AirPods, and my phone. And here I am after a very tiring day that seemed to never end, stuffed in my bed covered with my quilt and holding my dear brown notebook.
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 6:00 AM. It was a hard day and I didn't like it at all. I couldn't find my class easily and until now I don't know where my locker is. People were staring at me while I was reading my book during the break. I entered the cafeteria to buy water, there were a lot of noise boys screaming and girls gossiping in a loud voice. Do you remember the jungle in kindergarten? This time it's much much bigger and wilder! Every class is in a different building and it was so hard to catch a classmate to follow between hundreds of other boys and girls. I lost my pins because of two stupid boys were playing and pushed me down which made me desperately upset. They didn't even say sorry! How rude, people are just asking about my name, my previous school and why I moved. Yeah I didn't make any friends. Now all I want is to sleep. Good night.
MON 24/8 9:30 PM
Maybe when you read the title of this chapter you thought how changing could be an important station in your life and what's the lesson I learned from changing. Yes I questioned myself too, but I believe that changing is important because when you change, you will become a better version of yourself; just like stopping from always being the more caring side in my relationships, to result in a more calm, less harmed version of myself. In the past, I cared for people's feelings more than mine. In my opinion, the more care given the more hurt will be received. I think people who were kind and then changed to be mean, didn't intentionally want to be so, they were only led to being so by the inhumanity of our community. Changing is not a bad thing, changing is needed. We can't have the same routine every day, as we need some craziness in our lives to stay alive. Albert Einstein said, " Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." And that is what I am doing, I learned from my past mistakes, I changed myself to live in a good way today and I am hoping to change myself for the better tomorrow. Being happy is not about what we achieve, I started with this one. High grades, certificates or golden medals in ballet will never change how I feel toward myself. I was excellent at delivering self-punishment for every small mistake or underachievement. But now I believe that the number of my achievements, my medals, or how many marks I had in math and physics will never be the essence of my happiness. I changed those thoughts. I am happy because I'm grateful for who I am as well as knowing that I'm doing my best. Here I am writing another life lesson we should all know, to make sure if you change to not lower your worth.
Self-esteem
Dear People,
Self-esteem is an action, you should change and take care of yourself. Sadly I've let a lot of people throughout my life treat me with disrespect. Lie, cheat and walk away, I was never brave enough to say no, instead I'd spent hours and days blaming myself, believing that it was my fault and that I must have done something wrong or I wasn't good enough. But now I am aware that everyone is responsible for their actions, words, and feelings. Besides, I believe that I should've been confronted if I made a mistake or at least given a chance of understanding what was happening. I really envy those who can easily make decisions, know what they want and where they are heading. Those who can express feelings easily and speak up their souls and hearts anytime they want. I envy those with calm souls, wise minds, and kind hearts. They accept anything the way they are. They don't bother themselves overthinking people's opinions. Those who take care of themselves and always find a modest solution. Me? I don't it's always all or nothing for me, I never had anything in between. But I want to change as well as I want to change my thoughts and know my worth. That's what we all should do, know our worth besides accept things as the way they are or work on improving them. I wasted a lot of time hiding, I just had to be brave and face everything with how I felt and desired. I am free, I love myself, and know that I am worth it. I no longer care about others and what if they like me or not and that's what you, yeah if you are reading this, consider being meant to do so.
Advice: Don't forget that your value doesn't decrease just because someone can't see your worth. Remind yourself that you are worth it.