Two years later, 12th grade started the beginning of the last year in school. If you are thinking whether I am studying science diploma or art, I am studying science. My parents want me to be a doctor like my sister. The truth is I would like to become a lawyer but in our country being a female lawyer isn't easy and sometimes it is not accepted. When I was 7 years old I thought it was just about clothes and activities but even my dream job was decided due to my gender too. My mind is scattered, I think of one thing but then I say another, I show interest in something albeit not being so. I just see myself waved aside by others. I think maybe depression is visiting me again or is it anxiety getting through my head like a disguised thief. I feel that I am hurting myself and the people around me. I don't like the fact that people see in me different personalities that do not even exist. I don't like being fake either. I am not confident of who I am. I kept wondering and thinking, I am so exhausted from not knowing what to do and where I should go! I should decide, I need to take action now, I am one step away from getting nuts. Another name for this chapter would be, "Station Two; Change to be Confident", here it is:
Confidence
Dear People,
Being confident is not about being perfect or how to embrace your feelings. Confidence is about knowing what you want and where to stand. Lack of confidence and the voices that tell you, you can't make it, are what prevent you from achieving your goals. When all you need is just the confidence to believe that you can make it through. Bad relationships, being bullied or abused and similar experiences can easily open a door to our sense of perspective to question ourselves what if we can't make it? If you want to be confident, it isn't about a taken overnight decision. But you can take a step forward to the start. This chapter is the longest but it means the push that you need, the inspiration, and the step toward self-confidence. You think that everyone is judging you, mocking you, and scrutinizing every step you move. You worry about what if you are looking dork or doing something embarrassing. If you are always battling with yourself you can't have self-confidence, even worse you can't enjoy your life. We aren't perfect, we make mistakes, embarrassing things and sometimes we look dumb and dorks. I-for example- don't have this perfect accent in English like my classmates, this will never make me embarrassed of myself, they would laugh at me, but I am confident that would definitely not mean that I am a failure in other things too in opposition I might be a huge success. I don't either have the perfect body, and some called me fat. But I am confident that I am beautiful the way I am. We should change some thoughts that people believe in. Beauty standards, people believe that girls with skinny waist are the most beautiful. They are wrong, not only them, we are all beautiful in our ways.
" She don't see the light that's shining deeper than the eyes can find it, maybe we have made her blind. So she tries to cover up her pain and cuddle woes away. Cause cover girls don't cry, after their face is made"
-Scars to your beautiful by Alessia Cara
Beauty is hidden in our hearts that the world can't see, as they are blinded by a set of beauty standards. It doesn't mean that cover girls are true standards of beauty, everyone sees beauty in a different way. After her face is made! It doesn't mean that cover girls don't cry or have feelings. Putting makeup isn't happiness or showing that you are confident. I believe that a smile is the best makeup that any confident girl can wear.
" There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark, you should know you are beautiful just the way you are. And you don't have to change a thing the world could change its heart"
-Scars to your beautiful by Alessia Cara
Yeah, we all have hope that will be waiting for us, in the end, we are all beautiful.
So dear girls and women,
If you are starving yourself because cover girls don't eat. If you are hiding because cover girls don't cry after their face is made. You all don't understand your beauty and that you are worth it. You all miss the truth that beauty is much deeper than the surface. To all the girls and women that are hurt, let me please be your mirror to help you see clearly that you are beautiful besides carrying kind hearts.
" Beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything" If beauty was pain, I demand it be titled as suffering because beauty isn't pain. We are all scared of what stops us from believing that we are beautiful the way we are. Tall, skinny, fat, short, stretch marks, saggy breasts we all focus on the things we hate which make our eyes blinded. We are all focused on imperfection so we can't see the beauty in it. And every time you try to hide a scar, stretch mark, or pore, you are hiding the story behind it. There is hidden beauty in these pains and scars that tell stories about us. For every mother trying to hide the tiger stripes in her belly, she should see the beauty in those scars, those scars are reminders that she birthed the most beautiful children. For all cancer survivors trying to hide the chemo-therapy effects on their body and appearance, for all survivors who feel shame and embarrassment of their scars you should all love also remember that your scars represent your strength. For girls who are starving themselves to fit the jeans, dresses for parties and night dates. Stop, if he doesn't love you the real way you are, then he doesn't deserve you. For all who feel insecurities take back the power because it's time to feel confident with the way you are and with all your goods and faults. The keyword in self-confidence, self-love, and self-worth is self. The outside world can raise us up and beat us down but everything starts up and ends with you and by you. What you allow is what will happen. I want you all to take the whole chapter as advice. We are stars and we are beautiful.